Southern  Branch 
of  the 

University  of  California 

Los  Angeles 

Form  L  1 

<o53 


THE 


Management  and   Training 
of   Children. 


BY 


William  J.  Shearer,  A.  M.,  Pd.  D., 

Superintendent  of  Schools  of  the  City  of  Elizabeth 
and  County  of  Union,  N.  J. 


J  S  6*2. -2. 


New  York: 

Richardson,  Smith  &  Co., 

i  J5  Fifth  Avenue, 

1904. 


Copyright,  1904, 
By  William  J.  Shearer. 


6  S3 

PREFACE. 


The  author's  highest  ambition  is  to  do  what  he 
can  for  the  boys  and  girls  of  our  country.  This 
book  has  been  written  in  the  hope  that  it  will 
help  many  earnest  parents  to  manage  and  train 
their  precious  children  by  gentle  measures,  rather 
than  by  harshness. 

Very  frequently  attention  is  called  to  the  fact 
that  upon  the  children  of  the  present  will  depend 
not  only  the  prosperity,  but  also  the  very  life  of  the 
nation.  How  seldom  is  emphasized  the  truth  that 
the  happiness  of  parents  and  children  generally 
depends  upon  the  character  of  the  training  the 
children  receive. 

Upon  almost  any  subject  which  one  can  imagine, 
no  matter  how  unimportant,  many  excellent  books 
may  be  found:  yet  a  diligent  search  through  the 
libraries  of  even  our  largest  cities,  will  fail  to  dis- 
close any  book  of  practical  suggestion  to  parents 
on  the  management  and  training  of  their  children. 
It  is,  indeed,  remarkable  that  so  little  can  be  found 
upon  this  subject  which,  more  than  any  other, 
vitally  affects  the  present  and  future  happiness  of 
all  parents  and  children. 

Some  who  have  no  children  are  ever  ready  to 
venture  absolute  directions  and  to  offer  infallible 
rules  for  the  training  of  the  children  of  others. 
Those  of  us  who  have  children  of  our  own  know 


6  PREFACE. 

that  most  of  such  suggestions  are  worse  than  use- 
less in  practice.  We  also  know  that  it  is  an  easy 
matter  to  tell  others  how  to  manage  children,  but 
a  far  more  difficult  matter  to  carry  out  our  own 
instructions.  It  is  especially  hard  to  follow  the 
theories  advanced  by  those  who  have  not  attempted 
to  put  their  theories  into  practice. 

These  suggestions  are  not  offered  to  others  until 
after  their  efficiency  has  been  proven,  not  only  in 
the  training  of  the  writer's  own  children,  but  also 
after  noting  their  effect  upon  many  of  the  most 
troublesome  of  the  thousands  who,  year  after  year, 
have  been  under  his  supervision. 

In  weekly  articles,  a  half  million  copies  of  this 
book  have  appeared  in  the  Newark  News,  San  Fran- 
cisco Call,  Elizabeth  Journal,  Pittsburg  Dispatch, 
Los  Angeles  Times-Mirror,  Philadelphia  Press, 
Grand  Rapids  Press,  Galveston  News,  Indianapolis 
Journal,  and  in  other  leading  newspapers  of  the 
country.  This  is  probably  the  first  time  that  such 
papers  have  given  their  valuable  space  to  a  similar 
book.  The  many  appreciative  letters  from  parents 
in  every  part  of  the  United  States  justify  the  hope 
that  the  book  may  help  many  more  mothers  and 
fathers  who  are  striving  to  properly  train  their  dear 
children. 

The  chapters  on  Hints  to  Parents  are  made  up 
of  answers  to  questions  which  were  asked  the  author 
by  those  who  had  read  the  book  as  published  in  the 
daily  papers. 

W.  J.  s. 


CONTENTS. 


i. 

CHILDREN. 
The    Greatest    Thing    on    Earth — The    Artist's    Experience — The 
Child  a  Blessing  or  a  Curse — The  Happiness  of  Parents — Children's 
Place   in    Society 13 

II. 

TIME,  PLACE  AND  CHARACTER  OF  TRANING. 

«  Life  a   Battle — What   is  Meant   by  Training — The   Delay  that   is 

Dangerous — When    Training   Should   Begin- — One  Effect   of  Training 

— Character   and   Training   Determined   by   Temperament   and  Age — 

Every   Child    Can   be   Trained — Heredity 17 

III. 

THE   THREE  STAGES   OF   DEVELOPMENT. 
As  the   Twig   is   Bent   the   Tree's   Inclined — Plastic    Childhood — 
The  Receptive  Age — The  Analytic  Age — The  Child  Must  be  Trained 
at  Home — Limitations  of  Training — Adaptation  of  Training 23 

IV. 

RESPONSIBILITY  OF  PARENTS. 
A  Terrible  Responsibility — Cowardly  Attempts  to  Shift  the 
Burden — Why  the  Chips  Do  Not  Fall  Far  from  the  Block — The 
Imperative  Duty  of  Parents — Telling,  Teaching,  Managing,  Train- 
ing— Seeming  Indifference  of  Parents — Most  Parents  Desire  Light — 
Why  Some  Parents  Are  Not  Interested — Great  Reward  for 
Parents 27 

V. 

PRIMARY    REQUISITES    OF   PROPER    TRAINING. 

Success      Assured — First      Requisite — Second      Requisite — Third 
Requisite — Fourth   Requisite — Fifth   Requisite — Sixth  Requisite.  ..  .33 

VI. 

DIFFERENT   METHODS  OF   MANAGEMENT. 

Management     by     Artifice     the     Worst     Management    Possible — 
Management    by     Reason — When     Reasons    Should    be     Given— Man 
agement    by    Harshness— Management   by    Absolute    Authority — Some 
Objections — Another    Objection — How    Parents    Teach     Children    to 
Despise    Them 41 

VII. 

WHEN    TO   BEGIN. 
Begin   at  the  Beginning — Quite  Easy  at   the   Beginning — If  One 
is    Not    at    the    Beginning — No    Reason    for    Despair — Practical    Sug- 
gestions     47 


8  CONTENTS. 

VIII. 

HABITS. 

Habits  All  Important — Dr.  Maudsley's  Opinion — The  Importance 

of    Habit    in    Society — Earthly    Purgatory — The    Matter    of    Greatest 

Importance — The  Effect  of  Lack  of  Habits — Time  to  Form  Habits — 

How  Habits  May  be  Changed — Principles  and  Habits 51 

IX. 

USE  OF  INCENTIVES  IN  CHILD  TRAINING. 
\  Pleasure  and  Pain — A  Pound  of  Leading  Worth  a  Ton  of  Driv- 
ing-^-Moral  Value  of  Incentives — The  Selection  of  Proper  Incentives 
— Seven  Valuable  Incentives — The  Desire  for  Comfort — Fear  of 
Punishment — Rewards  and  Prizes — Approbation  of  Parents  and 
Others — Confidence  of  Parents — Force  of  Habit — Sense  of  Duty... 57 

X. 

PUNISHMENT    OF    CHILDREN. 

Should  Children  be  Punished — Legitimate  Objects*  of  Punish- 
ment— Characteristics  of  Proper  Punishment — The  Severity  of  Pun- 
ishment— Improper  Punishments — Proper  Punishment — When  Cor- 
poral Punismment  Should  be  Used — Characteristics  of  Corporal 
Punishment     64 

XI. 

OBEDIENCE. 
Success  Dependent  Upon  Obedience — Obedience  May  Save  a 
Child's  Life — Obedience  Through  Fear — The  Easiest  Method  of 
Obtaining  Obedience — Obedience  Must  Not  be  Bought — Obedience 
to  Circumstances — Obedience  Through  Love — Obedience  Through 
Sense  of  Duty — When  Obedience  Should  be  Demanded — Whom  a 
Child  Should  Obey — One  Method  of  Winning  Obedience — Other 
Methods  of  Securing  Obedience — A  Certain  Method  of  Securing 
Obedience — How  to  Make  it  Easy  to  Obey 71 

XII. 

THE  MANAGEMENT  OF  THE  BAD  BOY. 

A  Hard  Question — Some  Reasons  for  Calling  a  Boy  Bad — Ex- 
pecting Too  Much  of  Boys — No  Boys  Are  Depraved — How  to  Save 
the  Vicious — Important  Steps — Change  of  Environment — Ideals — 
How  One  of  Many  Was  Saved — No  Boy  Utterly  Bad — Never  Give 
Up    80 

XIII. 
TRAINING   THROUGH    ENCOURAGEMENT. 

An  Erroneous  View — The  Right  Way  to  Correct — The  Opposite 
Way — The  Universal  Tendency — A  Word  of  Warning — Rewards — 
A  Better  Way — Different  Effects  of  Two  Ways 86 

XIV. 

THE  NATURAL  CHILD. 

Child  or  Adult — First   Characteristic  of  the  Natural   Child— In 

the    House    of    Too    Much    Trouble — Second    Characteristic — Third 

Characteristic — Fourth      Characteristic — Fifth      Characteristic — Other 

Characteristics — The    Meaning    of    a    Child's    Activity — A    Common 


CONTENTS.  9 

Mistake^ The    Locomotive    and    the    Child — The    Parents'    Duty— A 
Suggestion  to  Parents  and  Teachers — The  Unnatural  Child 91 

XV. 

SYMPATHY    BETWEEN    PARENT   AND    CHILD. 

Importance  of  Sympathy — The  Power  of  Sympathy — The  Pe- 
culiar Action  of  Sympathy — Sympathy  versus  Love — The  Great 
Dearth  of  Sympathy — How  to  Sympathize  with  a  Child — When 
Sympathy  Should  be  Given — When  a  Child  is  in  the  Wrong — Sym- 
pathy Must  be  Cultivated — Sympathy  Must  be  Sincere — One  Effect 
of     Sympathy 99 

XVI. 

IMPORTANCE    OF    INDIVIDUALITY. 
Children    Differ — Injurious    Effect   of    Uniform    Treatment — Im- 
portance   of    Individuality — Differences    in    Children — The    Parents' 
Duty — How    Peculiarities    May    be    Discovered — Why    Parents    Are 
Blind  to   Some  Faults 107 

XVII. 

TEMPERAMENTS. 

Importance  of  Knowledge  to  Parents — Faults  of  Training  Due 
to  Lack  of  Knowledge — Square  Pegs  in  Round  Holes — Psychology 
versus  Temperament — How  to  Study  Temperaments — Characteristics 
and  Management  of  the  Nervous  Temperament — Characteristics  and 
Management  of  the  Lymphatic  Temperament — Characteristics  and 
Management  of  the  Bilious  Temperament — Characteristics  and 
Management  of  the  Sanguine  Temperament — Mixed  Temperament — 
The    Best    Temperament 1 1 1 

XVIII. 

RESPONSIBILITY   OF  THE   FATHER. 
Mutual    Consideration — The    Father's   Duty — Conflicting   Author- 
ity— A  Mother's  Trials — A  Time  for  Appreciation 119 

XIX. 

THE  MOTHER'S  INFLUENCE. 
The  Almighty's  Representative — Most  Training  Left  to  the 
Mother — The  First  Years  of  Vital  Importance — Beautiful  Tributes 
to  Mothers — Tributes  of  Washington,  Lincoln  and  Others — The 
Fathomless  Depth  of  a  Mother's  Love— The  Measure  of  a  Mother's 
Love — The  Great  Love  of  Parents— Which  Shall  it  Be?— The  Hal- 
lowed Memory  of  Mother — Home  and  Country  Dependent  Upon 
Mothers     123 

XX. 

THE  HOME  INFLUENCE. 
The  Great  Need  of  America — The  Right  Spirit  for  the  Home — 
One    Home — Another    Home — Citizens,    Slaves    or    Anarchists — The 
Atmosphere   of   the   Home 132 

XXI. 

CRYING   AND    TEASING. 
Why    a    Child    Cries — Is    Crying    Necessary — Older    Children — 
Children    Who    Cry    for    a    Purpose — How    to    Stop    Crying — Why 


io  CONTENTS. 

Children  Tease  Parents — How  to  Stop  Teasing — How  Parents  Train 
Children  to  Tease — For  What  Children  Tease — Why  Parents  Yield 
to    Teasing — Two    Good    Rules 137 

XXII. 

PLAY  AND  PLAYMATES. 
Necessity  of  Play — Influence  of  Different  Amusements — An 
Important  Matter — A  Place  to  Play — Advantages  of  Home  Amuse- 
ments— Character  of  Home  Amusements — A  Child's  Playmates — De- 
priving Children  of  Playmates — Influence  of  Companions — The 
Study  of  Companions — Selection  of  Companions  —  A  Few 
Proverbs 144 

XXIII. 

THE  CHILD  AND  THE  SCHOOL- 
Hard  Questions — Age  of  Entering  School — As  to  Kindergartens 
— Public  or  Private  School — Lack  of  Parental  Interest— Moral  In- 
fluence of  the  Teacher — Preparation  of  Parent  and  Teacher — Co- 
operation of  Parents  and  Teachers — Criticising  the  Teacher — How 
Parents  Can  Help  the  Teacher — Boarding  Schools — What  Shall 
Children     Study .^ 153 

XXIV. 

TRAINING   A    CHILD    TO    TELL    THE    TRUTH. 
A  Common  Fault — A  Difficult  Matter — Hard  to  Punish  Properly 
— Why    Children    Are    Untruthful — Other    Reasons    for    Untruthful- 
ness— Even      Parents      Make      Sad      Mistakes — Important      Conclu- 
sions      ' 160 

XXV. 

THE   MANAGEMENT    OF   THE    STUBBORN    CHILD. 

The  Meaning  of  Stubbornness — A  Diamond  in  the  Rough — 
The  Result  of  Continued  Stubbornness — One  Way  of  Managing  a 
Stubborn  Child — One  Punishment  Sufficient — How  a  .  Child  Was 
Saved — How  to  Manage  the  Most   Stubborn 166 

XXVI. 

THE  TRAINING  OF  THE  ONLY  CHILD. 
Why    the    only    Child    is    Spoiled — The    Onlv    Child    Sometimes 
the    Best— The    Children    of    the    Rich— The    Child    Who    Bosses    the 
House — Who  is  to  Blame 172 

XXVII. 

QUESTIONS  AND  REQUESTS.  . 
The  Child  an  Animated  Interrogation  Point — Importance  of 
Questions — Natural  Tendency  of  Parents  Wrong — Curiosity  no 
Crime — How  to  Answer  a  Child's  Questions — What  to  Do  About 
Some  Questions— A  Child's  Requests — A  Hard  Matter — What  a 
Child  Should  be  Denied — Children  Expect  Too  Much 177 

XXVIII. 

THE   FEARS   AND   SORROWS   OF   CHILDREN. 
Children    Not    Naturally   Fearful — How   to   Deal    With   a   Child's 
Fears — The  Child  Who  Fears  Nothing — Different  Kinds  of  Fears — 


CONTENTS.  ii 

The  Dreams  of  Children — Bedtime — Parents  Like  the  Old  Woman  in 
the  Shoe — Senseless  Treatment — The  Sorrows  of  Children 183 

XXIX. 

MORALS  AND  MANNERS. 
A  Most  Important  Duty — Importance  of  Morals — Can  Morals 
be  Taught — Manners — The  Value  of  Courtesy— What  Must  be 
Taught — Manners  Indicative  of  Character — A  Sign  of  the  Soul's 
Nature — Courtesy  a  Refining  Influence — The  Outward  Expression 
of  Courtesy — The  Value  of  Manners — How  to  Acquire  good 
Manners I01 

XXX. 

TRAINING    IN    THE    USE   OF    MONEY. 

The  Usual  Method— Objection  to  the  Uusal  Method — Advantage 

of    a    Regular    Allowance — Objections    to    Regular    Allowance — How 

Much    Money    Should    Children    be    Given — One    Practical    Method — 

A  Plan  for  Older   Children 199 

XXXI. 

HOME  BEHAVIOR. 
Manners  Become  Fixed — Courtesy  to  Parents,  Brothers,  Sisters 
— Politeness  Not  for  Strangers  Exclusively — Behavior  at  Table — 
What  Shall  Children  Eat?— Training  the  Appetite— Table  Talk— 
A  Time  for  Relaxation — Useful  Knowledge — Subjects  to  be  Avoided 
—Should  Children  be  at  Table  with  Their  Parents 206 

XXXII. 

BEHAVIOR  OF  CHILDREN  WHEN  AWAY  FROM  HOME. 
Home  Training  Apparent — Attracting  Attention  on  the  Street 
— Greeting  Acquaintances— Manners  in  Traveling — Manners  in 
Church — Manners  in  Places  of  Amusement — Who  Shall  Do  the 
Talking     2*5 

XXXIII. 
TRAINING    OF    BODY    AND    MIND. 
The    Body— The   Mind— A    Child's    Body— Knowledge   of    Physi- 
ology— Making   a   Good    Animal — How   to    Produce    Strong   Bodies — 
Too    Much   Trouble— Wealth   and    Health — The    Boat    and   the    Body 
— Vitality — How  the  Mind  Grows — The  Training  of  the  Senses. .  .223 

XXXIV. 
THE  INTELLECT  AND  FEELINGS. 
The  Mental  Equipment — The  Memory — How  the  Memory  May 
be  Strengthened — The  Imagination — Conception,  Judgment  and 
Reasoning — Some  Powers  Musi  Develop  Before  Others — Unrea- 
sonable Expectations— What  Should  be  left  to  a  Child's  Reason — 
The  Peelings — What  is  Meant  by  Feeling — Allowance  for  Emo- 
tions— How  the  Emotions  May  be  Controlled 231 

XXXV. 

THE  TRAINING  OF  THE  WILL- 
Importance  of  Training  of   the   Will — The   Will  the   Mainspring 
— Conscience     Insufficient — Will     Power    and    Courage — Will     Power 


12  CONTENTS. 

and  Justice — Will  Power  and  Self-Control — Will  as  a  World 
Force — The .  Will  a  Measure  of  Personal  Power — Will  Training 
versus  Will  Breaking — The  Meaning  of  Will  Training — God's  Way 
— How  the  Will  May  be  Trained 239 

XXXVI. 

ADOLESCENCE. 

Meaning    of    the,,  Term— Importance    of    the     Period — Physical 

Changes — Mental     Chafiges— Moral     Changes — Change     of     Ideals — 

Dangers     of     Adolescence — False     Modesty     in     Parents — Ignorance 

Will  Not  Save — Management  of  the  Adolescent — Three  Stages.  ..248 

XXXVII. 

THE  CHILD  AND   CHRISTMAS. 
Children    in    the    Home — How    About    Santa    Claus? — A    Great 
Mistake — Let  the  Children  Help — One  Plan  of  Giving  Presents. .  .257 

XXXVIII. 

HINTS  TO  PARENTS. 
Birthdays — Too  Much  Restraint — Overtraining — Leaving  a  Child 
Alone — Too  Many  Direct  Issues — Too  Many  Dont's — Threats — 
Nagging — Faults  of  Children — Self-Control — Temper — The  Object  of 
Training — Work  for  Boys  and  Girls — Obedience — Use  of  Stories 
and   Dolls    264 

XXXIX. 

HINTS  TO  PARENTS  (Continued). 
Reading — Proper  Books  for  the  Young — Favorites — Children  on 
Sunday — Don't  Make  Sunday  Dreadful — Reasons  for  Liking  Sun- 
day— About  Attending  Services — The  Child's  Faith — The  Preco- 
cious Child — Laurels  for  the  Plodders — Brain  Fag— Mistakes  of 
Parents     272 

XL. 

HINTS   TO   PARENTS    (Continued). 
Brothers     and     Sisters — Important     Questions — Helping     Them- 
selves— Grateful     Children — Self-Examination— Like     Produces     Like 
— The    Great    Aim — The    Influence   of    Nurses — Rich    Children    Who 
Are  Poor — Poor  Children  Who  Are  Rich 280 


CHILDREN. 

The  Greatest  Thing  on  Earth. 

,S  5*2.1. 
All  must  acknowledge  that  the  greatest  thing  on 

earth  is  a  little  child.  The  fond  parent  is  more 
than  a  millionaire,  for  the  offer  of  a  million  would 
be  refused  with  scorn  by  every  parent  worthy  of 
the  name. 

With  what  wondrous  love  the  true  parent  sees  in 
the  baby  features  the  tiny  prophecy  of  future  possi- 
bilities— possibilities  that  are  at  once  terrible  and  in- 
spiring in  their  consequences! 

The  helpless  little  child  awakens  the  earnest  sym- 
pathy of  the  coldest  heart.  Yes,  the  hardest  heart 
Hs  melted,  and  the  most  selfish  soul  is  warmed  into 
'  new  life  by  the  contemplation  of  a  little  child.  Gaze 
on  the  innocent  face,  as  yet  not  touched  by  the  care- 
producing  hand  of  time !  Contemplate  the  helpless 
body,  which  must  develop  powers  that  will  enable 
it  to  fight  life's  battle! 

The  icy-hearted,  unsympathetic  cynic  may  smile, 
but  the  solicitous  parent  dare  scarcely  think  of  the 
weary  way  that  the  little  feet  must  tread.  Then 
wonder  not  that  all,  save  the  unnatural  parent,  shud- 
der when  they  think  of  the  dangers  which  must  be 
avoided  at  every  turn ;  of  the  chasms  and  pitfalls 


14  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

of  sin  upon  all  sides ;  of  the  inviting  temptations  to 
be  met  with  upon  the  stony  uplands  of  later  life,  on 
and  over  which  these  tender  feet  must  tread  their 

ofttimes  weary  way. 

- 

The  Artist's  Experience. 

Years  ago,  while  passing  along  the  street  in  New 
York,  a  young  artist  saw  a  beautiful  child,  in  whom 
his  trained  eye  perceived  more  perfection  than  he 
had  ever  before  seen  in  any  human  being.  He  could 
not  pass  him  by.  He  gazed  and  gazed.  The  more 
he  studied  the  little  boy,  the  more  angelic  his  per- 
fection seemed.  "I  must  paint  that  child's  picture," 
he  exclaimed.  "I  will  never  see  such  a  child  again." 
He  painted  it ;  and,  it  is  said,  drew  from  it  the  in- 
spiration which  made  him  famous ;  for  it  filled  him 
with  the  highest  and  noblest  of  thoughts. 

Because  of  his  love  for  it  he  refused  fabulous 
offers.  Those  who  had  children  of  their  own  loved 
them  better  because  of  the  sight  of  it.  Those  who 
had  no  children  longed  for  them,  as  they  gazed  r.pon 
the  canvas.  Those  who  had  lost  their  little  ones 
seemed  lifted  nearer  to  heaven  as  they  stood  before 
it.  The  artist  said :  "If  I  can  find  a  human  being 
sufficiently  hideous,  I  will  paint  it  to  show  the  con- 
trast." 

Many  years  passed  before  his  search  was  re- 
warded. Finally,  in  a  foreign  country,  he  found  a 
hideous  man,  the  personification  of  all  that  was  vile 
and  infamous.  He  lay  upon  the  prison  floor,  clad 
in  rags,  with  haggard  face  and  bloodshot  eyes,  curs- 


CHILDREN.  15 

ing  God  and  man,  while  he  waited  for  the  sum- 
mons to  the  gallows  to  pay  the  penalty  of  one  of  his 
foul  murders.  The  artist  received  permission  to 
paint  the  picture.  The  contrast  was  something  ter- 
rible in  its  completeness.  Imagine,  if  you  can,  the 
dreadful  shock  to  the  artist  when  he  discovered 
that  he  had  painted  two  pictures  of  the  same  per- 
son. The  angelic  child,  because  of  the  improper 
training  received  from  his  parents,  had  developed 
into  the  inhuman  fiend. 

The;  Child  a  Blessing  or  a  Curse;. 

All  parents  are  familiar  with  sufficient  facts  to 
convince  them  that,  while  the  greatest  blessing 
vouchsafed  to  a  loving  parent  is  a  good  child,  the 
very  severest  curse  is  a  bad  one.  In  the  one  case, 
an  unspeakable  delight  in  their  youth ;  a  source  of 
constant  joy  in  their  prime;  the  object  of  pro- 
foundest  pride,  and,  if  necessary,  a  sure  support  in 
their  declining  years.  On  the  other  hand,  a  source 
of  constant  trouble  and  irritation  during  the  morn- 
ing of  their  existence :  of  heart-breaking  misery  in 
the  noontime  of  their  life ;  and  the  cause  of  bringing 
their  prematurely  gray  hairs  to  an  untimely  grave. 

How  often  the  broken-hearted  parents  have  asked 
the  Almighty  why  the  loved  one  was  not  taken  in 
the  innocence  of  its  childhood !  How  hard  it  has 
been  to  understand  why  the  parents  were  permitted 
to  live  and  suffer  untold  agony  as  they  saw  their 
once  innocent,  and  still  dearly-loved  boy  or  girl, 
swept  past  them  in  the  rapids  of  sin  and  whirled  to 
everlasting  destruction ! 


16  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

The  Happiness  oe  Parents. 

What  is  there  of  pleasure  in  life  for  the  lov- 
ing parent  whose  precious  child  has  gone  astray? 
Surely  no  success  in  business,  or  along  any  other 
line  can  ever  recompense  for  such  a  loss !  Though 
this  is  the  case,  how  few  of  us  parents  have  given 
careful  consideration  to  methods  of  management, 
in  order  that  we  might  save  these  children,  who  are 
dearer  to  us  than  life  itself!  Is  it  not  a  fact  that 
those  of  us  who  have  sought  for  and  failed  to  find 
any  practical  suggestions  have  become  discouraged, 
and,  not  knowing  what  else  to  do,  have  continued 
to  stumble  along  as  best  we  could,  hoping  that  the 
end  would  be  that  for  which  we  prayed? 

Children's  Peace  in  Society. 

For  thousands  of  years  children  existed  merely 
by  sufferance.  They  had  no  rights.  They  had  no 
place.  Much  was  said  of  their  duties  to  others. 
No  mention  was  made  of  what  was  due  from  others 
to  them.  The  lowly  Nazarene  emphasized  our 
duties  to  them  when  "He  placed  a  little  child  in 
their  midst  and  s?id,  of  such  is  the  Kingdom  of 
Heaven."  In  obedience  to  his  lesson  the  children, 
once  upon  the  outermost  circle  of  civilization,  have, 
for  years,  been  moving  nearer  to  their  proper  posi- 
tion, until  now  they  have  reached  the  very  centre, 
and  around  them  revolve  all  human  interests. 


II. 


TIME,  PLACE  AND  CHARACTER  OF 
TRAINING. 

Liee  a  Battle. 

All  life  is  a  constant  warfare.  That  of  a  child 
is  especially  so.  While  developing  conscience  and 
embryonic  reason  strive  for  supremacy,  animal  ap- 
petites and  propensities  tempt  to  utter  ruin  by  offer- 
ing, in  exchange,  all  the  grosser  and  more  material 
pleasures  in  the  child's  heaven  and  earth.  Whether 
the  sweet  babe  shall  develop  into  the  murderous 
Herod,  or  the  saving  Moses,  will  be  determined  by 
the  result  of  the  conflict.  What  the  result  of  the 
conflict  shall  be  will  depend  largely  upon  the  char- 
acter of  the  training  which  the  parents  give  their 
children.  To  the  child  it  means  life  or  death — 
upon  the  one  side  a  life  of  honor  and  beneficence, 
and  a  triumphant  death*  ;  upon  the  other,  a  life  of 
shame  and  misery,  and  an  ignominious  death. 

What  is  Meant  by  Training. 

I 

It  is  very  important  'hat  those  upon  whom  rests 

the  responsibility  of  training  children  should  fully 

understand  thSS  significance  of  the  word  "training." 

That  some   clo  not   is   shown  by   frequent  acts   of 

many  earnest  parents. 
4 


18  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

Many  parents  still  believe  it  means  teaching. 
Such  is  not  the  case.  Primarily,  teaching  means 
the  imparting  of  knowledge.  Training  implies,  not 
merely  the  imparting  of  knowledge,  but  also  in- 
spiring to  repeated  action,  which  results  in  the  for- 
mation of  habits.  Teaching  gives  to  the  child  new 
facts.  Training  enables  the  child  to  make  use  of 
the  knowledge  he  possesses.  Teaching  is  very  im- 
portant. Training  is  far  more  important.  Why 
teach  many  things  if  nothing  is  to  be  used? 
Children  should  not  merely  be  taught  to  know 
what  is  right.  It  is  not  even  sufficient  to  teach 
them  to  be  good.  It  is  not  enough  that  they  be 
fashioned  into  moral  or  intellectual  negations. 
They  should  be  trained  to  be  good  for  something, 
and  to  do  right. 

All  Will  be  Trained  in  Some  Way. 

Parents  should  ever  be  mindful  of  the  fact  that 
all  will  receive  some  kind  of  training.  During  al- 
most every  wakeful  moment  every  child  is  being 
trained.  Every  sense  reaches  out  after  knowledge, 
all  of  which  helps  determine  his  training.  The 
great  aim  should  be  to  see  to  it  that  the  training  is 
of  the  right  kind. 

The  Delay  that  is  Dangerous. 

The  great  mistake  many  parents  make  is  that 
they  do  not  begin  the  training  of  children  as  early 
as  they  should.  In  answer  to  the  question  as  to 
why  a  mother  permitted  a  certain  action,  she  re- 


TIME  AND  PLACE  OF  TRAINING.  19 

plied,  as  most  mothers  would  have  replied  under 
the  same  circumstances,  "Why,  he's  only  a  baby." 
How  often  we  have  all  heard  similar  answers  given 
by  conscientious  parents  who  do  not  fully  appre- 
ciate the  fact  that,  months  after  the  child  should 
have  been  trained  to  do  differently,  parents  have  en- 
couraged the  growth  of  the  most  vicious  habits, 
from  the  bonds  of  which  he  can  break  with  diffi- 
culty, if  at  all. 

The  parent  who  expects  to  leave  the  training  of 
a  child  until  a  later  period  will  find,  when  the  time 
arrives,  that  his  lack  of  training  has  already  had  its 
effect.  Then  will  be  necessary  the  arduous  task  of 
undoing  the  evil  that,  by  neglect,  has  been  done, 
of  lifting  him  out  of  the  ruts  of  improper  training, 
that  he  may  be  helped  along  on  the  smoother  road. 
Happy  the  parent  who  can  overcome  the  constant 
tendency  to  return  to  the  old  ruts. 

When  Training  Should  Begin. 

Though  it  is  hoped  they  are  not  many,  yet  there 
are  some  parents  who  are  disposed  to  put  off  the 
training  of  a  child  until  they  send  him  to  school. 
This  is  done,  either  because  of  the  belief  that  the 
young  child  is  not  a  fit  subject  for  training,  or  be- 
cause it  is  too  much  trouble.  Regard  for  the  wel- 
fare of  the  child,  if  not  sympathy  for  the  poor 
teacher,  unreservedly  condemns  such  a  practice. 

All  who  have  had  experience  with  children  will 
agree  that  they  may  be  trained  in  important  habits 
long  before  it  is  possible  to  teach  them.     While  a 


20  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

babe  in  its  mother's  arms,  a  child  may  be  trained 
to  sleep  in  a  noisy  room,  with  or  without  rocking, 
in  the  light  or  in  the  dark.  Though  in  its  early  life 
it  has  no  other  way  to  express  dissatisfaction,  yet 
long  before  it  is  able  to  utter  a  word  it  can  be  taught 
that  it  will  not  get  what  it  cries  for.  These  and 
other  important  habits  may  very  easily  be  instilled 
into  the  young  child. 

It  is  not  too  much  to  assert  that  by  the  time  the 
child  is  able  to  talk  he  may  be  led  away  from  many 
of  the  habits  which,  in  after  years,  will  cause  both 
child  and  parents  much  unpleasantness,  if  not  ab- 
solute suffering.  Without  fear  of  successful  con- 
tradiction it  may  be  asserted  that  the  training  of  a 
child  should  begin  soon  after  birth,  and  continue 
until  the  age  when  it  is  freed  from  all  parental  au- 
thority. 

One:  Effect  of  Training. 

With  great  plausibility  some  will  continue  to 
urge  the  argument  that  a  child's  nature  cannot  be 
changed.  It  is,  however,  plastic  and  may  be 
molded.  It  is  even  more  certain  that  a  child  can 
be  so  trained  that  it  will  give  expression  to  its 
nature  in  an  entirely  different  way  from  that  which 
the  same  child  would  use  but  for  the  training. 

If  the  training  is  begun  quite  early,  and  continues 
as  long  as  the  child  is  susceptible  to  impressions 
from  without,  it  will  have  a  marked  effect  upon 
every  stage  of  the  child's  existence.  It  is  not  too 
much  to  claim  that  continued  proper  training  will 


TIME  AND  PLACE  OF  TRAINING.  21 

so  change  the  expression  of  the  child's  nature  that 
it  will  appear  as  an  entirely  different  creature.  Such 
training  is  in  reality  a  process  of  transforming  a 
child  into  another  kind  of  being. 

Character  and  Training  Determined  by  Tem- 
perament and  Age. 

The  training  suitable  for  any  child  should  not 
only  be  determined  by  the  health,  the  sex,  the  tem- 
perament and  by  other  conditions;  it  should  also 
be  determined  by  age.  The  treatment  which  would 
be  best  for  a  young  child  would  probably  be  the 
very  worst  for  older  children.  As  a  child  reaches 
the  age  of  adolescence  it  will  generally  be  necessary 
to  relax  absolute  authority  and  make  use  of  more 
reason.  On  the  other  hand,  it  would  be  an  even 
greater  mistake  for  parents  to  feel  compelled  to  give 
reasons  to  the  young  child,  for  the  purpose  of  se- 
curing compliance  with  their  wishes. 

Every  Chied  Can  be  Trained. 

Many  will  argue  that  a  child's  future  depends 
almost  entirely  upon  what  it  inherits.  This  is  not 
the  case.  Those  who  have  made  the  most  careful 
study  of  this  important  problem  agree  that  the  most 
that  can  be  claimed  for  heredity  is  a  tendency  to 
act  as  did  the  parents.  They  also  agree  that  this 
tendency  requires  stimulation  from  without.  There- 
fore, with  proper  care  as  to  outside  stimulations  to 
action,  a  child  can  be  properly  trained  in  spite  of 
adverse  tendencies. 


22  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

Heredity. 

The  child  may  inherit  impulses ;  but  a  kind  provi- 
dence has  foreordained  that  he  shall  not  inherit 
habits.  He  may  inherit  certain  tastes,  but  he  does 
not  inherit  temptations.  He  may  bring  with  him 
into  the  world  tendencies ;  but  he  does  not  bring 
with  him  any  prejudices.  In  the  very  great  ma- 
jority of  cases  a  child's  character  will  be  determined 
by  his  training  and  his  environment,  rather  than 
by  inherited  tendencies. 


III. 

THE   THREE    STAGES    OF   DEVELOP- 
MENT. 

As  the  Twig  is  Bent  the  Tree's  Inclined. 

All  the  child's  powers  exist  but  as  germs,  which 
are  easily  developed  and  controlled  almost  at  will, 
by  the  wisely  directed,  fostering  hand.  Few  will 
deny  that,  as  we  can  train  to  healthy  and  well-pro- 
portioned growth  the  plant  which,  if  neglected, 
would  have  proven  unsightly,  dwarfed  and  barren 
of  good  fruit,  so,  by  proper  training,  the  dormant 
powers  of  a  child  may  be  brought  to  healthy  devel- 
opment, and  by  restraining  the  evil  tendencies  and 
stimulating  the  good,  vast  changes  for  the  better 
may  be  made  in  the  developing  character.  Parents 
should  ever  remember  that  as  the  twig  is  bent  the 
tree  will  slant,  and  in  the  direction  it  inclines  in 
life  so  it  will  fall  in  death.  Being  responsible  for 
the  first,  they  almost  certainly  determine  the  last, 
not  merely  for  all  time,  but  for  eternity  as  well. 
Plastic  Childhood. 

We  must  not  forget  that  there  are  different  phases 
of  growth,  through  which  the  child  passes  imper- 
ceptibly from  one  to  another. 

The  first  seven  years  may  be  termed  the  plastic 
age,  during  which  the  child  may  be  molded  almost 
at  will,  like  clay  in  the  potter's  hands. 


24  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

The  Receptive  Age. 

The  second  seven  years  is  the  receptive  age,  when 
many  of  the  most  lasting  impressions  are  made. 
During  these  periods  every  vicious  mental,  moral 
and  physical  tendency  should  be  suppressed,  and  the 
natural  activity  directed  toward  some  associated 
virtue.  Thus,  much  can  be  done  by  careful  treat- 
ment, unwearied  patience  and  persistent  effort  to 
transform  the  surliness,  vulgarity  and  other  evil 
tendencies  into  their  opposites.  The  great  danger 
is  lest,  in  these  years,  the  mold  into  which  the  child 
is  cast  may  be  a  wrong  one. 

The  Analytic  Age. 

The  third  seven  years  may  be  termed  the  analytic 
age.  During  this  period  the  youth  examines  and 
questions  more  closely  all  matters  presented  to  the 
attention ;  therefore,  the  training  which  might  an- 
swer satisfactorily  for  the  first  periods  would  be 
of  much  less  value  during  this  third  stage  of  de- 
velopment. 

The  Chied  Must  be  Trained  at  Home. 

In  spite  of  the  fact  that  it  is  distinctly  their  duty, 
too  many  parents  try  to  place  upon  others  the  re- 
sponsibility for  training  the  child.  Some  look  to 
the  church  for  the  training  which  the  child  should 
receive ;  but  the  time  spent  in  Sunday  school  or 
church  cannot  possibly  do  much  more  than  inspire. 
It  may  teach  some  things  and  inspire  toward  higher 


THREE  STAGES  OF  DEVELOPMENT.       25 

activities ;  but  there  is  no  possibility  of  such  train- 
ing as  will  firmly  establish  habits  of  action. 

Many  more  look  to  the  schools,  which  are  doing 
much  toward  training  in  right  habits,  along  moral 
and  physical,  as  well  as  educational  lines.  But  for 
the  training  many  get  in  the  public  schools  of  our 
land,  the  outlook  for  the  future  of  many  a  child, 
as  well  as  for  the  Nation,  would  be  far  more  dis- 
couraging than  it  now  is.  In  spite  of  this  fact, 
however,  it  is,  primarily,  the  duty  of  parents  to  see 
that  the  home-training  is  what  it  should  be;  and 
there  is  no  excuse  for  their  attempting  to  shift  the 
responsibility.  Certain  it  is  that  the  inspiration  of 
the  church  and  the  instruction  in  the  schools  are  in- 
finitely more  effective  when  supplemented  and  re- 
inforced by  proper  home  training. 

Limitations  of  Training. 

In  considering  the  power  of  training  we  must  not 
forget  that,  while  a  vast  deal  can  be  accomplished 
by  training,  yet  to  the  possibility  of  training  there 
are  certain  limitations.  Each  child  can  be  trained 
to  do  the  best  with  his  own  powers.  He  can  be 
trained  to  go  "in  the  way  he  should  go,"  not  in  the 
way  some  other  child  can  go. 

Adaptation  of  Training. 

A  child  born  blind  may  be  taught  many  things 

better  than  other  children  ;  but  he  cannot  be  taught 

.to  see.     The  child  born   with  a  club-foot  may  be 


26  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

so  trained  that  the  worst  of  the  defect  will  disap- 
pear; but  it  cannot  be  so  trained  that  all  traces  of 
the  defect  will  be  lost  sight  of.  A  child  who  is  of 
nervous  temperament  may  be  so  trained  that  it  will 
show  less  of  the  peculiarity  of  the  nervous  child ; 
but  it  cannot  be  trained  to  such  an  extent  that  it  will 
appear  to  be  more  of  the  phlegmatic  temperament. 
The  phelgmatic  child  may  be  trained  to  be  some- 
what less  sluggish  and  a  little  more  energetic,  but 
he  cannot  be  trained  to  show  the  mental  and  physi- 
cal alertness  of  the  child  of  nervous  temperament. 


IV. 
RESPONSIBILITY   OF   PARENTS. 

A  Terribee  Responsibility. 

Every  parent  is  familiar  with  striking  examples 
of  the  accepted  truth,  that  vicious  training  idll 
destroy  every  vestige  of  the  divine.  It  is  an  op 
pressive  thought  that  upon  someone  rests  the  ter- 
rible responsibility  of  training  wisely  each  child ; 
that  over  so  many  hangs  one  of  the  most  dreadful 
curses  ever  pronounced  against  man  by  the  Al- 
mighty: "Whoso  causeth  one  of  these  little  ones 
to  offend,  it  were  better  for  him  that  a  millstone 
were  hung  about  his  neck  and  he  were  drowned  in 
the  depths  of  the  sea."  Woe  unto  him,  for  "Their 
angels  do  always  behold  the  face  of  the  Father 
which  is  in  heaven."  Even  the  youngest  children 
are  there  to  testify  to  the  training  and  treatment 
they  have  received  from  all,  but  especially  frOm 
their  parents. 

Cowardey  Attempts  to  Shiet  the  Burden. 

In  mental,  physical  and  moral  characteristics, 
children  are  almost  entirely  the  result  of  two  factors. 
First,  that  which  they  inherit  from  their  parents. 
Second,  the  training  which  they  receive  from  par- 
ents and  others.     While  accepting  the  responsibil- 


28  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

ity  for  the  first,  too  many  parents  are  disposed  to 
attempt  to  throw  the  responsibility  for  the  second 
upon  the  school,  the  church  and  the  community. 
Since  the  parents  largely  determine  not  only  the 
school,  but  also  the  society  and  the  church  under 
whose  influence  the  child  must  come,  the  responsi- 
bility is  entirely  their  own.  It  is  the  parents'  busi- 
ness to  see  to  it  that  the  child  is  under  proper  in- 
fluences, not  only  while  at  home,  but  also  when 
away  from  home.  Heaven  has  placed  this  responsi- 
bility upon  parents,  and  no  power  on  earth  can  re- 
lieve them  of  it.  Refusal  to  appreciate  the  truth 
of  this  statement  may  cause  many  to  suffer,  not  only 
in  this  life,  but  also  in  the  life  to  come. 

Why  the  Chips  do  not  Faee  Far  from  the 

Block. 

It  will  be  readily  seen,  then,  that,  as  the  children 
have  the  parents'  disposition,  as  well  as  their  pre- 
cept and  example,  which  are  too  often  antagonistic, 
there  need  be  no  wonder  why  the  chips  do  not  fall 
far  from  the  block.  If  the  chips  are  not  of  the 
sound,  sterling  oak,  parents  should  examine  closely 
and  be  sure,  before  criticising  the  chips,  that  they 
do  not  come  from  a  decayed  specimen  of  soft  wood. 

The  Imperative  Duty  oe  Parents. 

Most  parents  have  made  many  grievous  mistakes 
in  the  management  of  their  children ;  but,  even  yet, 
it  may  not  be  too  late  to  save  the  precious  child. 


RESPONSIBILITY   OF   PARENTS.  29 

The  demand  with  which  every  parent  must  comply 
is,  "Train  up  a  child  in  the  way  he  should  go  and 
when  he  is  old  he  will  not  depart  from  it." 

.  Telling,  Teaching,  Managing,  Training. 

The  great  trouble  is  that  too  many  parents  act 
as  if  they  thought  the  injunction  read,  "Tell  a  child 
how  he  should  go."  This  is  the  easiest  possible 
thing  for  a  parent  to  do ;  yet,  telling  a  hundred 
times  may  only  end  in  disappointment.  Other  par- 
ents seem  to  think  they  should  merely  "Teach  the 
child  how  he  should  go."  While  this  is  a  step  in 
the  right  direction,  it  will  not  answer.  It  is  not 
sufficient  to  explain  the  way ;  for  the  child  may  not 
be  disposed  to  travel  the  way  indicated.  Again, 
others  seem  to  think  that  it  means  "Manage  the 
child  so  he  will  start  in  the  way  he  should  go." 
Even  this  is  not  sufficient,  for  he  is  almost  certain 
to  stray  from  the  right  way  into  the  byway.  It  is 
not  sufficient  to  tell  the  child,  nor  even  to  teach  the 
child,  nor  even  to  manage  the  child.  Nothing  will 
be  sufficient,  except  a  compliance  with  the  injunc- 
tion to  "Train  up  a  child."  Training  may  imply 
telling,  teaching  and  managing;  but  it  also  means 
seeing  that  the  child  does  actually  go  in  the  right 
way,  until  going  right  becomes  a  habit,  a  second 
nature.  This  is  no  small  undertaking.  This  is 
hard  work. 

Seeming  Indifference  of  Parents. 

To  all  outward  appearances,  many  parents  seem 
to  care  but  little  for  the  welfare  of  their  children. 


30  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

Few  parents  are  just  what  they  feel  they  should 
be  as  examples  for  their  children,  and  it  is  very 
unpleasant  to  them  to  see  their  own  faults  repeated 
in  their  children.  Nearly  all  would  have  it  other- 
wise. If  the  truth  were  known,  it  would  be  seen  that 
almost  all  would  gladly  do  the  right  thing,  but  are 
ignorant  as  to  just  what  should  be  done.  Not 
knowing  what  is  best,  the  only  thing  they  can  do 
is  to  act  as  seems  best  at  the  time. 

Most  Parents  Desire  Light. 

With  but  few  exceptions,  parents  are  intensely 
interested  in  the  welfare  of  their  children.  Their 
mistakes  are  errors  of  judgment  rather  than  of 
heart.  They  are  the  results  of  ignorance  as  to  the 
best  method  of  managing  the  individual  child.  It 
may  not  be  pleasant  to  acknowledge  this  fact,  but 
it  is  none  the  less  true.  Nor  are  parents  to  be 
blamed.  Where  have  they  been  able  to  find  any- 
thing suggestive  upon  these  subjects?  No  matter 
how  earnestly  they  may  have  desired  light,  it  was 
not  to  be  had  for  the  seeking.  It  is  hoped  that  ex- 
cellent books  upon  this  subject  of  the  training  of 
children  may  multiply,  so  that  earnest  parents  may 
have  no  trouble  in  learning  the  ideas  of  those  who 
have  given  much  thought  to  this  all-important 
problem. 

Why  Some  Parents  are  not  Interested. 

While  the  majority  of  parents  are  really  deeply 
interested  in  the  proper  training  of  their  children, 


RESPONSIBILITY   OF  PARENTS.  31 

some  argue  that  the  training  of  children  will  take 
care  of  itself.  They  urge  that  it  is  a  natural  func- 
tion, and  needs  no  special  preparation.  Would 
such  a  father  dare  to  take  charge  of  a  locomotive? 
Would  he  not  almost  certainly  hurry  to  destruc- 
tion, not  only  himself,  but  all  those  whose  lives  de- 
pended upon  him?  Yet  the  engine  is  made  of  cer- 
tain mechanical  devices  of  man,  and  entirely  subject 
to  man's  will.  Should  such  a  parent  then  unhesi- 
tatingly assume  the  management  or  the  training  of 
a  child  made  by,  and  in  the  image  of,  Almighty 
God,  and  subject  to  the  law  which  He  has  or- 
dained? Surely  the  training  of  children  is  such  a 
difficult  matter  that  it  amply  justifies  most  serious 
thought  and  study. 

Great  Reward  for  Parents. 

What  a  grand  reward  is  sure  to  come  to  the 
parent  who  perseveres  in  the  training  of  a  child ! 
Never-ending  happiness  is  sure  to  be  the  result  of 
such  wise  persistence.  Is  it  not  worth  all  the  pains 
and  all  the  trouble?  The  horse-trainer  does  not 
regret  the  many  hours  of  hardest  labor  spent  in 
striving  to  train  a  spirited  animal.  Should  not 
parents  be  as  much  interested  in  the  proper  train- 
ing of  their  children?  All  would  be,  if  they  could 
only  appreciate  how  great  a  blessing  every  good 
child  is  to  those  whom  the  child  has  to  thank  for 
life  and  all  its  blessings.  If  parents  could  but 
faintly    appreciate   these    things   there   would    cer- 


32  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

tainly  be  far  less  of  that  severity  which  comes  from 
impatience  and  thoughtlessness,  and  a  great  deal 
more  of  careful  study  and  prayerful  meditation 
upon  this  subject. 


V. 


PRIMARY   REQUISITES    OF    PROPER 
TRAINING. 

Success  Assured. 

There  are  so  many  things  to  be  done,  and  so  many 
more  which  should  be  avoided,  that  it  scarcely  seems 
possible  to  say  what  are  the  most  important  requi- 
sites of  proper  training.  However,  a  very  careful 
consideration  of  the  matter  has  led  to  the  conviction 
that  the  following  requisites  are  of  the  greatest  im- 
portance. Indeed,  it  may  be  safe  to  assert  that  the 
parents  who  can  comply  with  all  these,  all  the  time, 
will  have  but  little,  if  any,  trouble  in  the  manage- 
ment of  their  children. 

First  Requisite. 

Children  are  creatures  of  imitation.  The  first 
years,  spent  largely  with  the  parents,  are  the  period 
when  their  natures  are  susceptible,  in  the  highest  de- 
gree to  all  kinds  of  impressions.  Therefore,  one  all- 
important  requisite  for  the  proper  training  of  a  child 
is  that  the  parent  furnish  the  child  with  a  good  ex- 
ample. By  the  parents'  precept  and  example  the 
child  is  being  daily  cast  into  a  certain  mold.  The 
noble  and  the  base  are  being  stamped  in  the  char- 


34  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

acter  of  the  child,  and  will  go  with  it  through  life 
and  make  or  mar  it  for  time  and  for  eternity. 

While  it  may  be  said  that  this  is  the  case  with  all 
examples  which  influence  the  child,  yet  it  is  espe- 
cially so  with  the  parents'  example;  for,  indelibly 
fixed  in  the  child's  nature  is  the  belief  that  what  its 
parents  do  is  right  and  best. 

Wonder  not,  then,  that  in  the  child  is  seen  re- 
flected, as  from  a  mirror,  the  parents'  peculiarities, 
be  they  good  or  be  they  evil.  By  look,  by  thought, 
by  word  and  by  act  the  parents  sow  the  seed  in  the 
susceptible  heart  of  the  child;  seed  which  will  take 
root,  spring  up,  bud,  blossom,  and  bear  appropriate 
fruit.  How  terrible  this  truth!  With  what  care 
this  responsibility  should  lead  parents  to  strive  for 
the  cultivation  in  themselves  of  better  habits ! 

Happy  the  child  whose  parents'  example  is  what 
it  should  be !  His  chances  in  life  are  the  brightest. 
God  pity  the  rest !  His  miracles  may  save  them. 
When  we  consider  how  many  do  not  have  the  right 
kind  of  example  the  wonder  is,  not  that  so  many  go 
wrong,  but  that  any  go  right.  Precepts  are  impor- 
tant, but  even  with  adults,  an  ounce  of  example  is 
worth  a  pound  of  precept.  With  children  it  is 
worth  a  ton. 

On  the  part  of  the  parents  there  is  too  much  dis- 
position to  criticise,  and  too  little  thought  as  to  the 
example  being  given  daily  and  hourly.  Children 
need  more  good  models  and  less  sharp  critics.  The 
soil  and  the  seed  are  the  parents',  and  so  will  be  the 
harvest.    Since  the  parents'  precept  and  example  so 


PRIMARY    REQUISITES.  35 

largely  determine  the  child's  future  happiness,  what 
a  grand  thing  it  would  be  if  the  child  could  select  its 
parents.  Is  it  not  true  that  too  many  parents  have 
given  their  children  birth  and  nothing  else. 

Second  Requisite. 

For  the  welfare  of  the  child,  as  well  as  for  the  hap- 
piness of  the  parents,  it  is  absolutely  essential  that  a 
child  learn  to  obey.  Very  early  in  life  a  child  dis- 
covers that  outside  of  himself  there  is  a  force  to 
which  he  must  bend.  Very  early  he  should  learn  that 
to  this  authority  he  must  yield  implicit  obedience. 
As  a  child  grows  older,  he  discovers  that,  not  only  in 
the  mother  or  father,  but  in  the  school  and  in  society, 
as  well,  there  is  authority  which  he  must  respect. 

The  child  who  has  been  taught  to  obey  his  parents 
may  easily  be  trained  to  do  whatever  the  parents 
would  have  him  do.  A  child  who  has  failed  to  learn 
the  lesson  of  obedience  has  everything  to  learn.  The 
parent  who  can  secure  prompt,  unquestioning  obedi- 
ence from  a  child  is  not  likely  to  have  any  trouble 
in  the  management  of  that  child.  Since  this  is  so, 
it  must  be  acknowledged  that  one  basic  requisite  for 
the  management  of  a  child  is  to  secure  the  child's 
obedience.  This  is  considered  of  such  vital  impor- 
tance that  fuller  treatment  of  the  subject  will  be 
given  in  a  subsequent  chapter.  At  that  time  the  at- 
tempt will  be  made  to  show  how  obedience  may 
easily  be  secured. 

Third  Requisite. 
Many  parents  are  heard  to  assert  that  they  expect 


36  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

their  younger  children  to  be  controlled  by  correct 
principles.  Though  meaning  well,  such  parents 
make  a  grievous  mistake.  It  is  important  that  every 
parent  should  clearly  appreciate  the  truth  and  the 
importance  of  the  statement  that  principles  are  for 
adults  and  rules  for  children.  A  parent  makes  a  seri- 
ous mistake  in  striving  to  train  a  child  without  the 
use  of  rules  or  other  explicit  directions. 

Even  a  young  child  quite  early  learns  that  certain 
acts  are  permitted,  while  others  are  not.  Such  a 
child  cannot  understand  the  principles  upon  which 
the  facts  depend,  but  such  a  child  can  be  trained  to 
compliance  with  demands  when  they  are  clearly  un- 
derstood. Children  who  quite  early  learn  to  give 
in  after  years,  when  they  are  compelled  to  bend  to 
compliance  to  fixed  rules  will  have  but  little  trouble 
in  after  years,  when  they  are  compelled  to  bend  to 
proper  authority. 

It  must  not  be  forgotten  that  upon  the  parent  rests 
the  responsibility  of  fixing  correct  requirements. 
Subjection  to  rules  of  any  kind  will  train  the  child 
in  habits  of  obedience,  but  will  not  train  him  to 
be  what  he  should  be,  unless  the  rules  themselves  are 
based  upon  right.  If  they  are  not  so  based,  he  will 
most  likely  give  way  to  his  impulses  when  he  is  freed 
from  the  necessity  of  complying  with  the  rules.  The 
one  great  test  of  the  efficiency  of  any  rule  is  the  ease 
with  which  it  may  be  done  away  with  when  once  it 
has  been  firmly  established. 

Some  will  be  disposed  to  say  that  the  young  child 
cannot  be  taught  to  understand  the  meaning  of  a 


PRIMARY   REQUISITES.  37 

rule.  Yet  all  careful  observers  know  that  even  a 
young  child  may  be  taught  that  he  will  not  get  what 
he  cries  for.  How  many  of  us  parents  have  failed 
to  teach  this  to  even  our  older  children  ?  Any  child 
can  certainly  understand  any  rule  before  he  can 
comprehend  principles  underlying  the  establishment 
of  the  rule. 

The  child  three  or  four  years  old  who  knows  that 
certain  punishments  are  sure  to  follow  the  breaking 
of  rules  which  the  parents  have  made  will  not  even 
consider  the  violation  of  those  rules.  This  fact  was 
lately  shown  conclusively  in  the  writer's  family. 
Edith,  who  is  but  three  years  old,  told  her  older 
brothers  that  she  would  not  leave  the  table  before 
she  was  excused,  because  if  she  did  she  would  have 
to  sit  on  a  chair  a  long  time. 

She  had  discovered  that  this  rule  applied  to  her 
older  brothers.  Very  gradually  a  child  will  learn 
that  the  rules  are  founded  upon  what  is  right,  and 
thereafter  will  be  governed,  in  part,  by  the  principle 
involved. 

When  the  child  reaches  the  age  of  twelve  or  fif- 
teen, the  age  of  pubescence,  there  will  be  less  need 
of  rigid  rules.  In  fact,  if  the  training  has  been  such 
as  it  should  have  been,  such  a  child  will  be  governed, 
in  great  part,  by  correct  principles.  This  is  the  time 
that  there  should  be  an  effort  made  to  replace  rules 
made  by  the  parents  with  those  rules  or  principles 
which  the  child  is  able  to  understand  and  accept  for 
himself.     Parents  should  also  exercise  great  care  in 


38  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

seeing  that  no  more  rules  are  made  than  are  ab- 
solutely necessary. 

Fourth  Requisite;. 

The  fourth  requisite  to  be  mentioned  is  that  of 
kindness.  Every  parent  worthy  of  the  name  wishes 
to  be  kind.  Too  few  love  their  children  wisely.  Still 
fewer  fully  realize  the  all-conquering  power  of  kind- 
ness. Those  who  have  had  experience  with  crimi- 
nals will  testify  to  the  truth  of  the  statement  that  the 
callous  heart  of  the  confirmed  criminal,  though  it 
makes  no  answer  to  severity  or  suffering,  yet  be- 
comes soft  as  a  child's  under  the  influence  of  real 
kindness,  against  which  no  human  heart  is  proof. 
Can  it  be  that  the  hardened  tenant  of  the  prison  cell 
is  influenced  more  easily  than  the  innocent  child,  so 
deeply  sensitive  to  every  impression? 

Fifth  Requisite. 

While  loving  kindness,  if  shown  wisely,  will  gen- 
erally be  sufficient  to  influence  a  child,  every  child 
must,  at  times,  feel  that  back  of  the  kindness  there  is 
firmness  and  authority  which  must  be  considered. 
By  firmness  is  not  meant  brutality  or  harshness,  or 
even  unkindness.  The  child  should  feel  that  the 
hand  laid  upon  him  is  controlled  by  the  love  and 
tenderness  of  the  mother,  and  the  strength  and  firm- 
ness of  the  father. 

While  the  very  young  child  must  meet  with  noth- 
ing but  kindness,  yet,  very  early,  it  can  learn  what 


PRIMARY   REQUISITES.  39 

is  meant  by  the  restraining  look  or  act.  In  the  early 
years,  until  implicit  obedience  becomes  habitual,  the 
demand  for  firmness  will  be  most  frequent. 

As  the  child  grows  older  the  necessity  for  its  use 
should  decrease,  so  that  by  the  time  the  child  has 
reached  the  age  of  ten  or  twelve,  when  the  child  be- 
gins to  fret  under  absolute  demands,  there  should  be 
but  little  need  of  commands. 

Any  appearance  of  indecision  will  be  a  great 
temptation  to  resistance  of  authority ;  especially  with 
the  child  under  twelve  it  is  best  to  err  upon  the  side 
of  firmness.  Some  may  fear  that  this  will  make  the 
child  feel  unkindly  toward  the  parent.  Such  is  not 
the  case.  On  the  contrary,  every  careful  observer 
must  acknowledge  that  children  naturally  respect 
and  love  those  who  insist  upon  strict  compliance  with 
the  rules  of  right.  Seldom,  if  ever,  will  you  find  a 
show  of  gratitude  or  love  on  the  part  of  the  child 
who  has  been  coaxed  to  do  what  is  right. 

Sixth  Requisite;. 

Uniform,  consistent  treatment  is  another  very  im- 
portant requisite  of  proper  training.  How  few  rec- 
ognize its  importance !  To-day,  the  parents'  exam- 
ple is  diametrically  opposite  to  what  it  was  yester- 
day. The  act  punished  with  severity  then  is  passed 
unnoticed  now.  At  one  time  overwhelmed  with 
kindness;  at  another  crushed  by  firmness  which 
amounts  to  positive  cruelty,  if  not  brutality.  To-day 
petting ;  to-morrow  scolding.  Yesterday  threats ;  to- 
day  bribes.      Under    such    fitful    management,    or 


4o  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

rather  mismanagement,  is  it  to  be  wondered  at  that 
the  child  is  trained  to  no  fixed  principles  of  action? 
On  the  contrary,  it  is  but  natural  that  the  child's 
conduct  comes  to  be  determined  by  the  mood  of  the 
parent,  rather  than  by  the  conviction  of  what  is 
right.  Very  soon  the  child  learns  to  calculate 
chances  and  develop  a  wonderful  ability  to  discount 
and  take  every  advantage  of  government  by  spasms. 
Happy  the  child  whose  parents  are  able  to  meet 
these  six  requisites ! 


VI. 

DIFFERENT    METHODS    OF    MANAGE- 
MENT. 

Management  By  Artifice. 

Many  mothers,  and  not  a  few  fathers,  endeavor  to 
manage  their  children  by  aid  of  tricks,  and  by  other 
means  which  will  enable  them  to  avoid  direct  con- 
flicts with  their  children.  In  this  way  they  hope  to 
secure  compliance  with  their  wishes  without  un- 
pleasantness. 

If  they  have  decided  to  go  out  and  leave  one  or 
more  of  the  children  at  home,  they  will  sometimes 
send  to  a  different  room  those  to  be  left  behind. 
Sometimes  they  will  tell  deliberate  untruths  as  to 
where  they  are  going.  At  other  times  they  may  pre- 
tend to  be  going  to  one  place  and  fully  intend  to  go 
to  another.  The  parents  who  make  use  of  such  meth- 
ods should  not  expect  to  be  held  in  respect  by  their 
children.  Not  only  will  a  child  soon  learn  to  look 
with  positive  distrust  upon  everything  the  parent 
says  or  does,  but  the  disappointment  will  be  so  much 
increased  that  it  will  scarcely  ever  be  forgotten. 

Worse  than  all,  the  children  will  be  trained  in 
habits  of  deceit  and  falsehood ;  so  that  irreparable 
injury  will  be  done.     Parents  who  have  used  such 


42  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

means  in  the  management  of  their  children  will  ac- 
knowledge that  not  only  did  the  children  soon  dis- 
cover the  deceit,  but  also  that  in  a  short  time  they 
became  more  successful  than  their  parents  in  reach- 
ing desired  ends  by  means  of  artifices,  if  not  by  posi- 
tive falsehoods. 

Management  By  Reason. 

Other  parents  regularly  rely  upon  managing  their 
children  by  giving  reasons  for  their  actions.  Before 
these  parents  have  gone  far  they  discover  that  they 
have  little  time  for  anything  else.  The  children  will 
soon  insist  upon  having  explanations  at  every  point. 
Very  soon  the  parents  discover  that  such  a  method 
of  management  is  as  impracticable  as  the  method  by 
artifice.  The  probability  is  that,  becoming  thor- 
oughly disgusted  with  themselves  and  this  method, 
they  will  suddenly  change  to  some  more  strenuous 
plan. 

There  are  times  when  reasons  may  and  should  be 
given;  but,  without  doubt,  it  is  a  great  mistake  for 
parents  to  give  children  grounds  for  expecting  rea- 
sons whenever  the  children  see  fit  to  insist  upon 
them. 

When  Reasons  Should  Be  Given. 

The  question  which  naturally  arises  in  the  mind  of 
every  thoughtful  parent  is  "When  shall  I  give  rea- 
sons?" This  is  not  an  easy  question  to  answer. 
There   are   times   when   reasons   should   be   given. 


METHODS  OF  MANAGEMENT.  43 

There  are  other  times  when  reasons  should  not  be 
given.  It  is  very  doubtful  if  a  reason  should  be 
given  to  a  young  child  when  the  question  of  obedi- 
ence is  pending,  if  offered  as  an  inducement  to  pro- 
cure obedience.  After  the  child  has  done  as  re- 
quested it  is  a  good  time  to  call  the  child  and  ex- 
plain why  something  was  insisted  upon.  If  done  in 
the  proper  spirit  it  will  make  matters  much  more 
satisfactory  in  the  future. 

Again,  it  may  sometimes  be  found  best  to  give 
reasons  to  an  older  child  of  strong  will  for  the  pur- 
pose of  helping  the  child  to  come  to  a  correct  deci- 
sion concerning  something  which  has  been  left  to 
the  child  to  decide.  However,  a  child  should  never 
be  permitted  to  feel  that  he  has  a  right  to  demand 
a  reason  of  a  parent. 

Management  By  Harshness. 

Most  of  us  know  that  the  parent  who  strives  to 
manage  a  child  by  tricks,  or  simply  by  reason,  will 
soon  find  these  methods  altogether  unsatisfactory. 
Unkindness,  scolding,  harshness,  threats,  injudicious 
punishments  and  other  ill-considered  methods 
will  soon  take  the  place  of  government  by  artifice 
and  reason.  That  the  last  mentioned  methods  are 
used  by  many,  all  must  admit.  That  they  are  not 
proper,  none  will  deny. 

Management  By  Absolute  Authority. 
Those  who  have  endeavored  to  manage  their  chil- 


44  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

dren  by  any  of  the  methods  mentioned  will  need  no 
argument  to  convince  them  that  they  have  made  a 
mistake.  Happy  the  parent  who,  before  it  is  too 
late,  realizes  the  fact  that  the  only  parental  govern- 
ment which  is  worthy  of  the  name  is  that  founded 
upon  absolute,  unquestioned  authority.  In  the  train- 
ing of  children  the  first  duty  of  the  parent  is  the 
establishment  of  authority  over  them.  Very  early 
each  child  should  discover  the  absolute  necessity  of 
obeying  the  wish  of  the  parent.  Very  early  the  habit 
of  complying  with  the  parent's  demands  should  be 
firmly  fixed. 

Some;  Objections. 

Some  will  object  because  they  wish  to  use  nothing 
but  gentle  means  with  their  children.  Their  inten- 
tions are  good.  The  great  effort  of  all  parents 
should  be  to  manage  their  children  by  such  measures. 
However,  parents  will  soon  find  that  it  is  impossible 
to  manage  children  by  gentle  means  unless  they  first 
secure  absolute  authority  over  their  children.  Let 
this  be  secured,  and  there  need  be  no  trouble  there- 
after. Thus  alone  can  they  ever  realize  their  pur- 
pose to  secure  the  desired  end  by  gentle  measures. 

As  before  stated,  others  will  object  because  they 
wish  to  govern  the  children  by  reason.  Such  are 
unmindful  of  the  fact  that  judgment  is  dependent 
upon  faculties  that  do  not  mature  early,  and  is,  there- 
fore, the  last  to  develop.  A  child  ten  years  old  may 
have  strength  enough  to  earn  a  living,  but  the  law 
does  not  consider  his  reason  sufficiently  developed  to 


METHODS  OF  MANAGEMENT.  45 

trust  him  to  himself  until  he  is  twenty-one  years  old. 
Not  only  is  it  a  duty  of  a  parent  to  support  a  child 
until  he  can  support  himself,  but  it  is  equally  binding 
upon  the  parent  to  give  a  child  the  benefit  of  the 
parent's  mature  judgment.  To  expect  a  young  child 
to  provide  nourishment  for  himself  is  just  as  rea- 
sonable as  to  think  that  he  should  furnish  reason  for 
his  own  guidance  and  direction. 

Another  Objection. 

Others  object  to  governing  by  absolute  authority, 
because  of  the  belief  that  thus  the  parent  may  lose 
the  child's  love.  Above  all  things  parents  do  and 
should  desire  to  forever  keep  the  warm  love  of  their 
children.  The  love  which  a  child  feels  toward  a 
parent  will  depend,  in  great  measure,  upon  the  sym- 
pathy shown  in  his  joys  and  sorrows.  This  love 
will  not  only  be  lost,  but  it  will  most  certainly  be 
more  firmly  established  by  the  exercise  of  a  kind, 
just,  absolute  authority.  What  person  can  remem- 
ber an  instance  of  a  child's  caring  more  for  a  parent 
who  permited  him  to  do  as  he  pleased  than  he  did  for 
the  parent  who,  in  all  kindness,  but  with  much  firm- 
ness, required  him  to  comply  implicitly  with  his  di- 
rections ? 

How  Parents  Teach  Children  to  Despise  Them. 

The  parent  who  fails  to  govern  his  child  is  apt 
not  only  to  lose  the  child's  love,  but  also  to  earn  the 
child's  contempt.    Sad  it  is,  yet  true,  that  in  a  very 


46  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

short  time  children  will  understand  the  weakness  of 
a  parent,  and  utterly  despise  the  one  who  cannot 
manage  even  a  child.  As  such  children  grow  older 
they  will  grow  unmanageable,  and  will  hold  in  su- 
preme scorn  a  loving  parent  who  has  sacrificed  par- 
ental authority  in  the  hope  of  winning  the  child's 
love. 

In  later  years,  when,  perhaps,  the  mother  has  gone 
from  them,  children  will  begin  to  feel  gratitude  for 
her  self-sacrificing  love,  and  contempt  will  turn  to 
pity.  Then  they  may  say,  "Poor  mother;  she  tried 
to  manage  us,  but  she  was  too  kind."  Let  it  not  be 
forgotten  that  the  parent  who  fails  to  govern  a  child 
loses  the  child's  respect,  wins  its  contempt  when 
young,  and  its  pity  when  older.  Since  this  is  so, 
surely  no  parent  should  hesitate  to  strive  to  bring 
his  child  under  absolute  authority  by  gentle  means, 
if  possible,  but  by  some  means  without  fail. 


VII. 

WHEN   TO   BEGIN. 
Begin  at  the  Beginning. 

One  great  cause  of  trouble  is  that  parents  do  not 
fully  realize  the  importance  of  beginning  early 
enough.  They  say  they  do  not  wish  to  interfere  with 
the  child's  freedom.  They  say  they  wish  him  to  be 
perfectly  natural.  They  are  probably  unmindful  of 
the  fact  that  the  child  naturally  passes  through  the 
several  stages  of  civilization  through  which  the  race 
has  passed.  Left  to  himself  he  would  probably  take 
several  ages  for  his  passage  through  the  savage, 
half-civilized,  civilized  and  enlightened  stages.  Be- 
cause of  the  influence  of  parents  and  others,  he  is  ex- 
pected to  pass  quite  rapidly  through  the  first  stages. 
Parents  should  appreciate  the  importance  of  begin- 
ning early,  in  order  that  they  may  help  the  child  to 
almost  entirely  skip  the  first  two  stages. 

Too  often  the  child  is  permitted  to  do  just  as  he 
pleases  for  months,  or  even  years.  Though  child- 
hood is  the  time  for  freedom,  it  is  not  the  license. 
Let  us  remember  that  it  is,  of  all  times,  the  one 
time  when  training  can  be  made  most  effective. 
This  being  the  case,  parents  should  appreciate  the 
importance  of  beginning  at  the  beginning. 


48  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

Quite  Easy  at  the  Beginning. 

Many  parents  who  read  this  will  probably  ex- 
press doubt  as  to  the  truth  of  the  statement  that,  if 
taken  in  time,  most  of  the  worst  children  could  have 
been  managed  quite  easily.  It  seems  hardly  possible 
to  them  that  a  child  possessing  an  unusually  great 
supply  of  nervous  energy,  sometimes  of  a  very  trou- 
blesome disposition,  at  other  times  very  stubborn, 
and  once  in  a  while  showing  signs  of  absolute  insub- 
ordination, could  ever  have  been  reached  by  any  but 
the  harshest  methods  of  management.  However, 
there  is  but  little,  if  any,  doubt  that  the  most  gentle 
measures  would  have  proven  perfectly  satisfactory 
had  they  been  tried  in  time  and  followed  with  firm- 
ness and  perseverance. 

If  proper  care  is  taken  the  first  year,  there  will  be 
no  cause  to  worry  about  the  rest.  If  this  time  is  lost 
it  will  be  regained  only  with  difficulty.  After  these 
years  the  parent  will  need  to  be  the  lighthouse  to 
warn  away  from  hidden  dangers. 

If  One  is  Not  at  the  Beginning. 

What  shall  be  done  by  the  large  majority  who  are 
not  at  the  beginning?  This  is  the  problem  which 
confronts  many.  For  those  not  at  the  beginning  the 
problem  is  by  no  means  easy  of  solution.  If  a  child 
has  been  trained  in  improper  habits,  and  has  passed, 
in  part  at  least,  beyond  the  parents'  control,  the  diffi- 
culty is  still  greater.  However,  the  principles  are  the 
same,  though  the  application  may,  of  necessity,  be 


WHEN  TO  BEGIN.  49 

somewhat  different.  Under  such  circumstances  the 
means  to  be  employed  will  have  to  be  far  more 
strenuous  than  if  started  earlier. 

No  Reason  for  Despair. 

Too  many  parents  become  discouraged,  and  are 
easily  convinced  that  it  is  not  possible  for  them  to 
manage  their  children.  Though  children  seem  past 
reclaiming,  there  is  generally  no  good  reason  for 
despair.  Ninety-five  out  of  every  hundred  can  be 
reached,  if  parents  will  but  take  the  interest  it  is 
their  duty  to  take  in  reclaiming  an  erring  child. 

But  for  improper  training  there  would  be  little 
cause  for  regret.  If  the  parent  will  govern  himself 
in  the  light  of  suggestions  given  in  such  books  as 
this  all  may  yet  be  well.  Let  the  child  be  studied 
carefully,  persistently  and  prayerfully.  Let  the  ex- 
ample of  the  parents  be  what  it  should  be.  Let  kind- 
ness be  accompanied  by  much  firmness.  Let  a  cer- 
tain course  of  action  be  followed  invariably.  Suc- 
cess will  most  certainly  result.  Ever  let  the  parent 
remember  that  nine  times  out  of  ten  the  child  is  not 
nearly  so  bad  as  he  appears  to  be. 

Practical  Suggestions. 

If  a  child  has  formed  habits  of  disobedience  and 
insubordination,  don't  expect  him  to  change  sud- 
denly for  the  better.  With  such  a  one  you  must 
often  expect  to  work  patiently,  without  seeing  much 
improvement  for  some  time.    Especially  will  this  be 


50  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

the  case  with  those  of  the  bilious  temperament. 
With  all,  but  especially  with  such,  as  before  stated, 
habits  cannot  be  broken  except  in  the  way  they  have 
been  formed,  that  is,  by  frequent  repetition.  Do  not 
start  by  saying  what  you  are  going  to  do. 

After  careful  consideration  determine  your  course 
of  action.  Find  no  fault  with  what  has  been  done 
in  the  past.  Gradually,  cautiously  and  persistently 
strive  toward  the  desired  end.  It  may  take  a  great 
deal  of  skill,  but  the  result  will  be  most  satisfactory. 


VIII. 

HABITS. 
Habits  All-Important. 

Parents  must  ever  keep  in  mind  the  fact  that 
training  means  the  formation  of  habits.  Other  ani- 
mals learn  by  instinct;  man  only  by  practice.  He 
is  therefore  said  to  be  but  a  bundle  of  habits.  A 
person's  character  is  determined  by  the  character  of 
the  habits  of  which  the  bundle  is  composed.  It  is 
represented  by  the  sum  of  our  good  habits  and  our 
bad.  If  we  were  not  creatures  of  habit  we  could 
make  but  little,  if  any,  progress,  as  all  our  time  and 
attention  would  have  to  be  given  to  the  simplest 
functions  of  body  and  mind. 

Good  habits  are  the  result  of  the  repetition  of 
right  actions ;  bad  habits  the  result  of  wrong  actions. 
A  child  who  gets  into  the  habit  of  doing  what  is 
right  because  it  is  right  will  not  only  be  a  good 
child,  but  will  almost  certainly  develop  into  a  noble 
man  or  woman.    The  opposite  is  also  true. 

Habits  not  only  determine  the  mental  and  physical 
action,  but  also  the  moral  action  as  well.  More  than 
this,  to  a  large  extent,  they,  when  evil,  warp  the 
conscience,  that  divine  guide  which  is  the  highest 
authority  given  to  man. 


52  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

Dr.  Maudsley's  Opinion. 

Very  few  fully  appreciate  the  importance  of  cor- 
rect habits.  No  one  who  does  not  appreciate  the 
power  of  habit  is  fitted  to  train  a  child.  It  is  not 
merely  second  nature ;  it  is  far  stronger  than  nature 
itself.  Dr.  Maudsley,  in  his  psychology  of  mind, 
emphasizes  the  effect  and  importance  of  habit  as 
follows : 

"If  an  act  became  no  easier  after  being  done  sev- 
eral times,  if  the  careful  direction  of  consciousness 
were  necessary  to  its  accomplishment  on  each  occa- 
sion, it  is  evident  that  the  whole  activity  of  a  lifetime 
might  be  confined  to  one  or  two  deeds — that  no 
progress  could  take  place  in  development. 

"A  man  might  be  occupied  all  day  in  dressing  and 
undressing  himself;  the  attitude  of  his  body  would 
absorb  all  his  attention  and  energy;  the  washing  of 
his  hands  or  the  fastening  of  a  button  would  be  as 
difficult  to  him  on  each  occasion  as  to  the  child  on 
its  first  trial ;  and  he  would  furthermore  be  com- 
pletely exhausted  by  his  exertions. 

"Think  of  the  pains  necessary  to  teach  a  child  to 
stand,  of  the  many  efforts  which  it  must  make,  and 
of  the  ease  with  which  it  at  last  stands,  unconscious 
of  any  effort." 

The  Importance  of  Habit  in  Society. 

Though  we  may  begin  to  appreciate  the  import- 
ance of  habit  in  the  life  of  the  individual ;  few  have 
any  conception  of  the  influence  which  the  habits  of 


HABITS.  53 

individuals  have  upon  the  prosperity  and  even  the 
very  life  of  government.  Seldom,  if  ever,  has  this 
been  better  stated  than  by  James,  in  his  latest  psy- 
chology. Speaking  upon  this  point,  he  says :  "Habit 
is  thus  the  enormous  fly-wheel  of  society,  its  most 
precious  conservative  agent.  It  alone  is  what  keeps 
us  all  within  the  bounds  of  ordinance,  and  saves  the 
children  of  fortune  from  the  envious  uprisings  of 
the  poor.  It  alone  prevents  the  hardest  and  most  re- 
pulsive walks  of  life  from  being  deserted  by  those 
brought  up  to  tread  therein.  It  keeps  the  fisherman 
and  the  deckhand  at  sea  through  the  winter ;  it  holds 
the  miner  in  his  darkness,  and  nails  the  countryman 
to  his  log  cabin  and  his  lonely  farm  through  all  the 
months  of  snow ;  it  protects  us  from  invasion  by  the 
natives  of  the  desert  and  the  frozen  zone.  It  dooms 
us  all  to  fight  out  the  battle  of  life  upon  the  lines  of 
our  nature  or  our  early  choice,  and  to  make  the  best 
of  a  pursuit  that  disagrees,  because  there  is  no  other 
for  which  we  are  fitted,  and  it  is  too  late  to  begin 
again." 

Earthly  Purgatory.  f"~^ 

The  same  writer  has  said,  "The  hell  to  be  endured 
hereafter,  of  which  theology  tells,  is  no  worse  than 
the  hell  we  make  for  ourselves  in  this  world  by 
habitually  fashioning  our  characters  in  the  wrong 
way.  Could  the  young  but  realize  how  soon  they 
would  become  mere  walking  bundles  of  habits  they 
would  give  more  heed  to  their  conduct  while  in  the 
plastic  state.  We  are  spinning  our  own  fates,  good 
or  evil,  and  never  to  be  undone.     Every  smallest 


54  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

stroke  of  virtue  or  vice  leaves  its  never  so  little  scar. 
The  drunken  Rip  Van  Winkle,  in  Jefferson's  play, 
excuses  himself  for  every  fresh  dereliction  by  say- 
ing, 'I  won't  count  this  time.'  Well,  he  may  not 
count  it,  and  a  kind  Heaven  may  not  count  it,  but  it 
is  to  be  counted  none  the  less.  Down  among  the 
nerve  cells  and  fibres  the  molecules  are  counting  it, 
registering  and  storing  it  up  to  be  used  against  him 
when  the  next  temptation  comes.  Nothing  we  ever 
do  is,  in  strict  scientific  literalness,  wiped  out.  Of 
course  this  has  its  good  side  as  well  as  its  bad 
one.  As  we  become  permanent  drunkards  by  so 
many  separate  drinks,  so  we  become  saints  in  the 
moral,  and  authorities  and  experts  in  the  practical 
and  scientific  spheres  by  so  many  separate  acts  and 
hours  of  work." 

The  Matter  of  Greatest  Importance. 

The  matter  of  greatest  importance,  then,  is  that 
children  be  so  trained  that  their  habits  will  be  a  help 
to  them  in  the  future,  rather  than  a  hindrance.  The 
great  thing  is  to  make  the  nervous  system  an  ally  of 
the  child,  rather  than  an  enemy.  So  train  a  child 
that  he  firmly  fixes  a  bundle  of  good  habits,  and  you 
will  immeasurably  benefit  him.  Such  a  bundle  of 
habits  will  prove  a  most  excellent  moral,  physical 
and  mental  capital,  upon  the  interest  of  which  the  in- 
dividual may  live  all  the  years  of  his  life. 

The  Effect  of  Lack  of  Habits. 
There  is  no  more  miserable  person  than  the  one 
who  is  always  hesitating  as  to  what  he  should  do. 


HABITS.  55 

Hesitating  as  to  what  time  he  should  go  out;  what 
time  he  should  breakfast;  whether  he  should  smoke 
or  not ;  what  time  he  should  go  to  work,  and,  in  fact, 
hesitating  at  every  period  in  the  day.  Two-thirds 
of  such  an  individual's  time  and  energy  are  wasted 
in  deciding  upon  or  regretting  actions  which  should 
have  long  since  become  purely  mechanical  through 
established  habits. 

Time  to  Form  Habit. 

Most  habits  are  formed  in  youth.  Then  it  is  that 
the  chain  of  habits  coils  itself  around  young  hearts 
like  a  serpent  around  its  victim.  Even  before  we 
know  it  they  are  forming  the  foundations  of  char- 
acter. The  thought  determines  the  act ;  the  act  the 
habit;  the  habit  the  character;  the  character  the 
destiny. 

It  is  the  duty  of  parents  to  strive  to  make  the 
habits  the  friends  of  their  children,  rather  than  their 
enemies.  For  all  this  is  best  done  in  early  youth, 
just  as  the  most  skilful  violinists,  the  most  agile  and 
graceful  dancers,  are  those  whose  training  began 
almost  in  infancy.  Every  act  wears  in  their  na- 
tures a  little  track,  which  deepens  with  repetition 
like  a  groove,  in  which  it  runs  easily.  When  these 
grooves  are  once  formed  it  is  very  hard  to  get  our 
actions  out  of  them  and  make  them  take  a  new 
track. 

How  Habits  May  be  Changed. 

What  shall  be  said  concerning  the  bad  habits 
which  have  already  become  fixed  in  children?     If 


56  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

habits  have  been  growing  stronger  and  stronger  for 
years  it  is  folly  to  expect  that  they  can  be  com- 
pletely changed  in  a  short  time.  This  is  no  easy 
undertaking.  Habits  can  be  broken  only  in  the 
same  way  that  they  have  been  acquired,  and  that 
is  by  practice.  Those  who  have  strong  will-power 
we  may  help  to  succeed  in  escaping  from  the  bond- 
age of  habits  quickly.  With  others  we  must  be 
prepared  to  labor  hard  and  long. 

By  strong  resolution;  by  careful  watching,  lest 
the  old  habit  assert  itself;  by  determined  fighting 
against  the  tendency  to  do  that  which  is  wrong ;  by 
avoiding  thoughts,  persons  and  places  which  are 
the  cause  of  the  temptation ;  by  keeping  busy  all  the 
time;  and,  when  possible,  performing  acts  the  op- 
posite of  the  habit  to  be  broken ;  by  never  becoming 
discouraged — thus,  and  only  thus,  can  any  habit, 
when  once  firmly  established,  be  replaced  by  a  better 
one.  Children  can  change  their  habits  far  easier 
than  can  their  parents.  This  should  not  be  forgot- 
ten. It  is  far  easier  for  them  to  improve  their 
ideas,  practices  and  methods.  Their  minds  are  im- 
pressionable, and  comparatively  little  help  will  en- 
able them  to  do  far  better,  if  they  wish  to  improve. 

Principles  and  Habits. 
Let  us  not  forget,  then,  that  while  good  principles 
are  important,  good  habits  are  infinitely  more  so. 
Hell  is  proverbially  paved  with  resolutions  which,  if 
carried  into  actions  and  habits,  would  have  resulted 
in  leaving  his  Satanic  majesty  far  more  lonely  than 
he  is  reputed  to  be. 


IX. 

USE   OF   INCENTIVES   IN   CHILD- 
TRAINING. 

Pleasure  and  Pain. 

Very  early  in  life  the  child  learns  that  certain 
actions  are  followed  by  pleasant  sensations,  while 
others  are  not.  Almost  intuitively  he  strives  to 
secure  the  one  and  to  avoid  the  other.  Soon  the 
desire  for  the  pleasant  sensations  becomes  so  strong 
that  it  acts  as  an  incentive  to  action. 

As  the  child  grows  older  the  incentives  which 
appeal  to  him  increase  in  number,  grow  in  power 
and  rise  in  character.  Consciously  or  unconsciously 
they  influence  the  will,  determine  action,  fix  habits, 
mold  the  character,  and  make  certain  the  destiny  of 
all,  both  for  time  and  for  eternity.  Since  they  do 
so  vitally  affect  the  present  and  future  of  all,  much 
attention  should  be  given  by  parents  to  the  con- 
sideration of  their  influence  upon  children. 

A  Pound  oe  Leading  Worth  a  Ton  oe  Driving. 

It  is  a  hundred  times  as  easy  to  lead  as  to  drive. 
Too  few  parents  appreciate  the  importance  of  this 
truth.  A  still  smaller  number  understand  the  proper 
use  of  right  incentives.     In  the  past  too  much  time 


58  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

and  energy  have  been  wasted  in  unsuccessful  at- 
tempts to  drive  children  into  right  ways,  and  too 
little  thought  given  to  plans  for  leading  them,  by 
pleasant  experiences  and  anticipations,  to  prefer  the 
correct  paths. 

All  who  have  studied  children  closely  will  agree 
that,  if  started  right,  most  of  them  can  be  led  easily 
all  the  time;  that  all  can  be  led  most  of  the  time, 
and  that  few,  if  any,  need  be  driven  much  of  the 
time.  Why,  then,  should  a  child  be  constantly 
driven,  if  he  can  more  easily  be  led  most  of  the 
time?  How  important,  then,  that  we  learn  to  lead 
when  it  is  possible  to  do  so,  and  drive  only  when 
we  must.  It  is  the  duty  of  a  parent  to  be  always 
a  general.  Then  it  will  be  seldom  necessary  for 
him  to  be  a  boss. 

Moral  Value  of  Incentives. 
The  true  value  of  any  incentive  is  determined  by 
the  character  of  the  end  desired.  At  first  it  will  be 
necessary  to  choose  the  simpler  and  lower  incentives. 
Many  make  the  mistake  of  appealing  to  the  higher 
before  the  child  has  reached  such  an  age  or  stage 
of  moral  development  as  justifies  the  use  of  such. 
Failing  to  respond  to  the  higher,  the  child  is  often 
improperly  classed  with  those  who  cannot  be 
reached  by  any  incentive.  It  is  also  a  great  mis- 
take to  continue  the  use  of  lower  incentives  after 
the  higher  begin  to  appeal  to  the  child's  judgment. 

The  Selection  of  Proper  Incentives. 
It  requires  no  little  skill  to  select  the  proper  in- 


USE   OF  INCENTIVES.  59 

centives  and  to  gradually  supplant  all  the  lower  by 
higher.  Nevertheless  it  is  very  important  that  this 
be  done.  If  it  is  not  done  the  child  will  fail  to  act, 
except  when  under  the  stimulus  of  the  lower  mo- 
tives. The  continued  use  of  the  lower  motives  not 
only  weakens  the  will,  but  makes  the  child  a  slave 
to  external  influences,  forms  bad  habits  and  places 
desirable  ends  upon  a  false  basis.  The  constant 
effort  should  be  to  use  the  highest  incentives  which 
will  appeal  to  the  individual  child  at  the  particular 
time. 

Seven  Valuable  Incentives. 

Since  the  selection  of  proper  incentives  is  so  im- 
portant and,  at  the  same  time,  so  difficult  a  matter, 
it  is  well  for  us  to  consider  very  earnestly  what  in- 
centives can  be  found  which  will  enable  us  to  man- 
age and  train  our  children.  By  so  doing  we  may 
be  saved  the  necessity  of  using  much  harsher  means. 
The  following  seven  incentives  are  such  as  can  be 
used  by  every  parent. 

The  Desire  for  Comfort. 

Beginning  with  the  lowest  in  the  scale,  the  desire 
for  comfort  is  one  of  the  very  earliest  of  incentives. 
As  before  stated,  while  yet  a  babe  in  the  mother's 
arms,  the  child  discovers  that  some  acts  are  followed 
by  personal  comfort  and  others  by  unpleasant  sen- 
sations. The  one  great  desire  is  to  secure  the  pleas- 
ant and  avoid  the  unpleasant.     This  natural  desire 


60  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

largely  determines  the   conduct  of  individuals  all 
through  life. 

If  the  child's  treatment  is  uniform,  these  associa- 
tions, being  made  frequently,  leave  their  impress, 
and  the  child  becomes  aware  of  a  law  of  conduct 
outside  of  itself.  This  is  the  will  of  the  parent  or 
other  person  in  authority.  Very  soon  the  child 
learns  that  it  pays  to  avoid  all  acts  which  result  in 
pain  or  discomfort.  So  well  is  this  lesson  learned 
that  few  bad  habits  would  be  formed  if  unpleasant 
results  uniformly  followed  improper  acts. 

Fear  of  Punishment. 

The  fear  of  some  kind  of  punishment  is  a  power- 
ful incentive  to  right  conduct.  Though  one  of  the 
very  lowest,  yet  it  is  an  incentive  of  which  most 
parents  must  make  use  frequently,  at  first. 

While  it  should  not  be  used  when  it  is  possible 
to  reach  the  desired  end  by  any  higher,  the  fact  re- 
mains that  with  far  too  large  a  proportion  of  chil- 
dren and  adults  it  is  the  fear  of  the  consequences 
that  generally  prevents  the  improper  action. 

Rewards  and  Prizes. 
The  natural  desire  for  some  objective  recognition 
of  right  conduct  always  acts  as  a  powerful  incen- 
tive with  most  children.  Considered  simply  as 
such,  regardless  of  their  intrinsic  value,  they  may 
easily  be  replaced  by  incentives  of  a  higher  kind. 
The  great  danger  of  prizes  is  found  in  the  fact  that, 
unless  great  care  is  taken,  the  child  will  be  led  to 


USE  OF  INCENTIVES.  61 

act  merely  for  the  love  of  the  prize.  In  this,  as  in 
everything  else,  the  child  is  a  creature  of  the  pres- 
ent, and  is  powerfully  influenced  by  the  expectation 
of  some  little  reward  soon,  rather  than  by  the  hope 
of  some  great  reward  in  the  distant  future. 

Approbation  of  Parents  and  Others. 

Quite  early  the  young  child  learns,  unconsciously, 
from  the  tone  of  the  mother's  voice,  and  from  her 
smile  or  frown,  that  certain  acts  are  approved,  while 
others  are  not.  This  incentive  to  proper  conduct 
increases  with  the  age  of  the  child.  So  powerful 
does  it  become,  if  carefully  used,  that  scarcely  any 
other  incentive  or  punishment  will  be  needed. 
Would  that  parents  could  grasp  the  truth  of  this 
statement !  How  dearly  do  the  little  ones  prize  the 
parents'  approval!  They  are  not  only  made  happy 
by  the  praise  received,  but  also  because  of  the  added 
pleasure  which  comes  from  the  consciousness  of 
having  given  their  parents  pleasure. 

The  commendation  of  a  stranger  is  very  pleas- 
ant to  a  child;  that  of  a  friend  or  companion  still 
sweeter;  but  the  smile  of  approval,  the  sympathetic 
"well  done,"  "you  are  a  dear  boy,"  "that  is  a  good 
girl,"  or  similar  expressions  of  a  loved  parent,  are 
the  sweetest  fruits  of  a  child's  earnest  efforts.  Par- 
ents, is  it  not  true  that  few  of  us  have  made  use  of 
this  incentive  as  often  as  we  should?  It  is  not  yet 
too  late  to  prove  the  power  of  this  method. 

From  this  desire  for  the  approval  of  the  parent 


62  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

there  will  gradually  arise  a  desire  for  the  approba- 
tion of  one's  own  conscience ;  then  of  all  whose 
opinion  is  valued,  and  finally  for  that  of  the  Su- 
preme Being. 

Confidence;  of  Parents. 

If  the  child  can  be  made  to  feel  that  the  frequent 
approval  of  the  loving  parent  has  resulted  in  secur- 
ing the  confidence  of  the  parent,  he  will  prize  noth- 
ing better  than  the  retention  of  that  confidence.  No 
pain  will  sink  deeper  into  his  soul  than  the  tempor- 
ary loss  of  this  parental  confidence. 

Force  of  Habit. 

Influenced  by  other  incentives  and  various  con- 
siderations the  child  will  gradually  form  habits  of 
action.  These  habits  of  action  will  tend  to  repeat 
themselves.  For  this  reason  they  will  result  in  a 
strong  though  unconscious  incentive  to  right  con- 
duct. 

Sense  of  Duty. 

Slowly  there  develops  the  idea  that  certain  things 
should  be  done  because  they  are  right,  and  others 
avoided  for  the  reason  that  they  are  wrong. 
While  this  idea  is  very  weak  at  first,  yet  generally 
by  the  time  the  child  enters  school  it  has  become 
apparent.  Though  at  this  time  the  child's  principal 
law  of  conduct  must  still  be  the  will  of  the  parent, 
or  other  one  in  authority,  it  should  not  be  forgotten 


USE  OF  INCENTIVES.  63 

that  embryonic  conscience  is  striving  feebly  to  see 
the  light  of  duty. 

The  pleading  of  an  enlightened  conscience  is  the 
highest  incentive  to  which  anyone  can  respond. 
This  requires  not  merely  that  the  child  see  what  is 
right,  but  also  demands  a  determination  to  do  right 
because  it  is  right.  This  means  the  culture  of  the 
will,  that  most  important  of  all  objects  of  culture. 


X. 

PUNISHMENT   OF   CHILDREN. 
Should  Children  be  Punished? 

There  must  be  some  punishment  for  wrongdoing. 
But  for  this  there  could  be  no  government  either 
in  the  State,  or  in  the  family,  upon  which  the  exist- 
ence of  the  State  depends. 

There  are  many  who  say  that  a  child  should  never 
be  punished.  Most  of  these  mean  that  the  child 
should  not  be  whipped.  They  have  in  mind  the 
brutal  treatment  of  children.  Some  may  really 
mean  that  they  think  a  child  should  never  be  pun- 
ished in  any  way.  This  class  is  generally  composed 
of  those  who  have  had  little  or  no  experience  in  the 
management  of  their  own  children  or  of  the  chil- 
dren of  others. 

In  the  Divine  economy  it  has  seemed  necessary  to 
provide  punishment  for  wrongdoing.  Does  it  not 
appear  senseless  for  mortals  to  attempt  to  improve 
upon  His  methods  ?  While  some  punishment  seems 
absolutely  necessary,  too  great  care  cannot  be  taken 
by  parents  in  order  that  their  mode  of  punishment 
may  be  such  as  will  reach  the  desired  end,  without 
any  of  the  evil  consequences  which  are  sure  to  fol- 
low injudicious  or  ill-considered  punishment. 


PUNISHMENTS.  65 

Legitimate  Objects  oe  Punishment. 

The  one  great  object  which  justifies  a  parent's 
punishing  a  child  is  the  honest  desire  to  reform  the 
child  and  to  lead  him  to  do  what  is  right.  In  every 
case  of  doubt  the  parent  should  ask  himself  the 
question,  "Is  this  the  best  way  to  influence  my  child 
to  do  better?" 

Another  legitimate  object  of  punishment  is  found 
in  the  fact  that,  if  properly  administered,  it  con- 
demns the  wrong  and  upholds  what  is  right. 

If  there  are  several  children  in  the  family  an- 
other very  important  object  of  punishment  is  its 
effect  in  deterring  all  from  doing  wrong.'  Punish- 
ment may  be  inflicted  upon  one  child  in  such  a  way 
as  to  make  it  unnecessary  to  punish  other  children 
for  similar  offenses.  Happy  the  child  who  lives  in  a 
family  where  the  parent  makes  such  use  of  it ! 

Characteristics  oe  Proper  Punishment. 

Every  child  should  understand  clearly  the  cause 
of  the  punishment.  Too  often  children  are  pun- 
ished in  anger  before  an  explanation  is  given.  Un- 
der such  circumstances  punishments  cannot  pos- 
sibly do  good,  but  will  certainly  do  harm. 

Punishments  must  be  just.  A  guilty  child  may 
seem  to  resent  a  punishment ;  but,  in  his  heart,  he 
does  not  when  it  is  properly  administered.  Pun- 
ish an  innocent  child,  and,  in  spite  of  love  and  re- 
spect for  his  parents,  he  can  scarcely  ever  forget  it. 

Punishment  should  be  certain.     Much  more  de- 


66  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

pends  upon  certainty  than  upon  severity.  To  over- 
look an  offense  at  one  time  and  punish  it  severely 
at  another  time  is  an  excellent  way  to  encourage 
children  in  wrongdoing. 

Punishment  should  be  mild.  It  should  never  be 
more  severe  than  is  necessary  to  reach  the  desired 
end.  It  is  a  kind  of  allopathic  moral  medicine,  the 
virtue  of  which  depends  upon  its  being  used  in 
homeopathic  doses. 

Punishment  should  be  deliberate.  If  time  is 
taken  for  reflection,  it  will  frequently  be  seen  that 
the  parent,  and  not  the  child,  is  deserving  of  the 
punishment. 

When  possible,  punishment  should  be  natural. 
For  example:  If  a  boy  uses  his  knife  to  cut  the 
furniture,  he  should  be  deprived  of  the  knife.  Pun- 
ishments which  are  natural  follow  as  the  results  of 
actions  and  are  always  powerful  as  correctives. 
This  is  the  fundamental  characteristic  of  Divine 
punishment. 

Punishments  should  not  destroy  self-respect. 
Such  as  do  are  fiendish.  The  great  object  of  moral 
training  is  to  develop  self-control  and  self-respect, 
not  destroy  them. 

Punishments  should  be  inflicted  in  kindness.  By 
word  and  manner  the  parents  should  show  that  it 
is  an  unpleasant  task.  Nothing  will  cause  the  les- 
son to  sink  more  deeply  and  be  remembered  longer. 

The  Severity  of  Punishment. 
As  before  indicated,  parents  should  use  the  small- 


t 
PUNISHMENTS.  67 

est  amount  necessary  to  reach  the  desired  end,  and 
should  take  great  care  not  to  magnify  offenses.  Un- 
necessarily hard  punishments  tend  to  make  hard 
hearts. 

The  severity  of  the  punishment  should  depend 
upon  the  motive.  If  there  is  no  intention  to  com- 
mit a  wrong,  there  can  be  little,  if  any,  guilt.  Very 
many  cases  of  seeming  disobedience  are  simply  the 
result  of  thoughtlessness,  which  is  and  will  con- 
tinue to  be  most  natural  until  there  is  found  some 
approved  plan  of  placing  an  old  head  upon  young 
shoulders.     May  the  plan  never  be  found ! 

The  severity  of  punishment  should  depend  upon 
the  frequency  of  the  offense.  It  is,  indeed,  very 
seldom  that  the  child  should  be  punished  for  its  first 
offense  upon  any  line,  unless  its  attention  has  been 
called  to  it  in  other  ways. 

It  is  also  very  important  that  parents  remember 
that  the  severity  of  the  punishment  should  be  de- 
termined by  the  age,  the  sex,  the  temperament,  and 
the  physical  condition  of  the  child.  What  would 
be  very  little  punishment  for  one  child  would  be 
very  severe  for  another.  The  young  child  will  be 
more  easily  reached  than  the  older ;  the  child  of 
nervous  temperament  by  much  less  than  one  who 
is  of  the  phlegmatic  or  bilious  temperament. 

Improper  Punishments. 

There  are  some  methods  of  punishment  fre- 
quently used,  yet  for  which  no  parent  worthy  of 


68  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

the  name  would  say  a  word  in  defense.  They  are 
never  right  under  any  condition.  Among  those  of 
more  frequent  use  may  be  mentioned  the  following: 
Blows  upon  the  head,  boxing  or  pulling  the  ears, 
violent  shaking,  calling  of  names,  sarcasm,  scolding, 
nagging,  threats,  solitary  confinement. 

Proper  Punishment. 

Displeasure  of  parents  is  one  valuable  punish- 
ment. Other  things  being  equal,  the  greater  the  love 
between  the  child  and  parent,  the  greater  the  effect 
of  the  expressed  displeasure.  Like  the  parents,  the 
child  cares  little  for  the  criticism  of  enemies,  and 
much  for  unkind  words  from  those  whom  he  loves. 
Properly  used,  the  heart  of  almost  every  child  will 
respond  to  love  and  inwardly  resolve  to  do  better. 

One  of  the  most  effectual  kinds  of  punishment, 
with  most  children,  is  that  of  depriving  them  of 
some  privilege.  If,  in  place  of  some  expected  pleas- 
ure, the  child  is  required  to  sit  down  and  think  over 
the  cause  of  the  loss,  he  will  come  to  the  conclusion 
that  it  does  not  pay  to  lose  a  great  pleasure  for  a 
small  one. 

The  keeping  of  some  record  of  a  child's  short- 
comings may  also  be  made  use  of  with  good  effect, 
with  most  children.  This  record  may  be  merely 
a  number  of  marks  made  when  the  child  fails  to  do 
as  he  should.  When  it  is  found  that  a  number  will 
mean  certain  punishment,  and  that  by  especially 
praiseworthy  conduct  some  marks  can  be  removed, 


PUNISHMENTS.  69 

it  is  remarkable  how  great  an  influence  this  device 
will  have  upon  the  conduct  of  even  the  younger 
children. 

When  Corporal  Punishment  Should  be  Used. 

By  this  is  meant  the  infliction  of  bodily  pain  for 
the  purpose  of  reform.  By  some  this  is  classed  as 
a  proper  form  of  punishment;  by  others,  as  im- 
proper.. All  must  agree  that  it  should  not  be  used 
until  after  incentives  and  all  other  methods  of  pun- 
ishment have  failed  to  give  the  desired  results. 
Those  who  have  had  children  of  their  own  to  train 
scarcely  know  what  else  to  do  after  all  other 
methods  have  failed.  Some  children  may  be 
trained  properly  without  the  use  of  it,  if  the 
parents  are  wise  enough.  However,  some  use  of 
it  will  be  necessary  for  most  children  of  the  ma- 
jority of  parents.  Its  improper  use  will  cause  many 
heartburns ;  but  its  proper  use  may  save  the  parents 
from  deeper  anguish  when  it  is  too  late  to  save  the 
precious  child. 

Six  months  ago  the  writer  told  his  dear  boys  that 
he  thought  it  would  be  a  valuable  experience  for 
each  of  them  to  learn  what  it  was  to  get  a  sound 
thrashing.  They  were  told  that  they  were  to  receive 
one  in  proportion  to  the  number  of  "bad  marks" 
each  received  in  accordance  with  the  plan  men- 
tioned above.  The  effort  was  made  to  be  fair;  but 
the  "good  marks"  so  outnumbered  the  "bad  marks" 
that  at  the  present  writing  they  are  farther  away 


70  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

from  a  whipping  than  they  were  six  months  ago. 
Is  the  plan  not  worthy  of  a  trial? 

Characteristics  of  Corporal  Punishment. 

That  which  has  been  said  concerning  the  charac- 
ter of  punishments  in  general  applies  also  to  cor- 
poral punishment,  so  that  each  characteristic  should 
be  carefully  considered  with  reference  to  this  im- 
portant matter. 

Punishment  should  always  be  upon  the  fleshy 
parts  of  the  body,  with  a  switch,  strap,  piece  of  small 
rubber  hose,  or  similar  instrument,  which  cannot 
inflict  such  injury  as  the  parent  may  regret  for 
years  to  come. 

Parents  should  take  great  care  lest  they  inflict 
corporal  punishment  in  such  a  way  as  to  make  it 
appear  that  they  are  vindictive  or  "trying  to  get 
even." 

The  blows  should  not  be  more  frequent  than  once 
or  twice  each  minute.  If  this  is  done,  and  the 
strokes  interspersed  by  such  expressions  and  admo- 
nitions as  will  prove  that  the  parent  desires  only 
the  good  of  the  child,  the  punishment  will  be  very 
effective.  The  loving  kindness  may  have  failed; 
the  harsh  application  of  the  rod  may  not  give  the 
desired  results ;  but  the  combination  of  the  two  will 
surely  never  be  forgotten,  and  is  almost  certain  to 
attain  the  end  in  view. 


XL 

OBEDIENCE. 

Success  Dependent  Upon  Obedience. 

As  the  child  grows  older  he  will  discover  that  his 
success  and  happiness,  both  at  home  and  in  school, 
depend  upon  prompt  obedience.  As  he  grows  to 
manhood  he  will  learn  that  he  cannot  live  peace- 
fully unless  he  is  willing  to  yield  obedience,  not 
only  to  the  authority  in  the  family,  but  to  that  in  the 
school  and  the  community  as  well.  One  of  the 
greatest  of  all  parental  responsibilities,  then,  is  that 
of  fixing  in  every  child  the  habit  of  unquestioning 
obedience  to  proper  authority. 

Obedience  May  Save  a  Child's  Liee. 

The  time  may  come  in  the  life  of  every  child 
when  not  only  the  happiness,  but  even  the  life  of 
the  child  may  depend  upon  implicit  obedience. 
Nearly  everyone  can  recall  instances  when  such  has 
been  the  case.  Few  there  are  who  do  not  know  of 
many  cases  where  a  child  would  have  been  saved 
much  pain  had  he  learned  to  obey. 

Years  can  never  efface  from  memory  the  writer's 
experience  with  a  precious  child,  who  was  snatched 
from  the  jaws  of  death  after  the  body  had  begun 


72  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

to  grow  cold  in  death.  The  physicians  all  agreed 
that  but  for  the  implicit  obedience  to  commands, 
which  almost  broke  the  father's  heart  to  give,  no 
power  on  earth  could  have  saved  the  life  of  that 
dear  boy,  who  now  is  such  a  comfort  to  his  parents. 

Obedience;  Through  Fear. 

If  it  be  granted  that  obedience  must  be  secured, 
the  question  will  arise  as  to  whether  or  not  it  should 
be  obtained  through  fear.  This  is  the  lowest  form 
of  obedience.  It  is  the  least  desirable.  In  some 
cases,  however,  as  with  young  children,  this  may 
be  the  only  kind  which  a  parent  is  able  to  secure. 
It  is  the  only  kind  of  obedience  which  appeals  to 
many  people  at  any  time. 

The  fear  of  punishment  is  the  only  deterrent 
which  prevents  many  from  breaking  the  laws  of 
God  and  of  man.  However,  no  parent  should  be 
satisfied  to  stop  with  that  obedience  which  is  the 
result  of  fear  of  the  consequences  of  disobedience. 
If  it  is  not  replaced  by  a  higher  form  of  obedience, 
there  is  likely  to  remain  in  the  child's  heart  a  latent 
feeling  of  hostility,  which  may  some  time  break 
forth  and  burn  and  blast  the  brightest  hopes  of  the 
fond  parent. 

The  Easiest  Method  of  Obtaining  Obedience. 

Perhaps  the  easiest  way  to  train  young  children 
to  habits  of  obedience  is  by  the  use  of  some  certain 
punishment. 


\ 


OBEDIENCE.  73 

It  is  only  necessary  that  the  child  should  under- 
stand that  improper  acts  will  certainly  be  followed 
by  some  unpleasantness  or  disadvantage. 

Much  can  also  be  accomplished  by  a  proper  use 
of  rewards.  This  is  a  more  difficult  plan  than  the 
last  mentioned.  It  requires  more  skill,  better 
knowledge  and  greater  delicacy  of  perception  and 
discrimination. 

Even  better  results  will  be  secured  by  the  careful 
use  of  such  higher  incentives  as  will  appeal  to  the 
child. 

Obedience;  Must  Not  be  Bought. 

Great  care  must  be  taken  lest  obedience  appear  to 
be  bought.  This  is  the  great  danger  in  the  use  of 
any  system  of  rewards.  Where  a  child  is  rewarded 
systematically  he  is  not  only  apt  to  expect  it,  but 
is  apt  to  demand  the  promise  of  the  reward  before 
he  is  ready  to  give  willing  compliance  with  direc- 
tions. From  this  there  is  likely  to  result  a  system 
of  bribing,  which  is  one  of  the  surest  ways  to  ruin 
the  best  of  children. 

Obedience  to  Circumstances. 

Even  though  it  may  be  necessary  to  start  with 
obedience  through  fear  or  other  low  incentives,  the 
effort  should  be  made  to  pass  from  these  to  obedi- 
ence to  circumstances.  The  child  should  soon  learn 
that  it  is  not  merely  arbitrary  authority  to  which 
he  is  compelled  to  give  compliance.     As  soon  as  he 


74  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

is  able  to  comprehend  it,  he  should  be  shown  that, 
not  only  from  him,  but  from  every  person,  circum- 
stances demand  obedience.  When  a  child  under- 
stands that  even  the  parents  must  be  obedient  to 
circumstances  over  which  they  have  no  control, 
every  vestige  of  antagonism  will  generally  disap- 
pear. The  less  arbitrary  a  parent  is  with  all,  save 
the  youngest  children,  the  greater  real  power  the 
parent  will  have  over  them. 

Obedience  Through  Love. 

One  of  the  very  highest  forms  of  obedience  is 
that  which  is  inspired  by  love  of  the  parent.  How- 
ever, before  a  child  can  be  reached  by  such  a  high 
incentive  he  must  have  reached  quite  a  high 
moral  plane.  A  very  young  child  cannot  reason- 
ably be  expected  to  have  reached  such  a  plane. 

That  parent  is  most  successful  who  gets  the 
child  to  so  love  and  trust  him  that  pleasing  him  is 
sufficient  inducement  to  lead  the  child  to  give  cheer- 
ful and  ready  obedience,  not  only  to  commands,  but 
also  to  the  implied  wish  of  the  parent.  Happy  in- 
deed the  parent  who  has  been  thus  successful. 

Sometimes  a  parent  may  have  some  unpleasant 
command  to  give  concerning  which  he  feels  there 
should  be  some  explanation.  At  such  times  the 
loving  parent  will  probably  say,  "Do  this  now;  I 
will  tell  you  why  later."  Sometimes,  with  an  older 
child,  it  may  be  well  to  explain  the  main  reason  for 
requiring  certain  things.     The  child  will  soon  learn 


OBEDIENCE.  75 

that  it  is  the  parents'  love  which  prompts  such  con- 
sideration. 

Obedience;  Through  Sense  of  Duty. 

Obedience  through  a  sense  of  duty  is  the  highest 
form  of  obedience.  Not  until  a  child  has  reached 
a  very  high  moral  plane  is  it  reasonable  to  expect 
that  he  will  be  at  all  influenced  by  his  sense  of  what 
is  right.  Too  many  parents  fail  to  realize  the  truth 
of  this  statement.  They  therefore  expect  too  much 
of  their  children.  While  they  should  aim  to  so 
train  their  children  that  they  will  be  largely  in- 
fluenced by  a  sense  of  love  and  duty,  they  should 
not  fail  to  remember  that  this  is  asking  a  great  deal 
of  anyone,  and  especially  of  a  child. 

Comparatively  few  adults  ever  reach,  and  still 
fewer  permanently  maintain,  such  an  exalted  posi- 
tion. However,  it  is  toward  such  a  plane  that  we 
should  direct  our  children.  It  is  an  ideal  difficult  to 
attain,  but  not  unattainable.  Better  than  this,  if  we 
can  occupy  the  citadel  we  may  beckon  to  them  and 
urge  them  to  come  up  and  occupy  it  with  us.  Surely 
the  parent  whose  children  are  ready  to  give  prompt, 
cheerful  obedience  because  of  love  for  parents  or 
regard  for  what  is  right  must  be  considered  most 
fortunate. 

When  Obedience  Should  be  Demanded. 

No  parent  has  a  moral  right  to  require  obedience 
to   any  command   which   is   not  justified.     Where 


76  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

there  is  no  good  reason  for  requiring  it  the  child 
should  be  permitted  to  have  his  own  way.  In  this 
way  obedience  would  be  made  more  attractive.  The 
great  trouble  is  that  parents  are  apt  to  speak  without 
consideration,  and  to  give  ten  times  as  many  com- 
mands as  are  really  necessary. 

The  greatest  care  should  be  taken  not  to  tell  a 
child  to  do  what  is  evidently  wrong.  Than  this 
nothing  will  more  quickly  cause  a  child  to  lose  its 
respect  for  the  parent. 

Whom  a  Child  Should  Obey. 

Much  has  been  said  by  others  of  the  necessity 
of  training  a  child  to  obey  all  who  are  older  than 
himself.  Is  this  right?  Is  it  best?  Will  it  not 
produce  a  slavish  feeling  which  will  greatly  injure 
the  child's  character? 

Let  it  be  agreed  that  every  child  should  give  re- 
spectful consideration  to  his  elders,  because  of  their 
age  and  experience.  Let  all  acknowledge  that  no 
child  should  fail  to  show  most  respectful  reverence 
toward  his  grandparents,  and  his  other  relations. 
That  being  granted,  it  would  seem  best  that  the 
child  should  not  feel  the  absolute  necessity  of  giv- 
ing implicit  obedience  to  any  save  his  parents,  or 
to  those  acting  in  their  stead. 

One  Method  oe  Winning  Obedience. 

While,  with  young  children,  the  fear  of  punish- 
ment and  the  desire  for  reward  must  be  used  to 


OBEDIENCE.  77 

secure  obedience,  they  should  be  replaced  by  higher 
incentives  as  soon  as  it  is  possible  to  do  so. 

By  the  time  the  child  has  reached  the  age  of  six 
or  seven  it  may  be  explained  that  obedience  is  more 
necessary  in  children  than  in  lower  animals.  They 
may  be  told  that  lower  animals  arrive  at  maturity 
in  a  short  time,  and,  because  of  instinct,  they  are 
able  to  take  care  of  themselves  quite  early  in  life. 
It  is  not  so  with  children.  To  them  God  has  given 
but  little  instinct.  In  place  of  instinct  He  has  given 
them  a  wonderful  power  of  improvement.  In  a 
few  days  the  young  bird  is  able  to  leave  the  nest, 
and  no  longer  requires  the  care  of  the  parent  bird. 
Not  so  with  the  child.  Years  of  patience,  kindness 
and  care  are  spent  in  supplying  the  wants  of  chil- 
dren. Many  nights  of  terrible  anguish  are  spent 
by  parents  in  watching  over  a  child  before  it  is  safe 
to  trust  it  to  go  out  to  fight  life's  battles.  By  such 
explanation,  and  by  such  other  means,  the  child  may 
be  taught  that  the  experience  and  wisdom  of  the 
parent  is  certain  to  be  more  reliable  than  that  of  the 
child. 

Other  Methods  of  Securing  Obedience. 

Many  other  methods  of  securing  obedience  will 
suggest  themselves  to  the  thoughtful  parent.  As 
has  been  said,  it  is  of  the  greatest  importance  that 
the  habit  of  giving  prompt  obedience  should  be 
firmly  established  in  the  early  years. 

Great  care  should  be  taken  in  selecting  other 
methods.     The  method  decided  upon  should  always 


78  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

be  the  highest  which  will  appeal  to  the  child.  How- 
ever, parents  should  guard  against  selecting  those 
which  are  beyond  the  child.  Results  will  be  most 
satisfactory  if  the  parents'  acts  are  such  as  to  im- 
press the  child  with  the  fact  that  the  parent  is  the 
personification  of  unchanging  justice,  tempered  with 
mercy. 

A  Certain  Method  of  Securing  Obedience. 

Nearly  all  that  has  been  said  upon  obedience 
might  have  been  left  unsaid  if  it  had  been  certain 
that  parents  could  all  follow  one  little  rule,  which  it 
is  believed  would  result  in  training  most  young  chil- 
dren into  habits  of  obedience. 

The  great  objection  to  this  rule,  as  to  many  others, 
is  that  it  demands  perseverance  and  invariableness, 
such  as  but  few  are  able  to  command.  The  rule  is 
this:  When  justifiable,  always  reward  proper  ac- 
tion, and  never  fail  to  punish,  in  some  slight  degree, 
every  act  of  disobedience.  Could  anything  be  more 
simple?  Oh,  if  parents  could  only  understand  how 
little  punishment  will  keep  nearly  any  child  in  the 
right  path,  if  only  the  punishment  is  certain ! 

The  child  who  feels  certain  that  every  act  of  dis- 
obedience will  be  followed  by  some  little  privation, 
or  considerable  inconvenience,  will  hesitate  about 
refusing  to  obey.  If  only  the  child  could  feel  sure 
that  no  matter  in  how  good  a  humor  the  parent  may 
be  the  result  will  be  the  same,  the  influence  would 
be  entirely  different.    The  certain  punishment  would 


OBEDIENCE.  79 

seem  greater  than  the  pleasure  secured  by  the  act 
of  insubordination. 

How  to  Make  it  Easy  to  Obey. 

It  is  really  wonderful  to  observe  how  much  easier 
it  is  for  children  of  some  parents  to  obey  than  it 
is  for  those  of  others.  If  carefully  analyzed  the  dif- 
ference will  be  apparent  to  all. 

One  parent  will  come  upon  the  child,  and  in  harsh 
tones,  order  the  little  one  to  stop  in  the  midst  of  a 
game  and  go  right  to  bed.  Is  it  any  wonder  that 
such  a  lack  of  sympathy  and  kindness  raises  all  the 
opposition  there  is  in  any  child's  nature? 

Another  parent  will  give  a  little  time  by  saying 
"It  is  almost  time  to  stop  now ;  however,  you  may 
finish  your  game  if  you  wish." 

The  first  parent  will  not  only  greatly  increase  the 
disappointment  which  the  child  naturally  feels,  but 
will  also  give  a  sudden  shock  to  the  child's  nervous 
system.  Even  the  slight  delay  granted  by  the 
second  parent  will  greatly  soften  the  pain,  and  make 
the  act  of  compliance  with  his  wish  much  easier  than 
it  would  otherwise  be.  It  may  seem  that  this  is  a 
weakening  of  the  parents'  authority.  Such  is  not 
the  case.  The  submission  to  the  authority  is  as 
complete  ten  minutes  later  as  at  the  time  of  speak- 
ing. However,  great  care  should  be  taken  to  see 
that  when  the  time  comes  the  obedience  is  prompt 
and  absolute. 


XII. 

THE   MANAGEMENT   OF  THE   BAD   BOY. 

A  Hard  Question. 

What  shall  be  done  with  the  bad  boy  ?  How  shall 
he  be  managed  ?  Is  it  possible  to  save  him  ?  These 
are  questions  which  are  old  but  ever  new.  They 
constantly  demand  answers  from  many  loving  par- 
ents. Let  us  be  honest  about  the  matter.  Is  he 
really  bad?  It  is  very  much  to  be  doubted.  Years 
of  experience  with  many  thousands  of  boys  and 
girls  convince  the  writer  that  ninety-five  out  of 
every  hundred  who  are  said  to  be  bad  should  not  be 
condemned  by  the  use  of  any  such  word. 

Some  Reason  for  Caijjng  a  Boy  Bad. 

Very  often  a  boy  is  condemned  because  he  is 
blessed  with  too  much  life  and  energy.  They  boil 
over  and  produce  "The  noisiest  boy  you  ever  saw." 
Too  many  parents  do  not  understand  the  truth  of 
the  statement  that  "Boys  must  be  boys,  with  their 
racket  and  noise." 

Many  times  a  boy  is  criticised  because  he  is  mis- 
chievous. This  is  no  crime.  Why  should  he  be 
condemned  for  this?      How  many  can  point  to  a 


THE  BAD  BOY.  81 

successful  man  who,  as  a  boy,  was  not  often  in  mis- 
chief? 

Some  are  condemned  because  they  are  not  respect- 
ful, or  because  they,  at  times,  are  impudent.  This 
is  a  great  fault;  it  should  be  corrected.  It  is  fre- 
quently the  result  of  improper  training,  for  which 
the  parents  are  responsible.  It  is  important  that  the 
parents  find  some  way  to  train  boys  away  from  the 
habits  already  formed.  It  is  also  hoped  that  they 
will  be  fair  and  not  blame  it  all  on  the  boys. 

Others  are  said  to  be  bad  because  they  do  not  tell 
the  truth.  Others  because  they  sometimes  take  what 
does  not  belong  to  them.  Others  because  they 
tease.  Others  because  they  are  forgetful.  Others 
because  they  sometimes  get  into  a  fight.  For  these 
and  other  reasons  we  are  only  too  ready  to  condemn 
boys  and  decide  that  they  are  bad. 

Expecting  Too  Much  of  Boys. 

Is  it  not  just  possible  that  we  are  expecting  too 
much  of  boys  ?  They  are  not  saints.  None  of  them 
show  any  indications  of  budding  wings.  They  are 
perhaps  not  even  so  nearly  good  as  are  their  par- 
ents. Maybe  they  are  not  much  worse  than  some 
of  their  parents  were  at  the  same  age.  Forgetful 
of  our  own  shortcomings  of  the  present  and  past, 
we  are  too  apt  to  look  for  the  development  of  a 
higher  sense  than  we  have  any  right  to  expect. 
As  I  have  said  before,  these  boys  must  pass  through 
all  the  stages  through  which  the  race  has  passed. 


82  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

First,  the  savage,  then  the  half-civilized,  and  after 
that  the  civilized  and  enlightened  stages.  All  pass 
more  rapidly  through  these  stages  than  did  the  race ; 
yet  you  have  no  right  to  expect  any  great  amount  of 
goodness  from  any  child.  The  germs  are  there,  but 
it  takes  time  for  their  development. 

No  Boys  are  Depraved. 

Though  they  may  seem  to  be,  few,  if  any,  boys 
are  naturally  depraved.  Careful  examination  will 
convince  all  that  what  seems  to  be  natural  has,  in 
reality,  been  acquired  through  imitation.  There 
would  probably  be  no  hoodlums  among  the  boys  if 
there  were  none  to  be  found  among  the  men.  Even 
the  very  bad  boy  is  vicious  only  upon  the  surface. 
His  toughness  is  only  skin  deep.  The  utter  disre- 
gard for  the  rights  of  others,  the  insolence,  the  pro- 
fanity, are  mere  imitations  of  the  actions,  the  man- 
ners, the  language  and  the  vices  of  some  swagger- 
ing bully  who,  for  the  time  being,  is  the  boy's  ideal. 
Be  assured  that  the  boy  is  not  saturated  with  the 
poison,  as  is  the  case  with  men.  The  boy  is  simply 
inoculated.  With  him,  as  with  the  growing  body, 
it  is  easily  possible  to  throw  off  the  poison,  if  only 
proper  steps  are  taken  to  secure  this  much-desired 
end. 

How  to  Save  the  Vicious. 

Let  it  be  acknowledged,  then,  that  while  most 
of  those  said  to  be  depraved  are  not  really  so,  yet 


THE  BAD  BOY.  83 

some  do  show  most  vicious  tendencies.  What  shall 
be  done  with  them?  Though  a  very  hard  question 
to  answer,  it  may  be  a  solution  can  be  found.  It  is, 
indeed,  a  difficult  problem.  Especially  difficult,  be- 
cause what  will  apply  in  one  case  may  not  be  of 
special  value  in  another. 

Important  Steps. 

Each  boy  must  be  studied  carefully,  and  the  gen- 
eral principles  applied  in  the  light  of  the  informa- 
tion gained  by  most  careful  study  of  the  particular 
boy's  peculiarities.  See  to  it  that  you  understand 
his  nature,  character  and  temperament.  Locate  his 
particular  weaknesses.  Strive  to  find  their  causes, 
and,  if  possible,  remove  them. 

Change  op  Environment. 

A  change  of  environment,  of  companions,  and  of 
methods  of  management,  will  often  cause  such  a 
change  in  a  boy's  nature  as  to  astonish  those  most 
interested  in  him.  In  many  cases  it  will  result  in 
reclaiming  those  who  have  already  been  given  up 
as  hopeless  cases. 

Ideaes. 

If  his  ideals  are  low,  strive  to  raise  them.  Some 
ideals  he  will  have.  See  to  it  that  they  are  the  best 
possible.  This  may  be  done  by  talks  and  by  plac- 
ing the  right  kind  of  books  in  his  hands. 


84  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

How  One;  of  Many  Was  Saved. 

Study  closely  his  likes  and  dislikes ;  also  his  com- 
panions, and  his  reading,  than  which  nothing  is 
more  important.  See  to  it  that  he  is  in  good  com- 
pany at  all  times,  but  especially  after  dark.  To-day 
I  met  a  young  clerk  in  a  lawyer's  office.  Less  than 
one  year  ago  his  mother  plead  with  me  for  the  third 
time  to  help  her  have  him  sent  to  a  reform  school. 
I  refused,  and  said:  "You  can  save  C.  if  you  will 
keep  him  off  the  streets  at  night."  She  did  so,  and 
the  boy  was  saved.  The  parent  who  permits  a  boy 
or  girl  to  run  the  streets  after  dark  should  be  dealt 
with  by  the  law. 

No  Boy  Utterly  Bad. 

From  what  has  been  said  it  is  hoped  the  reader 
will  agree  that  no  boy  is  altogether  bad.  No  matter 
how  sure  one  may  be  that  such  is  the  case,  it  is  prob- 
ably a  mistake.  Somewhere  in  each  boy's  nature 
there  is  a  hidden  germ  of  manhood.  Find  it.  Hav- 
ing found  it,  stimulate  it  into  healthy  growth,  and 
you  will  have  saved  your  boy  from  a  life  of  shame 
and  your  soul  from  endless  anguish. 

The  sympathetic  soul  that  can  discover  and  de- 
velop what  is  best  in  one  of  these  boys  has  a  high 
mission  in  life.  It  may  take  much  patience,  love, 
knowledge  and  wisdom,  but  he  can  be  saved. 

Never  Give  Up. 
Less  than  five  minutes  before  this  paragraph  was 


THE  BAD  BOY.  85 

written  a  fine  young  man  and  his  wife  left  the  house 
of  the  writer.  Six  years  ago  I  was  helped  from 
my  sick  bed  to  an  office,  where,  to  save  this  same 
young  man  from  the  penitentiary,  I  gave  a  check 
for  three  hundred  dollars.  Pages  would  be  re- 
quired to  detail  his  many  terrible  errors  during  the 
next  year.  Few  believed  he  would  ever  do  as  he 
should.  Yet  for  the  past  five  years  he  has  been  one 
of  whom  his  widowed  mother  and  young  wife  may 
well  be  proud.  No  one  can  know  what  satisfaction 
such  cases  are  to  those  who  have  worked  persist- 
ently and  prayerfully  to  save  such  as  seemed  beyond 
human  power  to  save. 


XIII. 

TRAINING    THROUGH    ENCOURAGE- 
MENT. 

An  Erroneous  View. 

The  majority  of  parents  are  disposed  to  take  it  for 
granted  that  it  is  natural  for  children  to  do  what 
they  should.  Therefore,  if  they  do  right,  they  are 
not  commended.  It  is  taken  as  a  matter  of  course. 
If  they  do  wrong,  someone  is  ever  ready  to  criticise 
unkindly,  if  not  most  harshly.  Too  often  the  criti- 
cism is  also  quite  unjust.  This  is  all  wrong.  Too 
much  effort  and  time  are  spent  in  trying  to  correct 
the  w^ong  by  harsh  means.  Too  little  effort  is 
made  for  the  purpose  of  leading  into  right  paths  by 
kindly  encouragement. 

Young  children  have  no  knowledge  of  what  is 
right  and  what  is  wrong.  All  they  are  to  know 
upon  this  subject  must  be  learned  by  instruction,  or 
from  the  example  of  others  with  whom  they  come 
in  contact.  Since  this  is  so,  we  should  not  be  so 
ready  to  accuse  children  of  doing  wrong  purposely, 
or  of  deliberately  giving  pain. 

The;  Right  Way  to  Correct. 
Consider  the  case  of  a  boy  who  has  broken  a 


TRAINING  THROUGH  ENCOURAGEMENT.    87 

valuable  vase,  perhaps  carelessly,  and  is  therefore 
liable  to  punishment.  The  parent  calls  the  child 
to  answer:  "Ralph,  did  you  break  this  vase?"  He 
answers  promptly,  "Yes,  papa,  I  did."  Many  a  man 
has  faced  death  at  the  cannon's  mouth  with  less 
moral  courage  than  this  boy  displays.  Is  it  any 
wonder  that,  in  this  particular  case,  the  loving  par- 
ent commended  by  saying,  "My  dear  boy,  you  are 
brave.  You  are  noble.  The  value  of  the  vase  is 
as  nothing  compared  to  the  prize  I  put  upon  your 
truthfulness.  Many  a  boy  would  have  told  an  un- 
truth, knowing  that  no  one  saw  the  culprit.  Now 
I  know  I  can  trust  you  to  tell  the  truth  at  any  time 
and  under  all  circumstances."  Will  anyone  doubt 
that  the  boy's  bosom  swelled  with  pride  ?  He  never 
forgot  the  lesson.  Seven  years  have  passed,  yet,  to 
this  day,  he  has  never  given  the  parent  reason  to 
believe  that  he  is  anything  but  perfectly  honest  and 
truthful. 

The  Opposite  Way. 

In  the  latter  case  mentioned  suppose  that,  after 
the  boy  had  acknowledged  breaking  the  vase,  the 
parent  had  punished  him  severely.  How  unjust 
would  have  been  such  treatment !  There  was  evi- 
dently no  intention  to  break  it.  There  probably 
was  not  even  more  carelessness  than  could  justly 
be  expected  of  a  lively  boy  of  five  years  old.  Would 
not  such  treatment  tend  to  make  any  child  untruth- 
ful in  every  case  where  he  thought  he  would  be 


88  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

likely  to  escape?  Surely,  no  one  will  doubt  that  the 
influence  of  the  first-mentioned  method  upon  the 
developing  character  would  be  infinitely  better  than 
if  the  second  plan  had  been  used. 

The  Universal  Tendency. 

The  great  trouble  is  that  the  almost  universal 
tendency  is  to  pass,  without  notice,  the  many  times 
the  child  tells  the  truth  and  does  right,  and  to  deal 
most  harshly  with  him  the  time  he  yields  to  the 
natural  temptation.  The  child  may  treat  a  younger 
brother  or  sister  with  kindness  twenty  times  and  re- 
ceive no  word  of  commendation.  He  is  sure  to 
receive  a  scolding,  if  not  worse,  if  the  twenty-first 
time  he  forget  himself  and  acts  naturally,  by  reason 
of  the  imposition  of  the  younger  child.  Is  not  this 
all  wrong? 

A  Word  oe  Warning. 

Let  all  be  watchful  and  praise  what  is  right, 
rather  than  continually  find  fault  with  what  is 
wrong.  This  is  of  vast  importance  in  training  to 
proper  conduct.  However,  parents  should  guard 
against  indiscriminate  commendation.  When  used 
without  good  reason,  the  tendency  is  to  make  the 
child  vain  and  to  do  more  harm  than  good.  Praise 
what  is  really  praiseworthy.  Do  not  praise  that 
which  requires  no  effort  of  the  will  or  moral  recti- 
tude. Even  with  the  cross,  surly,  ill-natured  child 
this  method  will  certainly  give  the  most  excellent 


TRAINING  THROUGH  ENCOURAGEMENT     89 

results.  It  is  hardly  necessary  to  say  that  a  child 
should  not  be  told  that  he  is  ill-natured  or  that  he 
is  bad.  Such  senseless  treatment  will  surely  ruin. 
Watch  long,  if  necessary,  for  some  pleasing  act  and 
then  commend  most  heartily. 

Rewards. 

Many  make  much  use  of  rewards  of  all  kinds. 
One  trouble  with  giving  rewards  is  that  many  fail 
to  distinguish  between  hiring  and  buying  children. 
For  example:  Upon  leaving  home  for  a  number 
of  days  the  writer  expressed  the  hope  that  his  boys 
would  do  as  they  should.  Had  he  wished  to  hire 
them  to  do  so  he  would  have  promised  them  some 
certain  prize  for  good  behavior.  This  might  or 
might  not  have  produced  the  desired  result.  When 
he  returned  he  inquired  concerning  their  actions. 
The  report  being  most  satisfactory,  he  called  the 
boys  and  asked  them  to  take  a  walk  up  street  with 
him.  There  he  purchased  a  fine  penknife  for  each 
one.  In  the  evening  he  told  them  why  he  had  done 
so.  Until  that  time  they  had  no  idea  of  the  reason. 
Thus  the  boys  learned  that  their  determination  to 
act  as  they  should  was  not  overlooked,  even  though 
no  promise  had  been  made.  In  such  a  case  it  is 
very  important  that  improper  conduct  should  cer- 
tainly result  in  disappointment. 

A  Better  Way. 
What  has  been  said  about  hiring  children  to  do 
as  they  should  must  not  be  taken  to  indicate  that 


9o  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

this  should  never  be  done.  Indeed,  many  times  it 
may  be  well  to  agree  upon  a  price  for  a  certain 
amount  of  work.  This  will  act  as  a  stimulant,  and 
all  through  life  they  will  find  that  only  as  the  result 
of  work  done  can  they  expect  pay.  It  may  even 
be  deemed  a  proper  thing  for  parents  to  sometimes 
buy  children  to  do  as  they  wish.  Though  it  may 
be  considered  wrong  in  principle,  yet  it  is  better, 
both  for  the  parent  and  the  child,  than  a  system  of 
management  by  harsh  threats  and  brutal  punish- 
ments. 

Different  Effects  of  Two  Ways. 

Some  yet  assert  that  there  is  no  practical  differ- 
ence between  simply  rewarding  a  child  for  what  he 
has  done  and  paying  him  a  promised  amount. 
But  is  there  not  considerable  difference?  In  the 
first  case,  the  doing  of  the  right  thing  is  associated 
with  pleasant  results  which  were  not  anticipated. 
Thus  doing  right  is  made  more  attractive,  and 
future  conduct  is  more  likely  to  be  such  as  it  should 
be.  The  child  will  be  able  to  develop  a  spontaneous 
tendency  to  act  from  a  sense  of  duty,  rather  than 
from  the  desire  for  certain  pay. 

In  the  other  case,  the  child  will  feel  that  he  has 
performed  services  for  a  fixed  reward.  If  he  does 
not  wish  the  reward,  he  is  apt  to  feel  he  need  not 
do  as  directed.  If  he  does  as  he  is  told  he  is  apt 
to  feel  that  the  reward  belongs  to  him,  and  there  is 
therefore  no  sense  of  obligation  to  do  right  because 
it  is  right. 


XIV. 

THE  NATURAL  CHILD. 

Child  or  Adult. 

Most  parents  are  anxious  that  their  children 
should  be  as  nearly  perfect  as  possible.  Yet,  how 
seldom  do  they  stop  to  consider  what  a  child  should 
be.  If  they  would  do  this,  very  few  would  dis- 
cover good  reasons  for  finding  fault  as  frequently 
as  they  do.  The  trouble  is  most  parents  wish  their 
children  to  be  perfect  adults,  rather  than  typical 
children.  It  is  impossible  that  they  should  be. 
Neither  is  it  best.  Nay,  more,  it  would  be  very  sad 
if  such  were  the  case.  It  would  be  time  to  call  in 
a  specialist  for  the  purpose  of  trying  to  correct  the 
unnatural  condition. 

First  Characteristic  of  the;  Natural  Child. 

A  healthy  child  will  be  noisy.  From  the  time 
of  its  birth,  until  it  passes  the  age  of  childhood,  it 
is  most  natural  that  it  should  make  a  noise.  But 
for  this  it  could  not  properly  develop  physically. 
Therefore  let  parents  think  twice  before  exclaiming, 
"Stop  that  noise !  Will  you  ever  keep  quiet  ?  You 
will  drive  me  crazy  with  your  racket." 


92  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

In  the  House  oe  Too  Much  Trouble. 

The  time  may  come  when  the  parents  would  give 
all  they  possess  to  hear  the  little  one  at  its  boister- 
ous play.  Like  the  parents  spoken  of  below,  they 
may  find  it  out  too  late. 

"In  the  house  of  too  much  trouble 
Lived  a  lonely  little  boy, 
Always  longing  for  a  playmate, 

Always  eager  for  a  toy; 
But,  you  see,  'twas  too  much  bother, 

Sister  said,  and  daddy,  too, 
And  he  must  not  worry  mamma; 
She  had  other  things  to  do. 

"In  the  house  of  too  much  trouble 

Anguish  stamps  the  mother's  brow; 
As  she  prays  'God  spare  my  darling'; 

Every  wish  she'll  grant  him  now, 
But  a  faint  voice  whispers,  'Mamma, 

Won't  the  angels  let  me  play? 
When  they  take  me  up  to  Heaven 

Will  I  still  be  in  the  way?' 

"In  the  house  of  too  much  trouble 

Little  boys  were  in  the  way; 
No  one  ever  seemed  to  reason 

That  a  boy  must  sometimes  play. 
Soon  his  baby  woes  and  worries 

Left  their  trace  upon  his  brow; 
In  the  house  of  too  much  trouble 

There  are  quiet  moments  now." 


THE  NATURAL  CHILD.  93 

Second  Characteristic. 

As  the  child  loves  to  cling  to  its  mother's  breast, 
so  it  is  quite  natural  for  the  child  to  love  to  live 
near  to  the  bosom  of  mother  earth.  Doing  so  is 
apt  to  make  it  healthy  and  strong.  A  number  of 
writers  have  explained  why  this  is  the  case. 

Have  you  ever  known  a  child  to  keep  clean?  If 
so,  have  you  followed  the  child's  history?  If  you 
have  it  is  probable  that  your  heart  has  bled  for  the 
child  and  for  the  parents  in  later  years.  The  writer 
well  remembers  a  boy  who  was  frequently  held 
up  to  his  own  children  as  a  model  of  cleanliness. 
At  that  time  he  expressed  his  belief  that  there 
was  something  the  matter  with  the  child.  A 
year  or  two  later  the  trouble  made  itself  manifest. 
A  very  delicate  operation  was  performed  on  the 
child.  When  he  regained  consciousness  and  noted 
the  blood  his  first  question  was,  "Did  any  of  the 
blood  get  on  my  clothes?"  Later  developments 
proved  that  the  trouble  with  the  child  was  even  too 
deep  to  be  reached  by  a  surgeon's  knife.  It  was 
mental.  What  parent  would  have  his  child  ex- 
change places  with  him? 

Third  Characteristic. 

If  the  child's  digestion  is  good  the  active  child 
will  want  to  eat  each  day  between  meals.  There 
will  be  frequent  calls  for  a  piece  of  sugar-bread, 
cake,  or  something  else  to  satisfy  the  craving  caused 
by  the  demand  for  energy-producing  substances. 


94  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

It  is  as  natural  for  the  healthy  child  to  be  hungry 
between  meals  as  it  is  for  the  parent  to  desire  food 
after  having  omitted  one  or  two  meals.  While 
much  harm  may  be  done  by  permitting  children  to 
eat  candy  and  sweetmeats  between  meals,  it  is 
probably  well  that  children  who  have  been  playing 
hard  should  have  some  nutritious  food  at  other  than 
meal-times,  provided  they  do  not  eat  anything  an 
hour  before  the  next  regular  meal.  As  the  child 
grows  older  there  will  be  less  reason  for  permitting 
eating  between  meals. 

Fourth  Characteristic. 

It  is  quite  natural  for  a  child  to  be  very  thought- 
less and  just  as  forgetful.  Even  parents  have 
sometimes  been  known  to  forget.  What  can  be 
expected  of  children?  There  is  something  radically 
wrong  when  a  child  of  tender  years  is  as  thought- 
ful as  one  much  older.  Thanks  to  an  all-wise 
Providence,  no  one  has  yet  discovered  an  approved 
method  of  making  children  grow  old  suddenly. 

Fifth  Characteristic. 

The  natural  child  will  be  active  continually. 
This  is  absolutely  necessary  for  the  health  of  every 
child.  It  can  scarcely  be  suppressed.  No  wonder 
that  the  tired,  nervous  mother  cries  out  for  some 
cessation  of  the  continual  running  around.  But  let 
her  strive  to  stand  it,  in  the  certain  knowledge  that 
it  is  necessary  for  the  building  up  of  a  strong  body, 


THE  NATURAL  CHILD.  95 

with  which  to  fight  life's  battles  for  himself,  and, 
if  need  be,  for  the  tired  parents  as  well.  The  main- 
spring of  action  in  every  healthy  child  is  so  strong 
that  it  is  almost  impossible  to  comply  with  the  re- 
quest to  "sit  still." 

A  time  and  place  should  be  provided  when  boys 
and  girls  can  let  their  animal  spirits  flow  unchecked. 
Except  at  recess,  they  have  but  little  freedom  at 
school.  Some  teachers  would  even  take  away  their 
recess.  There  is  all  the  more  need  of  such  periods 
out  of  school. 

Other  Characteristics. 

A  number  of  other  peculiarities  may  be  mentioned 
as  those  belonging  to  the  child  who  is  healthy  and 
natural.  While  they  will  appear  in  all  natural  chil- 
dren, they  will  vary  with  the  child.  Most  children 
are  impatient.  They  generally  have  strong  im- 
aginations. They  are  affectionate.  Until  taught 
differently  they  are  kind  to  animals.  They  find 
much  pleasure  in  small  things.  They  feel  keenly, 
for  a  time,  disappointments.  They  are  not  natur- 
ally fearful,  though  quite  early  they  may  be  taught 
to  be  afraid  of  many  things. 

The  Meaning  oe  a  Child's  Activity. 

The  activity  of  a  child  is  nothing  more  than  the 
reappearance  of  forces  produced  by  the  food  he  has 
eaten.  If  you  want  a  child  to  sit  still  you  should 
feed  the  child  less  and,  perhaps,  kill  the  child.     It 


96  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

is  possible  to  stop  him  entirely  by  starving  him. 
This  may  seem  a  senseless  suggestion,  but  it  is 
more  sensible  than  to  expect  a  healthy,  well-fed 
child  to  remain  inactive.  If  such  a  child  should  be 
compelled  to  remain  still  for  a  considerable  length 
of  time  it  would  greatly  injure  the  child.  Criminals 
in  solitary  confinement  are  not  fed  as  others  who 
are  allowed  to  be  more  active.  It  has  been  found 
that  if  this  is  not  done  the  forces  produced  by  food 
so  disorganize  their  vital  organs  that  insanity  and 
death  result.  Should  we  not  give  the  innocent  child 
as  much  consideration  as  is  given  to  the  convicted 
felon  ? 

A  Common  Mistake. 

From  what  has  been  said  it  will  be  seen  that  we 
are  generally  mistaken  in  thinking  that  children  are 
active  merely  for  the  purpose  of  accomplishing 
something.  The  child's  activity  is  generally  neces- 
sary for  the  expenditure  of  the  forces  which  have 
been  stored  up.  The  child  loves  to  play  ball,  not 
so  much  because  he  likes  the  play,  but  because  he 
enjoys  the  action  required  to  play  it.  For  this  rea- 
son a  child  will  often  prefer  to  take  the  longest  road 
home.  Yet  how  often  he  is  criticised  by  those  of 
us  who  are  ignorant  of  the  reasons  for  such  actions. 

The;  Locomotive  and  the  Chied. 

When  a  mighty  engine  stops  at  the  station  we 
hear  the  steam  escaping  with  a  deafening  noise. 


THE  NATURAL  CHILD.  97 

The  energy  is  collecting  faster  than  it  is  being  used. 
If  no  provision  had  been  made  for  the  escape  of 
the  steam  we  would  expect  an  explosion  such  as 
would  completely  wreck  the  engine.  Why,  then, 
should  we  be  surprised  that  children,  after  being 
confined  in  school  or  elsewhere,  should  be  full  of 
activity  and  play?  Need  we  wonder  that  the  pent- 
up  energy  is  as  likely  to  affect  seriously  the  delicate 
mechanism  of  the  child?  Is  it  not  reasonable  to 
provide  frequent  opportunities  that  the  surplus 
energy  may  be  expended  harmlessly? 

The  Parents'  Duty. 

The  one  thing  we  can  do  with  the  energy  stored 
up  in  the  engine  is  to  direct  it  into  proper  channels, 
that  it  may  perform  useful  work.  We  should  strive 
to  do  this  same  thing  with  the  energy  of  the  child. 
The  child  who  is  most  active,  as  a  child,  will,  other 
things  being  equal,  be  most  successful  as  a  man. 
The  one  use  we  can  generally  make  of  children's 
desire  for  activity  is  to  build  up  healthy  bodies  and 
strong  minds  in  the  healthy  bodies.  Than  this 
nothing  is  more  important. 

A  Suggestion  to  Parents  and  Teachers. 

Parents  and  teachers  should  recognize  the 
physiological  laws  affecting  children  and  should 
make  the  periods  of  confinement  very  short.  Chil- 
dren should  be  allowed  to  pass  from  one  thing  to 
another  quite  frequently.     Except  as  a  punishment, 


98  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

they  should  not  be  required  to  sit  still  any  length 
of  time.  It  is  harder  for  a  child  to  sit  still  fifteen 
minutes  than  for  his  parent  to  listen  to  a  dry  sermon 
two  hours'  long.  Let  us  be  careful,  then,  that  we 
be  considerate  of  children  and  direct  their  energy 
rather  than  denounce  and  attempt  to  restrain  it. 

The  Unnatural  Child. 

The  child  who  has  not  all  or  most  of  the  charac- 
teristics mentioned  as  peculiar  to  the  natural  child 
is  certainly  an  unnatural  child.  Such  a  child  may 
not  give  much  trouble  to  the  parents,  but  he  will 
probably  never  be  a  source  of  great  pleasure.  He 
is  apt  to  develop  into  a  freak  for  a  dime  museum. 
Those  parents  who  are  striving  to  develop  freaks 
may  well  be  satisfied  that  their  children  are  un- 
natural. Others  should  be  thankful  for  the  trouble 
they  have  been  caused  by  children  who  are  very 
natural.  It  may  be  hard  for  the  tired  parent  to 
bear  with  these  many  natural  characteristics  which 
are  apt  to  grate  upon  nerves,  but  if  these  statements 
are  true  is  there  not  good  reason  why  we  should 
cease  to  be  worried  by  those  things  which  are  in 
accordance  with  the  inflexible  demands  of  nature? 


XV. 


SYMPATHY  BETWEEN   PARENT  AND 

CHILD. 

Importance  oe  Sympathy. 

Though  we  sometimes  speak  of  the  great  im- 
portance and  the  wondrous  power  of  sympathy,  too 
few  realize  how  inconceivably  potent  is  its  function 
in  the  formation  of  human  character.  Especially 
powerful  is  its  influence  over  the  tender  feelings  of  a 
child.  In  his  joys  and  sorrows  every  child  wishes 
some  one  to  share.  At  every  turn  he  needs,  and 
should  have,  the  tenderest  sympathy  of  the  loving 
parent.  Too  often  he  receives  no  sympathy  where 
he  has  a  right  to  expect  it. 

The  child  who  has  injured  himself  is  made  no 
better  by  being  told,  "It  serves  you  right ;  be  more 
careful  next  time."  "I  told  you  you  would  hurt 
yourself."  Such  a  statement  will  tend  to  stir  up 
all  that  is  worst  in  any  child,  but  especially  in  the 
child  of  sensitive  temperament. 

The  Power  of  Sympathy. 

Parents  must  ever  remember,  and  never  forget, 
then,  that  sympathy  is  the  strongest  bond  of  union 
between  human  hearts.     It  is  not  possible  for  any 


ioo  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

heart  to  shut  itself  against  it.  When  all  else  has 
failed  it  will  prove  to  be  the  most  powerful  factor 
in  reclaiming  the  lost.  Indeed,  it  seems  almost  im- 
possible to  exaggerate  the  strength  of  the  influence 
which  it  exerts  in  forming  character,  and  in  regu- 
lating the  habits  of  all.  If  a  child  feels  that  you 
sympathize  with  him  he  will  imitate  you,  and  you 
can  mold  him  almost  at  will. 

As  children  grow  older  their  habits  become  firmly 
fixed,  and  determine  character.  That  which  is  once 
fixed  in  a  child's  mind  through  loving  sympathy 
will  scarcely  ever  be  removed,  even  by  the  most  skil- 
ful argument.  Each  one  of  us  can  trace  most 
changes  in  ourselves  to  the  influence  of  someone 
whom  we  loved,  because  of  the  sympathy  which 
was  shown  us.  It  may  have  been  silent  sympathy. 
It  may  have  been  almost  or  entirely  unconscious. 
It  was  none  the  less  powerful. 

The  child  who  loves  the  parent  and  feels  that  he 
possesses  the  parent's  sympathy  needs  but  little 
admonition  or  criticism.  When  he  perceives  what 
the  parent  wishes,  the  bond  of  sympathy  tends  to 
firmly  establish  the  desired  principles.  Be  assured 
that  in  no  way  can  any  parent  so  surely  gain  such 
power  over  a  child  for  the  purpose  of  shaping  his 
character  as  by  manifesting  warm  sympathy  with 
the  child.  Next  to  a  lack  of  loving  kindness  there 
is  no  more  potent  cause  of  unhappiness  to  children 
than  a  lack  of  sympathy  in  those  from  whom  they 
have  a  right  to  expect  it. 


PARENT  AND   CHILD.  101 

The  Peculiar  Action  of  Sympathy. 

Almost  every  person  has  wondered  at  the  peculiar 
power  and  action  of  sympathy.  One  child  starts  to 
cry,  and  nearly  all  the  young  children  present  will 
do  the  same,  as  if  they  had  been  injured  also.  The 
actress  feigns  great  grief,  and  two-thirds  of  the 
audience  join  with  her  in  shedding  tears.  Or  one 
or  two  start  to  laugh,  and  in  a  short  time  laughter 
will  spread  to  the  whole  company,  though  none  may 
be  able  to  tell  why  they  are  laughing.  Someone 
sneezes  or  yawns,  and  many  others  do  the  same. 
A  joke,  which  is  scarcely  understood  by  a  single 
hearer,  will  set  a  whole  audience  into  sympathetic 
laughter. 

It  would  thus  seem  that  there  is  some  mysterious, 
inexplicable  power  in  sympathy.  By  this  power 
the  mental  or  physical  condition  of  one  may  be  com- 
municated to  others,  increasing  in  intensity  as  it 
passes  from  one  to  another.  Since  this  is  so,  need 
we  wonder  that  that  sympathy,  prompted  by  holiest 
love,  should  have  such  an  all-powerful  effect  upon 
children,  who  are  so  delicately  deeply  sensitive  to 
every  influence? 

Sympathy  Versus  Love. 

Some  may  assert  that  there  is  no  difference  be- 
tween sympathy  and  love.  If  this  is  the  case,  then, 
having  considered  the  power  of  love  and  kindness, 
we  are  not  justified  in  spending  even  a  few  minutes 
in  the  consideration  of  sympathy.     But  are  they  the 


102  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

same?  Love  may  be  upon  one  side  alone,  and  may 
be  therefore  unappreciated  and  without  any  power 
of  affecting  the  object  loved.  It  is  not  so  with  sym- 
pathy. Sympathy  is  two-fold.  It  starts  as  a  re- 
sponse to  an  express  need.  It  is  an  answer  to  a 
call  for  it,  whether  expressed  in  words  or  not.  It 
is  therefore  certain  of  grateful  recognition,  even 
where  love  is  neither  felt  nor  welcome. 

The  Great  Dearth  of  Sympathy. 

As  before  stated,  next  to  love  there  is  nothing  a 
child  needs  so  much  as  sympathy.  It  is  much  easier 
for  a  parent  to  love  a  child  than  to  give  the  child 
the  sympathy  which  it  should  have.  Parental  love 
is  natural.  It  may  not  be  unnatural,  but  it  is  com- 
paratively seldom  that  a  parent  is  found  who  shows 
great  sympathy  with  his  child  in  both  work  and 
play.  When  such  a  parent  is  noticed  it  is  consid- 
ered worthy  of  remark,  if  not  remarkable.  This 
may  seem  a  strong  statement,  but  it  is  believed  that 
it  will  bear  the  test  of  investigation.  Let  the  reader 
ask  himself  the  questions :  "How  many  playthings 
have  I  taken  home  to  my  child?  Of  these,  how 
many  have  I  taken  time  to  enjoy  with  the  child  in 
play?  How  many  books  have  I  purchased  for 
him?  How  many  of  them  have  I  enjoyed  with 
him,  or  even  made  inquiry  concerning?  Of  the 
things  lost  how  many  have  I  simply  replaced? 
Concerning  the  lost  how  many  have  I  really  sym- 
pathized with  the  dear  child  in  his  then  great  sor- 


PARENT  AND  CHILD.  103 

row?"  Truthful  answers  to  such  questions  as  the 
above  will  give  a  parent  some  idea  as  to  whether  or 
not  he  is  showing  that  sympathy  to  which  every 
child  is  entitled. 

How  to  Sympathize  With  a  Child. 
To  sympathize  with  a  child  you  must  be  able  to 
put  yourself  in  the  child's  place,  and  feel  as  a  child. 
You  must  forget  that  you  are  not  a  child  any  longer. 
By  being  a  child  again,  if  only  for  a  few  minutes, 
you  will  not  only  make  the  child  love  and  adore  you, 
but  you  will  again  renew  your  youth  and  be  the 
better  and  the  stronger  because  of  it. 

When  Sympathy  Should  Be  Given. 

Let  it  be  acknowledged,  then,  that  the  most  ef- 
fective way  of  securing  that  confidence  and  love  of 
children  which  will  make  their  management  easy 
is  by  sympathizing  with  them  in  their  hopes,  in  their 
fears,  in  their  sorrows,  in  their  plays,  and  in  their 
work.  Certain  it  is  that  the  parent  who  does  not 
sometimes  descend  into  the  world  in  which  the  child 
lives,  as  a  sharer  of  its  fears  and  sorrows,  and  not 
as  a  faultfinder,  or  even  as  a  counselor,  cannot  have 
the  fullest  power  over  the  child. 

Nine  times  out  of  ten — yes,  ninety-nine  times  out 
of  one  hundred — the  child  does  not  mean  to  do 
wrong.  The  right  kind  of  sympathy  will  have  a 
more  powerful  effect  at  this  time  than  at  any  other; 
for  the  heart  is  especially  open  to  such  influences 
when  bowed  down  by  grief.     Why  should  not  the 


104  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

loving  parent  sympathize  with  the  weakness  which 
has  resulted  in  some  folly?  Then  is  the  time  a 
child  is  most  happy  to  turn  for  advice  and  comfort 
to  some  one  stronger  than  he.  God  forgive  the 
parent  who  could  turn  an  unsympathetic  ear  to  a 
penitent  child's  cry ! 

When  a  Child  Is  In  the  Wrong. 

Many  will  say  that  a  parent  should  feel  no  sym- 
pathy for  the  child  who  has  done  wrong.  They 
feel  that  such  sympathy  is  placing  the  parent  in  the 
position  of  sympathizing  with  the  sin  which  he 
must  condemn.  Perhaps  it  is  rather  with  the 
temptation  than  with  the  sin  that  the  parent  has 
sympathy.  Be  this  as  it  may.  It  must  be  acknowl- 
edged that  without  sympathy  there  is  but  little  hope 
for  the  reformation  of  the  inmates  of  the  prison 
cells,  who  are  susceptible  to  this  influence  when  all 
others  have  failed.  Does  the  child  not  need  the 
same  sympathy  when  he  has  done  wrong?  If  we 
acknowledge  its  influence  upon  the  hardened  tenant 
of  the  prison  cell,  dare  we  doubt  its  influence  upon 
the  child,  so  tender,  so  impressible,  so  susceptible 
to  every  influence? 

Foolish  is  the  parent,  and  not  often  truthful,  who 
tells  the  child  he  does  not  understand  how  he  can 
be  so  bad.  Hard-hearted  he  who  can  turn  such  a 
child  away  without  the  sympathy  to  which  he  is 
entitled.  If  he  does  this  he  need  not  be  surprised 
if,  at  the  same  time,  he  builds  between  himself  and 


PARENT  AND   CHILD.  105 

his  child   a  barrier  which   will   probably  never  be 
removed. 

Happy  the  parent  whose  child  is  so  sure  of  sym- 
pathy that  he  brings  to  him  his  greatest  failings,  his 
most  dreadful  thoughts,  which  shock  even  himself. 
His  power  over  such  a  child  will  be  unbounded. 
Unless  there  is  some  unusual  reason  to  the  contrary 
he  need  have  no  fear  that  his  control  over  the  child 
will  not  last  long  after  the  child  has  left  the  parental 
roof. 

Sympathy  Must  Be  Cultivated. 

By  some  sympathy  is  considered  as  a  natural  feel- 
ing; by  others  it  is  not  so  considered.  Which  is 
right  makes  but  little  difference.  Certain  it  is  that 
it  can  be  cultivated  by  every  parent.  More  than 
that,  it  is  the  duty  of  every  parent  to  cultivate  not 
only  sympathy  for  the  children,  but  to  see  to  it 
that  the  children  sympathize  with  the  parents,  when 
they  are  old  enough  to  do  so.  Every  parent  should 
see  that  this  loving  sympathy  has  a  prominent  place 
in  the  treatment  of  every  one  of  the  many  problems 
which  present  themselves  for  solution  in  the  man- 
agement and  training  of  every  child. 

Sympathy  Must  Be  Sincere. 

Children  observe  far  more  accurately  and  closely 
than  do  most  adults.  In  addition  to  this  they  seem 
to  have  a  natural  instinct,  which  enables  them  to 
distinguish  between  the  honest  and  the  sham.     We 


106  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

may  be  able  to  mislead  men  and  women,  but  we  will 
find  it  much  harder  to  deceive  a  child.  Many  who 
are  not  aware  of  this  fact  find,  to  their  sorrow,  that 
the  sympathy  which  they  express  is  without  effect, 
because  it  is  not  sincere.  If  it  is  not  genuine  the 
child  will  soon  see  through  the  disguise  and  despise 
the  pretender. 

One;  Effect  of  Sympathy. 

One  way  in  which  sympathy  with  children  will 
show  itself  is  that  we  will  not  be  disposed  to  inter- 
fere with  their  plans,  but  will  help  them  to  be  happy 
in  their  own  way,  when  there  is  no  good  reason  for 
their  not  doing  as  they  wish.  While  in  the  home, 
and  in  school,  they  must  of  necessity  be  under  the 
direction  of  others,  to  a  great  extent ;  in  their  play 
and  recreations  they  should  be  left  to  themselves. 
If  we  join  their  play  we  should  bring  ourselves 
clown  to  their  plane,  and  not  expect  to  bring  them 
up  to  our  own.  If  parents  could  only  remember 
their  own  childhood,  how  much  more  they  would 
sympathize  with  their  children,  and  how  much  hap- 
pier would  parents  and  children  be. 


XVI. 

IMPORTANCE    OF    INDIVIDUALITY. 

Children  Differ. 

Every  parent  who  has  more  than  one  child  should 
not  fail  to  understand  that  no  two  children  are 
identical.  In  physical,  mental  and  moral  character- 
istics they  differ  widely.  The  same  treatment  will 
not  answer  for  any  two.  The  principles  of  manage- 
ment may  be  the  same,  but  the  application  of  the 
principles  must  be  modified  by  the  individual  pe- 
culiarities of  the  child. 

Injurious  Effect  of  Uniform  Treatment. 

Since  children  do  differ  so  widely,  why  should 
parents  strive  to  treat  all  alike?  Such  treatment 
will  crush  the  individuality  out  of  any  child.  This 
individuality  parents  should  strive  to  make  the  basis 
of  the  child's  education  and  training.  Too  often 
it  is  considered  as  something  which  the  parent 
should  strive  to  overcome  entirely. 

Importance  of  Individuality. 

The  great  effort  which  is  made  in  school  and  at 
home  seems  to  be  to  make  children  more  uniform. 


io8  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

Yet,  who  will  give  any  good  reason  why  a  person 
should  labor  to  produce  uniformity  of  taste,  of  char- 
acter, of  ability  or  of  aspirations?  Is  not  individu- 
ality of  far  more  importance  than  uniformity?  Is 
it  not  the  divinity  of  the  child?  Should  it  not  be 
sought  for  and  discovered,  that  it  may  be  carefully 
studied,  and,  when  along  right  lines,  judiciously 
cultivated?  Does  not  biography  teach  us  that  only 
those  have  become  distinguished  who  have  de- 
veloped a  love  for  work  along  particular  lines?  Is 
it  not  time  that  parents,  limited  in  power  and  by 
conditions,  cease  striving  to  overcome  the  many  dif- 
ferences predetermined  by  the  Almighty? 

Differences  in  Children. 

Let  no  parent  forget,  then,  that  in  the  beginning 
every  child  differs  from  every  other  child  in  many 
ways.  If  it  could  continue  to  be  alone  it  would  al- 
ways be  different  from  almost  every  other  child. 
But  the  child  comes  in  contact  with  others  and  is 
thus  continually  trained  to  be  more  like  others. 

The  Parents'  Duty. 

Every  parent  should  carefully  study  each  child 
and  endeavor  to  find  wherein  the  child  is  peculiar. 
He  should  aim  not  only  to  find  out  the  child's  good 
points,  but  his  faults  as  well ;  for  this  is  equally 
important.  The  parent  who  can  discover  these  pe- 
culiarities can  hope  for  success  in  correcting  those 
which  should  be  corrected.     The  physician  who  is 


INDIVIDUALITY.  109 

not  able  to  diagnose  a  disease  will  be  just  as  power- 
less to  cure  the  patient  as  the  parent  will  be  power- 
less to  correct  faults  in  a  child,  if  he  does  not  see 
ciearly  what  the  faults  are. 

How  Peculiarities  May  Be  Discovered. 

Since  it  is  so  important  that  parents  fully  under- 
stand each  child's  peculiar  faults  it  may  be  well  to 
consider  how  these  faults  can  best  be  discovered. 
Some  faults  may  be  discovered  by  careful  study  and 
observation.  Others  will  best  be  learned  by  giv- 
ing heed  to  the  kindly  criticisms  of  friends.  At 
other  times  the  unkind  criticisms  of  friends  or 
enemies  may  lay  bare  some  of  the  worst  faults  of 
children.  While  neighbors  are  not  always  impar- 
tial critics,  they  are  very  often  more  reliable,  as 
such,  than  parents.  This  is  because  parents  are 
very  apt  to  be  strongly  prejudiced  in  favor  of  their 
own  children.  This  is  right.  It  is  most  natural. 
If  they  did  not  defend  their  own  children,  who 
would  do  so?  However,  it  is  well  to  have  the  opin- 
ion of  others. 

Why  Parents  Are  Blind  to  Some  Faults. 

One  reason  for  desiring  the  assistance  of  others 
in  discovering  a  child's  faults  is  found  in  the  fact 
that  parents  are  so  prone  to  overlook  many  of  their 
own  faults  which  are  constantly  reappearing  in 
their  children.     They  have  learned  to  excuse  them- 


no  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

selves.  They  cannot,  without  being  inconsistent, 
fail  to  excuse  their  children.  Then,  again,  very 
many  honest  parents  fail  utterly  to  see  that  certain 
acts  of  their  own  are,  in  reality,  deserving  of  criti- 
cism. 


XVII. 

TEMPERAMENTS. 
Importance  oe  Knowledge  to  Parents. 

The  study  of  temperament  involves  the  consid- 
eration of  all  characteristics  of  the  body  which 
show  any  mental  peculiarity.  For  two  thousand 
years  it  has  been  recognized  to  be  a  subject  of  great 
importance.  For  many  years  it  has  been  known 
that  a  study  of  temperaments  was  one  of  the  best 
ways  of  learning  to  know  people  as  they  really  are. 
Only  lately  has  the  importance  of  a  knowledge  of 
temperaments  been  considered  essential  for  the 
teacher.  Seldom,  if  ever,  has  been  emphasized  the 
importance  of  parents  studying  this  subject,  that 
they  may  train  more  satsfactorily  their  own  children. 

Every  person  knows,  in  a  vague  sort  of  way,  that 
many  whom  they  meet  have  their  characters  stamped 
indelibly  upon  their  faces.  So  clearly  do  their  char- 
asteristics  stand  out  that  we  feel  almost  able  to 
read  their  thoughts.  How  few  have  ever  consid- 
ered the  importance  of  determining,  roughly  at 
least,  the  temperament  which  predominates  in  each 
child !  Yet,  to  a  large  extent,  parents  might  thus 
determine,  not  only  the  best  treatment  for  the  train- 
ing of  any  child,  but  they  could  frequently  deter- 
mine for  what  profession  each  one  is  best  suited. 


112  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

While  few,  if  any,  have  emphasized  this  fact,  still 
fewer  will  dare  deny  the  truth  of  the  statement. 

Faults  of  Training  Due  to  Lack  of  Knowledge. 

A  very  large  proportion  of  ruined  children  are 
the  victims  of  training,  such  as  the  parents  would 
never  have  subjected  them  to  had  they  appreciated 
the  peculiarities  of  certain  temperaments.  So  often, 
at  home  and  in  school,  a  child  who  inherits  a  very 
nervous  temperament  suffers  far  more  than  teacher 
or  parent  ever  imagines. 

Just  as  often  the  one  of  phlegmatic  tempera- 
ment suffers  far  less  than  is  supposed,  and  gets 
much  undeserved  credit  for  virtue  and  patience 
which  are  entirely  unintentional. 

How  greatly  the  children  in  any  family  differ ; 
yet  how  seldom  does  the  treatment  differ  as  widely ! 
Few  would  think  it  proper  to  give  a  mettlesome 
racer  and  the  heavy  draught  horse  the  same  treat- 
ment ;  yet  they  do  not  hesitate  to  treat  alike  children 
who  differ  far  more  widely. 

Square  Pegs  in  Round  Holes. 

Because  of  differences  in  temperament  the  train- 
ing given  many  children  is  so  injurious  that  it  de- 
stroys all  their  brightest  prospects  for  the  future. 
Their  whole  lives  may  thus  be  blighted.  A  knowl- 
edge of  temperament  may  insure  great  success  in 
life  for  many.  There  are  many  would-be  lawyers 
who  might  have  become  great  physicians.     There 


TEMPERAMENTS.  113 

are  not  a  few  very  poor  physicians  who  could  have 
attained  great  success  as  lawyers,  architects  or 
clergymen.  There  are  butchers,  bakers,  store- 
keepers, and  many  others  in  the  humbler  walks  in 
life,  who  would  have  won  great  success  had  they 
chosen  certain  professions.  All  must  acknowledge 
that  this  is  so.  Is  it  not  important  that  parents 
should  realize  this  fact  and  make  a  careful  study 
of  this  subject,  in  order  that  they  may  the  better 
train  their  precious  children? 

Psychology  Versus  Temperament. 

At  this  time  many  are  advocating  the  importance 
of  parents  making  a  careful  study  of  psychology. 
They  do  this  in  the  belief  that  it  will  help  parents 
greatly  in  the  training  of  their  children.  It  is 
doubtful  if  such  a  study  would  be  of  much  value  to 
most  parents.  Years  of  experience  leads  the  writer 
to  believe  that  a  few  days'  study  of  temperaments 
has  been  of  more  practical  value  to  him,  in  the  man- 
agement of  children,  than  many  weeks  and  months 
spent  in  an  earnest  study  of  psychology.  This  may 
seem  a  very  bold  statement  at  this  time,  but  it  is 
believed  that,  ere  long,  it  will  be  accepted  without 
question. 

How  to  Study  Temperaments. 

Those  who  wish  to  make  a  careful  study  of  tem- 
peraments should  secure  some  small  text-book  upon 
the  subject.     However,  for  busy  people  a  few  sug- 


ii4  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

gestions  may  not  be  out  of  place  at  this  point.  The 
things  to  be  especially  noted  in  the  study  of  tem- 
peraments are  the  face,  the  hair,  the  complexion, 
the  nose,  the  neck,  the  build,  the  eyes,  and  the 
marked  mental  and  physical  characteristics.  It  may 
be  well  for  parents  to  first  determine  their  own  tem- 
peraments. They  will  then  be  the  better  able  to 
study  their  children.  They  may  also  see  how  hon- 
estly their  children  get  many  of  their  peculiarities. 
After  having  determined  their  own  temperaments, 
parents  should  try  to  determine  what  characteristics 
of  any  temperament  are  most  marked  in  each  child. 
Having  certainly  determined  this,  a  few  suggestions 
may  be  of  untold  value  to  the  present  and  future 
welfare  of  the  child. 

Characteristics  and  Management  oe  the 
Nervous  Temperament. 

Hair,  light  brown ;  eyes,  generally  gray ;  com- 
plexion, clear ;  face  usually  tapers  toward  narrow 
chin ;  nose,  rather  narrow ;  neck,  longer  than  usual ; 
build,  rather  light ;  often  quite  tall  and  very  thin. 

A  child  of  nervous  temperament  is  apt  to  be  im- 
pulsive and  excitable,  quickly  provoked  and  just  as 
quickly  reconciled,  persistent  in  work,  very  apt  to 
study  harder  in  school  than  is  best,  apt  to  be  cheer- 
ful, likely  to  speak  quite  rapidly,  in  many  cases  un- 
decided about  action. 

What  terrible  mistakes  parents  are  daily  making 
in  the  treatment  of  the  child  of  nervous  tempera- 


TEMPERAMENTS.  115 

ment!  The  nervous  child  acts  on  the  minute  from 
impulse.  If  such  a  child  is  angry  or  stubborn,  don't 
be  too  hasty.  Give  the  child  a  little  time.  Speak 
gently  and  quietly.  The  result  will  be  the  child  will 
change  for  the  better  in  a  moment.  The  government 
of  such  a  child  must  contain  much  of  love,  though  it 
may  be  full  of  quiet  determination.  Parents  should 
beware  lest,  by  harsh  treatment,  they  rouse  all  the 
worst  passions  of  the  child's  soul.  It  is  just  as  easy 
to  give  such  a  child  the  direction  needed  in  a  way 
which  will  enlist  all  its  best  sympathies.  It  is  the 
nervous  child  who  is  found  breaking  down  mentally 
and  physically  because  of  over-study.  Such  a  child 
is  apt  to  gain  in  mind  at  the  expense  of  his  health. 

Characteristics  and  Management  oe  the 
Lymphatic  Temperament. 

Light  hair  and  eyes ;  complexion,  without  much 
color ;  face,  square ;  nose,  rather  flat ;  neck,  short ; 
build,  rather  heavy.  A  child  of  the  lymphatic  tem- 
perament is  not  apt  to  be  impulsive  or  excitable,  is 
not  easily  provoked,  finds  it  hard  to  forgive,  plods 
along  persistently,  rather  slow  of  motion  and  of 
speech,  cares  little  for  muscular  exercise. 

The  child  of  a  lymphatic  temperament  needs  a 
little  more  vigorous  treatment  than  the  nervous 
child.  While  parents  should  at  all  times  be  kind, 
they  may  be  more  energetic  and  forceful  with  a 
child  of  this  temperament.  Such  a  child  will  not 
need  so  much  direction  as  the  nervous  child.     How- 


n6  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

ever,  he  will  stand,  without  great  injury,  far  more 
harshness.  A  child  of  this  disposition  is  often  be- 
lieved to  be  stubborn,  whereas,  in  truth,  the  child 
is  naturally  slow  to  comprehend  and  act. 

Characteristics  and  Management  of  the 
Biuous  Temperament. 

Hair,  quite  dark  or  black ;  eyes,  quite  dark ;  com- 
plexion, dark ;  face,  rather  square ;  nose,  somewhat 
outspread;  neck,  short;  build,  quite  heavy. 

A  child  of  a  bilious  temperament  is  not  apt  to 
be  impulsive  or  serious.  Is  likely  to  be  rather  pas- 
sionate, revengeful,  jealous  and,  in  many  cases,  un- 
scrupulous. In  work  and  play,  earnest,  persistent, 
careful  and  decided. 

Next  to  the  nervous  child  the  child  of  bilious 
temperament  is  most  apt  to  be  greatly  injured  by 
improper  methods  of  management.  The  child  of  a 
sanguine  or  of  the  lymphatic  temperament  will  stand 
a  great  deal  of  improper  treatment  without  being 
greatly  injured.  Not  so  with  those  of  the  other 
temperament.  How  many  children  of  this  tempera- 
ment have  been  driven  from  school,  or  from  home, 
to  the  jail  or  the  gallows,  because  of  improper  treat- 
ment !  The  child  of  this  temperament  will  not  soon 
forget  its  anger.  There  will  remain  the  pouting 
and  mean  disposition  to  get  even.  He  is  almost  as 
hard  to  deal  with  as  a  balky  horse.  Nothing  but 
great  kindness  will  enable  a  parent  to  properly  man- 
age the  child  of  this  temperament.     Beware  of  too 


TEMPERAMENTS.  117 

much  harshness  here,  especially  with  the  older  child. 

Characteristics  and  Management  op  the 
Sanguine  Temperament. 

Hair,  reddish ;  eyes,  quite  light,  generally  blue ; 
complexion,  quite  florid ;  face,  nose  and  neck  same 
as  bilious  temperament. 

A  child  of  the  sanguine  temperament,  like  the 
child  with  the  nervous  temperament,  is  likely  to  be 
impulsive,  excitable,  quickly  provoked  and  easily 
reconciled.  He  is  apt  to  be  quite  cheerful  and  look 
on  the  bright  side  of  things.  Less  imaginative  than 
the  child  of  nervous  temperament,  but  more  emo- 
tional. A  child  of  this  temperament  is  likely  to  be 
happy  in  the  pursuit  of  any  object,  little  or  great. 

The  sanguine  child  is  really  quite  hard  to  manage 
at  times.  Tears  flow  quite  easily.  Angry  looks 
and  improper  words  are  likely  to  be  frequent.  This 
child  must  have  a  firm  government.  There  need 
be  very  little  said  if  it  is  spoken  in  kindness,  but 
what  is  said  must  be  said  with  firmness. 

Mixed  Temperaments. 

While  it  is  very  easy  to  find  children  who  show 
most  of  the  characteristics  of  some  one  tempera- 
ment, it  is  very  difficult  to  find  a  child  who  shows  all 
the  characteristics  of  any  temperament.  Nearly  all 
have  what  may  be  called  mixed  temperaments, 
which  show  some  of  the  characteristics  of  two  or 


n8  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

more    temperaments.      However,   one   of   the    four 
mentioned  will  probably  predominate. 

The  Best  Temperament. 

While  some  may  prefer  one  temperament,  and 
others  another,  it  would  seem  that  that  individual 
is  most  fortunate  who  is  blessed  with  a  balanced 
temperament.  In  the  balanced  temperament  the 
four  temperaments  blend,  so  that  the  objectionable 
tendencies  in  each  are  tempered  in  such  a  way  as 
to  give  the  most  satisfactory  results. 


XVIII. 

RESPONSIBILITY    OF    THE    FATHER. 

Mutual  Consideration. 

Each  parent  should  be  considerate  of  the  other, 
but  the  father  is  the  husband  or  houseband.  He  is 
the  head  of  the  family.  This  is  the  teaching  of  the 
Bible,  which  is  accepted  by  all  men  and  by  most 
women.  It  may  be  argued  that  in  some  families, 
because  of  peculiar  temperament,  the  mother  is  bet- 
ter fitted  to  be  at  the  head  than  the  father.  The 
fact  remains,  however,  she  is  the  queen  of  the  house, 
not  the  king. 

The  Father's  Duty. 

Too  many  fathers  consider  that,  since  it  is  their 
duty  to  provide  for  the  family,  they  have  no  duties 
in  connection  with  the  training  of  children.  A  mo- 
ment's consideration  will  convince  every  thoughtful 
father  that  this  is  not  the  case,  and  that,  no  matter 
what  success  he  may  gain  in  his  business  or  profes- 
sion, he  is  a  complete  failure  if  he  has  not  proven 
himself  a  true  husband  and  an  interested  and  de- 
voted father. 

At  every  point  it  is  the  father's  duty  to  stand 
ready  to  co-operate  with  the  mother  in  her  attempts 


120  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

t 

to  train  the  children.  This  duty  becomes  even  more 
imperative  as  the  child  grows  older  and  approaches 
the  time  of  going  out  into  the  world. 

If  the  father  does  not  take  interest  in  the  training 
of  children  it  will  be  exceedingly  hard  for  the 
mother,  and  they  will  not  generally  be  trained  as 
they  should  be;  for  there  are  many  things  which 
can  be  learned  only  from  the  father.  While  the 
home  is  the  mother's  world,  the  father  is  the  con- 
necting link  between  the  world  and  the  home.  Each 
has  a  part  to  perform,  the  performance  of  which  is 
necessary  for  the  best  results.  When  they  do  not 
do  so,  the  training  will  be  as  discordant  as  the  song 
of  two  singers  whose  voices  are  not  in  harmony. 

One  great  trouble  is  that  many  men,  and  not  a 
few  women,  who  are  considerate  of  others  all  day, 
have  little  consideration  for  those  in  their  own 
homes.  They  have  a  pleasant  word  and  smile  for 
everyone  until  they  reach  home,  which  should  be 
the  most  joyous  place  on  earth — a  place  for  which 
each  has  reserved  the  most  pleasant  word  and  hap- 
piest smile. 

Every  father  should  feel  the  absolute  necessity  of 
having  the  mother  understand  that  he  is  ready,  will- 
ing and  anxious  to  give  all  possible  assistance  in 
the  training  of  children.  Other  things  being  equal, 
his  help  should  be  in  proportion  to  the  amount  of 
time  he  spends  home.  Some  fathers  are  home  so 
little  that  children  hardly  know  whom  to  call 
"father,"  and  are  led  to  ask,  as  did  one  little  fellow, 


RESPONSIBILITY  OF  FATHER.  121 

"Mamma,  who  is  that  man  that  whips  us  almost 
every  Saturday?" 

Conflicting  Authority. 

Mothers  and  fathers  should  recognize  the  abso- 
lute necessity  of  co-operation  in  the  training  of  chil- 
dren. Vital  as  it  is  elsewhere,  it  is  even  more  im- 
portant here.  There  must  be  no  conflict  of  author- 
ity, for  it  is  one  of  the  most  potent  causes  of  failure 
in  the  management  of  children.  It  has  caused  the 
ruin  of  more  children  than  almost  any  other  mistake. 
When  either  corrects  a  child,  how  often  the  other 
takes  his  part!  Unless  there  is  marked- injustice  or 
brutality,  this  is  not  justifiable.  It  is  the  surest  way 
of  making  a  child  rebellious  against  the  authority 
of  both.  The  sensible  way  would  be  to  wait  until 
the  parents  are  alone  and  then  discuss  the  matter 
in  a  reasonable  manner. 

A  Mother's  Trials. 

Some  fathers  object  to  having  anything  to  do 
with  the  management  of  children.  They  say  they 
have  many  trials  during  the  day  which  a  mother 
cannot  fully  appreciate.  Let  this  be  granted.  Is 
her  sympathy  not  ever  ready? 

On  the  other  hand,  it  must  also  be  remembered 
that  the  mother  has  many  cares  which  the  father 
cannot  appreciate.  If  he  would  take  her  place  for 
one  week  he  would  know  more  about  it,  and,  after- 
ward, would  have  plenty  of  sympathy.     She  works 


122  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

at  home,  away  from  associates  who  might  make 
things  seem  to  move  easier.  How  often,  with  aching 
head,  the  many  difficulties  must  be  met  and  con- 
quered. How  many  times  have  her  quivering 
nerves  been  shattered  and  her  strength  taxed  to  the 
uttermost  by  the  trying  cares  of  home,  when  every- 
thing seemed  to  go  wrong! 

The  young  child  may  have  been  sick  and  trouble- 
some. The  older  ones  may  have  almost  broken  her 
heart  by  some  real  or  imagined  terrible  act.  There 
may  be  no  servant,  or,  what  is  just  as  bad,  she  may 
have  left  or  be  about  to  leave.  A  hundred  other 
troubles  crowd  fast  upon  one  another. 

A  Time  for  Appreciation. 

Should  she  not  feel  free  to  call  for  any  assistance 
needed  from  the  father?  Such  is  the  time  for  show- 
ing the  flowers  of  appreciation.  On  the  part  of  too 
many  there  is  a  tendency  to  keep  all  sympathy  and 
praise  until  it  is  too  late.  How  many  patient 
mothers  would  be  surprised  if  they  could  see  the 
flowers  heaped  upon  their  coffins  and  hear  the  words 
of  praise  from  lips  which,  for  years,  had  spoken 
scarcely  a  word  of  appreciation  or  sympathy! 

Truly,  it  is  time  that  fathers  awaken  to  the  fact 
that  they  have  much  to  do  with  the  training  of  the 
children.  Surely  they  owe  to  their  homes  the  best 
influences  of  their  lives.  It  should  not  be  a  board- 
ing-house, where  the  father  sleeps  and  eats  and  pays 
the  bills.     It  should  be  the  centre  of  his  life. 


XIX. 

THE    MOTHER'S    INFLUENCE. 

The  Almighty's  Representative. 

If  only  the  mothers,  these  patient,  long-suffering 
representatives  of  the  Almighty,  could  but  faintly 
appreciate  the  grandeur  of  their  office  and  their  un- 
boundless  power  and  influence  over  the  present  and 
future  lives  of  their  children !  It  can  scarcely  be 
over-estimated.  Almost  daily  the  writer  has  to 
appeal  to  the  most  troublesome  boys  and  girls  that 
are  found  among  thousands.  Many  are  just  one 
step  from  the  reform  school  or  jail.  A  considera- 
tion of  such  places  has  little  or  no  effect  upon  them. 
Harshness  and  threats  make  no  impression.  The 
most  brutal  punishments  by  parents  have  had  no 
effect.  The  last  parent  spoken  to  said,  "I  do  not 
want  to  commit  murder ;  I  have  done  everything 
else — have  even  chained  him  to  his  bed  in  his 
room,  yet  he  is  no  better."  An  appeal  to  the 
love  for  his  mother  saved  that  boy.  Such  an  ap- 
peal will  generally  reach  the  most  stubborn  cases. 
Even  where  it  fails,  it  comes  nearest  to  breaking  the 
chain  of  habits  which  have  bound  them.  The  writer 
does  not  remember  a  single  case  where  this  appeal 
did  not  have  great  influence.  With  such  thoughts 
and  experiences  as  these  he  approaches  the  subject 


124  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

of  the  mother's  influence  in  the  training  of  children. 
Would  that  he  could  say  something  which  would 
help  them  to  appreciate  their  power  over  their  chil- 
dren, even  long  years  after  all  other  early  influences 
have  been  forgotten ! 

Most  Training  Left  to  the  Mother. 

Of  necessity,  the  father  must  be  away  from  home 
most  of  the  time.  When  he  returns,  wearied  by  the 
endless  cares  and  work  of  the  day,  he  is  often  not 
fitted  to  consider  carefully  and  patiently  the  cases 
of  management  which  the  mother  would  gladly 
place  in  his  hands.  So  far  as  possible,  these  mat- 
ters will  be  attended  to  by  the  thoughtful  mother. 
Only  when  absolutely  necessary  is  she  apt  to  call 
upon  the  father  for  assistance.  For  this,  and  for 
other  reasons,  the  management  of  the  younger  chil- 
dren, at  least,  will  be  almost  entirely  in  the  hands 
of  the  mother. 

The  First  Years  oe  Vital  Importance. 

The  character  of  the  child  will  very  largely  be 
determined  by  the  time  the  child  reaches  the  age 
of  ten.  None  but  the  very  strongest  influence  will 
affect  him  after  that  age.  Before  that  time,  the 
character  may  generally  be  molded  at  will.  For 
the  first  five  or  six  years  children  are  almost  entirely 
under  the  influence  of  the  mother.  After  that  time 
her  influence  will  still  be  strongest.  Next  to  her 
influence,  that  of  the  teacher,  father  and  compan- 
ions will  be  most  powerful. 


THE  MOTHER'S  INFLUENCE.  125 

Beautiful  Tributes  to  Mothers. 

In  the  hope  of  encouraging  some  weary  mothers, 
who  are  ofttimes  discouraged  by  the  daily  trials 
with  wayward  children,  attention  is  called  to  a  few 
of  the  many  beautiful  tributes  to  the  memory  and 
power  of  a  mother's  noble,  self-sacrificing  love.  To 
these  sentiments  all  loving  hearts  must  assent: 
"Blessed  is  the  memory  of  an  old-fashioned  mother. 
It  floats  to  us  now  like  the  perfume  of  some  wood- 
land blossoms.  The  music  of  other  voices  may  be 
lost,  but  the  entrancing  memory  of  hers  will  echo 
in  our  hearts  forever.  Other  faces  will  be  forgot- 
ten, but  hers  will  shine  on  until  the  light  from 
Heaven's  portals  shall  glorify  our  own." 

Another  one  has  well  said:  "Who  can  fathom 
the  depth  of  a  mother's  love?  No  friendship  so 
pure,  so  devoted.  The  wild  storm  of  adversity  and 
the  bright  sunshine  of  prosperity  are  all  alike  to 
her ;  however  unworthy  we  may  be  of  that  affection, 
a  mother  never  ceases  to  love  her  erring  child.  Of- 
ten when  alone,  as  we  gaze  up  to  the  starry  heaven, 
can  we  in  imagination  catch  a  glimpse  of  the  angels 
around  the  'great  white  throne' ;  and  among  the 
brightest  and  fairest  of  them  all  is  our  sweet  mother, 
ever  beckoning  us  onward  and  upward  to  her  celes- 
tial home." 

Is  it  not  true,  as  has  been  said,  "Better  than  all 
the  gaud  of  wealth,  better  than  all  the  fastidious 
tastes  and  refinements  of  luxury,  better  than  highest 
aesthetic   culture   or   intellectual   superiority,    is   the 


126  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

presence  in  the  home  of  one  of  these  queens  of  the 
hearth,  whose  realm  is  bounded  by  the  affections 
and  well-being  of  her  household  ?  Such  mothers 
and  such  homes  will  send  out  sons  such  as  the  world 
needs  and  men  delight  to  honor;  and  daughters 
whose  loveliest  adornments  are  the  virtues  and 
graces  which  they  possess." 

Tributes  of  Washington,  Lincoln  and  Others. 

Almost  all  great  men  have  been  noted  for  their 
devotion  to  their  mothers.  All  have  recognized 
their  mother's  unlimited  influence.  Who  can  read 
the  history  of  Washington  or  McKinley  without 
being  struck  with  the  great  appreciation  and  the 
loving  tenderness  they  manifested  toward  their 
mothers?  How  many  will  join  with  Lincoln  in 
saying,  "All  I  am,  or  can  be,  I  owe  to  my  angel 
mother."  How  sweetly  Lord  Macaulay  speaks  of 
his  parents ;  of  the  pleasure  he  had  nestling  close  to 
his  mother's  bosom ;  of  her  good-night  kisses  and 
loving  glances.  Until  the  day  of  her  death  his  love 
never  lessened.  He  said,  "Years  have  passed  away 
since  we  laid  her  beside  my  father  in  the  old  church- 
yard ;  yet  still  her  voice  whispers  from  the  grave 
and  her  eye  watches  over  me  as  I  visit  the  spots  long 
since  hallowed  to  the  memory  of  my  mother." 

The  Fathomless  Depth  of  a  Mother's  Love. 

The  wondrous  power  of  a  mother's  love  was  well 
shown  by  her  whose  daughter  had  wandered  from 


THE  MOTHER'S  INFLUENCE.  127 

home  and  had  been  lost  in  the  whirl  of  sin  of  New 
York.  Having  had  her  own  portrait  painted,  the 
mother  placed  it  in  a  mission  house  where  the  fallen 
creatures  sometimes  came  for  a  crust  of  bread  or 
a  kind  word.  The  poor  fallen  daughter  saw  the 
picture.  Upon  the  floor  she  sank,  crying  "Mother ! 
my  mother!"  That  mother's  love  so  melted  her 
poor  heart  that  she  was  saved,  and  returned  to  her 
home  a  ransomed  child. 

The  Measure  of  a  Mother's  Love. 

In  words  that  can  never  be  forgotten  Miss  Tay- 
lor speaks  thus  of  a  mother's  love: 

Hast  thou  sounded  the  depths  of  yonder  sea, 
And  counted  the  sands  that  under  it  be? 
Hast  thou  measured  the  height  of  heaven  above  ? 
Then  mayst  thou  measure  a  mother's  love. 
Evening  and  morn,  hast  thou  watched  the  bee 
Go  forth  on  her  errands  of  industry? 
The  bee,  for  herself,  hath  gathered  and  toiled, 
But  the  mother's  cares  are  all  for  her  child. 

There  is  not  a  grand,  inspiring  thought, 
There  is  not  a  truth  by  wisdom  taught, 
There  is  not  a  feeling,  pure  and  high, 
That  may  not  be  read  in  mother's  eye. 
There  are  teachings  on  earth,  in  sky  and  air, 
The  heavens  the  glory  of  God  declare, 
But  more  loud  than  the  voice  beneath,  above, 
He  is  heard  to  speak  through  a  mother's  love. 


128  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

The  Great  Love  oe  Parents. 

Parents  are  apt  to  forget  how  great  is  the  price 
they  place  upon  their  precious  children.  In  the 
press  of  many  cares  it  is  natural  they  should  do  so. 
However,  if  they  would  but  stop  and  consider  how 
hard  it  would  be  to  part  with  any  one  of  even  a 
large  family  of  children,  they  would  be  more  likely 
to  appreciate  how  highly  they  prize  each  child,  and 
more  willing  to  devote  time  and  thought  to  their 
training. 

Which  Shaee  It  Be? 

Who  has  not  read  with  emotion  Mrs.  Beers'  ac- 
count of  the  attempt  made  by  needy  parents  who 
were  striving  to  decide  which  child  should  be  given 
in  exchange  for  comforts  for  all  those  remaining. 
This  is  the  letter:  "I  will  give  a  house  and  land 
while  you  shall  live,  if,  in  return,  from  out  your 
seven,  one  child  to  me  for  aye  is  given."  Hand  in 
hand  the  gray-haired,  poorly-clad  parents  walk  from 
bed  to  bed  for  the  purpose  of  deciding  which  one 
shall  be  given.  How  hastily  they  pass  the  helpless 
babe.  "Not  her,"  said  the  father,  as  he  gazed  at  the 
crib  which  held  little  Lillie  and  her  doll.  "Nor 
Jamie ;  he's  but  a  baby,  too,"  the  mother  said.  Then 
gazing  upon  pale,  patient  Robbie's  angel  face,  the 
father  whispered,  "No,  not  for  a  thousand  crowns, 
not  him."  Next  came  "Poor  Dick,"  bad  Dick,  way- 
ward son.  "No,  only  a  mother's  heart  can  be  pa- 
tient enough   for  such  like  he."     They  passed  by 


THE  MOTHER'S  INFLUENCE.  129 

sweet  Mary  and  the  trusty,  truthful  oldest  boy  who 
so  resembled  his  father,  and 

-  "So  they  wrote,  in  courteous  way, 

They  would  not  give  one  child  away. 
And  afterward  toil  lighter  seemed 

Thinking  of  that  of  which  they  dreamed. 
Happy  in  truth,  that  not  one  face 

Was  missed  from  its  accustomed  place." 

Truly,  most  parents  do  love  their  children  as 
did  these  parents.  Yet  how  few  love  them  so  wisely 
as  to  be  willing  to  give  the  attention  necessary  to 
train  them  properly. 

The  Hallowed  Memory  oe  Mother. 

Every  mother  must  read,  with  increased  deter- 
mination to  strive  to  properly  train  her  children, 
such  lines  as  those  written  by  Miss  E.  A.  Allen. 
They  but  echo  the  sentiments  which  millions  of 
children  hold  and  will  hold  in  years  that  are  to 
come,  long  after  the  mother's  spirit  has  been  wafted 
to  the  other  shore. 

Backward,  turn  backward,  O  Time,  in  your  flight, 
Make  me  a  child  again,  just  for  to-night; 
Mother,  come  back  from  the  echoless  shore, 
Take  me  again  to  your  heart  as  of  yore; 
Kiss  from  my  forehead  the  furrows  of  care, 
Smooth  the  few  silver  threads  of  my  hair; 
Over  my  slumbers  your  loving  watch  keep ; 
Rock  me  to  sleep,  mother, — rock  me  to  sleep! 


130  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

Tired  of  the  hollow,  the  base,  the  untrue, 
Mother,  O  mother,  my  heart  calls  for  you ; 
Many  a  summer  the  grass  has  grown  green, 
Blossomed  and  faded,  our  faces  between ; 
Yet  with  strong  yearning  and  passionate  pain, 
Long  I  to-night  for  your  presence  again. 
Come  from  the  silence  so  long  and  so  deep, — 
Rock  me  to  sleep,  mother, — rock  me  to  sleep ! 

Over  my  heart  in  the  days  that  are  flown, 
No  love  like  mother-love  ever  has  shown, 
No  other  worship  abides  and  endures, 
Faithful,  unselfish,  and  patient  like  yours ; 
None  like  a  mother  can  charm  away  pain 
From  the  sick-souled,  and  world-weary  brain. 
Slumber's  soft  calms  o'er  my  heavy  lids  creep, — 
Rock  me  to  sleep,  mother, — rock  me  to  sleep! 

Mother,  dear  mother,  the  years  have  been  long 
Since  I  last  listened  to  your  lullaby  song; 
Sing,  then,  and  unto  my  soul  it  shall  seem 
Womanhood's  eyes  have  been  only  a  dream ; 
Clasped  to  your  heart  in  a  loving  embrace, 
With  your  light  lashes  just  sweeping  my  face, 
Never  hereafter  to  wake  or  to  weep, — 
Rock  me  to  sleep,  mother, — rock  me  to  sleep! 

Home  and  Country  Dependent  Upon  Mothers. 

Noble  mothers,  grow  not  weary  and  faint !     Upon 
you  depend  not  only  the  happiness  of  the  home,  but 


THE  MOTHER'S  INFLUENCE.  131 

even  the  future  of  our  country.  Upon  you  will  for- 
ever rest,  not  only  the  blessings  of  your  children, 
but  the  highest  benediction  of  Almighty  God,  whose 
representatives  you  are  on  earth. 


XX. 

THE  HOME  INFLUENCE. 

The  Great  Need  oe  America. 

The  greatest  need  of  any  country,  and  especially 
of  our  own,  is  better  men  and  better  women.  The 
greatness  of  future  generations  depends  upon  the 
character  of  the  boys  and  the  girls  of  the  present. 
It  is  the  duty  of  the  home  to  properly  train  children. 
This  is  important,  not  only  for  the  sake  of  the  chil- 
dren and  the  home,  but  for  the  sake  of  the  church 
and  the  government,  as  well.  Without  proper  train- 
ing at  home  it  is  almost  impossible  for  the  children 
to  be  what  the  parents  would  wish  them. 

The  Right  Spirit  eor  the  Home. 

Too  few  realize  the  all-powerful  influence  which 
the  home  spirit  exerts  upon  children.  All  have 
noted  how  different  is  the  spirit  in  some  homes  from 
that  discovered  in  others.  It  is  hard  for  a  child  to 
develop  properly  in  some  homes  as  for  a  plant  to 
mature  in  a  dark  cellar,  where  the  bright  sun  sel- 
dom, if  ever,  penetrates.  We  do  not  wonder  that 
such  a  plant  is  white  and  unhealthy  looking.  Need 
we  wonder,  then,  why  so  many  children  fail  to  de- 
velop as  they  should  where  the  home  influences  are 


THE   HOME   INFLUENCE.  133 

even  less  propitious  than  for  the  development  of  the 
plant  ? 

The  highest  object  of  the  home  is  not  to  furnish 
with  the  most  expensive  furniture.  It  is  not  to 
have  a  place  where  friends  may  be  entertained  in 
such  a  way  as  to  satisfy  our  selfish  vanity.  Its 
highest  object  should  be  to  furnish  a  place  in  which 
children  may  be  trained  in  the  development  of  noble 
characters.  Parents  who  can  organize  such  a  home 
are  most  successful  and  worthy  of  the  highest  praise. 

One  Home. 

Pay  a  short  visit  to  one  home  and  note  the  spirit. 
An  air  of  loving  sympathy  permeates  every  nook 
and  corner.  The  parents  seem  to  be  living  only  for 
their  precious  children.  The  children,  by  every 
act,  show  regard  and  love  for  their  parents.  By 
their  conversation  the  children  show  that  they  are 
looking  forward  to  the  time  when  they  can  live  for 
their  dear  parents.  How  the  children  vie  with  one 
another  in  the  performance  of  some  loving  service 
for  the  tired  parent.  How  quietly  and  yet  how 
effectively,  by  a  look,  he  shows  full  appreciation  of 
the  tender  care  and  love.  Reproof  comes,  at  times, 
in  tones  which  are  firm  but  kind.  Punishment,  also, 
is  felt,  when  thoughtlessness  merits  such  treatment; 
but  it  comes  in  such  a  way  that  the  child  cannot  but 
feel  that  it  really  does  pain  the  one  inflicting  the 
punishment.  In  such  a  home  everything  seems  to 
have    a    tendency    to    encourage    right    living    and 


134  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

proper  training.  The  sunlight  of  love  so  warms  the 
atmosphere  that  everything  which  is  best  in  the  ten- 
der child  develops  most  rapidly. 

Another  Home. 

Enter  another  home,  such  as  one  can  easily  re- 
member having  noted.  What  an  absence  of  sym- 
pathy in  the  very  air  of  the  home.  A  chill  sinks 
into  your  very  soul,  as  you  note  the  lack  of  loving 
care  which  parents  and  children  have  for  one  an- 
other. At  times  the  blighting  heat  of  terrible  pas- 
sion withers  the  tender  buds,  which  have  grown 
sickly  from  a  life  in  such  atmosphere.  Time  and 
again  their  tender  young  hearts  are  blasted  by  the 
cold,  unfeeling  criticisms,  which,  like  the  untimely 
frost,  blights  and  blackens  all  that  it  breathes  upon. 

Citizens,  Slaves  or  Anarchists. 

In  our  homes  children  are  being  trained  to  be 
liberty-loving  and  law-abiding  citizens,  mere  slaves 
to  those  able  to  dictate,  or  anarchists  of  the  worst 
type.  These  may  seem  strong  statements,  but  are 
they  not  in  accordance  with  the  facts?  The  child 
who  is  trained  properly  will  quickly  learn  to  respect 
and  obey  all  rightful  authority.  The  child  who  does 
not  dare  express  an  opinion  for  fear  of  bringing 
upon  him  the  wrath  of  the  parent  or  teacher  will 
develop  such  a  man-fearing  spirit  as  will  prevent 
him  from  asserting  himself,  no  matter  how  sure  he 
may  feel  he  is  right.      Such  will  always  be  ready 


THE   HOME   INFLUENCE.  135 

to  take  any  position  in  politics  or  business  which 
will  require  nothing  but  blind  obedience  to  direc- 
tions. They  will  never  become  leaders.  All 
through  life  they  will  be  but  beasts  of  burden  to 
carry  the  heavy  loads  of  others. 

Those  who  receive  such  treatment  as  is  given  by 
parents  who  play  the  tyrant  are  apt  to  resent  it,  and 
after  fretting  under  it  break  away  from  all  restraint. 
Leaving  home  they  drift  into  debasing  companion- 
ships and  rebel  against  all  authority  and  government 
of  any  kind.  Is  not  such  the  lesson  of  individuals 
and  nations?  Can  we  not  find  examples  this  side 
of  Russia  to  prove  the  truth  of  the  statement? 

The  Atmosphere  oe  the  Home. 

To  all  of  us  the  atmosphere  is  life  or  death.  Until 
it  was  suitable  man  could  not  live  upon  the  earth. 
Should  anything  suddenly  poison  it,  we  would  all 
be  blotted  out  in  a  moment.  In  the  twinkling  of  an 
eye  the  end  would  come,  even  as  the  inhabitants  of 
St.  Pierre  perished  in  a  few  minutes,  because  of  the 
sulphurous  fumes  which  poured  forth  from  Mont 
Pelee,  poisoning  the  atmosphere.  The  atmosphere 
of  the  home  is  equally  important.  It  should  be  such 
as  is  suited  to  the  life  and  the  growth  of  the  child's 
best  nature.  Than  this,  nothing  is  more  important. 
Without  it  there  can  be  but  little  success  in  the 
proper  training  of  children.  Whether  good  or  bad, 
the  parents  must  take  the  responsibility.  If  it 
breeds  disease  they  must  acknowledge  that  it  might 


136  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

just  as  easily  have  been  made  most  healthful.  It 
is  for  them  to  see  that  the  home  atmosphere  is  not 
poisoned  by  unkind  words,  harsh  criticism,  unsym- 
pathetic remarks,  and  hasty  acts,  the  result  of  out- 
bursts of  temper. 


XXI. 

CRYING    AND    TEASING. 

Why  a  Child  Cries. 

The  first  act  of  a  new-born  babe  is  that  of  cry- 
ing. If  it  does  not  cry  it  is  generally  plunged  into 
cold  water,  or  in  some  other  way  made  uncomfort- 
able, that  it  may  be  made  to  cry.  Those  who  have 
studied  the  physiology  of  the  baby  most  closely  as- 
sert that  there  are  very  good  reasons  for  this  method 
of  treatment.  If  a  young  child  cries  it  is  because 
it  is  not  comfortable.  It  is  for  this  sin  that  he  is 
so  often  shaken,  smacked  or  rocked  until  he  is  sick. 
If  he  were  old  enough  he  might  be  glad  to  please 
everybody,  and  keep  quiet,  and  be  good.  We  should 
not  forget  that  no  young  child  cries  unless  it  has 
very  good  reason  for  so  doing. 

Is  Crying  Necessary? 

The  actions  of  many  parents  tend  to  convince  the 
thoughtful  observer  that  many  parents  think  there 
is  no  sense  in  a  child's  crying  at  any  time,  unless 
as  a  result  of  very  considerable  injury.  Are  they 
not  wrong?  Can  everyone  not  remember  certain 
occasions  in  their  own  experience  when  a  good  cry 
has  greatly  relieved  him?      For  some  reason  does 


138  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

it  not  seem  to  clear  the  oppressive  moral  atmosphere, 
just  as  a  thunder-storm  purifies  the  air?  If  for  this 
purpose  it  is  at  all  necessary  for  the  adult,  it  is  cer- 
tainly many  times  more  important  for  the  young 
child,  who  is  so  emotional,  so  susceptible  to  every 
change. 

If  the  young  child  cries,  it  is  likely  that,  as  before 
stated,  he  is  too  hot  or  too  cold,  or  hungry,  or  un- 
comfortable in  some  other  way.  Why  should  any- 
one object  to  the  expression  of  his  discomfort  and 
displeasure?  Is  there  any  other  way  he  could  call 
for  assistance?  In  place  of  being  troubled  to  know 
how  to  quiet  a  child,  would  it  not  be  more  sensible 
to  find  the  cause  of  discomfort? 

Older  Children. 

To  a  certain  extent,  what  has  been  said  of  the 
young  child  applies  to  the  older  child.  It  should 
also  be  remembered  that  children  of  certain  tempera- 
ments cry  much  more  easily  than  do  those  of  other 
temperaments.  In  some  the  tears  seem  to  lie  very 
near  the  surface.  Many  are  so  emotional,  or  so 
nervous,  that,  without  great  effort,  they  are  unable 
to  control  their  feelings  or  repress  their  fear.  Such 
should  be  dealt  with  gently.  Generally  they  come 
by  it  so  honestly  that  the  same  peculiarity  can  be 
remembered  as  having  appeared  in  one  of  the  par- 
ents. By  kindness  they  may  be  trained  to  have 
much  more  control  over  their  emotions.  However, 
it  is  hard  to  entirely  overcome  this  natural  tendency, 
as  these  children  so  frequently  feel  intensely. 


CRYING  AND  TEASING.  139 

Children  Who  Cry  For  a  Purpose. 

Some  children,  both  young  and  older,  cry  simply 
for  the  purpose  of  carrying  their  point.  Such  re- 
quire entirely  different  treatment  from  that  already 
mentioned.  If  a  child  cries  without  sufficient  pro- 
vocation it  is  likely  the  fault  of  the  improper  train- 
ing he  has  received.  It  is  entirely  unnatural  for  a 
child  to  yell  and  squeal  as  some  children  do.  In 
some  cases  they  have  not  been  treated  as  they  should 
have  been,  or  they  would  probably  respond  in  milder 
tones.  The  child  who  cries  persistently  and  loudly, 
though  not  suffering  pain,  does  so  because  his  past 
experience  leads  him  to  believe  that  he  will  be  suc- 
cessful in  securing  what  he  wishes.  If  such  a  child 
should  pass  under  the  control  of  one  to  whom  such 
methods  do  not  appeal,  he  would  cure  himself  of  his 
fault  very  quickly. 

How  to  Stop  Crying. 

The  parent  who  wishes  to  stop  a  child's  crying 
should  first  make  sure  that  the  child  is  not  suffering 
some  mental  or  physical  pain.  In  too  many  cases 
the  mental  suffering  of  a  child  is  far  greater  than 
parents  think.  Having  removed  the  cause  of  the 
pain,  crying  should  cease.  If,  after  having  used 
all  gentle  means  which  can  be  commended  the  cry- 
ing does  not  cease,  it  may  be  necessary  to  convince 
the  child  who  cries  for  nothing  that  it  is  really  un- 
pleasant to  have  something  to  cry  for.  Nothing 
but  corporal  punishment  will  appeal  to  some  chil- 


140  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

dren  at  such  a  time.  When  the  child  finds  that 
some  punishment  is  certain  every  time  he  cries  with- 
out having  some  good  reason  for  crying,  a  wonder- 
ful transformation  will  be  worked  in  nine  out  of 
ten  such  children. 

The  child  who  persists  in  crying  for  something 
very  much  desired  may  be  cured  very  easily  of  such 
a  habit.  If  the  child  is  made  to  understand  that  the 
parent  cannot  and  will  not  give  anything  for  which 
it  cries,  it  will  be  found  that  the  child  will  cease 
crying  for  what  it  wishes  and  ask  for  it  as  it  should. 

Why  Children  Tease  Parents. 

Most  children  tease,  more  or  less.  Yet  there  are 
some  children  who  do  not  tease.  Why  is  it  that 
some  tease  their  parents,  while  others  do  not?  Ob- 
serve closely  and  you  will  notice  that  when  the  par- 
ent, asked  for  some  favor,  hesitates  momentarily, 
and  seems  in  doubt  as  to  what  to  do,  the  child  is 
apt  to  repeat  the  request.  If  past  experience  has 
shown  that  frequent  requests  will  generally  cause  a 
more  favorable  answer,  the  repeated  request  will  be 
sure  to  come.  Such  a  parent  may  expect  to  be 
teased  for  anything  a  child  wants. 

How  to  Stop  Teasing. 

The  parent  who,  in  a  kind,  but  firm,  tone, 
promptly  either  grants  or  refuses  the  request,  is 
not  likely  to  be  teased.  If,  upon  refusal,  the  re- 
quest is  repeated,  and  such  a  parent  denies  with  no 


CRYING  AND  TEASING.  141 

less  kindness,  but  with  somewhat  of  firmness,  he  is 
not  apt  to  be  bothered  by  having  the  request  re- 
peated frequently.  Indeed,  it  may  be  said  that  the 
parent  who  meets  the  request  in  this  manner  at  all 
times  will  never  be  troubled  by  being  teased.  All 
must  acknowledge,  then,  that  a  child  teases  because 
it  has  discovered  that  a  parent's  decision  is  not  final. 
The  child  has  discovered  that,  by  persisting,  he  can 
get  the  parent  to  grant  the  request,  if  for  no  other 
reason  than  to  get  rid  of  him. 

How  Parents  Train  Children  to  Tease. 

From  what  has  been  said  it  will  be  seen  that  par- 
ents train  children  to  tease  by  not  having  them  un- 
derstand that  they  mean  what  they  say.  The  in- 
junction for  parents  on  this  subject  is  "Let  not  your 
aye  mean  nay,  nor  your  nay  mean  aye."  If  children 
could  be  questioned  and  led  to  tell  what  they  really 
think  about  this  matter,  many  would  testify  that 
they  fully  expect  to  have  to  tease  for  what  they  are 
determined  to  get.  They  learn  to  calculate  the  time 
most  favorable  and  the  energy  which  will  be  needed 
to  carry  their  points. 

For  What  Children  Tease. 

Who  ever  heard  of  a  child's  teasing  at  the  table 
for  a  glass  of  water,  or  for  a  piece  of  bread,  or  for 
anything  else  that  was  not  out  of  the  ordinary  ?  He 
expects  to  tease  only  for  that  which  he  very  well 
knows  it  may  not  be  best  for  him  to  have.     It  is  the 


142  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

second  piece  of  pie,  another  knife,  or  sled,  or  for 
permission  to  sit  up  later  than  usual,  or  to  remain 
home  from  school  for  some  insufficient  reason. 

Why  Parents  Yield  to  Teasing. 

Many  parents  yield  to  teasing  because  they  are 
tired  out  by  the  everlasting  nagging,  which  is  cer- 
tainly unpleasant  and  racks  the  nerves.  Is  this  not 
the  truth?  If  so,  is  it  right  or  best  that  children 
should  so  early  learn  that  they  have  a  stronger  will 
than  their  parents? 

Other  parents  yield  to  teasing  because  they  love 
their  children  so  dearly  that  they  cannot  bear  to 
think  of  the  suffering  entailed  by  their  refusal. 
Though  such  a  feeling  is  most  natural  and  praise- 
worthy, is  it  not,  in  such  a  case,  rather  selfish?  Is 
the  request  not  granted,  under  such  circumstances, 
rather  for  the  benefit  of  the  parent  than  for  the 
child's  sake?  Should  not  the  parent  consider  the 
future  benefit  of  the  child  rather  than  the  present 
comfort  of  both? 

A  large  majority  of  parents  yield  because  they 
have  not  carefully  considered  before  giving  their 
first  answer.  Upon  second  thought,  they  come  to 
the  conclusion  that  they  were  wrong  in  refusing  the 
request.  In  many  cases  this  is  a  most  excellent  rea- 
son, and  the  parent  does  right  in  changing  the  de- 
cision. But  how  much  better  it  would  be  if  the 
parent  would  strive  to  decide  properly  at  first ;  and, 
having  given  the  decision,  stand  by  it.  Any  other 
plan  encourages  persistent  teasing. 


CRYING  AND  TEASING.  143 

Two  Good  Rules. 

"Think  twice  before  speaking"  may  be  a  good 
rule  for  children.  Might  not  the  injunction  to 
"think  several  times  before  refusing  or  granting  a 
child's  request"  be  just  as  good  for  parents? 

The  great  problem  for  the  parent  is  to  know  how 
the  child  can  be  cured  of  teasing.  It  is  not  only  very 
unpleasant  for  the  parent,  but  very  injurious  to  the 
child.  The  child  who  secures  his  wish  by  teasing 
is  apt  to  lose  respect  for  the  parent  who  is  controlled 
by  such  means.  Is  it  possible  to  state  in  a  few 
words,  a  rule  which  will  cure  any  child  of  teasing? 
It  certainly  is.  Though  very  short,  it  is  just  as  im- 
portant and  simple.  It  is  this :  "Never  give  a  child 
that  for  which  he  teases."  Try  it  for  one  week. 
It  will  prove  a  sure  cure  for  the  worst  cases. 


XXII. 

PLAY  AND  PLAYMATES. 

Necessity  of  Play. 

Childhood  is  the  time  for  play.  Every  child 
should  have  plenty  of  recreation.  While  at  his  play 
the  young  child  should  be  left  quite  free,  though  he 
may  have  some  assistance  in  the  selection  of  his 
amusements  to  prevent  his  selecting  such  as  may  be 
injurious  to  him  mentally,  morally  or  physically; 
otherwise  he  should  have  the  training  of  doing  what 
he  wishes.  If,  as  a  child  grows  older,  he  learns  to 
select  the  right  kind  of  amusements  for  himself,  he 
is  more  likely  to  use  judgment  in  the  selection  of 
his  recreations  when  he  has  become  a  man.  That 
every  adult  should  do  this  is  of  great  importance. 
Most  of  those  who  go  down  to  destruction  aje 
started  by  their  getting  into  the  habit  of  selecting 
debasing  amusements. 

Influence  of  Different  Amusements. 

Different  kinds  of  amusements  have  entirely  dif- 
ferent influences  in  showing  a  child  life's  objects, 
and  in  fitting  him  for  life's  duties.  Some  kinds  will 
exert  a  most  beneficial  influence.  Others  will  re- 
sult most  injuriously.     Each  parent  should  consider 


PLAY  AND  PLAYMATES.  145 

not  so  much  the  effect  of  any  amusement  at  the  pres- 
ent time  as  its  probable  effect  in  the  future. 

An  Important  Matter. 

It  is  of  great  importance  that  the  child  should  feel 
that  the  parent  really  takes  some  interest  in  his  play. 
If  possible  the  parent  should,  sometimes,  take  part 
in  his  games,  and  otherwise  manifest  that  lively  in- 
terest which  is  a  proof  of  the  parent's  sympathy. 
It  is  needless  to  say  that  a  child  will  enjoy  a  frolic 
with  the  parent  as  with  no  other  person  in  the 
world.  In  after  years,  long  after  parents  have 
passed  away,  the  child  will  remember  the  happy 
times.  What  parent  would  exchange,  for  money, 
the  remembrance  of  the  minutes  spent  in  his  par- 
ents' bed  in  the  morning  ?  Who  can  ever  forget  the 
few  minutes  of  romp  with  parents  before  being  sent 
to  bed  for  the  night? 

A  Place  to  Play. 

Every  child  should  have  a  playroom  of  some  kind. 
It  may  be  only  a  corner  in  the  sewing  room  for  the 
baby ;  a  corner  in  the  garret  for  the  older  child,  a 
room  in  the  barn  or  basement  for  the  boy ;  but  there 
should  be  some  place  which  the  child  can  call  his 
own.  Many  parents  will  spend  much  time  and 
money  to  provide  a  suitable  place  for  a  horse,  a 
dog,  or  even  the  birds  of  the  air,  yet  never  consider 
that  their  own  dear  children  have  no  place  in  which 
they  can  be  perfectly  free.      The  remembrance  of 


i46  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

such  a  place  will,  in  future  years,  be  one  of  the  most 
pleasant  of  all  the  early  experiences. 

If  several  rooms  are  fitted  up  with  interesting- 
books,  suitable  furniture,  and  pleasing  devices,  they 
will  probably  be  no  more  appreciated  by  the  children 
of  the  rich  than  would  be  a  corner  in  a  garret,  with 
a  few  colored  pictures,  broken  chairs  and  discarded 
toys  by  others.  No  parent  is  too  poor  to  provide 
such  as  would  be  greatly  appreciated  by  his  own 
children.     Is  it  not  worth  thinking  about? 

Advantages  of  Home  Amusements. 

Every  boy  and  girl  should  find  more  amusement 
at  home,  in  the  evening,  than  in  any  other  place. 
The  home  games  for  the  young  and  the  old  should 
be  more  interesting  than  those  which  can  be  found 
elsewhere.  Many  a  girl  and  many  more  boys 
would  have  been  saved  from  lives  of  shame  had 
some  effort  been  made  by  the  parents  to  provide 
suitable  home  amusement. 

Parents  should  remember  that  children  are  sure 
to  have  amusements ;  if  not  those  selected  by  the 
parents,  then  those  selected  by  themselves  or  by  their 
companions,  whose  judgment  it  is  frequently  not 
safe  to  trust.  The  question  to  decide  is,  whether  it 
is  better  to  help  them  select  amusements  which  are 
beneficial,  or  leave  them  entirely  free  to  select  their 
own  amusements,  which  are  likely  to  be  injurious. 
To  ask  the  question  is  to  answer  it. 


PLAY  AND  PLAYMATES.  147 

Character  oe  Home  Amusements. 

As  before  indicated,  the  character  of  a  child's 
amusements  is  very  important.  What  they  shall  be 
is  for  each  parent  to  help  decide  in  the  light  of  what 
he  thinks  best.  However,  it  may  be  well  to  call  at- 
tention to  a  few  of  the  characteristics  which  it  is 
well  for  them  to  possess. 

They  should  be  interesting.  If  they  are  not,  it 
will  be  impossible  for  the  children  to  find  much 
pleasure  in  them. 

They  should  be  as  instructive  as  it  is  possible  for 
the  children  of  the  particular  age  to  enjoy.  A  great 
many  social  games  may  be  selected  for  the  reason 
that  they  involve  a  large  amount  of  information  and 
intellectual   training. 

They  should  be  such  that  their  influence  will  im- 
press the  fundamental  truth  of  right  living.  If 
they  are  such  as  to  give  the  impression  that  luck  is 
more  apt  to  determine  success  than  careful  playing, 
or  that  dishonest  play  is  the  best  way  to  secure  the 
desired  end,  a  false  idea  is  likely  to  be  impressed  and 
stick  to  them  the  rest  of  their  lives.  By  such  games 
endless  numbers  of  bright  young  men  have  early 
been  trained  for  dishonest  lives. 

A  Child's  Peaymates. 

Every  child  will  have  some  playmates,  either  good 
or  bad.  Which  it  shall  be  will  be  determined  by 
chance,  partly  by  the  wish  of  the  child,  and,  it  is 
hoped,  largely  by  the  parent.      Not  excepting  the 


148  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

influence  of  the  parent  and  teacher,  none  is  more 
powerful  for  the  development  of  the  child  than  the 
influence  of  his  companions.  Though  the  parent 
and  teacher  do  all  they  can  to  help  in  developing 
high  and  noble  characters,  nearly  all  they  have  ac- 
complished may  be  undone  by  one  or  two  compan- 
ions whose  influence  has  a  blighting  effect  upon  the 
developing  character  of  the  child. 

Though  this  is  the  case,  it  is  not  good  for  chil- 
dren to  be  alone.  Such  as  are,  cannot  develop  as  they 
should.  Neither  is  it  well  for  them  to  be  much  with 
nurses  or  those  much  older  than  themselves.  This 
results  in  unnatural  and  injurious  precocity.  If 
there  are  a  number  of  children  in  the  family  they 
should  learn  to  play  together  in  the  proper  spirit. 
This  is  not  always  as  easy  as  it  may  seem,  but  it  is 
important  for  many  reasons. 

Depriving  Children  of  Playmates. 
The  utter  folly  of  depriving  a  child  of  playmates 
should  be  apparent  to  most  parents.  The  child  is 
being  prepared  for  life;  for  companionship  with 
others.  Childhood  is  the  time  for  him  to  learn  to 
bear  and  forbear ;  to  sympathize  with  the  afflicted ; 
to  develop  that  loving  kindness  which  will  make 
him  beloved  in  after  years ;  to  avoid  the  wrong  and 
select  the  right ;  to  develop  habits  of  self-control 
and  self-denial ;  to  discover  that  he  is  only  one  of 
the  many,  and  not  the  only  one  to  be  considered. 
In  short,  to  learn  all  those  things  which  will  pre- 
pare him  for  true  living. 


PLAY  AND  PLAYMATES.  149 

« 

Since  this  is  so,  none  but  the  foolish  parent  will 

strive  to  keep  children  away  from  others.      There 

are  many  forms  of  evil  which  they  should  know 

nothing  of.      Yet  there  are  many  evils   which  all 

must  know.     The  important  lesson  to  be  learned  is 

to  avoid  the  wrong  because  it  is  wrong,  and  do  the 

right  because  it  is  right.     The  child  who  learns  well 

this   lesson  will  surely  develop  a  noble   character. 

There  is  little  hope  for  the  one  who  fails  to  learn  it. 

No   wonder   that   the   child   most   closely    guarded 

quickly  succumbs  to  all   forms  of  evil  temptation 

when  the  time  comes  for  him  to  leave  the  secure 

home  fortress. 

Influence  of  Companions. 

There  are  many  things  which  a  child  can  learn 
much  better  from  children  of  about  the  same  age 
than  from  adults.  There  are  influences  and  im- 
pulses which  he  feels  and  develops  only  when  in 
company  with  those  of  the  same  age.  Therefore, 
let  it  ever  be  remembered  that  it  is  of  vital  import- 
ance that  those  with  whom  he  plays  are  such  as  will 
aid  in  developing  influences  and  feelings  along  right 
lines,  rather  than  in  the  opposite  direction. 

Because  of  the  great  influence  of  playmates,  par- 
ents should  be  guided  by  this  consideration  in  the 
selection  of  a  residence.  They  should  also  consider 
carefully  the  selection  of  a  place  for  the  child's  edu- 
cation and  the  selection  of  a  school.  This  import- 
ant matter  should  also  be  considered  in  the  selection 


150  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

of  servants.  In  very  many  cases  the  parent  can 
have  but  little  to  say  concerning  these  matters. 
However,  this  is  no  reason  why  attention  should  not 
be  called  to  the  importance  of  the  subject. 

Where  the  parent  can  possibly  do  so  he  should 
take  great  interest  in  seeing  that  the  school  which 
his  child  attends  is  taught  by  a  teacher  whose  in- 
fluence is  what  it  should  be.  Next  to  the  parents 
there  is  no  one  person  who  will  probably  exert  such 
a  lasting  influence  upon  most  developing  characters 
as  will  his  teachers  and  companions. 

The  Study  of  Companions. 

It  is  the  duty  of  every  parent,  not  only  to  know 
who  are  his  child's  companions,  but  to  study  each 
companion,  that  he  may  know  what  influence  each 
one  is  exerting  upon  his  child.  Only  in  this  way 
can  any  parent  properly  perform  the  duty  which 
devolves  upon  him  in  the  training  of  his  child.  This 
cannot  be  done  unless  the  house  is  open  to  these 
companions,  and  unless  there  is  a  sympathetic  ear 
for  all  the  child  may  have  to  say  concerning  those 
with  whom  he  is  prone  to  play.  Knowing  the  char- 
acteristics of  each  companion,  the  parent  may  easily 
encourage  play  with  some  and  insist  upon  the  avoid- 
ance of  others. 

Selection  oe  Companions. 

Some  parents  insist  that  they  should  leave  the 
selection  of  a  boy's  or  girl's  companions  to  the  boy 


PLAY  AND  PLAYMATES.  151 

or  girl.  When  it  is  too  late  they  will  probably  dis- 
cover their  mistake.  Surely,  those  who  fail  to  ap- 
preciate the  importance  of  doing  all  they  can  in  the 
selection  of  proper  companions  neglect  one  of  the 
"most  powerful  agencies  in  the  training  of  their 
precious  children.  It  is  very  much  to  be  doubted 
if  the  influence  resulting  from  such  neglect  can  be 
counteracted  by  anything  else  the  parent  may  do  on 
behalf  of  the  child. 

Parents,  then,  should  ever  be  mindful  of  the  fact 
that,  next  to  themselves,  the  companions  of  their 
children  will  most  largely  mold  them.  God  has 
given  children  such  impressionable  natures  that, 
unconsciously,  they  are  influenced  by  all  those  with 
whom  they  come  in  contact.  They  will  imitate  their 
playmates'  language,  their  walk  and  their  actions. 
They  will  acquire  the  same  tastes ;  their  minds  will 
run  in  the  same  grooves.  They  will  laugh  or  cry 
with  them.  They  will  feel  noble,  kind,  earnest,  or 
have  the  opposite  feeling  with  them.  We  must  not 
forget  that  as  a  mirror  they  will  reflect  the  peculiari- 
ties, both  good  and  bad,  of  those  with  whom  they 
associate. 

A  Few  Proverbs. 

That  these  statements  are  in  accordance  with  the 
general  belief  is  shown  by  many  proverbs  of  the 
present  and  the  past:  "Tell  me  your  company  and 
I'll  tell  you  what  you  are."  "Keep  company  with 
the  good  and  you'll  be  one  of  them."  Kingsley  says, 
"Men  become   false   if   they   associate   with   liars ; 


152  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

cynics  if  they  live  with  scorners ;  mean,  if  they  live 
much  with  the  covetous."  Tennyson  says,  "I  am 
part  of  all  that  I  have  met."  How  many,  like 
Charles  Lamb,  have  selected  the  wrong  kind  of  com- 
panions !  Like  him  they  also  could  say,  after  ten 
years  of  such  company,  "Behold  me  now,  at  the 
robust  period  of  life  reduced  to  imbecility  and  de- 
cay. Life  itself  has  much  of  the  confusion,  the 
trouble,  the  obscure  perplexity  of  a  troubled  dream." 
Parents,  would  you  save  your  children  from  such 
certain,  fearful  retribution?  See  that  you  know 
who  their  companions  are.  See  that  they  are  not 
in  company  with  those  who,  by  vaunting  the  pleas- 
ures of  shame  and  dishonor,  may  beckon  them  on 
toward  wasted  lives. 


XXIII. 

THE  CHILD  AND  THE  SCHOOL. 
Hard  Questions. 

Many  anxious  parents  ask  themselves  such  ques- 
tions as,  At  what  age  should  a  child  start  to  school  ? 
What  about  the  kindergarten  ?  Shall  I  send  to  pub- 
lic school  or  private?  Since  the  future  welfare  of 
a  child  may  largely  depend  upon  the  proper  answers 
to  these  questions,  they  are  of  vital  importance:  for 
next  to  his  own  home,  his  school  home  most  power- 
fully influences  each  child's  development. 

Too  many  parents  send  their  children  to  school 
for  the  purpose  of  getting  rid  of  them.  It  is  quite 
natural  that  the  tired  mother  should  feel  disposed 
to  shift  the  responsibility  to  the  shoulders  of  the 
teacher.  However,  is  it  not  the  parent's  duty  to 
consider,  not  her  own  comfort,  but  rather  the  mental, 
moral  and  physical  welfare  of  the  child? 

Age  of  Entering  Schooe. 

The  age  at  which  children  may  be  sent  to  the 
public  school  varies  in  the  different  States.  Six 
admit  at  the  age  of  four ;  nineteen  at  five ;  twenty 
at  six.  Some  children  develop  more  rapidly  than 
others ;  but  few,  if  any,  are  sufficiently  developed  to 


154  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

be  deprived  of  their  mental  and  physical  freedom 
before  they  are  five  years  old. 

Many  who  have  reached  the  age  of  six  should  not 
be  kept  in  school  more  than  one-half  a  day,  unless 
the  work  is  imbued  with  the  kindergarten  spirit. 
The  records  prove  that  most  children  who  enter  at 
the  age  of  seven  or  eight  soon  overtake  and  pass 
those  who  have  entered  at  an  earlier  age.  Worse 
than  this,  too  often  those  entering  early  become 
dwarfed  mentally,  when  they  should  be  at  their  best. 
It  is  important  to  remember  that  these  first  years 
are  a  time  for  physical  growth.  By  their  childish 
play  and  simple  investigation  they  will  learn  more 
between  the  ages  of  three  and  six  than  they  will  ever 
learn  at  school  in  twice  that  time. 

As  To  Kindergartens. 

The  child  who  is  sent  to  the  kindergarten  should 
be  sent  before  the  age  of  six.  Better  at  the  age  of 
five,  provided  it  is  a  kindergarten  in  fact  and  not 
merely  in  name.  If  the  so-called  kindergarten  in- 
stills, in  a  pleasant  way,  habits  of  obedience,  atten- 
tion, truth,  tidiness,  order,  courtesy  and  good  man- 
ners in  general,  it  is  a  good  kindergarten.  In  too 
many  most  of  these  ends  are  not  reached.  If  the 
teacher  is  well  prepared  and  has  the  right  spirit  it 
is  safe  to  trust  your  child's  interests  to  her.  Other- 
wise, it  is  not.  The  right  kind  of  a  home  will  be 
far  better  than  such  a  school. 


•    THE  CHILD  AND  SCHOOL.  155 

Public  or  Private  School? 

Shall  the  child  be  sent  to  public  or  private  school  ? 
This  is  a  hard  question  to  answer,  unless  it  be  an- 
swered by  saying  that  he  should  be  sent  to  the  best 
school.  Other  things  being  equal,  that  school  will 
be  where  is  found  the  best  teacher. 

Some  private  schools  may  have  certain  advan- 
tages over  the  public  schools  of  some  localities.  The 
convictions  of  some  lead  them  to  send  to  schools 
for  that  denominational  instruction  which  they  feel 
is  a  necessity.  Many  of  these  find  it  best  to  trans- 
fer to  the  public  schools  as  soon  as  they  can  con- 
scientiously do  so. 

Where  they  are  what  they  should  be,  it  will 
generally  be  found  that  the  best  training  is  given  in 
the  public  schools.  Their  equipment  is  generally 
far  superior.  The  State  requires  a  certain  definite 
pedagogical  training  of  every  teacher ;  while  anyone, 
without  special  preparation,  can  teach  in  a  private 
school. 

Too  many  parents  send  their  children  to  private 
schools  because,  so  long  as  the  tuition  is  paid 
promptly,  their  children  are  permitted  to  do  about 
as  they  please  and  study  when  and  what  they  like. 
Thus  they  unwittingly  injure  their  chances  for  the 
future.  Before  it  is  too  late  many  discover  the  mis- 
take and  send  them  to  the  public  school,  where  they 
are  treated  just  as  they  deserve  to  be,  regardless  of 
the  homes  from  which  they  come.  This  is  certainly 
the  best  preparation  for  life. 


156  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

Lack  oe  Parental  Interest. 

The  lack  of  interest  shown  by  many  parents  in 
their  children's  school  is  one  of  the  wonders  of  the 
present  day.  Many  seem  to  think  that  the  school 
life  consists  entirely  of  recitations,  and  that  it  is 
merely  for  this  purpose  that  children  go  to  school. 
This  is  a  very  small  and  the  least  important  part 
of  their  training.  If  it  were  the  most  important 
part,  parents  might  be  excused  for  their  lack  of  in- 
terest. There  might  then  be  some  excuse  for  not 
paying  the  poor  teacher  such  a  salary  as  would  en- 
able her  to  live  as  she  should,  and  improve  herself 
as  she  would. 

Morae  Influence  oe  the  Teacher. 

The  teacher's  moral  influence  is  by  far  her  most 
important  influence.  What  have  you  done  to  make 
certain  that  it  is  what  it  should  be?  How  often 
have  you  visited  the  teacher,  unless  to  tell  her  how 
much  you  don't  think  of  her,  or  to  make  some  com- 
plaint? If  you  have  found  a  worthy  teacher  and 
are  pleased  with  your  child's  progress,  what  have 
you  done  to  encourage  her?  How  often  have  you 
told  the  principal  or  a  member  of  the  Board  of  Edu- 
cation what  good  work  she  is  doing,  and  what  an 
outrage  you  think  it  is  to  pay  so  little  for  the  ser- 
vices of  one  who  is  doing  such  a  grand  work  in 
molding  for  weal  or  woe  the  lives  of  so  many  pre- 
cious little  ones? 


THE  CHILD  AND  SCHOOL.  157 

Are  you  one  of  .those  ever  ready  to  find  fault? 
Does  it  not  keep  you  busy  managing  two  or  three 
children  of  your  own  ?  How  would  you  like  to  un- 
dertake the  care  and  training  of  from  forty  to  sixty 
belonging  to  some  other  people  who  don't  care 
enough  about  their  children  to  ask  who  their 
teacher  is? 

Preparation  of  Parent  and  Teacher. 

When  finding  fault  with  a  teacher,  do  you  ever 
stop  to  think  that  at  least  ninety-nine  out  of  every 
hundred  teachers  are  better  prepared  for  the  train- 
ing of  children  than  are  most  parents?  They  have 
spent  years  striving  to  learn  how  best  to  educate 
these  precious  children.  How  much  time  does  the 
average  parent  give  to  this  subject?  Would  it  not, 
therefore,  be  best  for  parents  to  try  to  co-operate 
with  the  teachers? 

Co-OPERATION  OE  PARENTS  AND  TEACHERS. 

Have  you  ever  really  tried  to  learn  how  you  can 
help  the  teacher  so  that  she  might  accomplish  more 
for  your  own  dear  child  and  those  of  others?  Do 
you  ever  believe  what  your  child  says  without  hear- 
ing the  other  side  of  the  complaint?  Should  not 
parents  and  teachers  work  together?  If  they  pull 
in  opposite  directions  will  not  the  interest  of  the 
child  remain  stationary?  Before  criticising,  will 
you  not  stop  and  remember  that  the  teachers'  work 
is  very  difficult  at  best?      It  is  probable  that  your 


158  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

child's  teacher  is  making  the  work  more  interesting 
and  profitable  than  any  teacher  to  whom  you  have 
ever  gone ;  for  the  schools  of  to-day  are  infinitely 
better  than  they  were  twenty-five  years  ago. 

Criticising  the  Teacher. 

Have  you  ever  criticised  the  teacher  in  the  pres- 
ence of  your  child?  If  you  do,  are  you  aware  of 
the  fact  that  you  are  injuring  your  child  a  hundred 
times  as  much  as  you  are  injuring  the  teacher? 
When  he  finds  he  can  depend  upon  you  he  will  say 
the  teacher  has  a  "pick  at  him."  It  is  quite  natural 
that  you  should  believe  his  story.  But  should  you 
not  investigate  before  letting  him  have  his  own 
way  about  leaving  school?  On  your  way  down  the 
street,  watch  for  other  boys  whose  parents  believed 
that  they  were  "picked  at."  You  can  see  them  on 
every  corner ;  a  cigar  in  the  mouth,  impudence  in 
the  face,  a  swagger  in  the  walk,  and  don't-care-a- 
cent  in  the  manner.  They  think  they  are  older  than 
their  parents,  know  more  than  all  their  teachers, 
and  are  probably  running  a  downward  course  faster 
than  the  latest  automobile. 

How  Parents  Can  Heep  the  Teacher. 

Might  it  not  be  well  to  consider  how  you  can  help 
the  teacher  manage  and  train  your  child?  Is  it  not 
best  to  take  for  granted  that  the  teacher  is  right, 
unless  you  are  led  to  the  opposite  conclusion  after 
careful  investigation?     Do  you  really  want  to  help 


.     THE  CHILD  AND  SCHOOL.  159 

the  teacher  and  your  children?  See  that  they  are 
neat  and  clean,  that  they  attend  school  regularly 
and  promptly,  that  they  understand  that  you  expect 
them  to  obey  their  teachers ;  that  they  work  indus- 
triously while  in  school.  Will  you  do  this  ?  If  you 
will,  you  and  your  children  will  never  regret  your 
having  done  so. 


'£> 


Boarding  Schools. 

There  are  times  when  it  seems  best  to  send  boys 
and  girls  to  boarding  schools.  Generally  it  is  a 
mistake.  Better  keep  them  under  your  own  eye. 
If  you  must  send  them  to  boarding  school,  select  the 
school  with  great  care.  Like  a  poor  teacher,  a  poor 
school  is  dear  at  any  price. 

What  Shall  Children  Study? 

Don't  be  in  a  hurry  about  having  your  children 
take  advanced  subjects  and  other  languages.  It  is 
more  important  that  they  learn  to  observe,  to  think, 
and  compare,  and  that  they  understand  and  have 
something  to  say  in  English,  rather  than  know  many 
languages  and  have  nothing  to  say  in  any  of  them. 

A  moderate  knowledge  of  music  and  a  smaller 
amount  of  painting  are  good  for  some,  especially 
the  girls.  But  do  not  rush  the  decorative  portions 
of  their  education.  Remember  the  three  Rs  and  see 
that  they  do  the  same. 


XXIV. 

TRAINING  A  CHILD  TO  TELL  THE 
TRUTH. 

A  Common  Fault. 

Nearly  all  children  seem  to  be  guilty  of  telling 
more  or  less  falsehoods.  This  habit  is  one  of  the 
most  difficult  to  correct.  Many  mothers  are  ready 
to  deny,  with  indignation,  the  statement  that  their 
children  ever  told  a  lie.  However,  very  few  men 
noted  for  their  veracity  can  be  found  who  will  claim 
that,  as  boys,  they  never  told  any  stories.  It  might 
be  well  for  parents  to  consider  this  fact  when  they 
are  about  to  judge  harshly  a  child  who  has  not 
spoken  the  truth. 

A  Difficult  Matter. 

Upon  first  thought,  it  seems  that  we  have  a  right 
to  expect  the  truth  from  every  person  at  all  times, 
and  especially  from  children.  But  is  it  such  an  easy 
matter  to  tell  the  truth?  Is  there  any  good  reason 
why  we  should  feel  shocked  when  a  young  child 
tells  a  falsehood?  What  do  we  mean  when  we  say 
a  child  ought  to  tell  the  truth?  Do  we  not  mean 
that  it  is  the  child's  duty  ?  What  does  a  young  child 
know  about  duty?      Nothing,  until  it  has  been  in- 


TELLING  THE  TRUTH.  161 

structed.  Even  then  very  little,  until  it  has  reached 
school  age  or  even  later.  Most  of  us  will  agree  that 
the  incentive  to  do  right,  because  it  is  a  duty  to  do 
so  at  all  times,  is  such  a  high  incentive  that  even 
adults  frequently  hesitate,  and  many  times  fail  to 
respond  as  they  should  to  this  moral  obligation. 

Hard  to  Punish  Properly. 

How  many  conscientious  parents  have  been  per- 
plexed to  know  how  they  should  punish  a  child  who 
persists  in  telling  falsehoods !  Mistakes  of  manage- 
ment here  may  so  easily  drive  a  child  into  becoming 
a  confirmed  story-teller,  not  only  while  a  child,  but 
even  after  he  has  reached  manhood.  Some  children 
seem  to  have  no  sense  of  honesty  whatever.  They 
will  tell  stories  without  any  apparent  provocation. 
Sometimes  they  will  even  tell  untruths  when  against 
their  own  interests,  so  that  it  seems  impossible  to 
understand  them.  Every  person  of  experience  has 
known  such.  All  know  that  many  of  these  have 
turned  out  to  be  the  most  reliable  men  and  women. 
Is  it  any  wonder,  then,  that  a  thoughtful  parent  ap- 
proaches this  subject  prayerfully  and  with  fear  and 
trembling  ? 

Why  Children  Are  Untruthful. 

In  early  years  the  distinction  between  realities  and 
mere  fancies  of  the  mind  are  not  clearly  perceived. 
Very  few  adults  can  tell  the  exact  truth  about  any 
accident  they  see.     Nearly  every  person  sometimes 


162  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

stops  and  hesitates  before  he  is  sure  whether  he 
really  had  a  certain  experience,  or  whether  it  is 
merely  a  dream.  Have  we  not  all  sometimes  asked 
ourselves  the  question,  "Did  I  dream  this,  or  did  I 
read  it,  or  did  someone  tell  me  of  it  several  years 
ago?" 

Remembering  is  simply  bringing  into  our  minds 
images  of  what  has  been  there  before.  It  is  merely 
another  form  of  imagination.  How  easy  it  is  for 
anyone,  especially  a  child,  to  fail  to  distinguish  be- 
tween the  image  now  in  the  mind  and  one  that  was 
prominent  in  the  mind  some  time  in  the  past !  How 
natural  for  a  child  thinking  about  a  runaway  to  con- 
fuse the  image  now  in  the  mind  with  the  one  that 
might  have  been  in  the  mind  some  time  ago.  If 
he  does,  he  would  say  that  he  saw  a  runaway  and 
tell  all  the  details  he  remembers  from  the  picture 
in  his  mind.  He  would  then  be  telling  what  he 
thought  would  be  the  truth,  even  though  it  was  a 
falsehood. 

When  we  consider  that  the  mental  faculties  of 
children  are  all  very  immature,  and  that  their  minds 
are  occupied  with  such  a  multitude  of  various  kinds 
of  sensations  as  to  form  a  bewildering  maze,  need 
we  wonder  that  children  are  apt  to  handle  the  truth 
rather  carelessly?  Are  there  not  the  best  of  rea- 
sons to  justify  our  being  amazed  that,  so  frequently, 
they  are  able  to  distinguish  so  well  between  the 
images  of  the  true  and  those  of  the  false,  when  we 
ourselves  can  scarcely  understand  how  we  are  able 
to  do  so? 


TELLING  THE  TRUTH.  163 

Other  Reasons  for  Untruthfulness. 

As  children  grow  older  the  power  to  distinguish 
between  images  of  the  present  and  the  past  should 
become  stronger.  It  is  therefore  necessary  to  look 
for  other  explanations  of  seeming  untruthfulness. 
Do  not  parents  and  others  tell  children  fairy  stories 
for  the  sake  of  pleasing  them  ?  They  do  not  expect 
children  to  believe  them,  so  that,  in  one  sense,  they 
are  not  untruthful.  Now  suppose  a  child  is  asked 
whether  he  was  kind  to  his  little  sister.  He  may 
answer  that  he  was,  not  so  much  because  of  fear  of 
consequences  as  because  he  dislikes  to  displease  the 
parent.  Is  there  a  parent  who  does  not  remember 
such  instances?  Is  not  such  desire  praiseworthy? 
Such  a  child  does  not  reason  deeply.  He  does  not 
analyze.     He  cannot. 

Sometimes  the  parent  will  playfully  say  to  a  child, 
"I  am  a  big  bear  and  I  am  going  to  eat  you,"  and 
many  such  expressions.  This  is  all  right.  It  is  not 
wrong.  The  child  knows  that  he  is  just  playing. 
Yet  the  images  in  the  child's  mind  will  be  so  real 
that  the  child  will  run  in  great  fear.  It  is,  indeed, 
very  hard  for  any  child  with  a  vivid  imagination  to 
readily  distinguish  between  images.  Need  we  won- 
der that  they  draw  on  their  imaginations  when  talk- 
ing to  others? 

Even  Parents  Make  Sad  Mistakes. 

Sad  to  relate,  many  parents  make  it  very  hard 
for  their  children  to  be  truthful.     How  often  they 


164  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

promise  but  do  not  fulfill  their  promises.  The  worst 
of  it  is,  many  times  they  have  no  idea  of  fulfilling 
their  promises.  Sometimes  a  parent  will,  in  the 
presence  of  children,  welcome  most  cordially  some 
unexpected  and  undesired  caller.  It  has  been  re- 
ported that  after  the  doors  are  closed  all  manner 
of  unkind  things  are  said  in  the  hearing  of  the  chil- 
dren. How  often  is  this  the  case?  What  a  terri- 
ble example  for  children !  One  little  girl,  on  being 
told  to  go  to  bed  as  soon  as  some  callers  left,  said, 
"Oh,  please  let  me  stay  up ;  I  want  to  hear  what  you 
say  about  them !" 

Many  times  children  perceive  that  parents  are 
deliberately  lying  about  something.  Other  times, 
at  least,  it  is  said  parents  tell  the  children  to  inform 
unwelcome  visitors  that  they  have  gone  down  the 
street  or  are  not  at  home.  Sometimes  one  parent 
will,  deliberately,  and  with  the  knowledge  of  the 
children,  conceal  things  from  the  other  parent,  and 
not  hesitate  to  tell  untruths  concerning  the  matter. 
Some  cases  are  even  worse  than  the  above-men- 
tioned, but  these  are  bad  enough.  Under  such  cir- 
cumstances is  it  any  wonder  that  children  have  little 
idea  of  the  importance  of  telling  the  truth  ?  Need 
we  be  surprised  that  under  such  training  children 
soon  learn  to  deceive  even  more  successfully  than 
their  parents? 

Important  Conclusions. 
Don't    imagine    that    children    naturally    tell    the 
truth.      They   must   be   trained   to   do   so,   as  they 


TELLING  THE  TRUTH.  165 

would  be  trained  in  any  other  desirable  habit.  Par- 
ents should  not  expect  them  to  be  trained  by  harsh 
knocks,  which  so  often  result  in  injury  to  the  child. 

The  parent  should  not  feel  too  much  worried  if 
a  young  child  is  continually  telling  stories.  The 
remedy  lies  in  proper  training. 

If  a  child  shows  great  fear  of  the  consequences, 
the  parent  should  carefully  consider  whether  the 
consequences  have  not  been  too  severe  in  the  past. 
Is  it  not  true  that,  very  often,  children  are  driven 
into  telling  untruths  by  the  mistakes  which  the  par- 
ents have  made  in  punishing  falsehoods? 

The  young  child  who  tells  an  untruth  should  not 
be  punished  severely,  if  at  all.  What  such  a  child 
needs  is  the  right  kind  of  instruction ;  not  punish- 
ment in  anger.  He  should  have  an  explanation  of 
the  evils  resulting  from  a  continuance  of  such  prac- 
tices, if  he  is  not  too  young.  When  a  child  does  tell 
the  truth,  under  trying  circumstances,  too  much  ap- 
proval cannot  be  given.  By  stories  concerning  truth- 
ful children,  and  in  various  other  ways,  no  effort 
should  be  spared  to  train  children  so  that  they  will 
get  in  the  habit  of  telling  the  truth. 

Finally,  let  the  parents  be  sure  that  they  not  only 
encourage  their  children  to  tell  the  truth,  but  that 
they  show  them  how  to  do  so. 


XXV. 

THE  MANAGEMENT  OF  THE  STUBBORN 

CHILD. 

The  Meaning  of  Stubbornness. 

How  many  parents  have  wondered  what  they 
should  do  with  the  child  who  positively  refuses  to 
do  what  he  is  told !  What  can  be  done  with  such 
a  child?  The  answer  is  not  easy.  What  might 
answer  for  one  child  may  be  of  very  little  use  for 
another.  Too  many  parents  think  the  child  is  de- 
praved because  he  is  stubborn.  Such  is  not  the 
case.  Stubbornness  is  simply  an  indication  of  a 
strong  will  and  should  be  treated  as  such.  In  a  later 
talk  on  the  training  of  the  will,  attention  will  be 
called  to  the  fact  that  a  strong  will  is  a  most  excel- 
lent thing  for  a  child  to  possess.  The  trouble  comes, 
of  course,  when  the  child  "won't"  do  right,  but  wills 
to  do  wrong. 

A  Diamond  in  the  Rough. 

Let  the  parent  who  has  a  child  that  is  disposed  to 
be  stubborn  not  lose  heart.  Such  a  child  is  a  dia- 
mond in  the  rough.  Have  you  ever  seen  such  a 
diamond?  There  is  nothing  interesting  in  its  ap- 
pearance.    None,  save  those  who  can  see  below  the 


THE  STUBBORN  CHILD.  167 

surface,  would  consider  it  of  any  value.  Yet  prop- 
erly handled  it  will  show  the  brilliancy  of  a  gem  of 
priceless  value.  So  it  will  be  with  the  stubborn 
child,  if  only  the  parent  has  wisdom  and  tact  enough 
to  discover  how  such  an  one  can  be  reached. 

The;  Result  op  Continued  Stubbornness. 

If  the  child  who  is  supposed  to  be  stubborn  per- 
sists in  stubbornness,  the  result  may  be  very  serious. 
It  is  apt  to  affect,  if  not  prevent,  his  future  success 
in  life.  Once  such  a  habit  is  firmly  fixed,  it  will 
not  only  show  itself  in  the  home,  on  every  occasion, 
but  it  will  also  assert  itself  in  the  school  and  in 
society.  These  are  the  ones  who  are  most  likely  to 
be  misunderstood  and  unappreciated,  both  at  home 
and  in  school.  Too  often  they  are  those  who  can- 
not be  tolerated  in  company  with  other  children,  lest 
other  children  pattern  after  them.  The  result  is 
they  are  expelled  from  school,  educated  on  the 
street,  and  housed  in  the  jails  and  penitentiaries  of 
the  land. 

One  Way  of  Managing  a  Stubborn  Child. 

A  child  who  had  an  exceptionally  strong  will  was 
trained  into  an  entirely  different  kind  of  a  child  by 
the  following  treatment  when  still  quite  young. 
When  he  refused  to  do  as  he  was  told  he  was  re- 
quired to  take  a  particular  scat,  and  in  the  kindest 
tones  it  was  explained  that  certain  consequences 
would  certainly  result  if  he  did  not  comply  with  the 
request  made.      Care  was  taken  not  to  make  any 


1 68  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

threats  which  would  not  and  should  not  be  carried 
into  execution.  He  was  told  to  think  the  matter 
over  and  decide  whether  it  would  give  him  more 
pleasure  to  do  as  he  was  bidden,  or  to  receive  cer- 
tain punishments  and  lose  some  privileges  which  he 
would  very  much  enjoy. 

As  was  expected,  he  decided  to  lose  the  privileges 
and  take  the  punishment  rather  than  comply  with 
the  directions.  Great  care  was  taken  to  see  that 
every  detail  of  the  punishment  was  carried  out  in 
the  most  kindly  manner  and  yet  with  such  firmness 
as  showed  that  he  need  never  count  upon  the  slight- 
est modification  of  the  penalties  promised. 

One  Punishment  Sufficient. 

The  next  time  he  refused  to  do  as  told  he  was 
placed  in  the  same  chair,  and  somewhat  similar 
promises  made.  After  thinking  the  matter  over  for 
about  two  minutes  he  said :  "Papa,  I  will  do  what 
you  tell  me."  He  had  deliberately  considered  the 
matter  and  made  a  choice.  He  had  discovered  that 
it  did  not  pay  to  suffer  the  loss  of  a  great  deal  of 
pleasure  for  the  sake  of  the  satisfaction  of  having 
his  own  way. 

Not  a  few  times  thereafter  it  was  necessary  to 
place  him  in  a  chair  and  await  his  decisions.  In 
but  few  cases,  however,  did  he  decide  other  than 
wisely.  Later  he  was  trained  into  habits  of  obedi- 
ence by  requiring  him  to  comply  with  such  direc- 
tions as,  "Get  up  on  this  chair !"  "Come  here !"  "Go 


THE  STUBBORN  CHILD.  169 

to  that  corner!"  "Sit  on  the  floor!"  and  many  other 
similar  commands.  These  directions  were  given  as 
if  it  were  a  game. 

Some  may  object  to  such  a  method,  but  it  re- 
sulted in  forming  the  habit  of  obedience  in  a  child 
of  unusually  strong  will.  In  the  past  eight  years 
that  boy  has  not  once  refused  obedience  to  the  ex- 
pressed wish  of  the  parent. 

May  this  case  not  be  suggestive  to  some  parents 
who  are  naturally  disposed  to  show  that  they  can- 
not only  be  more  stubborn  than  their  child,  but  that, 
by  relying  on  greater  brute  force,  they  can  compel 
them  to  do  as  the  parent  orders?  Such  conduct  is 
not  worthy  of  a  loving  parent. 

How  a  Child  Was  Saved. 

This  little  boy,  spoken  of  above,  when  scarcely 
two  years  old,  had  climbed  to  the  top  of  a  fire- 
escape  on  one  of  the  highest  buildings  in  the  city. 
When  discovered  he  was  in  imminent  danger  of  be- 
ing dashed  to  the  pavement  below.  The  crowd 
gathered,  while  the  agonized  father  was  preparing 
to  ascend  and  endeavor  to  rescue  the  child.  As 
he  started  up,  the  little  boy,  in  glee,  tried  to  escape 
by  crawling  upon  the  edge  of  the  roof,  where  the 
least  slip  meant  certain  death.  Under  the  circum- 
stances the  father  did  not  dare  to  climb  upward,  lest, 
in  his  efforts  to  escape,  the  little  boy  would  fall 
from  the  edge  of  the  roof.     What  was  to  be  done ! 

As  stated  above,  the  child  had  been  very  self- 


170  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

willed.  Only  by  the  most  careful,  persistent  and 
systematic  training  had  it  been  possible  to  secure 
prompt  obedience   from  him. 

In  the  way  indicated  above  he  had  been  trained 
to  obey  implicitly.  Remembering  this,  the  father 
walked  out  into  the  middle  of  the  crowded  street, 
where  the  child,  standing  on  the  edge  of  the  roof, 
could  see  him  quite  easily.  In  a  loud,  firm  voice 
he  cried,  "Willie,  sit  down !  Sit  down !"  Imme- 
diately the  child  sat  upon  the  edge  of  the  roof. 
When  the  father  started  up,  the  little  boy  was  dis- 
posed to  get  up  and  run  along  the  edge  of  the  roof. 
However,  in  obedience  to  the  repeated  order,  "Sit 
down!"  he  remained  seated  until,  with  great  diffi- 
culty, the  father  reached  him,  clasped  him  in  his 
arms  and  brought  him  safely  from  the  dizzy  height. 
But  for  his  having  been  trained  away  from  stub- 
bornness into  implicit  obedience,  that  dear  child 
would  have  been  dashed  to  death  twelve  years  ago. 

How  to  Manage  the;  Most  Stubborn. 

In  the  great  proportion  of  cases  of  stubbornness 
the  child  is  not  intentionally  so,  though  the  contrary 
may  appear  to  be  the  case.  It  seems  almost  impos- 
sible for  some  children  to  comply  with  requests 
made  under  certain  conditions.  They  seem  posi- 
tively mulish,  in  the  very  worst  sense  of  the  word. 
Luckily  there  are  very  few  such.  Many  of  these 
are  under  an  intense  nervous  strain.  It  seems  that 
one  of  the  best  ways  of  managing  such  a  child  is  to 


THE  STUBBORN  CHILD.  171 

strive  to  get  the  child  to  think  of  something  else. 
If  he  can  be  made  to  forget,  it  may  be  easy  to  lead 
him  back  to  the  desired  path. 

Those  who  have  had  experience  with  a  balky 
horse  will  understand  what  is  meant.  Such  have 
discovered  that  no  amount  of  beating  will  have  the 
slightest  effect.  One  man,  whose  horses  were  draw- 
ing a  load  of  hay,  endeavored  to  start  one  of  the 
horses  by  building  a  fire  under  the  horse.  The  horse 
moved  far  enough  to  get  himself  out  of  danger  and 
to  set  fire  to  the  load  of  hay.  By  unhitching  the 
horses  the  man  saved  them.  He  has  not  yet  been 
able  to  collect  the  insurance  on  the  hay  and  the 
wagon.  The  parent  who  uses  brute  force  with  a 
stubborn  child  of  nervous  temperament  may  fare 
far  worse  than  this  man.  Those  who  are  most  suc- 
cessful in  the  management  of  such  horses  find  their 
greatest  success  in  diverting  their  attention  by 
tickling  the  nose,  putting  dust  in  their  mouths,  giv- 
ing them  something  to  eat,  or  in  some  other  way 
making  them  forget  their  determination  to  be  balky. 
May  there  not  be  some  suggestion  in  this  method 
of  procedure  for  those  parents  who  have  exception- 
ally stubborn  children? 


XXVI. 

THE   TRAINING    OF    THE    ONLY    CHILD. 

Why  the  Only  Child  Is  Spoiled. 

How  often  the  only  child  groves  up  to  be  the 
opposite  of  what  parents  and  friends  would  wish. 
That  such  is  the  case  all  must  admit.  That  there 
is  some  good  reason  for  this  being  the  case  many 
have  surmised.  What  the  reasons  are  few  have 
attempted  to  say. 

One  great  reason  why  the  only  child  is  likely  to 
be  spoiled  may  be  found  in  the  fact  that  the  parents 
are  disposed  to  give  the  child  nearly  everything  he 
desires.  Being  the  only  child  he  is  likely  to  get 
much  more  than  if  there  were  several  children.  His 
every  wish  is  granted  by  parents,  grandparents, 
uncles,  aunts  and  friends.  Such  being  the  fact,  is 
it  any  wonder  that  a  child  treated  in  this  way  is 
apt  to  grow  selfish  and  expect  the  same  treatment 
from  everybody,  even  when  he  grows  older  and 
should  know  better? 

The  only  child  is  apt  to  be  petted  and  compli- 
mented by  all.  If  there  were  more,  the  praise  would 
be  divided.  All  love  a  pet,  and  it  is  well  for  all  to 
have  one  of  some  kind,  if  it  be  only  a  dog,  cat,  a 
horse,  or  some  other  animal.  But  it  is  very  injur- 
ious for  a  single  child  to  receive  all  the  petting  which 


THE  ONLY  CHILD.  173 

loving  parents  are  apt  to  bestow.  No  parent  should 
withhold  commendation  for  praiseworthy  acts,  but 
the  undeserved  praise  which  the  only  child  is  apt 
to  get  is  likely  to  make  him  so  proud  and  overbear- 
ing that  life  is  miserable  for  those  who  come  in 
contact  with  him. 

From  the  time  the  only  child  learns  to  walk  he 
is  apt  to  be  followed  persistently.  At  every  turn 
he  is  met  by  a  restraining  hand.  Much  less  oppor- 
tunity is  given  for  development  than  to  those  chil- 
dren in  families  where  the  number  is  such  that  a 
great  amount  of  freedom  is  necessarily  permitted. 
Such  children  may  receive  a  few  extra  bumps,  but 
they  will  learn  lessons  which  will  prove  invaluable 
in  after  life. 

The  Only  Child  Sometimes  the  Best. 

While  it  is,  indeed,  very  much  harder  to  properly 
train  an  only  child  than  one  of  a  number  of  children, 
the  fact  remains  that  some  of  the  very  best  trained 
children  have  been  those  who  came  from  families 
where  there  were  no  other  children.  Where  this  is 
the  case  it  has  been  the  result  of  the  parents  appre- 
ciating the  peculiar  danger  and  difficulty  in  the  train- 
ing of  an  only  child.  Seeing  clearly  the  dangers, 
it  is  possible  to  avoid  them.  It  is  hoped  that  the  few 
suggestions  in  this  talk  may  give  help  to  many  who 
are  endeavoring  to  train  an  only  child. 

Those  who  have  the  responsibility  of  training  a 
single  child  should  guard  carefully  lest  they  overdo 


174  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

the  training.  Too  frequently  this  is  the  reason  why 
the  children  of  ministers  do  not  turn  out  as  they 
should.  Being  intensely  interested  in  the  proper 
training  of  their  children  and  being  determined  to 
do  everything  that  is  best,  they  have  sometimes  been 
led  to  repress  far  more  than  is  best.  Many  times 
such  parents  do  more  harm  by  too  much  training 
than  is  done  by  other  parents  who  are  much  lacking 
in  all  systematic  training. 

The  Children  oe  the  Rich. 

What  has  been  said  concerning  the  training  of 
the  only  child  applies  with  equal  if  not  greater  force 
to  the  children  of  the  rich.  Certain  it  is  that  the 
children  of  the  rich  are  generally  at  a  great  disad- 
vantage in  the  battle  of  life.  It  is  the  exception 
when  such  are  able  to  hold  their  own  in  competition 
with  those  who  come  from  families  in  which  luxury 
is  unknown.  The  motto,  "Give  the  poor  boy  a 
chance,"  should  be  changed.  It  should  be  made  to 
read,  "Give  the  child  of  the  rich  parents  a  chance." 
The  poor  boy  will  take  a  chance  and  hold  it.  We 
need  not  bother  to  give  it  to  him.  We  are  told  on 
the  best  of  authority  that  it  is  easier  for  a  camel  to 
go  through  the  eye  of  a  needle  than  for  a  rich  man 
to  enter  the  kingdom  of  heaven.  The  same  figure 
of  speech  might  be  used  to  emphasize  the  difficulty 
of  properly  training  the  only  child  or  the  child  of 
wealthy  parents.  Too  much  prosperity  is  apt  to 
ruin  adults.      Is  there  any  wonder  that  a  child  is 


THE  ONLY  CHILD.  17S 

almost  certain  to  be  ruined  by  having  his  own  way 
all  the  time? 

The  Child  Who  Bosses  the  House. 

Who  has  not  seen  a  child  running  the  house  and 
all  in  it?  Who  has  not  felt  sorry  for  the  unfortun- 
ate parent  on  the  street,  in  the  car  or  in  the  home? 
Many  times  one  feels  disposed  to  take  charge  of 
such  an  one  for  a  short  time.  On  such  occasion 
there  would  probably  be  an  attempt  to  cure  "by  the 
laying  on  of  hands." 

No  one  who  has  watched  a  spoiled  child  bossing 
things  could  fail  to  feel  sorry  for  the  parents.  Many 
times  they  are  deserving  of  pity.  In  some  cases 
they  do  not  seem  to  know  they  have  really  nothing 
to  say  on  most  subjects.  In  other  cases  they  realize 
the  condition  but  seem  helpless. 

But  should  not  the  child  be  pitied  even  more  than 
the  parents?  It  is  not  his  fault,  but  the  result  of 
improper  training;  upon  his  young  shoulders  rest 
the  cares  of  the  house.  He  must  decide  whether 
the  parent  shall  go  out  or  remain  at  home,  whether 
he  shall  go  to  bed  or  stay  up  longer,  whether  he  shall 
eat  what  is  put  before  him,  and  as  to  a  great  many 
other  questions  which  most  parents  decide  for  their 
children,  thereby  relieving  them  of  a  great  responsi- 
bility. 

Who  Is  to  Blame? 

When  such  a  condition  exists  whose  fault  is  it? 
At  first  we  are  disposed  to  blame  the  child.     But  is 


176  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

that  just?  Under  the  same  conditions,  would  we 
not  have  acted  the  same  way?  Long  before  such 
a  child  could  utter  a  word  he  was  probably  trained 
to  do  what  he  now  does.  Before  he  was  a  month 
old  he  was  probably  taught  that,  even  if  comfort- 
able, he  should  not  lie  quiet,  but  should  cry,  that  he 
might  be  walked,  rocked  or  patted  until  he  fell 
asleep.  Ever  since  that  time  he  has  probably  had 
such  training  which  most  certainly  prepared  him  to 
be  the  despotic  ruler  of  the  house. 

But  place  the  blame  where  you  will,  the  fact  re- 
mains that  no  parent  has  a  right  to  ruin  a  child  by 
allowing  him  to  assume  the  duties  which  belong 
to  the  parent.  It  is  the  parents'  duty  to  decide  for 
the  child  until  he  has  developed  sufficient  judgment 
to  decide  for  himself.  It  is  the  child's  duty  to  obey, 
and  the  parents'  duty  to  see  that  he  does  so. 


XXVII. 

QUESTIONS    AND    REQUESTS. 

The  Child  an  Animated  Interrogation  Point. 

It  is  perfectly  natural  for  every  healthy  child  to 
ask  frequent  questions.  Every  sense  reaches  out 
after  knowledge.  Before  he  can  speak  he  looks  his 
questions.  After  he  can  talk  he  is  always  ready  to 
ask  them.  The  parent  who  undertakes  to  answer 
all  the  questions  which  a  child  may  ask  will  have 
but  little  time  for  anything  else.  It  is,  therefore, 
very  hard  to  say  what  is  best  for  a  parent  to  do 
with  reference  to  the  many  questions. 

Importance  oe  Questions. 

The  answer  to  a  question  is  the  beginning  of 
knowledge.  But  for  the  answers  which  a  child  re- 
ceives to  his  questions  he  could  make  no  start  in 
knowledge.  His  progress  ends  when  he  can  no 
longer  receive  answers  from  books  or  from  other 
sources.  That  parent  whose  child  does  not  desire 
to  ask  questions  is  to  be  pitied.  He  should  consult 
a  doctor  in  the  hope  of  discovering  the  cause  of  the 
affliction.  Such  a  child  is  in  danger  of  death  from 
intellectual  starvation. 

The  tendency  of  children  to  ask  questions  should 


178  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

be  made  of  great  use  in  the  training  of  children.  It 
opens  the  door  to  the  child's  mind,  and  to  his  heart 
as  well.  For  this  reason,  if  properly  understood, 
they  may  prove  to  be  blessings  in  disguise,  not  only 
to  the  child,  but  to  the  parents  as  well. 

Natural  Tendency  oe  Parents  Wrong. 

The  natural  tendency  of  the  tired  parent  is  to 
endeavor  to  repress,  or  entirely  prevent  the  child's 
asking  questions.  This  is  very  wrong.  The  effort 
which  the  parent  should  make  is  to  train  the  child 
to  ask  the  right  kind  of  questions,  and  to  ask  them 
at  the  proper  time.  The  parent  who  can  do  this  will 
have  but  little  trouble  from  this  source. 

Curiosity  No  Crime. 

No  parent  should  fail  to  remember  that  curiosity 
is  most  natural  to  all,  and  especially  to  children. 
Since  it  is  so,  children  should  not  be  criticised  for 
asking  questions.  The  child  finds  everything  full 
of  mystery.  If  he  is  gifted  with  the  average  intelli- 
gence he  cannot  help  seeking  to  find  an  explanation 
for  the  wonderful  things  which  surround  him.  Yet 
it  is  reported  on  good  authority  that  some  parents 
have  been  heard  to  exclaim,  "Stop  asking  me  ques- 
tions !"  "You  will  drive  me  crazy !"  "Don't  bother 
me  with  any  more  questions !"  "I'll  whip  you  if 
you  don't  stop  asking  me  questions !"  The  parents' 
attitude  should  rather  be  shown  by  such  statements 
as  the  following:     "I  am  very  glad  to  have  you  ask 


>-*, 


QUESTIONS  AND  REQUESTS.  179 

me  proper  questions  about  what  you  wish  to  know. 
I  am  busy  now,  but  this  evening  I  will  try  to  answer 
your  questions."  Who  will  doubt  the  difference  in 
effect  upon  any  child  ? 

How  to  Answer  a  Child's  Questions. 

In  answering  a  child's  questions  the  parent  should 
remember  that,  in  most  cases,  the  child  is  not  seek- 
ing for  the  details  of  knowledge.  He  generally 
wants  only  the  main  facts.  He  does  not  want  an 
extended  discourse  on  any  subject.  Therefore  most 
answers  to  young  children  should  be  very  short  and 
to  the  point.  If  parents  would  but  remember  this 
they  would  find  much  less  trouble  in  answering  the 
many  questions  which  are  sure  to  come. 

Some  questions  require  more  time  and  thought. 
They  therefore  cannot  well  be  answered  at  the  time. 
This  is  especially  the  case  with  questions  of  older 
children.  Such  questions  may  be  postponed  until 
a  more  suitable  occasion.  The  important  matter  is 
that  the  child  should  feel  that  he  is  free  to  ask  ques- 
tions about  those  things  which  are  of  interest  to  him, 
but  concerning  which  he  has  no  sure  means  of  gain- 
ing information.  If  he  has  a  way  of  finding  the 
answer  by  reference  to  cyclopaedia,  to  some  other 
book,  or  in  some  other  way,  he  should  be  required 
to  answer  his  own  question. 

What  to  Do  About  Some  Questions. 
Many  times  parents  will  be  asked  questions  which 


180  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

they  cannot  answer.  If  such  is  the  case  a  parent 
should  not  hesitate  to  say,  "I  do  not  know,  but  if 
you  are  anxious  to  understand  I  will  look  it  up  and 
explain  it  to  you  later."  Many  parents  refuse  to  do 
this  lest  the  children  think  less  of  them.  Is  this  not 
a  mistake?  Even  the  child  soon  learns  that  the 
field  of  knowledge  is  boundless.  He  soon  realizes 
that  it  is  impossible  for  any  person  to  know  even  a 
small  part  of  what  is  to  be  known.  While  to  some 
parents  the  whole  world  is  a  field,  to  others  a  field 
is  a  world.  Why,  then,  should  they  not  be  frank 
with  their  children  in  this  matter,  as  in  other  things  ? 
Again,  there  are  questions  which  it  is  not  right  or 
best  that  parents  should  answer.  Such  questions 
may  be  passed  over  with  the  statement  that  they  can- 
not be  explained  now,  or  that  it  is  not  necessary  for 
them  to  understand  it  at  this  time.  They  may  be 
told  that  when  the  time  comes  all  these  things  will 
be  made  clear  to  them. 

A  Child's  Requests. 

There  are  many  things  which  it  is  not  safe  for  a 
child  to  have.  Some  would  be  injurious,  if  not 
fatal.  There  are  many  other  things  which  it  is  not 
best  for  a  child  to  possess.  As  his  protector,  it  is 
the  parent's  business  to  see  that  the  child  does  not 
get  what  is  injurious.  These  things  it  is  easy  for 
the  parent  to  refuse.  The  sharp  knife,  the  bottle  of 
poison,  the  loaded  revolver,  would  be  denied  a  child 
very  quickly.      However,  too  many  find  it  almost 


QUESTIONS  AND  REQUESTS.  181 

impossible  to  refuse  many  things  which  the  child 
should  not  have,  even  though  they  are  not  especially 
harmful. 

A  Hard  Matter. 

How  hard  it  is  for  a  loving  parent  to  refuse  to 
give  what  a  child  cries  for  or  what  it  pleads  for !  It 
gives  so  much  pleasure  to  make  the  child  happy.  He 
enjoys  it  so  much  that  it  is  indeed  very  hard  to  re- 
fuse where  it  is  possible  to  grant  the  request.  Yet 
the  most  unkind  treatment  any  parent  can  give  is  to 
grant  everything  asked  for.  Such  a  course  means 
almost  certain  ruin.  How  many  parents  do  not  ap- 
preciate to  its  fullest  extent  the  truth  of  this  state- 
ment! 

What  a  Child  Should  Be  Denied. 

That  every  child  should  be  denied  that  which  will 
injure  him  all  must  readily  admit.  Yet  is  it  not  a 
fact  that  many  children  are  not  denied  many  things 
which,  in  reality,  do  harm?  It  is  wrong  to  give  a 
child  every  toy  it  wishes.  It  is  positively  injurious 
to  give  a  child  to  eat  whatever  he  asks  for.  Every 
parent  must  judge  for  himself  what  the  child  should 
be  denied  and  what  he  should  be  granted.  No  par- 
ent should  fail  to  see  the  importance  of  refusing, 
even  though  it  means  temporary  pain  for  the  child 
or  even  for  the  parent. 

Childhood  should  be  the  happiest  time  of  life.  A 
child  should  suffer  no  more  pain  than  is  necessary 
to  properly  train  him  for  the  life  which  is  to  come. 
He  should  not  be  met  by  denial  at  every  turn.    How- 


182  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

ever,  the  fact  remains  that  it  is  of  great  importance 
that  every  child  should  find  quite  early  in  life  that 
his  every  wish  cannot  be  granted.  Most  parents 
cannot  have  nearly  everything  they  desire.  To  be 
happy  in  life  they  must  learn  to  forego  many  pleas- 
ures they  would  like  to  enjoy,  and  get  into  the  habit 
of  enjoying  greatly  those  things  which  they  do 
have.  Thus  only  will  their  lives  be  happy.  Is  it 
not  likely  that  the  child  will  also  fail  to  get  many 
things  he  will  wish  to  have  when  he  is  older?  Is 
it  not  very  important  that  he  should  be  trained  to 
take  as  a  matter  of  course  his  failures  to  secure 
many  things  he  asks  for?  Only  thus  will  he  be 
fitted  to  meet  life's  many  disappointments. 

Children  Expect  Too  Much. 
Most  children  of  the  present  time  expect  far  more 
than  they  should.  Their  parents  were  glad  for  the 
wagon  made  from  an  old  box,  with  spools  for 
wheels.  The  child  of  to-day  is  satisfied  with  noth- 
ing less  than  automobiles  of  various  sizes  and  colors. 
The  parent  was  glad,  perhaps,  for  a  rag  doll  which 
was  loved  for  its  hideousness.  The  child  of  to-day 
expects  to  have  a  whole  family  of  expensive  dolls, 
made  as  life-like  as  possible.  The  parents  consid- 
ered themselves  fortunate  if  they  were  given  the 
privilege  of  looking  at  a  book,  even  though  not  at 
all  suited  to  their  age.  Now  the  child  is  given  many 
books  prepared  expressly  for  children.  Is  it  any 
wonder  that  children  expect  much  more  than  it  is 
necessary  or  best  that  they  should  have? 


XXVIII. 

THE    FEARS    AND    SORROWS    OF 
CHILDREN. 

Children  Naturally  Fearful. 

Nearly  if  not  all  children  quite  early  show  signs 
of  fear.  However,  the  very  young  child  probably 
has  no  fear  whatever.  Such  a  child  does  not  hesi- 
tate to  go  into  almost  every  kind  of  danger.  That 
such  is  the  case  most  will  admit. 

The  more  nervous  a  child  is  the  more  fearful  he 
is  likely  to  be  as  he  gets  older;  however,  if  proper 
care  is  taken  fears  may  be  prevented  from  gaining 
more  than  temporary  control  over  children.  If  not 
dealt  with  properly  they  may  injuriously  affect  them 
all  through  their  lives.  Foolish  the  parent  who 
thinks  that  fears  are  the  signs  of  weakness.  They 
should  be  considered  as  the  natural  result  of  living 
in  the  world  of  imagination  in  which  the  child  exists. 
As  such  they  will  hold  sway  over  the  child's  mind 
until  developing  reason  and  careful  treatment  re- 
move the  causes. 

How  to  Deal  With  a  Child's  Fears. 

It  is  of  great  importance  that  the  fears  of  children 
be  dealt  with  in  great  tenderness  and  with  much 


184  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

consideration.     Yet,  how  often  the  thoughtless  par- 
ent makes  them  a  subject  of  ridicule. 

Sometimes  innocent  children  are  brutally  whipped 
for  the  purpose  of  making  them  less  fearful.  From 
what  will  be  said  upon  the  emotions  and  the  im- 
agination of  children  it  will  be  seen  that  no  treat- 
ment could  be  more  unwise.  Surely  the  time  has 
come  when  those  having  the  managing  of  children 
should  have  some  idea  of  the  significance  of  childish 
fear.  All  should  see  clearly  that  it  is  not  cowardice, 
and  that  the  child  may  really  be  braver  than  the  man 
who  faces  death  in  the  front  line  of  battle,  and  yet 
be  fearful.  Fear  is  the  perception  of  danger.  Cow- 
ardice is  being  afraid  to  brave  the  danger. 

The  Child  Who  Fears  Nothing. 

Some  children  seem  to  fear  nothing.  With  such 
something  is  radically  wrong.  While  it  is  not  ex- 
pected or  best  that  all  should  be  as  fearful  as  are 
those  who  have  lively  imaginations  and  sensitive 
emotions,  yet  it  is  best  that  children  should  have 
some  fear.  If  they  have  not,  at  every  turn  they  will 
meet  with  accidents  which  most  children  would 
avoid.  Children  who  have  no  fear  would  not  hesi- 
tate to  go  near  many  places  which  every  child  should 
avoid.  Such  a  child  is  evidently  almost  entirely 
lacking  in  those  mental  powers  which  every  child 
should  possess. 

Different  Kinds  of  Fears. 
Children    have    many    different    kinds    of    fears. 


FEARS  AND   SORROWS.  185 

Some  are  governed  more  by  one  kind,  and  others 
by  entirely  different  kinds.  Some  have  reasonable 
fears,  others  have  unreasonable  fears.  The  sensible 
child  will  fear  the  fire  which  has  burned  him,  or 
anything  else  which  has  injured  him  in  any  way. 
If  talked  with  and  shown  that  at  a  certain  distance, 
and  under  certain  conditions,  no  unpleasant  conse- 
quences will  follow,  it  is  quite  easy  to  train  him  to 
be  no  more  fearful  than  he  should  be. 

A  great  many  of  the  child's  fears  are  the  natural 
result  of  a  vivid  imagination,  which  has  been  unduly 
stimulated  by  senseless  stories  of  nurse  or  parent. 
Of  all  fears  these  should  be  dealt  with  most  tenderly. 

The  children  of  nervous  temperaments  are  gen- 
erally those  most  sensitive  to  such  fears.  Many  of 
them  suffer  almost  daily  and  nightly  such  anguish 
as  would  drive  their  parents  into  insanity.  Greatly 
are  such  children  to  be  pitied  if  their  parents,  be- 
cause of  real,  acquired  or  pretended  lack  of  fear, 
have  no  sympathy  with  these  fears.  There  is  no 
use  telling  children  that  they  are  unreasonable. 

The  Dreams  oe  Children. 

How  terribly  many  children  suffer  from  the  aw- 
ful dreams  which  awaken  them  from  the  deepest 
sleep!  Indeed  it  is  hardly  possible  for  us  to  sym- 
pathize with  such  as  we  should.  What  parent  can- 
not remember  some  terrible  dreams  which  unnerved 
him,  even  after  he  was  old  enough  to  know  that  so 
far  as   is  known  there  was   absolutely   nothing  in 


186  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

dreams?  Surely  such  a  parent  should  be  most  pa- 
tient with  the  fearful  apparitions  which  are  intensely 
real  to  every  child. 

Many  a  child  has  been  injured  for  life,  and  con- 
demned to  become  a  nervous  wreck  because  of  the 
parents'  disregard  of  these  fears  of  imagination 
which  run  riot  when  we  are  asleep  and  judgment 
is  off  guard.  Like  the  insane  person,  the  child  in 
his  sleep,  to  a  certain  extent,  sees  the  images  as  if 
they  were  real.  In  too  many  cases  the  exciting  and 
terrible  stories  told  by  parents  to  their  children  are 
the  direct  cause  of  many  of  the  worst  dreams  of 
children. 

Bedtime. 

Some  parents  have  never  given  any  consideration 
to  the  claims  of  their  children  when  they  are  about 
to  retire  for  the  night.  Is  this  not  a  mistake?  It 
may  be  argued  that  children  should  learn  to  go  to 
bed  when  they  are  told  and  to  go  to  sleep  promptly. 
Let  it  be  acknowledged  that  this  is  the  case.  The 
fact  remains  that  there  are  times  when  they  cannot 
do  so.  Often  young  children  will  lie  for  hours 
thinking  of  hobgoblins  and  a  hundred  other  things 
which  excite  and  scare  them.  If  reports  can  be  be- 
lieved, many  times  thoughtless  or  selfish  parents  and 
nurses  try  to  scare  children  to  sleep  by  telling  them 
terrible  stories  of  what  may  happen  if  they  do  not 
go  to  sleep  at  once.  Such  treatment  is  barbarous, 
and,  if  it  cannot  be  stopped  in  some  better  way,  it 
justifies  attention  from  the  Society  for  the  Preven- 
tion of  Cruelty  to  Children. 


'     FEARS  AND  SORROWS.  187 

Surely  if  there  is  one  time  that  a  child  should  hear 
only  kind,  quieting  words,  it  is  when  it  is  about  to 
go  to  bed.  The  last  thoughts  before  going  asleep 
are  likely  to  be  the  ones  which  not  only  determine 
the  kind  of  rest  the  child  will  get,  but  even  the  char- 
acter of  the  child  in  the  future.  If  you  have  kind 
words  of  approval,  give  them  now.  See  that,  ex- 
cept in  extreme  cases,  the  nervous  child  is  not  put 
to  bed  with  harshness.  This  hour  before  going  to 
bed  will  be  remembered  long  after  others  have  been 
forgotten.  If  you  no  longer  stop  to  give  a  kiss  to 
your  boy  or  girl  after  he  or  she  is  in  bed  or  ready 
for  bed,  do  not  wonder  that  that  child  is  getting  to 
think  less  of  the  blessings  of  home. 

Parents  Like;  the  Old  Woman  in  the  Shoe. 

Some  parents  are  like  the  old  woman  who  lived 
in  a  shoe,  so  senseless  that  they  postpone  punish- 
ments until  time  for  bed.  Could  there  be  any  worse 
time?  The  parents  in  the  habit  of  doing  this  need 
not  wonder  that  the  children  soon  drift  away  from 
them. 

This  is  not  even  a  time  for  speaking  of  a  child's 
faults.  Hold  up  a  better  example  if  you  will,  but 
do  not  rebuke  now  for  deeds  that  are  past. 

Parents  should  plan,  if  possible,  to  give  the  last 
half  hour  or  so  to  the  children.  Even  with  the 
younger  children  this  is  the  time  when  parents  can 
most  certainly  gain  their  confidence.  At  this  time 
they,  and  especially  the  older  ones,  will  tell  many 


188  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

things  which  they  would  not  mention  at  any  other 
time.  It  is,  therefore,  by  far  the  best  time  for  par- 
ents to  have  heart  to  heart  talks  with  boys  and  girls. 
It  will  be  found  an  excellent  plan  not  only  to  de- 
vote a  few  minutes  of  quiet  talk,  but  also  to  read 
to  the  younger  children  quieting  stories  from  the 
Bible,  or  from  other  books  containing  some  moral 
lesson.  Above  all,  the  effort  should  be  made  to  help 
them  to  sink  to  sleep  with  pleasant  thoughts. 

Senseless  Treatment. 

The  writer  spoke  about  as  above  to  young  parents 
who  were  driving  their  child  into  spasms  by  sense- 
less treatment.  They  were  raising  their  children  by 
rule,  seemingly  ignorant  of  the  fact  that  every  rule 
has  its  exceptions,  and  that  the  nervous  child  must 
have  more  consideration  than  the  one  of  the  lym- 
phatic temperament.  A  child  who  had  been  scared 
by  hearing  the  parents  talk  of  burglars  awoke  and 
cried,  "Papa,  I  see  a  burglar."  What  shall  we  say 
of  the  parent  who  simply  said,  "Yes,  and  if  you 
don't  go  to  sleep  he  will  surely  get  you?"  What 
should  be  done  with  the  parent  who  would  leave 
such  a  little  child  suffer  in  agony  until  she  had  cried 
herself  to  sleep,  that  he  might  "raise  by  rule."  That 
child  probably  suffered  more  in  one  hour  than  the 
father  ever  did  in  a  day.  Only  a  miracle  could  pre- 
vent such  treatment  from  resulting  in  developing 
nervous  trouble  of  some  kind. 


*     FEARS  AND   SORROWS.  189 

The  Sorrows  of  Children. 

Thoughtless  people  sometimes  express  the  belief 
that  children  have  no  sorrows.  This  is  a  great  mis- 
take. Few  adults  have  so  many  sorrows  as  have 
the  children.  At  every  turn  they  are  forbidden  the 
privilege  of  doing  something  which  they  wish  to  do. 

We  should  remember  that  the  sorrows  of  even 
young  children  are  felt  most  intensely,  though  they 
do  not  last  long.  The  child  who  loses  his  toy  feels 
the  loss  as  greatly  as  does  the  man  who  loses  a  for- 
tune. Fortunately  the  child  soon  forgets.  Happy 
the  man  if  he  can  do  the  same. 

As  children  grow  older  they  become  less  sensi- 
tive to  little  trials  and  learn  to  bear  disappointments. 
They  are  then  better  able  to  look  more  upon  the 
bright  side  of  life ;  for  experience  has  taught 
them  that  the  clouds  will  pass  away.  When  they 
grow  still  older  and  have  children  of  their  own  they 
are  apt  to  forget  that,  as  children,  they  ever  had  any 
sorrow.  For  this  reason  they  often  fail  to  show 
that  sympathy  which  they  should  always  show. 

Sometimes  the  lessons  which  the  children  are 
given  in  school  are  far  harder  than  parents  or 
teachers  think.  If  we  were  compelled  to  sit  down 
and  study  a  lot  of  Greek,  without  any  particular 
object  in  view,  and,  seemingly,  for  the  mere  purpose 
of  pleasing  someone,  we  would  probably  rebel. 
Children  cannot  look  into  the  future.  The  most  of 
them  have  never  even  been  told  that  their  knowing 
the  alphabet  is  important ;  they  are  simply  told  what 


igo  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

they  must  do.  Too  often  neither  the  teacher  nor 
the  parent  even  takes  time  to  say,  "I  know  this  is 
hard ;  it  was  hard  for  me  when  I  was  your  age ;  how- 
ever, it  must  be  done  to  enable  you  to  make  any  pro- 
gress." Is  it  any  wonder  that  the  poor  child  plods 
on  sorrowfully? 


XXIX. 

MORALS    AND    MANNERS. 

A  Most  Important  Duty.* 

All  parents  must  agree  that  the  most  important 
duty  of  the  home  is  the  fixing  of  right  principles  of 
character  and  conduct.  Few  will  deny  that  a  train- 
ing in  morals  and  manners  is  of  greater  importance 
to  the  prosperity  and  the  happiness  of  each  child 
than  is  a  mere  knowledge  of  the  common  branches. 
In  spite  of  this  fact,  little  or  no  attention  is  given  by 
most  parents  to  instruction  in  morals  and  manners. 
Probably  the  reason  for  this  is  the  fact  that  many 
have  not  carefully  considered  their  great  importance. 

Importance  of  Morals. 

Moral  acts  are  the  most  frequent,  both  at  home 
and  away  from  home.  Facts  learned  may  or  may 
not  be  used.  Moral  acts  are  performed  almost  every 
minute  of  the  day.  Yet  to  these  many  moral  acts 
we  give  but  little  attention. 

Moral  acts  are  not  only  the  most  frequent,  but 
they  are  also  the  most  important.  Other  acts  may 
determine  reputation  in  future  years.  Moral  acts 
establish   character.      Other  acts  may  seem  to  aid 

*  See  author's  book  on  "  Morals  and  Manners." 


192  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

success.  Moral  acts  make  certain  the  highest  suc- 
cess. Learning  may  benefit  only  the  child.  Correct 
moral  habits  will  be  of  benefit  to  his  parents  and 
many  others  also.  The  child  who  has  talents  may 
shine  brightly.  He  of  right  morals  and  conduct  will 
spread  sunshine  on  all  sides.  He  of  great  intellect 
may  dazzle  with  his  brightness,  yet  spread  devasta- 
tion on  all  sides.  He  of  correct  morals  and  good- 
ness of  heart  will  give  that  genial  warmth  which 
comforts  and  blesses  wherever  it  goes. 

Moral  acts  are  not  only  the  most  frequent  and 
most  important.  They  are  also  the  most  difficult 
to  establish.  It  is  comparatively  easy  to  teach  most 
children  the  fundamental  facts  of  any  subject.  It 
is  a  far  more  difficult  undertaking  to  train  them  to 
do  right  because  it  is  right,  and  to  avoid  the  wrong 
because  it  is  wrong. 

If  moral  actions  are  most  frequent,  most  import- 
ant, and  most  difficult  to  teach,  surely  there  is  good 
reason  for  urging  that  more  attention  be  given  to 
these  subjects  by  every  parent. 

Can  Morals  Be  Taught? 

It  will  not  do  to  argue  that  morals  cannot  be 
taught  except  by  the  unconscious  influence  of  ex- 
ample, which  is  of  great  importance.*  To  know 
what  is  right  and  wrong  is  a  necessary  condition  of 
selecting  the  right  and  rejecting  the  wrong.  With- 
out this  knowledge  there  can  be  no  moral  act.     The 

*  See  author's  book  on  "  Morals  and  Manners." 


.     MORALS  AND   MANNERS.  193 

ideas  of  right  and  wrong,  held  by  all  children,  and 
by  not  a  few  grown  people,  are  much  confused.  It 
therefore  seems  our  highest  duty  to  see  to  it  that 
children  are  given  that  information  which  will  en- 
able them  to  recognize  the  right.  Having  done  this 
we  should  do  all  in  our  power  to  train  them  to  select 
the  right  because  it  is  right. 

Manners.* 
Manners  rank  only  second  to  morals  as  an  ele- 
ment in  personality.  One's  manner,  indeed,  acts 
more  quickly  than  one's  morals  in  our  intercourse 
with  others,  as  it  at  once  attracts  or  repels.  It  is 
most  unfortunate  if  a  good  and  trustworthy  child 
has  rude  manners.  Success  in  life  will  be  hindered 
by  these  grave  faults,  even  when  all  the  underlying 
qualities  are  noble.  We  must  teach  our  children 
that  attention  to  the  rules  that  make  the  daily  road 
of  life  pleasanter  to  travel,  and  obedience  to  the 
social  code  which  regulates  our  intercourse  with 
others,  give  an  attractiveness  that  frequently  out- 
ranks talent  or  knowledge. 

The  Value  of  Courtesy. 
All  parents  should  note  that  in  many  otherwise 
finely  trained  and  developed  characters,  the  sturdy 
traits  of  which  we  thoroughly  respect,  we  find  lack- 
ing a  most  important  quality.  We  may  honor  such 
people  for  their  scrupulous  integrity  and  crystalline 
truthfulness,  their  industry  and  perseverance,  their 

See  author's  book  on  "  Morals  and  Manners  or  Elements  of  Character  an^ 
Conduct.' 


194  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

accuracy  in  details,  their  energy  and  foresight.  Yet 
when  they  deal  with  others  most  of  them  do  not  suc- 
ceed well  because  their  manner  is  harsh  and  rude. 
There  is  no  graciousness  in  their  bearing,  no  genial- 
ity in  their  greeting.  Their  speech  is  curt  and  often 
offensive.  In  short,  courtesy  is  lacking ;  they  "have 
no  manners." 

What  Must  Be  Taught. 

This  side  of  character  and  conduct  is  one  we  must 
not  neglect  in  the  training  of  our  children.  We 
should  lead  them  to  see  that  it  is  the  part  of  benevo- 
lence and  kindness  to  make  all  intercourse  with 
others  as  pleasant  as  possible.  No  right-minded 
person  will  willingly  add  to  the  hatefulness  and  mis- 
ery that  already  exist  in  the  world.  Let  them  un- 
derstand that  this  is  what  many  are  guilty  of  when 
they  say  or  do  things  that  hurt  the  feelings  of  others, 
or  when  they  fail  to  exhibit  a  kindly  interest  in 
others'  welfare. 

Teach  them  that  there  is  a  way  of  performing 
every  action  which  makes  it  of  much  greater  worth ; 
that  a  service  rendered  in  a  churlish  manner  always 
carries  with  it  a  sting  to  the  recipient;  that  a  con- 
descending manner  in  the  rich  or  influential  person 
toward  his  inferior  is  deservedly  resented;  that  to 
be  gruff  and  surly  is  not  a  mark  of  honesty,  but 
simply  indicates  a  boorish  ill-breeding;  that  no  self- 
respecting  person  will  be  otherwise  than  courteous 
to  all  whom  he  meets ;  that  he  will  be  neither  inso- 


MORALS  AND   MANNERS.  195 

lent  nor  cringing  to  his  superiors ;  that  he  will  not 
be  over- familiar  with  his  equals ;  that  he  will  not 
be  condescending  or  contemptuous  toward  his  in- 
feriors ;  that  to  do  any  of  these  things  would  be 
to  proclaim  his  own  lack  of  self-respect,  and  to 
show  a  serious  mental  and  moral  defect. 

Manners  Indicative  of  Character. 

Children  should  early  be  trained  to  know  that  one 
of  the  most  trustworthy  tests  of  character  is  man- 
ners. Is  it  not  true  that  without  knowing  a  person, 
without  even  speaking  to  him,  we  may  pretty  fairly 
estimate  his  qualities  and  moral  development  by 
watching  his  intercourse  with  others?  Kindness 
and  sympathy  cannot  help  revealing  their  presence ; 
heartiness,  manliness,  uprightness,  honesty,  may  be 
discovered  in  his  bearing  if  present  in  his  nature. 

A  Sign  of  the  Soul's  Nature. 

Truly,  manner  is  the  outward  sign  of  the  soul's 
nature.  It  is  always  unconsciously  betraying  our 
deficiencies  or  revealing  our  better  traits.  We  can- 
not get  away  from  it.  We  cannot  falsify  or  pre- 
tend to  be  what  we  are  not,  for  the  deceitfulness  is 
also  revealed  in  our  manner.  The  keen  observer 
will  detect  the  sham,  and  recognize  the  real  qualities 
beneath  the  exterior. 

Early  let  the  child  learn  that  courtesy  is  not  some- 
thing artificial ;  that  it  springs  from  the  heart ;  that 
it   is   an   expression  of  thoughtfulness   for  others ; 


i96  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

that  it  is  doing  to  them  as  we  would  de  done  by; 
that  at  its  foundation  lie  the  great  moral  qualities 
of  kindness  and  self-respect. 

Courtesy  a  Refining  Influence. 

Among  other  truths  which  we  should  strive  to 
teach  our  children  the  following  may  be  mentioned : 

Nothing  will  so  refine  the  character  as  the  prac- 
tice of  courtesy.  Like  mercy,  "it  blesseth  him  that 
gives  and  him  that  takes."  Whoever  aims  to  be 
truly  courteous  will  have  constantly  before  him  a 
lofty  ideal  of  conduct,  a  standard  of  perfection  that 
cannot  help  but  lift  him  in  his  attempt  to  attain  to  it. 

Nothing,  either,  will  afford  so  much  protection  as 
courtesy.  No  one  can  insult  a  perfectly  courteous 
person.     Rudeness  vanishes  from  his  presence. 

The  Outward  Expression  of  Courtesy. 

Manners,  the  outward  expression  of  courtesy,  are 
sometimes  called  the  "minor  morals";  yet  such  is 
their  importance  in  daily  life  that  we  cannot  class 
them  as  minor  matters. 

Parents  should  remember  that  good  manners  are 
rooted  in  courtesy,  which  we  have  seen  is  an  essen- 
tial element  in  a  fine  character.  So  desirable  are 
good  manners,  so  pleasing  to  others,  and  so  con- 
ducive to  success,  that  those  of  defective  and  even 
thoroughly  bad  characters  strive  to  imitate  them  in 
order  to  pass  among  worthy  people  and  to  keep  a 
place  in  society. 


MORALS  AND   MANNERS.  19; 

Manners  are  the  bodily  expression  of  inbred  deli- 
cacy or  coarseness,  good  breeding  or  vulgarity, 
truth  or  deceit.  Good  manners  are  really  right 
habits  of  mind  and  body,  working  harmoniously. 
They  are  far  more  attractive  than  mere  beauty. 

The  Value  of  Manners. 

The  value  of  good  manners  can  scarcely  be  over- 
estimated. Life  is  far  more  agreeable  if  all  are 
considerate,  and  obey  the  forms  of  politeness  in  their 
actions  and  speech.  Peace,  serenity  and  restfulness 
should  prevail  in  every  home.  The  gentle  manners 
that  help  to  maintain  such  an  atmosphere  are  well 
worth  the  self-restraint  they  will  impose  on  our  ir- 
ritability and  selfishness. 

In  society  good  manners  are  the  passport  to  all 
hearts.  Brightness  and  gracefulness,  cheerfulness 
and  good-will  are  essential  in  all  social  intercourse. 
The  presence  or  absence  of  these  qualities  depends 
on  whether  or  not  we  obey  the  rules  that  the  social 
code  has  laid  down  for  our  guidance. 

Gentle  manners  bring  to  their  possessor  an  influ- 
ence which,  though  quietly  exerted,  is  a  power  for 
usefulness  in  the  world.  In  business  all  transac- 
tions are  helped  by  politeness.  Many  fail  in  life 
because  their  manner  does  not  make  a  good  impres- 
sion ;  because  their  curtness  and  lack  of  good-breed- 
ing repel  others. 

How  to  Acquire  Good  Manners. 
Good   manners,   like   any   other  accomplishment, 


198  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

are  acquired  by  study,  by  observation,  by  imitation 
of  the  best  models,  by  steady  practice.  The  fine 
spirit  of  courtesy  is  caught  largely  from  association 
with  those  whose  ideals  are  noble. 

If  such  inspiration  is  lacking  in  our  environment 
we  can  always  find  it  held  before  us  in  the  great 
works  of  literature,  the  storehouse  of  ideals,  and 
can  strive  to  make  our  lives  and  those  of  our  chil- 
dren measure  up  to  the  standards  presented  to  us. 
By  study  and  care  defects  may  be  corrected  and  de- 
ficiencies supplied. 

Happy  are  those  children  whose  natural  endow- 
ment and  early  training  have  made  them  courteous 
in  spirit,  delicate  in  tact,  refined  in  taste,  composed 
in  manner,  whose  behavior  is  always  appropriate, 
whose  words  and  deeds  in  daily  life  add  to  the  pleas- 
ure of  themselves  and  others. 

The  bodily  graces  that  mark  the  external  manners, 
and  that,  of  course,  depends  upon  practice  for  their 
perfection,  are  beautiful  and  desirable.  Yet  they 
are  not  so  important  as  the  qualities  of  truthfulness, 
of  courage,  of  self-control,  of  gentleness,  of  forbear- 
ance, of  kindliness  and  consideration  for  others. 
Those  who  have  these  qualities  may  enter  any  so- 
ciety unabashed ;  they  may  stand,  as  did  Franklin, 
before  kings,  and  be  revered  as  he  was  by  nobles 
and  princes. 


XXX. 

TRAINING  IN   THE  USE  OF   MONEY. 
The  Usual  Method. 

The  plan  which  most  parents  follow  in  the  giv- 
ing of  money  to  their  children  is  to  have  no  system 
at  all.  While  it  will  generally  be  acknowledged  that 
this  is  not  best,  yet  most  plans  of  which  parents 
know  are  so  cumbersome  that  it  seems  impossible 
for  busy  parents  to  find  time  to  carry  into  practical 
use  any  plans  so  complicated  and  requiring  so  much 
time  and  thought. 

Some  parents  feel  that  no  child  should  be  given 
any  money  at  any  time.  This  will  certainly  be  the 
easiest  way  for  parents ;  for  if  children  know  they 
will  never  receive  any  money,  they  will  not  bother 
their  parents  for  it.  They  will  probably  worry 
them,  however,  by  their  demands  for  other  rewards 
just  as  often.  It  is  just  possible  that  these  rewards 
will  be  harder  to  grant  and  less  valuable  than  money 
as  an  educational  factor. 

Objection  to  the  Usual  Method. 

Against  the  custom  of  having  no  method  may  be 
urged  certain  objections  which  every  parent  should 
thoughtfully  consider.     It  tends  to  train  a  child  to 


200  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

obtain  desired  money  by  teasing  if  not  by  dishonesty. 
It  is  apt  to  blunt  his  feelings  of  delicacy  and  give 
him  the  feeling  of  servility.  The  money  being  re- 
ceived at  uncertain  times  is  sure  to  be  spent  without 
careful  consideration  of  its  use  or  value.  Under 
such  a  plan,  the  boy  has  no  reason  for  taking  care 
of  his  money,  as  he  is  likely  to  have  more  at  any 
time.  As  he  receives  it  unexpectedly,  he  has  no 
time  to  make  any  plans  or  to  arrive  at  any  conclu- 
sions after  deliberate  judgment.  There  is  no  rea- 
son to  practise  self-denial,  as  he  may  have  more  to 
spend  to-morrow.  If  he  especially  desires  more  he 
knows  he  will  have  a  good  chance  to  secure  it  by 
persistent  teasing,  if  not  by  some  worse  means. 

Advantage;  op  a  Regular  Allowance. 

Some  parents  wisely  insist  that  the  better  way  is 
to  make  a  regular  allowance  to  each  child,  no  mat- 
ter how  large  or  how  small  the  allowance  may  be. 
Almost  every  parent  does  give  some  money  to  each 
child.  This  plan  simply  requires  that  it  be  given 
regularly  and  in  a  business-like  way.  Surely  such 
a  plan  has  some  advantages  worth  considering. 

By  giving  a  regular  allowance  the  child  may  be 
taught  the  right  use  of  money,  than  which  few 
things  are  more  important  for  the  child's  future 
happiness.  Much  of  the  misery  in  this  life  is  the 
result,  not  so  much  of  the  lack  of  money  as  of  its 
improper  and  improvident  use.  How  many  never 
learn  to  live  within  their  income !     How  few  early 


THE  USE  OF  MONEY.  201 

realize  the  importance  of  laying  aside  something  for 
the  inevitable  rainy  day!  Is  not  the  whole  path- 
way of  life  thickly  strewn  with  the  wrecks  caused 
by  not  having  learned  the  necessity  of  spending  less 
than  the  income? 

The  child  who  knows  he  will  have  a  certain  al- 
lowance will  soon  develop  such  practical  wisdom, 
forethought,  economy  and  business  judgment  as 
will  greatly  surprise  his  parents.  He  will  be 
strongly  influenced  to  be  careful  of  his  money,  as  he 
will  learn  that  it  will  not  be  replaced  until  a  certain 
time. 

Teach  children  the  right  use  of  money  and  you 
will  have  done  much  to  make  the  men  and  the 
women  of  the  future  less  liable  to  become  loafers, 
paupers  and  criminals.  You  will  have  done  much 
to  teach  them  economy,  not  only  of  money,  but  of 
time  and  of  energy  as  well.  You  will  have  taught 
them  to  be  thrifty  and  orderly  in  all  business  and 
prepared  for  adversity.  If  these  things  are  true,  is 
not  the  subject  worthy  of  most  careful  consideration 
by  every  parent? 

Objections  to  Regular  Allowance. 

The  principal  objection  to  the  giving  of  a  regular 
allowance  is  found  in  the  fact  that  children  are  likely 
to  feel  that  they  are  given  only  that  which  is  due 
them.  While  there  is  some  truth  in  this  argument, 
yet  it  may  easily  be  met  by  having  it  understood  that 
the  allowance  is  dependent  on  such  conduct  as  the 


202  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

parents  have  a  right  to  expect.     It  may  thus  be  used 
as  a  strong  incentive  to  proper  conduct. 

Another  objection  which  may  be  urged  is  that 
if  the  parents  give  regularly  they  lose  the  great 
pleasure  which  comes  from  the  child's  grateful  ap- 
preciation of  what  he  receives  unexpectedly.  How- 
ever, this  objection  may  be  met  quite  easily  also. 
At  uncertain  times  the  parent  may  very  properly 
give  additional  money  for  exceptional  acts  worthy 
of  praise,  or  for  work  done,  or  for  no  reason  what- 
ever except  the  desire  to  show  a  loving  considera- 
tion of  the  wishes  of  the  child.  There  are  many 
times  when  every  child  will  be  very  anxious  to  have 
certain  things  which  could  not  be  purchased  by 
what  could  be  saved  from  the  regular  allowance.  If 
the  parent  approve  the  purchase,  there  is  every  rea- 
son for  giving  a  child  additional  at  such  times. 

Even  if  these  objections  could  not  so  easily  be 
met,  most  parents  would  agree  that  the  benefits  to 
be  derived  from  a  regular  allowance  are  greater 
than  the  selfish  gratification  of  the  parent,  who 
wishes  to  give  to  please  himself.  Surely  the  future 
welfare  of  the  child  is  of  greater  importance  than 
the  present  gratification  of  the  parent. 

How  Much  Money  Should  Children  Be  Given  ? 

Many  parents  who  are  disposed  to  give  a  regular 
allowance  to  their  children  have  not  done  so  for 
the  reason  that  they  cannot  decide  what  would  be 
a  proper  amount  to  give  them.     This  is  a  question 


THE  USE  OF  MONEY.  203 

which  parents  must  decide  for  themselves.  How- 
ever, it  should  not  be  forgotten  that,  other  things 
being  equal,  the  smaller  the  amount  the  better  for 
the  child.  Too  many  children  have  been  trained 
by  their  parents  to  become  spendthrifts  long  before 
they  have  left  the  parental  roof.  The  children  of 
some  parents  will  need  more  than  the  children  of 
others.  Five  cents  each  week  will  seem  more  to 
some  children  than  would  five  dollars  to  others.  In 
most  cases  the  first-mentioned  amount  would  be 
far  better  than  the  larger  amount ;  however,  the  age 
and  the  proper  demands  upon  the  child  and  other 
considerations  must  determine  the  amount  to  be 
allowed. 

One  Practical  Method. 

In  the  hope  of  helping  those  considering  the  mat- 
ter the  writer  gives  the  details  of  a  plan  used  with 
his  own  children. 

Each  child  was  provided  with  a  pocket-book  or 
small  bank,  for  the  care  of  which  each  was  made 
entirely  responsible,  that  he  might  learn  to  guard 
against  the  results  of  carelessness. 

On  Monday  evenings  a  certain  amount  of  money 
was  given  to  each  child.  The  effort  was  made  to 
pay  promptly  and  systematically.  Only  in  this 
way  could  the  children  learn  to  be  regular  and  sys- 
tematic. 

Each  one  was  required  to  save  at  least  one-half 
of  his  weekly  allowance.     In  this  way  it  was  hoped 


204  TRAINING   OF   CHILDREN. 

that  the  children  might  be  taught  habits  of  economy 
and  of  providing  for  the  future. 

The  other  one-half  was  entirely  at  the  disposal 
of  each  child.  This  was  done  that  he  might  learn 
to  exercise  judgment  in  the  expenditure  of  money. 
The  only  supervision  of  this  amount  was  such  as 
was  necessary  to  prevent  it  being  used  for  what 
might  be  injurious  to  their  health.  Certain  kinds 
of  candy  were  the  only  articles  which  they  were  not 
allowed  to  buy.  Six  per  cent,  interest  was  paid 
upon  all  in  their  possession  at  the  end  of  each 
month.  This  encouraged  them  to  save  a  part  of 
that  which  they  were  permitted  to  spend.  They 
also  thus  learned  quite  early  the  meaning  of  interest 
as  well  as  the  method  of  paying  it. 

The  money  saved  could  be  expended  only  for 
such  things  as  the  parent  approved.  In  this  way 
they  were  taught  to  rely  to  a  considerable  extent 
upon  themselves,  and  yet  were  governed  by  the 
parents'  judgment  until  they  proved  their  ability 
to  decide  wisely  for  themselves. 

In  case  either  one  wished  to  buy  anything  which 
required  the  expenditure  of  more  money  than  the 
amount  at  his  command,  the  matter  was  brought 
to  the  attention  of  the  parent.  If  the  parent  ap- 
proved, sufficient  money  was  advanced,  and  a  mort- 
gage on  the  article  was  given  by  the  child. 

As  the  child's  age  increased  the  amount  of  money 
was  increased,  and  the  responsibility  of  buying  cer- 
tain articles  of  clothing  was  thrown  upon  each.     By 


THE  USE  OF  MONEY.  205 

the  time  the  child  reached  the  age  of  fourteen  years 
it  was  found  that,  after  consultation  with  the  par- 
ent, it  was  perfectly  safe  to  allow  him  to  purchase 
many  of  his  own  clothes.  Where  there  was  any 
doubt  about  the  advisability  of  leaving  the  child 
entirely  free,  the  parent  accompanied  the  child  for 
the  purpose  of  giving  such  advice  as  was  needed. 
From  the  time  they  were  eight  years  old  they  were 
permitted  to  buy  small  articles  of  dress,  with  no 
one  to  suggest  what  should  be  selected. 

A  Plan  for  Older  Children. 

As  the  children  got  older  it  was  found  quite  sat- 
isfactory to  change  slightly  the  method  outlined 
above.  In  place  of  giving  all  the  money  to  the 
children  the  parent  kept  an  account  with  each  one. 
Each  was  credited  with  a  certain  amount  weekly. 
Against  this  amount  to  their  credit  they  could  draw 
at  any  time,  as  in  the  previous  method  suggested. 
When  the  amount  reached  five  dollars  it  was  de- 
posited in  a  savings  bank,  and  each  was  allowed 
to  have  entire  charge  of  his  own  account. 

While  many  would  change  the  plan  to  suit  their 
own  ideas,  it  is  believed  that  some  such  plan  as  the 
one  mentioned  might  well  be  adopted  by  the  ma- 
jority of  the  parents. 


XXXI. 

HOME   BEHAVIOR. 

Manners  Become  Fixed. 

The  home  life  is  so  important  in  the  training  of 
children, — its  influences  are  so  strong  in  forming 
their  habits  and  manners, — that  especial  attention 
should  be  given  to  the  cultivation  of  the  social 
graces  within  its  precincts.  What  is  done  by  chil- 
dren in  their  homes  will  be  done  elsewhere  by  them. 
The  practices  permitted  in  the  freedom  of  family 
life  are  rarely  changed  in  mature  years.  Hence 
there  should  be  the  greatest  care  that  gentle  man- 
ners and  a  due  regard  for  ceremony  should  prevail. 
Good-breeding  thus  becomes  a  part  of  the  nature 
of  each;  they  in  their  turn  become  influential  for 
good  in  their  association  with  others.  Thus  a  beau- 
tiful family  life,  where  gentleness  and  politeness 
are  the  rule,  extends  its  graciousness  in  an  ever- 
widening  circle. 

Courtesy  to  Parents,  Brothers,  Sisters. 

Children  should  early  learn  that  the  rules  gov- 
erning the  behavior  of  the  members  of  the  family 
to  one  another  are  based  upon  mutual  duties.  The 
parents  have  certain  obligations  to  their  children. 


HOME  BEHAVIOR.  207 

The  children  have  toward  their  parents  certain  du- 
ties based  on  gratitude,  on  love,  on  filial  respect. 
Brothers  and  sisters  have  mutual  duties  based  on 
their  relationship  and  natural  affection  for  one  an- 
other, on  a  common  interest  in  the  family  welfare 
and  on  proper  family  pride,  which  even  the  poorest 
should  feel. 

The  family  may  also  contain  other  relatives ;  ser- 
vants may  be  kept;  guests  may  partake  of  its  hos- 
pitality. All  of  these  must  get  along  smoothly  to- 
gether, for  home  loses  all  claim  to  that  name  if 
crossness  is  shown,  if  quarrels  are  frequent.  The 
wheels  of  the  domestic  machinery  will  move  more 
easily  if  politeness  constantly  lubricates  it. 

Politeness  Not  for  Strangers  Exclusively. 

Children  should  never  fail  to  show  their  mother 
and  sisters  the  same  courtesy  they  would  show  to 
any  other  ladies.  A  boy  should  early  be  taught  to 
lift  his  hat  to  them  in  meeting  them  on  the  street 
or  in  parting  company  with  them.  He  should  rise 
when  they  enter  the  room,  and  see  that  they  are 
comfortably  seated.  He  should  always  allow  them 
to  precede  him.  He  should  assist  them  in  and  out 
of  cars ;  he  should  carry  their  parcels,  and  escort 
them  when  they  wish  it.  In  short,  he  should  be 
chivalrous  in  his  home  life.  No  boy  who  is  rude 
to  his  nearest  relatives,  or  neglectful  of  them,  who 
is  not  solicitous  for  their  comfort  and  pleasure,  has 
a  right  to  be  called  a  gentleman. 


208  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

The  sister,  in  her  turn,  should  be  taught  to  treat 
her  brother  with  an  affectionate  courtesy.  She 
should  never  fail  to  acknowledge  his  kindness.  She 
should  do  for  him  anything  in  her  power  which  he 
may  need  done. 

Train  your  children  to  be  courteous  to  servants 
and  you  will  probably  not  be  deprived  of  their  ser- 
vices when  most  needed. 

If  you  permit  them  to  run  to  the  door  when  some 
callers  come,  you  need  not  be  surprised  if  they 
show  curiosity  at  times  when  you  will  be  greatly 
mortified.  It  is  surprising  how  often  parents  per- 
mit children  to  monopolize  the  conversation.  Let 
them  early  learn  to  be  good  listeners.  See  that  they 
never  fail  to  put  into  their  proper  places  articles  they 
have  been  using,  or  clothing  they  have  been  wear- 
ing. The  whole  machinery  of  the  household  may 
be  disarranged  by  carelessness  in  this  respect.  To 
a  systematic,  tidy  housekeeper  nothing  is  more  vex- 
atious, nothing  more  wasteful  of  time,  and  often  of 
money,  than  this  fault.  It  is  just  as  easy  to  train 
them  properly  in  this  as  in  other  matters. 

Behavior  at  Table. 

In  no  one  thing  is  good  or  bad  breeding  more 
quickly  seen  that  in  one's  manners  at  table.  It  is 
especially  noticeable,  because  people  are  there 
brought  into  such  close  contact  with  one  another. 
A  few  hints  for  table  behavior  are  given  in  the  hope 
that  they  may  be  suggestive. 


HOME  BEHAVIOR.  209 

The  well-bred  person  will  not  sit  too  far  from 
the  table,  nor  too  close  to  it,  nor  sidewise,  nor  on 
the  edge  of  his  chair.  He  will  never  tilt  his  chair. 
He  will  not  finger  or  play  with  the  knives,  spoons, 
or  other  articles  on  the  table.  He  will  not  put  his 
elbows  on  the  table,  nor  stick  them  out  in  using  his 
knife  and  fork,  nor  bend  his  elbow  in  eating  so 
as  to  bring  his  arm  around  at  right  angles  to  his 
mouth. 

Unless  quite  young  he  will  put  his  napkin  on  his 
lap,  and  not  use  it  as  a  bib.  He  will  use  his  knife 
only  in  cutting  his  food.  He  will  not  use  his  own 
knife,  or  fork,  or  spoon,  to  help  himself  to  articles 
of  food.  He  will  not  secure  a  piece  of  bread  by 
stabbing  it  with  a  fork.  He  will  break,  not  cut,  his 
slices  of  bread,  or  his  biscuits.  He  will  break  off 
little  pieces  of  bread  before  buttering  and  eating 
them,  and  not  try  to  eat  from  a  whole  slice  after 
he  has  passed  the  age  of  infancy.  He  will  not 
clutch  his  bread,  animal  fashion,  by  as  many  fingers 
as  possible. 

He  will  cut  his  food  as  it  is  needed,  not  all  at 
once.  He  will  reject  bits  of  bone,  or  other  refuse, 
by  the  aid  of  his  fork. 

He  will  take  soup  noiselessly  from  the  side  of  the 
spoon,  not  the  tip.  He  will  use  the  teaspoon  to 
stir -the  contents  of  his  cup,  and  will  never  drink 
noisily,  or  from  his  saucer.  He  will  never  turn  a 
glass  or  cup  over  on  his  nose  in  order  to  drain  the 


210  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

last  drop.  He  will  never  gaze  around  while  drink- 
ing. 

He  will  never  "reach  and  stretch"  after  articles 
on  the  table.  He  will  ask  politely  to  have  them 
passed.  He  will  ask  the  servant,  if  one  be  in  at- 
tendance, and  not  bother  his  neighbor.  He  will 
never  talk  across  his  neighbor,  or  pass  things  across 
another's  plate.  He  will  never  appear  to  be  greedy, 
or  eager  about  his  supply  of  food.  He  will  never 
find  fault  with  it. 

He  will  never  put  much  into  his  mouth  at  once. 
He  will  eat  slowly,  and  will  refrain  from  drinking 
much  while  he  is  eating.  He  will  not  talk  or  laugh 
with  food  in  his  mouth.  He  knows  that  obedience 
to  these  rules  will  save  disagreeable  exhibitions  of 
choking,  and  will  prevent  dyspepsia. 

He  will  eat  leisurely,  that  the  meal  may  be  a 
more  healthful  one  for  his  interior  organs,  and  that 
samples  of  food  may  not  remain  on  his  exterior,  or 
on  the  table  linen,  as  reminders  of  his  awkwardness. 

He  will  chew  his  food  with  his  lips  closed,  for 
he  knows  that  mastication  is  the  first  step  in  diges- 
tion, and  that  the  sight  of  the  process  should  be 
concealed. 

Those  who  are  well-bred  unconsciously  teach  the 
right  way  by  their  example,  and  the  wise  will  learn 
from  them  what  to  do  in  case  of  doubt;  while  the 
faults  of  an  ill-bred,  untidy,  hasty  eater  are  often 
an  effective  lesson  in  good-breeding,  owing  to  the 


HOME  BEHAVIOR.  211 

disgust  they   inspire   in  one   desirous   of  behaving 
properly. 

What  Shaee  Children  Eat? 

Children  can  and  should  be  taught  to  eat  what- 
ever is  best  for  them.  Any  child  may  easily  be 
trained  to  eat,  not  only  any  wholesome  food,  but 
any  injurious  food  as  well.  In  this,  as  in  so  many 
other  matters,  parents  must  bear  the  responsibility 
of  training  in  right  habits. 

A  great  many  parents  hesitate  about  insisting 
upon  their  children  eating  those  things  which  they 
know  are  best  for  them.  They  naturally  think  that 
it  is  as  hard  for  the  children  to  eat  what  is  not  de- 
sired as  it  would  be  for  the  parents.  Such  is  not 
the  case.  The  parents  prefer  those  things  which 
they  have  learned  to  like.  The  children  are  form- 
ing habits.  The  habits  of  the  parents  are  already 
firmly  fixed. 

Children  in  every  part  of  the  world  quickly  learn 
to  eat  whatever  they  have  to.  It  makes  but  little 
difference  whether  that  be  oil,  blubber,  fruit,  ber- 
ries, meat,  or  something  of  all  these.  Why,  then, 
should  we  hesitate  to  train  them  to  eat  what  is  best 
for  them? 

Training  the  Appetite. 

Is  it  not  true  that  the  most  of  us  have  never  given 
much  thought  to  the  importance  of  training  a  child's 
appetite?  Yet  does  not  the  health  of  each  largely 
depend  upon  the  eating  of  what  is  best? 


212  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

It  is  far  better  that  each  child  should  learn  to  eat 
whatever  wholesome  food  has  been  prepared  for 
the  rest  of  the  family.  The  exceptions  to  this  rule 
would  only  need  to  be  made  at  a  time  when  the  deli- 
cate health  of  the  child  made  such  exception  advis- 
able. 

Parents  should  guard  carefully  against  giving  a 
child  anything  to  eat  a  short  time  before  the  regular 
meals.  If  they  do  so,  it  is  only  natural  to  expect 
that  the  child  will  not  be  hungry  when  he  should 
eat  and  will  want  to  eat  when  he  should  not  eat. 

Table  Talk. 

The  time  at  the  table  should  be  spent  not  only  for 
supplying  food  to  the  body,  but  also  for  the  higher 
enjoyments  which  come  from  intellectual  and  moral 
improvement.  Those  who  consider  it  merely  a 
place  to  get  something  to  eat  meet  upon  the  same 
level  as  the  lower  animals. 

Let  us  agree,  then,  that  the  table  is  not  merely  a 
feeding  place  for  the  family.  Neither  is  it  a  place 
to  review  all  the  unpleasantness  which  has  arisen 
since  the  last  meal.  Considered  as  such  it  is  not 
only  a  great  injury  to  the  moral  and  intellectual 
welfare  of  all,  but  it  also  makes  impossible  the  se- 
curing of  the  best  results  from  the  food  taken. 

A  Time;  for  Relaxation. 
Except  where  the  habit  has  become  fixed  to  the 
contrary,  the  time  for  coming  to  the  table  is  a  period 
of  greater  freedom  from  worry  than  any  other  dur- 


HOME  BEHAVIOR.  213 

ing  the  day.  At  this  time  those  things  of  particu- 
lar interest  to  each  are  laid  aside  and  those  matters 
of  general  interest  to  all  are  more  likely  to  be  con- 
sidered. For  this  reason  there  is  likely  to  be  greater 
relaxation  from  other  matters  and  the  time  is  op- 
portune for  the  discussion  of  things  which  should 
be  of  interest  to  all. 

Useful  Knowledge. 

If  a  systematic  attempt  is  made  to  impart  useful 
knowledge  it  is  wonderful  how  much  can  be  ac- 
complished during  the  time  which  would  otherwise 
be  spent  in  unpleasant  bickerings  or  worse  than  use- 
less gossip. 

At  this  time  all  should  feel  perfectly  free  to  ask 
any  kind  of  questions  so  long  as  the  answers  do 
not  involve  any  unpleasantness  for  anyone.  In  this 
way  the  instruction  can  be  made  stimulating  and 
beneficial.  Only  in  this  way  can  the  table  be  made 
the  moral,  intellectual  and  physical  centre  of  the 
home,  as  it  should  be. 

Table  talk  should  be  such  as  to  be  of  interest  to 
as  many  as  possible.  Too  many  parents  are  dis- 
posed to  do  all  the  talking  for  their  own  benefit  and 
to  speak  to  the  child  only  when  it  is  necessary  to 
compel  quiet. 

Subjects  to  Be  Avoided. 

Among  the  subjects  to  be  avoided  are  quite  a 
number  which  it  is  feared  many  make  the  burden 


214  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

of  most  of  their  table  talk.  As  before  stated,  it  is 
no  time  to  speak  of  unpleasant  matters.  This  is 
but  a  brief  way  of  saying  there  is  no  time  for  com- 
plaining of  the  cooking  or  of  any  other  matter 
which  is  not  satisfactory. 

Should  Children  Be  at  Table  With  Their 

Parents  ? 

From  what  has  already  been  said,  it  will  be  ap- 
parent that  there  are  unusually  good  reasons  why 
children  should  sit  at  table  with  their  parents.  In 
some  countries  children  are  not  permitted  to  do  so. 
To  the  credit  of  our  own  country  be  it  said  that  but 
few  parents  deprive  their  children  of  the  great  bene- 
fits which  come  from  the  enjoyment  of  this  privi- 
lege. 

There  may  be  times  when  it  will  not  be  best  for 
children  to  be  at  the  table  with  parents  and  their 
guests.  There  may  be  times  when  certain  children 
should  not  be  permitted  to  enjoy  the  company  of 
the  rest  at  the  table;  as,  for  example,  when  they 
have  shown  by  their  actions  that  they  do  not  ap- 
preciate the  advantage.  However,  these  are  but 
exceptions  to  the  general  rule. 


XXXII. 

BEHAVIOR  OF  CHILDREN  WHEN  AWAY 
FROM    HOME. 

Home  Training  Apparent. 

Wherever  children  are  thrown  into  contact  with 
the  public,  whether  on  the  street,  in  traveling,  in 
churches  or  in  places  of  amusement,  good-breeding 
has  a  wide  opportunity  to  speak  well  for  the  home 
influences  which  have  surrounded  them.  Bad  taste, 
coarseness  and  vulgarity  have  ample  scope  for  ex- 
hibition, and  for  proclaiming  one's  standards,  asso- 
ciations and  family  training. 

All  are  judged  in  public  entirely  by  their  ap- 
pearance and  actions.  Many  people  who  see  chil- 
dren have  no  time  to  inquire  into  the  standing  of 
the  family,  and  to  make  excuses  for  thoughtlessness. 
They  grade  them  at  first  sight,  and  parents  owe  it 
to  themselves  to  see  that  their  children  behave  ap- 
propriately everywhere,  no  matter  how  far  they 
may  be  from  home. 

Many  young  people  who  are  carefully  trained 
at  home,  and  who  conduct  themselves  with  tolerable 
propriety  under  the  parental  eye,  are  very  careless 
about  their  behavior  when  unaccompanied  by  their 
elders  on  the  street  or  in  public  places.  They 
thereby  cause  much  criticism  on  their  own  charac- 


216  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

ter,  and  many  unkind  comments  concerning  their 
parents. 

Children  should  early  learn  that  good  taste  and 
good  sense  require  that  a  high  standard  of  conduct 
should  be  maintained  with  special  strictness  in  pub- 
lic. They  should  be  taught  that  no  well-bred  peo- 
ple wish  the  attention  of  strangers  called  to  them ; 
that  to  make  one's  self  as  inconspicuous  as  possible 
is  the  general  rule  of  conduct  outside  of  the  home. 
Many  of  the  following  special  rules  are  intended 
to  secure  this  result. 

Attracting  Attention  On  the  Street. 

See  that  your  children  know  that  all  showy  or 
gaudy  dress  is  in  bad  taste  on  the  street,  because  it 
attracts  notice.  Quiet  colors  should  be  used ;  ex- 
treme fashions  should  be  avoided. 

Have  them  understand  that  noisy  talking  and 
laughing,  indulgence  in  rough  sport,  are  rude 
anywhere.  They  are  especially  so  on  the  street 
or  in  public  conveyances.  Young  people  are  often 
thoughtlessly  noisy  on  their  way  to  and  from  school. 
They  take  up  more  than  their  share  of  the  pave- 
ment, crowding  and  pushing  others,  or  block  the 
way  at  street  corners  while  trying  to  bid  one  an- 
other adieu.  By  their  bad  manners  they  bring  on 
themselves,  their  family  and  their  school,  an  amount 
of  blame  that  can  easily  be  avoided. 

Other  actions,  awkward  in  themselves,  and  draw- 
ing unpleasant  notice,  are  such  tricks  as  eating  or 


BEHAVIOR  AWAY  FROM  HOME.  217 

chewing  gum  in  public,  pointing  at  objects,  turn- 
ing around  to  gaze  at  people,  or  staring  at  them, 
or  staring  in  at  private  windows.  See  that  your 
children  are  told  that  these  last  faults  are  not  only 
awkward  and  noticeable,  but  are  signs  of  a  vulgar 
curiosity  that  is  never  felt  by  a  well-bred  person. 

Greeting  Acquaintances. 

Another  group  of  rules  concerns  the  greetings 
they  may  give  to  those  whom  they  meet.  Much  of 
character  is  revealed  by  the  way  in  which  they 
salute  or  speak  to  others.  The  little  act  of  respect 
shown  in  taking  off  the  hat  may  tell  volumes  about 
their  natural  tact  and  bringing  up.  It  would  be 
well  if  all  children  would  learn  to  greet  acquaint- 
ances courteously,  to  take  off  the  hat  properly,  and 
on  the  proper  occasions  to  address  strangers,  when 
necessary,  in  a  polite  manner,  to  give  information 
cheerfully  and  to  help  gladly  anyone  who  may  need 
assistance.  The  hat  is  taken  off,  not  poked  at  with 
a  finger. 

Children  should  be  told  that  friends  and  acquaint- 
ances are  never  greeted  by  a  courteous  person  with 
the   rude   "Hello,"   so   common   among  our  youth. 

The  name  of  the  person  greeted  is  always  spoken. 
The  tone  is  always  pleasant,  never  surly  or  conde- 
scending. A  gentlemanly  boy  will  raise  his  hat  in 
bowing  to  ladies  and  to  elderly  men;  to  any  friend 
recognized  by  the  lady  whom  he  may  be  accom- 
panying; to  any  acquaintance  who  is  in  the  com- 


218  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

pany  of  ladies ;  when  a  gentleman  with  you  salutes 
a  lady ;  when  he  is  with  a  lady  and  salutes  a  gen- 
tleman whom  he  knows ;  when  he  helps  in  any  way 
a  lady  who  is  a  stranger ;  when  he  parts  company 
with  a  lady. 

Manners  in  Traveling. 

Instruct  your  children  that  in  traveling  conduct 
should  be  marked  by  quietness  and  unselfishness. 
All  travel  brings  discomfort  without  the  added  an- 
noyance of  noisy  and  rude  fellow-passengers,  or  the 
trouble  caused  by  those  who  selfishly  disregard  the 
rights  of  others.  Public  conveyances  and  stations 
are  not  the  places  for  loud  talking,  for  the  discus- 
sion of  private  affairs,  for  the  display  of  fine  clothes, 
or  for  continual  eating. 

See  that  they  are  made  to  understand  that  one 
of  the  worst  vexations  of  travel  is  the  selfishness 
often  shown.  No  one  has  a  right  to  dispose  of  his 
wraps  and  luggage  so  that  they  are  in  the  way  of 
others,  nor  to  occupy  more  than  the  seat  paid  for, 
when  others  need  accommodation.  Neither  should 
he  open  windows  when  a  dangerous  draught  or  a 
shower  of  cinders  for  his  neighbor  will  be  the  re- 
sult, nor  spread  a  newspaper  before  his  neighbor's 
face,  nor  wriggle  and  flounce  around  continually  to 
others'  discomfort. 

A  thoughtful,  kind-hearted  person  can  do  much 
to  make  a  journey  less  wearisome  to  others,  and  to 
increase  their  comfort  without  being  officious.     He 


BEHAVIOR  AWAY  FROM  HOME.  219 

can  help  ladies  with  parcels  or  can  turn  seats  for 
them,  or  pull  down  blinds,  or  assist  those  unaccus- 
tomed to  traveling.  He  can  do  all  this  in  a  tactful 
manner,  and  without  in  any  case  trying  to  make  the 
acquaintance  of  those  whom  he  helps,  or  to  be 
familiar  with  them. 

He, — or  she,  rather,  in  this  case, — can  have  the 
ticket  ready  for  the  conductor  without  the  delay 
often  noticed.  The  well-bred  person  will  never 
crowd  past  others,  or  be  in  a  hurry,  which  always 
implies  confusion,  and  often  results  in  accidents, 
mistakes,  or  loss.  He  will,  too,  keep  his  seat  till 
the  train  stops,  and  leave  it  more  safely  and  grace- 
fully. 

Manners  in  Church. 

At  a  service  in  church  we  should  scarcely  expect 
to  see  bad  manners,  as  we  should  suppose  that  the 
sacredness  of  the  place  and  the  solemnity  inspired 
by  its  associations  would  be  sufficient  to  guarantee 
correct  behavior.  Yet  any  observant  attendant  at 
church  will  notice  many  things  in  children  which 
betray  great  thoughtlessness,  a  lack  of  a  sense  of 
propriety,  and  a  want  of  the  reverence  that  should 
be  a  trait  in  every  well-formed  character.  Many 
of  these  faults  are  due  to  carelessness,  many  to  ig- 
norance, and  their  correction  should  be  insisted  upon 
by  all  parents. 

See  that  they  understand  that  it  is  bad  manners 
to  come  to  church  late ;  it  disturbs  others  and  at- 


220  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

tracts  notice.  It  can  generally  be  avoided.  It  is 
commonly  the  same  people  that  walk  in  late  Sunday 
after  Sunday.  The  habit  shows  a  disregard  for 
others'  rights  that  is  inexcusable.  Tell  them  that 
in  the  rare  cases  when  late  attendance  is  unavoida- 
ble a  back  seat  should  be  quietly  taken,  and  any 
further  progress  up  the  aisle  made  when  the  con- 
gregation stands  up. 

Do  not  fail  to  teach  them  that  showy  and  over- 
rich  garments  should  not  be  worn  to  church.  They 
are  out  of  keeping  with  the  object  of  the  service; 
and  they  attract  notice,  and  sometimes  quite  dis- 
tract the  attention  of  others.  Plain  dressing  is  in 
better  taste,  even  for  those  who  can  afford  expen- 
sive clothes ;  and  the  poor  will  not  be  kept  from  at- 
tendance by  too  sharp  a  contrast  between  their  gar- 
ments and  those  of  their  wealthier  neighbors. 

Explain  that  no  gaping  around  to  see  who  are 
in  seats  further  back,  or  who  are  entering,  should 
be  indulged  in.  If  the  culprits  in  this  respect  could 
see  the  ridiculous  and  "gawky"  effect  of  their 
twisted  necks  perhaps  vanity  would  stop  the  ill-bred 
practice. 

See  that  they  are  told  that  no  whispering  or 
laughing  in  church  is  permissible.  Nothing  is  more 
irreverent  than  this;  nothing  so  disturbs  the  wor- 
shipers; nothing  so  deserves  instant  rebuke  from 
the  officiating  clergyman. 

Of  course,  no  right-minded  child  will  wear  his 
hat  inside  of  a  church  door,  or  scribble  in  books  in 


BEHAVIOR  AWAY  FROM  HOME.  221 

the  pews ;  yet  occasional  offenses  in  these  respects 
call  for  a  word  of  protest  and  caution.  No  well- 
bred  person  will  lounge  in  church,  or  yawn,  or  be 
inattentive.  He  will,  so  far  as  he  can,  follow  the 
forms  of  the  service,  and  take  part  where  it  is 
proper  to  do  so.  He  will,  of  course,  not  laugh  at 
anything  said  or  done,  even  if  the  form  of  worship 
be  unfamiliar  to  him,  or  the  ceremonies  incompre- 
hensible. 

He  will  not  be  guilty  of  the  "bad  form"  shown 
in  slamming  books  into  racks,  instead  of  gently  slip- 
ping them  in ;  or  in  making  preparations  for  depar- 
ture while  the  minister  is  concluding  the  service. 
He  will  remember,  too,  on  the  way  out  that  the 
church  is  not  the  place  for  social  calls.  Reverence 
requires  that  he  should  pass  out  quietly. 

Manners  in  Places  of  Amusement. 

Children  should  learn  that  in  places  of  amuse- 
ment bad  manners  are  an  infringement  on  the  rights 
of  others  who  have  come  for  pleasure,  and  have 
paid  for  their  entertainment.  No  one  has  any  busi- 
ness to  come  late  to  a  play,  or  a  concert,  or  a  lecture. 
It  breaks  in  upon  the  performance,  and  disturbs  per- 
formers and  audience  alike.  If  one  must  be  late, 
he  should  stand  until  the  musical  selection  is  fin- 
ished, or  until  the  scene  is  ended,  and  then  go  to 
his  seat  with  as  little  inconvenience  to  others  as 
possible. 


222  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

Who  Shall,  Do  the  Talking. 

Children  should  be  told  that  talking  during  the 
performance  is  intolerable,  as  it  distracts  attention 
and  deprives  others  of  pleasure.  Expressions  of 
impatience  at  delays  are  like  such  expressions  every- 
where,— ill-bred.  Composure  and  patience  mark 
the  gentleman  and  lady  under  all  circumstances. 
Applause  should  be  given  whatever  meets  with  ap- 
proval. It  is  right  and  proper  to  give  such  a  tribute 
to  skill  and  artistic  merit ;  but  a  demonstration  with 
the  feet  is  unnecessary  and  rude. 

One  should  stay  until  the  close  of  the  entertain- 
ment, even  if  it  has  proved  tiresome,  unless  some 
imperative  reason  exists  why  one  should  leave  early. 
At  the  present  time  hats  are  generally  removed  by 
ladies  and  girls  at  public  entertainments,  so  that  the 
woman  or  girl  who  keeps  her  head-covering  on  is 
rather  conspicuous  than  otherwise,  and  may  ob- 
struct the  view  of  those  behind  her. 

Finally,  teach  your  children  that  no  rules  can  pro- 
vide for  every  variety  of  circumstances  that  may 
come  into  their  experience  as  they  meet  and  deal 
with  others ;  but  the  possession  of  good  sense,  good 
taste  and  an  unselfish  spirit  will  show  them  what 
to  do  in  each  case.  If  their  behavior  is  guided  by 
these  they  may  be  sure  that  it  will  be  appropriate. 


XXXIII. 

TRAINING   OF   BODY   AND   MIND. 

The  Body. 

Many  parents  are  apt  to  forget  that  a  child  has 
a  body.  This  body  has  organs.  In  this  particular 
it  differs  from  unorganized  bodies.  The  young 
child  seems  to  be  a  mere  animal.  Its  body  differs 
from  that  of  the  vegetable  not  only  in  composition, 
but  in  method  of  nutrition,  in  having  sensation,  and 
in  being  able  to  move  from  place  to  place.  But  the 
child  is  more  than  a  mere  animal.  In  body  it  dif- 
fers from  other  animals  by  having  two  hands,  two 
feet,  a  chin,  by  being  able  to  stand  erect,  and  in  that 
it  has  a  higher  type  of  brain. 

The  Mind. 

The  brain  is  the  organ  of  mind.  A  child's  brain 
differs  from  that  of  other  animals  in  such  a  way  as 
to  give  entirely  different  results,  both  mental  and 
moral.  Because  of  these  differences  the  child  is 
able  to  improve.  This  ability  to  improve  makes 
possible  the  improvement  of  the  race.  The  bee  of 
to-day  builds  as  did  the  first  bee.  How  different 
the  work  of  man  now  from  what  it  was  at  the  be- 
ginning ! 


224  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

A  Child's  Body. 

By  differences  mentioned  we  are  able  to  separate 
the  child  from  all  other  animals.  We  also  have 
seen  that  a  child  is  what  it  is  because  of  its  pecu- 
liarities of  mind  and  body.  Consideration  of  both 
is  important,  that  more  importance  may  be  attached 
to  the  development  of  the  right  kind  of  bodies  and 
better  minds. 

Knowledge  of  Physiology. 

A  parent  needs  to  know  but  little  of  anatomy,  as 
it  is  a  mere  description  of  different  parts  of  the 
body.  Physiology  tells  us  the  use  of  each  part. 
Hygiene  gives  information  as  to  the  proper  care  of 
the  different  parts.  Every  parent  should  under- 
stand the  important  facts  concerning  the  existence 
and  care  of  the  different  organs.  This  is  especially 
important  with  such  as  the  digestive,  the  bony,  the 
circulatory,  the  nervous,  the  muscular,  and  with  the 
provisions  made  for  purifying  the  blood  by  breath- 
ing. A  careful  study  of  these  will  prove  interest- 
ing knowledge  for  every  parent.  Any  schoolbook 
on  physiology  and  hygiene  will  give  all  the  infor- 
mation needed. 

Making  a  Good  Animal. 

It  is  very  important,  then,  that  having  realized 
that  the  child  is  an  animal  with  certain  advantages 
over  other  animals,  the  parent  should  strive  to  make 
the  child  a  strong  animal.     But  little  will  ever  be 


BODY  AND   MIND.  225 

accomplished  by  most  children  unless  care  is  taken 
to  provide  them  with  strong  bodies.  To  do  this 
parents  will  need  give  attention  to  a  number  of  im- 
portant matters. 

How  to  Produce;  Strong  Bodies. 

Parents  should  consider  well  quantity,  quality 
and  variety  of  food  for  children.  All  needs  should 
be  determined  by  the  age  of  the  child,  as  well  as 
by  the  time  of  taking,  and  the  climate.  Some  foods 
are  always  useful.  Others  should  never  be  taken, 
save  in  cold  weather.  Milk,  lean  flesh  and  the 
whole  wheat  are  those  which  will  sustain  life  long- 
est, without  change.  Attention  must  also  be  given 
to  the  manner  of  eating.  Another  matter  which 
parents  should  watch  is  that  of  drinking  too  much 
at  the  table,  as  it  is  a  habit  which  many  children 
have.  Another  important  matter  is  the  character 
and  amount  of  clothing  which  it  is  best  for  the  chil- 
dren to  wear.  The  ventilation  both  day  and  night, 
the  importance  of  light,  regulation  of  the  tempera- 
ture of  the  house,  character  and  amount  of  exer- 
cise, sleep  required,  and  many  similar  matters  are 
things  which  the  parents  should  keep  in  mind,  and 
try  to  understand.  Thus  they  may  the  better  help 
their  children  to  develop  strong  bodies  with  which 
to  fight  life's  battles. 

Too  Much  Trouble. 
Some  will  be  ready  to  say  that  it  is  too  much 


226  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

trouble  to  study  these  things  for  the  purpose  of 
helping  their  children.  Many  are  willing  to  spend 
more  time  on  how  to  raise  better  pigs,  or  finer  dogs 
and  cats  than  in  learning  how  to  bring  up  children. 
This  seems  a  pretty  hard  statement,  but,  is  it  not 
true?  How  few  parents  have  given  systematic 
study  to  this  most  important  problem!  Drop  into 
the  nearest  library  and  you  will  find  many  volumes 
devoted  to  the  raising  of  dogs  and  similar  subjects. 
Search  diligently,  and  it  is  doubtful  if  you  will  be 
able  to  find  a  single  book  of  practical  suggestions 
upon  the  management  and  training  of  children. 
Had  there  been  a  demand  for  such  books  the  coun- 
try would  have  been  flooded  with  them.  Think  of 
it!  More  interest  in  developing  the  soulless  occu- 
pant of  the  pig-pen  than  in  unfolding  precious 
human  beings,  made  after  the  image  of  God  him- 
self, and  bearing  the  unmistakable  stamp  of  the 
parents'  peculiarities. 

Wealth  and  Health. 

The  best  wealth  any  parent  can  give  a  child  is 
health  of  mind  and  body.  Without  it  life  must 
be  a  prolonged  misery.  Woe  to  the  parent  who 
has  sown  seeds  of  disease  in  his  unborn  children. 
There  may  be  some  little  excuse  for  those  who  do 
not  look  carefully  after  the  health  of  those  born 
healthy.     For  others  there  can  be  none. 

The  child  who  starts  with  a  strong  body  has  a 
hundred  times  as  good  a  chance  of  enjoying  a  happy 


BODY   AND  MIND.  227 

and  successful  life  as  the  child  who  has  not  a 
healthy  body.  There  are  some  few  notable  excep- 
tions, but  they  only  prove  the  rule.  Health  is  the 
first  and  perpetual  condition  of  success.  How  many 
of  those  who  have  wealth  would  give  it  all  for  the 
health  enjoyed  by  the  poorest  laborer  on  the  street! 
The  great  trouble  is  that,  like  other  blessings,  it 
brightens  only  as  it  takes  its  flight.  Therefore  we 
are  not  apt  to  care  for  it  until  it  is  too  late. 

The  child  who  wants  health  wants  everything. 
Give  him  health  and  moral  and  intellectual  train- 
ing, and  you  need  give  him  nothing  else.  Fail  to 
give  him  health  and  you  can  never  make  up  for  the 
loss.  Give  him  health  and  no  one  will  envy  him 
the  happiness  it  brings.  Give  him  wealth  and  the 
probability  is  that  it  will  not  only  bring  no  happi- 
ness, but  will  bring  trouble  and  make  him  envied 
by  all.  To  the  child  without  health  all  enjoyments 
are  tasteless.  To  such  an  one  no  meal  will  be  en- 
joyed, though  it  be  a  feast.  To  the  child  who  is 
healthy  every  meal  is  a  banquet. 

The  Boat  and  the  Body. 

Watch  a  noble  boat  glide  into  the  water.  It  is  as 
strong  as  can  possibly  be  built  from  wood  and  iron, 
after  the  most  perfect  pattern.  It  must  be  strong, 
that,  for  years,  it  may  be  able  to  hold  together  until 
the  last  harbor  is  reached.  Unless  it  is  strong  there 
can  be  no  voyage.  Whether  driven  by  wind  or  by 
steam  is  of  secondary  importance.     So  it  is  with 


228  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

the  human  body.  To  successfully  sail  over  life's 
rough  sea  it  must  be  strong  and  rugged.  The 
amount  of  canvas,  the  power  of  the  engines,  and 
other  factors  will  determine  the  rapidity  of  the 
boat's  progress.  The  energy,  the  enthusiasm,  the 
persistency  of  the  individual  will  determine  at  what 
rate  he  will  advance.  But,  without  the  sound  body, 
neither  the  voyage  of  the  boat  nor  that  of  the  child 
can  be  successful. 

Vitality. 

It  may  be  that  no  one  can  say  what  vitality  is. 
Some  say  that  it  is  nerve  force;  others  that  it  is  a 
force  fed  by  air  and  assimilation,  and  that  it  acts 
through  the  nerves.  Be  this  as  it  may,  all  must 
agree  that  it  is  the  measure  of  capacity  for  success. 
No  child  can  have  his  share  of  success  unless  he  is 
perfectly  healthy.  It  is  the  glory  of  a  child  who  is 
well.  As  the  child's  success  depends  upon  vitality, 
so  does  his  vitality  depend  upon  a  strong  body.  If 
these  things  are  so  is  it  not  of  vast  importance  that 
parents  see  to  it  that  every  provision  is  made  for  the 
developing  of  strong  bodies? 

How  the  Mind  Grows. 

The  mind  is  that  in  us  which  knows,  feels  and 
wills.  Therefore  the  training  of  a  child's  mind 
means  not  only  the  furnishing  of  the  mind  with 
knowledge,  but  it  also  means  the  culture  of  the  feel- 
ings and  the  development  of  the  will.     From  earli- 


BODY   AND   MIND.  229 

est  childhood  the  mind  drinks  in  knowledge  through 
the  senses  of  smell,  touch,  taste,  sight  and  hearing. 
By  means  of  the  senses  the  child  perceives  that  there 
is  a  world  outside  of  itself.  To  a  limited  extent  the 
child  quite  early  remembers.  Later  the  faculties  of 
memory,  imagination,  conception,  judgment  and 
reasoning  become  active. 

The  Training  of  the  Senses. 

Primarily  the  child  gains  all  its  information 
through  the  senses.  If  but  one  sense  is  defective 
the  child  is  seriously  handicapped  for  life.  Fortun- 
ate the  child  that  has  all  the  senses  unimpaired. 
How  difficult  the  education  of  the  child  that  is  deaf 
or  blind !  How  nearly  impossible  the  proper  train- 
ing of  one  who  is  both  deaf  and  blind ! 

The  senses  of  smell,  taste  and  touch  are  those  es- 
pecially provided  for  the  sole  purpose  of  defend- 
ing, protecting  and  preserving  the  body.  They  are, 
therefore,  sometimes  called  the  animal  senses.  The 
senses  of  hearing  and  sight  are  more  complex,  and 
the  sensations  arising  from  them  are  comparatively 
slight,  and  are  subordinate  to  the  knowledge  which 
the  mind  of  the  young  child  gains  of  the  objects 
seen  and  heard. 

By  means  of  the  sensations  which  a  child  gets 
through  the  senses  he  gains  knowledge  of  things 
about  him.  He  becomes  conscious  not  only  of 
himself,  but  of  objects  around  him.  Since  this  is 
so,  it  is  well  that,  in  the  first  few  years,  the  child 


230  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

should  be  assisted  in  every  way,  that  he  may  learn 
to  use  his  senses  for  the  proper  development  of  his 
mind.  The  child  whose  senses  are  properly  trained 
will  not  "have  eyes,  but  see  not,"  and  "ears,  but  hear 
not." 


XXXIV. 

THE   INTELLECT   AND   FEELINGS. 

The;  Mentai,  Equipment. 

In  the  last  chapter  attention  was  called  to  the 
fact  that  the  mind  is  that  in  us  which  is  capable  of 
knowing,  feeling  and  willing.  It  was  also  pointed 
out  that,  primarily,  the  child  gains  knowledge  by 
means  of  its  senses.  The  intellect  has  other  powers, 
which  must  be  considered  briefly,  at  least,  by  those 
who  wish  to  study,  understand  or  properly  train  a 
child.  These  powers  are  memory,  imagination,  con- 
ception, judgment  and  reasoning. 

The  Memory. 

Unconsciously,  the  child  who  has  learned  to 
know  certain  objects  recognizes  them  to  be  the 
same  as  those  which  he  has  perceived  before.  This 
is  an  act  of  memory.  All  other  faculties  of  the 
mind,  except  memory,  may  be  trained  by  persistent 
acts  of  attention  to  their  objects.  Not  so  with  the 
wonderful  faculty  of  memory.  Its  four  acts  of  ac- 
quiring, retaining,  recalling  and  recognizing  are 
all  entirely  self-acting  and  unconscious.  We  can- 
not by  any  act  of  the  will  perform  any  of  the  acts 
of  memory.     It  is  evident  that  the  memory  also  acts 


232  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

unconsciously,  for  the  mind  does  not  note  that  it 
has  remembered  something. 

Since  memory  is  in  no  sense  an  act  of  the  will, 
it  cannot  be  cultivated  in  the  same  way  as  other 
faculties  are  cultivated.  It  may,  however,  be  made 
more  accurate  by  frequent  repetition.  The  young 
child  can  forget  what  the  nursing  bottle  looks  like. 
However,  it  soon  remembers,  because  it  smells, 
tastes,  touches  and  sees  it  frequently.  Since  images 
once  produced  on  the  mind  tend  to  fade,  it  should 
not  be  forgotten  that,  if  you  want  a  child  to  remem- 
ber anything,  it  is  necessary  that  the  attention  be 
focused  upon  the  thought,  and  that  there  be  much 
repetition.  Upon  this  will  depend  the  distinctness 
as  well  as  the  tenacity  of  memory. 

How  the  Memory  May  Be  Strengthened. 

The  child  cannot  be  expected  to  remember  unless 
the  mental  images  are  frequently  brought  into  his 
mind.  This  is  especially  so  of  those  things  learned 
through  the  sense  of  hearing.  For  this  reason  it  is 
necessary  to  tell  children  more  frequently  than  older 
people.  There  are  several  other  ways  by  which  we 
may  bring  into  the  mind  images  which  have  already 
been  recognized.  These  are  the  laws  of  the  mem- 
ory, and  may  briefly  be  stated  as  follows: 

i.  Similar  things  will  suggest  one  another. 

2.  Images  very  much  different  will  do  the  same. 

3.  Events  and  thoughts  which  happened  about 
the  same  time  will  also  suggest  one  another. 


INTELLECT  AND  FEELINGS.  233 

The  Imagination. 

Imagination  is,  in  reality,  another  form  of  mem- 
ory. We  remember  certain  things,  and  by  an  act 
of  memory  we  recall  the  images.  Sometimes  we 
arrange  them  differently  from  their  previous  group- 
ing. When  we  thus  assemble  ideas  in  new  forms, 
unlike  others,  we  perform  an  act  of  the  imagination. 
Thus  the  child  imagines  that  a  man  is  as  big  as  a 
tree,  and  he  is  scared  by  the  mental  picture  of  the 
giant.  Thus  a  stick  becomes  a  horse ;  a  chair  an 
engine  upon  which  to  ride ;  the  dolls  become  alive 
and  listen  to  all  that  is  told  them,  and  answer  as 
the  child  desires  them  to.  By  this  same  power  the 
child  at  school  sees  upon  the  map  not  merely  black 
marks,  but  rivers,  mountains,  lakes,  cities  and  other 
things  which  are  not  there. 

Conception,  Judgment  and  Reasoning. 

The  power  of  thinking  depends  upon  the  faculties 
of  conception,  judgment  and  reason.  Conception 
is  the  faculty  which  grasps  and  holds  distinctly  the 
idea  which  has  been  recalled  from  memory.  To 
have  a  distinct  conception  of  any  object  it  must  have 
been  attended  to  closely  and  frequently.  For  this 
reason  you  are  able  to  see  clearly  an  image  of  an 
apple.  It  is  not  easy  to  hold  in  the  mind  a  picture 
of  some  fruit  seen  but  once,  unless  it  differs  greatly 
from  all  others  or  is  attended  to  very  closely. 

Judgment  is  that  activity  of  the  mind  which  ex- 
amines, compares  and  determines  the  likenesses  or 


234  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

differences  between  several  objects  or  ideas,  and 
then  draws  a  conclusion. 

Reason  is  that  faculty  of  the  mind  which  com- 
pares two  or  more  judgments  and  then  forms  an- 
other judgment  based  upon  the  previous  conclu- 
sions. 

Some  Powers  Must  Develop  Before  Others. 

From  this  very  brief  statement  of  the  characteris- 
tics of  conception,  judgment  and  reason,  it  will  be 
seen  that  they  depend  upon  the  previous  develop- 
ment of  other  activities  of  the  mind.  It  is  there- 
fore unreasonable  to  expect  that  even  an  older  child 
will  have  any  considerable  power  of  thinking  logic- 
ally. Is  it  any  wonder  that  parents  who  do  not 
understand  these  fundamental  truths  make  a  most 
serious  mistake  in  finding  fault  with  a  child  for  not 
being  more  thoughtful?  We  are  apt  to  punish  a 
child  for  the  most  natural  use  of  the  senses  and  im- 
agination, and  are  just  as  likely  to  find  fault  with 
him  for  not  being  able  to  make  use  of  faculties 
which  the  Almighty  evidently  did  not  intend  should 
reach  full  growth  until  quite  late  in  life. 

Unreasonable  Expectations. 

Parents  should  therefore  not  expect  much  in  the 
way  of  the  child's  reasoning  as  to  what  is  best  to 
be  done.  They  should  cultivate  and  train  this 
power,  which  is  destined  to  rule  the  child,  but  must 
not  place  much  reliance  on  it  until  maturity. 


INTELLECT  AND  FEELINGS.  235 

Many  parents  feel  that  they  are  treating  a  child 
kindly  when  they  are  permitting  him  to  decide  for 
himself.  Are  such  parents  not  generally  mistaken? 
Is  it  not  true  that  it  is  much  easier  for  a  child  to 
do  what  he  does  not  like  to  do  as  an  act  of  submis- 
sion to  authority  rather  than  to  do  it  as  a  result  of 
his  own  determination? 

Many  parents  will  keep  a  child  in  misery  for  half 
an  hour,  and  resort  to  all  sorts  of  arguments  and 
bribes  to  try  to  get  him  to  take  bitter  medicine.  The 
better  way  would  be  to  see  that  the  child  takes  it 
at  once.  Afterward  it  might  be  well  to  express  re- 
gret that  it  was  necessary  to  compel  obedience,  and 
the  hope  that  it  would  soon  not  be  necessary  to  take 
the  unpleasant  medicine. 

What  Should  Be;  Left  to  a  Child's  Reason. 

Many  parents  will  ask,  "Shall  I  leave  nothing  to 
the  judgment  of  my  child?"  The  answer  must  be, 
"Certainly,  but  care  must  be  taken  not  to  permit 
him  to  give  final  decision  concerning  those  things 
which  it  is  not  safe  to  allow  him  to  decide."  There 
are  many  things  which  may  not  only  be  left  to  the 
child's  judgment,  but  which  should  be  left  to  him 
to  decide  for  himself.  He  may  be  helped  by  advice 
or  by  information  needed,  but  should  be  free  to 
decide.  As  he  grows  older  he  should  be  given 
charge  of  minor  matters,  and  as  he  manifests  good 
judgment  the  number  and  character  of  the  matters 
may  well  be  advanced.     If  such  a  plan  be  taken,  and 


236  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

encouragment  be  given  for  those  decisions  which 
are  especially  to  be  commended,  every  child  will 
develop  better  judgment  than  such  a  child  would 
show  under  different  treatment. 

If  parents  will  discuss  with  older  children  the 
principles  involved  in  a  number  of  cases,  the  chil- 
dren will  gain  most  excellent  ideas  and  be  greatly 
helped  in  coming  to  correct  conclusions.  All  such 
discussions  should  be  carried  on  in  a  calm  and  kind 
manner.  The  parents  should  be  careful  to  encour- 
age the  child  to  express  his  own  views,  which  should 
receive  most  careful  consideration. 

It  is  indeed  a  very  serious  error  in  the  managing 
of  children  to  permit  them  to  argue  in  favor  of  their 
being  allowed  to  do  what  the  parents  know  is  not 
only  not  best,  but  a  thing  which  they  must  forbid. 

The;  Feelings. 

Having  considered  the  intellectual  side  of  the 
mind,  it  is  important  that  we  also  give  attention  to 
the  emotional  side  as  well.  The  mind  not  only 
knows,  but  it  also  feels  and  wills.  Upon  the  culti- 
vation of  the  feelings  will  depend,  in  great  measure, 
the  character  of  the  child,  as  well  as  his  future  hap- 
piness. 

What  is  Mijant  by  Feeung. 

By  the  feelings  or  the  emotions  is  meant  the  ex- 
citement which  accompanies  certain  ideas.  They 
produce  either  pleasure  or  pain.  When  emotions 
become  very  strong  and  pass  beyond  control  they 


INTELLECT  AND   FEELINGS.  237 

are  called  passions.  Among  the  more  common 
phases  of  emotion  may  be  mentioned  love,  faith, 
fear,  joy,  grief,  anger,  surprise  and  others. 

Those  feelings  which  are  pleasant  produce  de- 
sires. When  unpleasant  they  give  rise  to  aversions. 
When  the  expected  pleasure  becomes  great  enough 
to  impel  to  voluntary  action,  it  becomes  a  motive. 
In  this  way  arise  motives  which  influence  the  will, 
and  thereby  determine  action.  One  who  is  carried 
away  by  his  emotions  is  apt  to  be  so  impulsive  as 
to  be  very  hard  to  control. 

Allowance  for  Emotions. 

Most  mental  powers  develop  gradually  and  do  not 
arrive  at  maturity  until  quite  late.  Such  is  espe- 
cially the  case  with  the  power  of  reason.  However, 
the  emotions  of  children  seem  to  be  strongest  when 
they  are  young.  Sometimes  children  are  so  emo- 
tional that  they  are  considered  eccentric.  Those  of 
us  who,  for  years,  have  schooled  ourselves  in  the 
repression  of  our  feelings  should  make  every  allow- 
ance for  children  who  show  their  feelings.  We 
should  certainly  make  more  allowance  for  them 
than  for  adults,  as  their  emotions  are  characterized 
by  greater  intensity.  When  a  child  is  overpowered 
by  his  feelings  they  are  likely  to  have  complete 
mastery  of  his  mental  faculties  as  well,  and  he  ap- 
pears stupid.  Where  very  intense,  they  even  para- 
lyze the  bodily  powers.  How  utterly  senseless,  then, 
the  person  who  expects  a  child  laboring  under  great 


238  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

emotion  to  think  or  act  as  would  the  child  under 
normal  conditions.  Yet  do  we  parents  not  often 
expect  this  very  thing? 

How  the  Emotions  May  Be  Controlled. 

The  control  of  the  emotions  is  such  a  difficult 
problem  that  even  adults  find  it  a  slow  process.  It 
is  even  more  difficult  with  children.  A  child  of 
emotional  nature  cannot  be  cured  of  his  displays  of 
feeling  except  through  the  affections.  The  par- 
ent who  gives  way  to  outburst  of  passion  will  only 
add  fuel  to  the  fire  burning  in  the  child's  soul.  By 
diverting  the  mind  with  a  story,  by  a  display  of  love, 
by  the  use  of  tact,  and  in  many  other  ways,  much 
can  be  done  to  help  the  child  gain  a  mastery  over 
his  feelings,  in  place  of  permitting  his  feelings  to 
rule  him.  It  must  ever  be  kept  in  mind  that  the 
child  of  strong  feelings  not  only  has  the  power  of 
loving  intensely,  but  has  also  the  capacity  for  great 
hatred.  Unkindness  to  a  child  suffering  from  any 
strong  emotion  has  a  tendency  to  embitter  him  as 
such  treatment  would  not  at  other  times. 


XXXV. 

THE   TRAINING   OF   THE   WILL. 

Importance  oe  Training  op  the  Wile. 

Each  child,  like  each  adult,  has  the  power  to  de- 
cide whether  he  will  or  will  not  perform  a  given 
act.  Conduct  will  be  good  or  bad,  as  the  decision 
is  generally  in  favor  of  the  right  or  wrong.  Nearly 
all  we  do  is  the  result  of  a  determination  to  act. 
This  is  so  of  all  organs  save  those  upon  which  life 
and  health  depend.  Since  conduct  is  the  result  of 
acts  of  the  will,  it  will  readily  be  seen  that  the  train- 
ing of  any  child  to  right  action  must  be  almost  en- 
tirely a  training  of  the  will.  The  parent  who  is 
successful  in  this  most  difficult  work  will  have  little 
trouble  in  the  management  and  training  of  children. 

The  Wile  the  Mainspring. 

Will-power  is  the  mainspring  of  every  individual. 
Almost  every  function  of  the  mind  and  body  is  sub- 
ject to  its  dictates.  Scarcely  any  physical  deform- 
ity is  to  be  so  much  dreaded  as  a  weak  will.  It  is 
will-power  which  largely  determines  the  character 
of  every  person.  The  individual  is  likely  to  be 
strong  mentally,  physically  and  morally,  as  he  is 
able  to  control  his  will  and  direct  it  toward  proper 


240  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

ends.  The  will  should  at  all  times  obey  the  dic- 
tates of  conscience.  If  it  does  not,  the  result  is  al- 
most certain  to  be  a  ruined  character. 

We  must  not  forget,  then,  that  the  will  is  the 
great  central,  sustaining  force  in  character.  It  is 
the  life-giving  power  that  builds  up  the  elements 
of  character  into  an  harmonious  whole.  That  the 
important  truth  may  be  more  apparent  to  all,  let  us 
consider  the  matter  more  carefully. 

Knowledge  of  right  and  wrong  will  not  insure 
the  performance  of  right  actions.  The  whole  being, 
body  and  mind,  should  obey  the  commands  of  the 
internal  compelling  force, — the  will.  Many  who 
know  perfectly  well  what  the  moral  code  requires 
are  too  weak  to  follow  its  precepts.  The  drunkard, 
for  instance,  knows  only  too  well  the  disastrous  ef- 
fects of  strong  drink ;  but  his  will-power  is  too  feeble 
to  control  his  depraved  appetite.  He  can  form  the 
noblest  resolutions  and  make  promises  of  reform, 
yet  resolution  and  promise  are  alike  broken  re- 
peatedly. 

Conscience;  Insufficient. 

Neither  is  a  tender  conscience  sufficient  in  itself 
to  brace  up  a  nature  defective  in  will-force.  The 
keenest  sorrow  and  shame  may  be  felt  for  faults 
committed,  yet  again  and  again  the  same  fault  will 
be  repeated,  the  same  vicious  practice  indulged  in, 
because  the  vital,  strength-giving  will  is  absent. 

On  the  will  depends  the  strengthening  of  weak 
points,  the  resistance  to  the  assaults  of  temptation, 


THE  WILL.  241 

the  effectiveness  of  good  resolutions,  the  carrying 
out  of  designs, — in  short,  the  success  of  the  whole 
man,  morally  and  materially. 

Conscience,  with  its  awakening  voice,  may  rouse 
one  from  an  aimless,  ineffective  existence,  or  from 
a  life  of  sin  and  dishonor,  and  set  him  upon  his  feet. 
A  sense  of  right  and  duty  will  point  out  to  him  the 
direction  his  life  should  take.  Only  his  will-power 
will  hold  him  in  his  upright  position,  and  enable 
him  to  move  forward  with  determination  toward  a 
better  goal. 

Will-Power  and  Courage. 

All  of  the  fundamental  virtues  depend  upon  the 
will  for  their  growth  and  efficiency.  Even  the 
naturally  timid  may  gain  courage  by  the  exercise  of 
their  wills.  They  can  force  themselves  to  be  brave 
in  danger,  to  calm  all  apprehensions  of  evil,  to  go 
forward  unterrified  into  peril.  The  lazy,  generally 
a  most  difficult  class  to  deal  with,  can  overcome  their 
aversion  to  work.  They  can  make  themselves  un- 
dertake tasks  that  they  dread,  and  labor  persever- 
ingly  to  the  end.  They  can  train  themselves  to  in- 
dustrious habits. 

The  will  can  make  the  weak  strong  and  self- 
reliant,  and  teach  them  to  depend  on  themselves. 
It  can  nerve  us  for  conflict  with  difficulties  and  ad- 
versities. It  can  inspire  with  courage  for  whatever 
duty  there  may  be  to  perform,  for  whatever  mis- 
fortune may  befall. 


242  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

Will-Power  and  Justice. 

In  the  realm  of  justice  we  can  compel  ourselves 
to  be  absolutely  truthful  by  an  act  of  will,  even  when 
the  strongest  temptation  to  tell  an  untruth  presents 
itself.  We  can  cast  out  all  feelings  of  prejudice 
and  revenge,  of  unkindness  and  selfishness.  The 
most  bitter-hearted  can  change  his  sentiments  if 
he  will,  and  become  forgiving.  The  most  heartless 
and  selfish  can  become  sympathetic  and  helpful. 

Uncharitable  thoughts  may  be  expelled  from  the 
mind,  spiteful  words  may  be  held  back,  selfish  and 
cruel  deeds  may  be  restrained,  all  by  the  righteous 
use  of  our  wills ;  and  the  world  will  be  happier  as 
these  wills  work  for  the  ends  of  justice. 

WlIX-PoWER   AND    SELF-CONTROE. 

A  strong  will-power  that  can  govern  emotion, 
that  can  secure  the  mastery  over  self,  is  the  secret 
of  self-control.  The  bodily  appetites,  the  danger- 
ous desire  for  drink,  the  craving  for  injurious  nar- 
cotics, may  be  kept  under  by  its  aid.  All  passionate 
outbursts  of  anger  may  be  restrained,  violence  may 
be  subdued  into  gentleness,  desire  for  extravagant 
amusements  and  too  much  pleasure  may  be  curbed. 
The  whole  being  will  thus  be  brought  under  and 
made  subject  to  the  higher  law  of  reason  rather  than 
to  our  desires. 

In  the  many  practical  affairs  of  daily  life  an  ex- 
ercise of  will-power  will  enable  us  to  perform  our 
duties  well  and  quickly.      We  can  force  ourselves 


THE  WILL.  243 

to  stop  and  think,  to  be  deliberate,  careful  and  thor- 
ough. In  studies  success  depends  largely  upon  at- 
tention. This  power  of  voluntary  attention  can  be 
secured  only  by  an  effort  of  the  will. 

WiLiv  as  a  World  Force. 

All  great  victories  ever  gained,  whether  in  war 
or  in  politics,  in  science  or  in  religion,  have  been 
gained  by  men  of  strong  will.  Thus  it  is  will  that 
has  determined  the  course  of  history,  that  has  made 
and  unmade  nations,  that  has  wrought  reforms,  that 
has  explored,  investigated,  invented,  and  so  in- 
creased the  knowledge  and  comfort  of  mankind. 

It  is  the  lack  of  will,  shown  in  indecision,  vacil- 
lation and  cowardice,  that  has  brought  ruin  to  indi- 
viduals, to  organizations  and  to  nations.  Stupid- 
ity, apathy,  even  bodily  weakness,  in  many  cases, 
may  be  traced  back  to  this  fundamental  weakness 
of  character.  "Feebleness  of  will  brings  about 
weakness  of  the  head  and  of  the  heart."  The  intel- 
lect and  the  affections  will  be  impaired.  The  man 
will  become  a  wretched  creature,  and  end  his  life 
in  failure. 

The  Wile  a  Measure  of  Personal  Power. 

From  what  has  been  said  it  will  readily  be  seen 
that  the  personal  power  of  anyone  is  dependent  upon 
the  strength  of  the  will.  The  individual  who  per- 
sistently directs  his  will-power  along  proper  lines 
is  sure  to  be  successful.     He  who  has  no  will-power 


244  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

cannot  possibly  succeed  in  any  undertaking.  How 
important  it  is  that  every  parent  should  understand 
the  function  and  training  of  the  will  before  it  is 
too  late  to  influence  it.  The  laws  which  govern  its 
development  are  well  understood.  The  parent  who 
has  no  knowledge  of  the  simplest  principles  govern- 
ing the  development  of  the  will  need  not  wonder 
that  he  fails  to  secure  obedience  from  his  children. 

Will-Training  Versus  Will-Breaking. 

A  year  ago  the  writer  was  asked  concerning  the 
conduct  of  a  boy  fifteen  years  old.  The  father  was 
very  much  provoked.  He  said,  in  speaking  of  the 
boy,  "He  always  was  pig-headed ;  I  never  saw  such 
a  stubborn  boy.  I  will  break  his  will  or  I  will  break 
his  back.  I  have  sent  him  to  the  best  schools  in  the 
country.  I  have  done  everything  in  my  power,  but 
I  cannot  break  his  will."  Such  questions  as  the 
following  were  asked  of  the  parent:  "Why  should 
you  want  to  break  his  will?  Did  you  ever  stop  to 
think  of  what  it  means  to  a  boy  or  girl  who  has  a 
strong  will?  Can  you  blame  the  boy?  Is  he  not 
a  chip  off  the  old  block?  What  would  you  have 
amounted  to  if  you  were  not  as  self-willed  as  you 
are?  You  are  a  man  of  very  successful  business 
experience,  and  have  a  very  large  circle  of  acquaint- 
ances among  business  men.  Do  you  know  of  any- 
one who  has  won  great  success  in  any  line  of  busi- 
ness, except  by  perseverance  and  hard  work,  the 
result  of  strong  determination?    What  you  want 


THE  WILL.  245 

to  do  for  that  boy  is  to  try  to  train  his  will.  Direct 
it  into,  proper  channels,  and  he  may  have  as  great 
a  success  in  his  life's  work  as  his  father  has  had. 
Do  as  you  threaten  to  do,  break  his  will  if  you 
can,  and  you  will  have  ruined  his  chances  for  suc- 
cess in  life.  A  broken  will  is  just  about  as  valua- 
ble as  a  broken  bow." 

The  good  sense  of  the  gentleman  led  him  to 
agree  that  he  had  been  wrong  and  to  express  the 
determination  of  treating  the  boy  differently  in  the 
future.  Would  that  all  parents,  to  whose  attention 
this  matter  is  called,  were  equally  wise !  During 
nine  months  of  the  past  year  that  boy  continued  to 
give  much  trouble  to  the  parents,  teachers  and 
others.  About  three  months  ago  he  developed  great 
interest  in  certain  subjects.  Since  that  time  he  has 
given  no  trouble  to  anyone.  To-day  he  promises 
to  be  a  great  success.  But  for  a  little  patience  at 
a  time  when  it  was  needed  he  might  now  be  an  out- 
cast from  home,  wandering,  as  many  others  have 
been  compelled  to,  because  parents  did  not  under- 
stand the  first  principles  of  the  right  management 
of  those  of  strong  will. 

The  Meaning  of1  Will-Training. 

Too  few  have  given  any  consideration  to  this 
subject.  Still  fewer  appreciate  the  importance  of 
seeing  clearly  the  difference  between  will-training 
and  will-breaking.  The  training  of  a  child's  will 
implies    teaching    him    to    choose    one    of    several 


246  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

courses.  Thus,  by  bringing  influences  to  bear  upon 
a  child,  he  may  be  induced  to  decide  for  himself. 
Breaking  his  will  is  forcing  him  to  do  what  he  is 
told,  regardless  of  what  he  wishes  to  do.  This  takes 
from  the  child  his  power  of  free  choice,  which  is 
the  highest  expression  of  his  true  personality. 
Nevertheless,  the  child  should  understand  clearly 
the  result  of  not  choosing  wisely.  For  example ; 
suppose  a  child  is  told  to  leave  the  room.  He  re- 
fuses to  do  so.  The  parent,  without  further  words, 
whips  him  until  he  does  leave  the  room  or  until 
the  parent  sees  it  is  impossible  to  break  his  will. 
Would  it  not  be  wiser  for  the  parent  to  first  tell  the 
child  that  if  he  does  not  leave  the  room  it  will  be 
necessary  to  punish  him  severely?  After  having 
given  plenty  of  time  for  making  a  choice,  it  may  be 
necessary  for  the  parent  to  remove  the  child  by 
main  force.  But  the  child  has  been  given  the  op- 
tion of  either  leaving  or  taking  the  consequences. 

God's  Way. 

Is  not  this  God's  way  of  treating  us?  Does  He 
not  permit  every  person  to  choose  between  right 
and  wrong?  Everywhere,  and  at  all  times,  and 
under  all  circumstances,  He  gives  to  man  the  free- 
dom of  choice.  This  is  given  with  the  distinct  un- 
derstanding that  he  must  take  the  consequences. 
He  presents  the  advantages  of  one  course  of  action 
and  the  disadvantages  of  the  other.  Upon  man  He 
always   places    the    responsibility   of   choosing   be- 


THE  WILL.  247 

tween  the  right  and  the  wrong.      Can  any  parent 
find  a  better  way  to  train  his  own  children? 

How  the  Will  May  Be  Trained. 

In  most  cases  the  will  of  a  child  is,  at  first,  quite 
weak.  It  grows  stronger  with  years.  At  the  same 
age  it  is  much  stronger  in  some  children  than  in 
others.  The  child  of  strong  will  must  be  treated 
carefully.  In  the  chapters  on  Obedience,  Incentives 
and  the  Stubborn  Child  many  suggestions  will  be 
found.  At  this  time  it  is  not  necessary  to  do  more 
than  emphasize  the  fact  that  there  must  be  no  con- 
flict between  the  will  of  the  parent  and  that  of  the 
child.  Such  is  a  conflict  of  brute  force.  The 
stronger  will  be  victorious.  Punishment  will  do  no 
good,  save  as  it  shows  a  child  that  it  does  not  pay 
to  will  to  do  wrong.  The  will  must  be  trained 
through  the  feelings.  It  is  the  only  way  that  it 
can  possibly  be  trained. 


XXXVI. 

ADOLESCENCE.* 

Meaning  oe  the  Term. 

By  adolescence  is  meant  that  extended  period 
from  the  beginning  of  pubescence  until  the  individ- 
ual has  reached  the  period  of  fullest  physical  de- 
velopment. It  usually  begins  at  about  the  age  of 
twelve  in  girls  and  continues  until  about  the  age 
of  twenty  or  more.  With  boys  the  beginning  and 
end  is  a  couple  of  years  later.  Some  think  the 
period  is  of  much  shorter  duration.  Others  hold 
that  it  is  more  extended.  All  agree  that  it  is  one 
of  nature's  most  marked  progressive  periods.  All 
in  all  it  is  the  most  wonderful  period  in  human  life. 
It  is  the  time  of  nature's  regeneration.  It  is  a 
second  birth,  no  less  wonderful  than  the  first.  Out 
of  the  boy  or  girl  it  makes  the  man  or  the  woman. 
At  this  time  boys  and  girls  are  apt  to  stop  playing 
with  each  other  and  begin  to  consider  their  social 
relations  in  an  entirely  different  light.  The  boys 
wish  to  put  on  long  pants  and  the  girls  plead  for 
longer  dresses. 

Importance  of"  the  Period. 
Much  of  future  sorrow  has  its  beginning  in  the 

*See  author's  books  on  "Talks  to  Young  Men"  and  "  Talks  to  Young 
Women." 


ADOLESCENCE.  249 

mistakes  and  false  teaching  of  this  time.  Now  is 
the  time  to  teach  the  necessity  of  saving  one's 
strength  and  self-respect.  Too  many  have  learned 
instead  the  means  of  destroying  vitality  and  of 
wasting  time  and  energy.  Of  all  times  this  is  the 
time  for  teaching  the  most  careful  economy  of  all 
the  forces  of  life. 

The  savages  of  this  and  other  countries  appre- 
ciate the  importance  of  this  time  in  the  life  of  their 
children.  They,  therefore,  bring  the  most  solemn 
influences  to  bear  upon  their  young  men  during 
these  critical  years.  The  Greeks  gave  special  atten- 
tion to  these  years.  The  Romans  developed  dur- 
ing this  period  the  natural  desire  to  fight.  At  this 
time  the  Greek,  Catholic,  Lutheran  and  other 
churches  confirm.  During  these  years  the  most  con- 
versions are  made.  It  is  the  time  when  all-power- 
ful sympathy,  warmed  by  the  rich  transforming 
blood,  exerts  its  strongest  influence.  The  child  be- 
comes more  susceptible  to  the  influence  of  those 
older  than  himself,  if  the  influence  is  properly 
exerted  without  antagonizing  him.  He  becomes 
interested  in  the  future  in  a  way  he  has  never  been 
before. 

Physical  Changes. 

At  the  beginning  of  adolescence  there  are  many 
marked  changes  which  may  be  noticed  by  even  the 
less  observant.  The  boy's  muscles  become  larger 
and  firmer.  The  voice  changes  to  a  deeper  tone. 
The   stature   increases   rapidly.      The   hair   on   the 


250  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

face  becomes  apparent.  The  changes  taking  place 
in  the  girl  are  equally  important;  the  enlargement 
of  the  figure  being  the  most  marked.  She  is  also 
apt  to  become  nervous  and  irritable.  The  internal 
changes  are  equally  important.  The  brain  ceases 
to  grow,  though  it  continues  to  increase  in  weight. 
The  arteries  increase  in  size  one-third.  The  tem- 
perature rises  one  degree.  The  reproductive  or- 
gans are  functioned. 

Mental  Changes. 

Great  as  are  the  changes  in  the  body  during  these 
years,  the  mental  changes  are,  perhaps,  even  greater. 
The  child,  no  longer  satisfied  with  learning  through 
the  senses,  begins  to  reflect  upon  what  is  seen  and 
heard.  For  the  first  time  objects  and  events  are 
seen  in  their  proper  relation.  New  and  old  emo- 
tions spring  forth  full  grown,  and  enthusiasm  holds 
sway.  The  individuality  becomes  more  apparent. 
Indeed,  the  whole  mental  life  seems  lighted  by  a  new 
flame.  The  parent  or  teacher  who  can  discover  this 
creative  spark  at  the  right  time  may  be  able  to  fan 
it  into  such  a  flame  as  will  make  gloriously  bright  a 
great  life  as  poet,  artist,  musician  or  statesman. 
This  is  the  time  to  study  carefully  each  boy  and  help 
each  determine  for  what  trade  or  profession  he  is 
best  suited.  This  is  the  best  time  to  learn  a  for- 
eign language,  as  the  verbal  memory  is  now  strong- 
est. Now  is  the  time  to  learn  memory  gems,  which 
may  influence  the  whole  life. 


ADOLESCENCE.  251 


Moral  Changes. 


Of  more  vital  importance  than  other  changes  are 
those  affecting  the  moral  nature  of  the  child  pass- 
ing through  this  trying  stage.  At  this  time  all 
temptations  exert  their  strongest  influences.  While 
this  is  the  case,  if  care  is  taken,  even  the  most  sel- 
fish may  be  developed  into  self-sacrificing  boys  or 
girls.  If  properly  understood  their  worst  tenden- 
cies may  now  be  replaced  by  those  which  will  work 
for  the  happiness  of  themselves  and  others. 

Before  this  age  is  the  best  time  to  train  a  child 
to  listen  to  the  still  small  voice  of  conscience,  which 
will  guide  him  aright  through  life.  Omit  this  les- 
son now,  and  it  will  never  be  learned  as  it  should 
be.  During  this  period  it  will  be  easy  to  develop 
a  love  for  others,  and  a  personal  responsibility  for 
moral  acts,  though  stubborn  doubts  will  constantly 
rise. 

Change  in  Ideals. 

During  this  important  period  there  is  also  a  great 
change  in  ideals.  As  before  stated,  the  boy  or  girl 
lives,  for  a  time,  the  life  of  a  great  poet,  musician 
or  statesman.  Never  again  may  such  a  grand  level 
be  reached  during  the  life-time  of  the  individual. 
These  ideals  must  be  used  for  the  proper  develop- 
ment and  discipline  of  the  individual.  More  than 
at  any  time  in  the  past  or  the  future,  these  ideals 
are  of  transcendental  importance.  They  lie  at 
the  base  of  all  improvement  during  this  period. 
The  effort  should  be  made  to  train  toward  the  beau- 


252  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

tiful  ideals  to  be  found  in  literature,  history  and 
biography.  It  is  the  time  of  hero-worship.  If  we 
can  but  teach  them  to  admire  these  ideals  it  will  not 
be  hard  to  lead  them  to  try  to  imitate  them,  for  it 
is  a  very  short  step  from  admiration  to  imitation. 
Is  it  not  to  be  regretted  that  so  many  boys  pass 
through  this  period  without  having  any  male  teacher 
who  meets  their  ideal? 

We  have  seen  that  adolescence  is  bounded  by 
pubescence  and  manhood.  During  this  time  some- 
one has  said,  "The  boy  is  not  only  a  Persian  in  his 
love  for  war,  a  Hindu  in  his  dreams  and  a  Hebrew 
in  his  business  sense,  but  he  rapidly  comes  down 
through  the  millenniums  and  reaches  the  days  of 
Bayard,  Sigfried  and  Launcelot." 

Dangers  of  Adolescence. 

What  shall  be  said  of  the  dangers  of  this  period? 
Every  learned  person,  though  not  a  physician, 
knows  that  there  are  grave  dangers  here.  In  a 
vague  way  many  know  that  about  this  time  all  the 
fiercest  passions  of  the  soul  strive  for  mastery. 
Now  is  the  time  that  boys  discover  the  changes  tak- 
ing place  and  learn  awful  habits.  Too  often  the 
parent  has  no  idea  of  the  truth  until  it  is  necessary 
to  place  a  dear  child  in  the  asylum,  there  to  remain 
a  mental,  physical  and  moral  wreck.  This  it  is  that, 
to  a  large  extent,  peoples  these  institutions  with  a 
loathsome,  hopeless  multitude.  In  very  many  cases 
this  habit  is  found  most  frequently  in  those  in  whom 


ADOLESCENCE.  253 

it  is  least  expected.  Not  so  often  in  those  of  rough 
manners,  or  in  the  ignorant  and  profane,  or  in  those 
fond  of  manly  sports  and  of  the  company  of  others, 
as  in  the  opposites  of  all  these. 

If  ever  a  child  needs  an  intelligent,  interested  par- 
ent it  is  at  this  time.  God  pity  the  boy  or  girl  who, 
at  this  time,  has  none  such !  There  may  be  some 
excuse  for  the  parent  who,  through  ignorance,  fails 
to  provide  that  counsel  and  instruction  which,  if  it 
is  withheld,  is  apt  to  result  in  most  ruinous  habits. 
For  the  parent  who  shirks  his  duty  there  should  be 
none. 

False  Modesty  in  Parents. 

Many  who  read  this  may  question  the  propriety 
of  speaking  of  these  matters.  But  are  they  not  of 
supreme  importance?  Is  there  not  too  much  ig- 
norance of  these  important  matters?  Are  the  par- 
ents not  the  ones  whose  duty  it  is  to  speak?  Have 
we  any  right  to  remain  quiet  upon  the  dangers  of 
this  period  while,  because  of  ignorance,  our  children 
are  ruining  their  happiness  for  the  life  that  is,  as 
well  as  for  the  life  that  is  to  come? 

Surely  it  is  the  duty  of  parents  to  give  instruction 
upon  these  matters,  either  by  talks  on  the  subject, 
by  placing  a  sensible  book  in  their  hands,  or  by 
sending  the  boy  or  girl  to  have  a  talk  with  the  fam- 
ily physician.  If  the  physician  is  a  man  of  judgment 
he  will  present  the  matter  in  such  a  way  as  to  show 
that  there  is  no  reason  for  concealing  the  truths 


254  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

which  mean  so  much  to  each  one.  Great  care  must 
be  taken  in  the  selection  of  books  bearing  on  this 
subject,  as  most  of  those  printed  are  the  writings 
of  "quacks,"  and  are  not  safe  to  be  in  the  hands  of 
either  the  old  or  the  young. 

Ignorance  Wile  Not  Save. 

Many  parents  who  think  of  these  matters  hope 
that  ignorance  of  them  may  save  the  child  from  the 
terrible  results.  But  it  is  a  vain  hope  and  one  of 
the  greatest  mistakes  of  the  present  generation. 
Almost  everyone  can  call  to  mind  sufficient  proof 
that  such  is  the  case. 

Is  it  proper  modesty  which  prevents  our  speak- 
ing of  these  matters,  or  is  it  the  most  disastrous 
kind  of  folly?  If  we  do  not  see  that  they  have  a 
proper  knowledge  of  these  things,  is  it  not  certain 
that  the  vulgar,  false  ideas  of  impure  associates 
will  be  absorbed  by  them  and  do  great  harm  ?  Then 
let  us  teach  them  the  truth  that  dissipation  during 
adolescence  means  results  which  are  certainly  ter- 
rible in  their  effects  upon  the  moral,  mental  and 
physical  natures. 

Management  oe  the  Adolescent. 

What  about  the  management  of  the  adolescent? 
It  is  indeed  a  hard  question,  doubly  so  because  no 
general  rule  can  be  given.     What  will  apply  to  one 


ADOLESCENCE.  255 

may  be  of  little  use  in  other  cases.  Many  have 
asked  the  writer  for  explicit  directions.  One 
mother,  who  came  from  Newark,  where  she  had 
read  the  talks  as  published  in  the  Evening  News, 
was  so  deeply  grieved  by  the  actions  of  her  boy 
that  she  was  not  willing  to  give  her  name.  She 
had  done  what  most  of  us  are  apt  to  do.  She 
had  magnified  her  boy's  mistakes,  and  if  the  boy's 
temperament  was  what  her  description  indicated  her 
method  of  management  was  the  opposite  of  what  it 
should  have  been. 

During  this  period  a  parent  should  not  hesitate 
to  greatly  change  the  method  of  management.  More 
than  at  any  other  time  is  there  great  need  of  much 
patience  and  the  deepest  sympathy.  More  than  at 
any  other  time  should  the  parent  endeavor  to  have 
the  child  make  a  confidant  of  both  parents.  By  con- 
sulting children  on  some  subjects  they  may  be  led 
to  talk  more  freely  to  their  parents. 

At  this  time  there  may  be  good  reason  for  re- 
linquishing absolute  authority.  If  the  training  has 
been  anything  like  what  it  should  have  been  this 
will  be  perfectly  safe.  If  it  has  not  been  of  the 
right  kind,  harshness  will  now  be  of  little  value. 
It  will  only  tend  to  estrange  and  drive  out  of  home 
into  the  cold  world.  There  comes  a  time  in  the 
life  of  nearly  every  boy  when  he  is  tempted  to  run 
away  from  home.  Many  are  tempted  to  commit 
suicide,  and  not  a  few  do  so.  While  hard  to  man- 
age, they  will  generally  respond  to  the  treatment 


256  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

prompted  by  love.     Trying  to  repress  adolescents 
by  any  other  means  is  like  sitting  on  a  safety-valve. 

Three  Stages. 

The  first  years  of  adolescence  are  those  of  fer- 
ment. From  sixteen  to  eighteen  the  crisis  is  reached. 
After  that  comes  a  period  of  reconstruction.  The 
greatest  trouble  comes  during  the  crisis.  Happy 
the  parent  who  can  help  the  child  over  this  time. 
Safely  past  the  crisis,  there  will  be  continual  im- 
provement. Storm  clouds  will  pass  away,  and  the 
peaceful  sunshine  will  take  their  place. 


XXXVII. 

THE   CHILD   AND   CHRISTMAS. 

Children  in  the  Home. 

What  a  joyous  time  Christmas  is  and  should  be 
for  all,  both  young  and  old.  Its  celebration  should 
bring  joy  to  all  and  peace  into  every  home.  Christ- 
mas without  children  is  not  a  real  Christmas. 
Neither  is  a  home  without  children  a  real  home. 
It  is  the  song  with  the  sweetest  melody  left  out. 
It  is  the  day  without  sunshine.  We  may  get  weary 
of  their  noise  and  long  for  quiet.  When  young 
they  break  our  rest,  when  older  they  may  break 
our  hearts.  Yet  they  are  blessings  in  disguise.  We 
can  no  longer  be  selfish  as  before.  We  try  to  train 
them,  but,  before  we  start,  they  train  us  and  teach 
us  many  important  lessons,  which  would  never  be 
learned  but  for  them.  Yes,  a  home  without  chil- 
dren must  be  cold  and  dreary.  And  what  can  be 
more  cheerless  than  a  childless  old  age? 

How  About  Santa  Ceaus? 

Many  conscientious  parents  object  to  telling,  even 
young  children,  what  they  consider  falsehoods  about 
Christmas.  But  is  it  really  wrong  to  tell  the  chil- 
dren what  we  do  ?     The  story  of  Christmas  contains 


258  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

much  of  truth,  but  it  also  contains  much  of  fancy 
rather  than  falsehood.  The  idea  of  Santa  Claus  is 
that,  upon  the  birthnight  of  Jesus,  a  messenger 
comes  bringing  gifts  to  all  and  especially  to  children. 
This  is  true,  and  its  full  significance  should  be  im- 
pressed upon  the  child's  mind.  Whether  Santa 
Claus  arrives  once  a  year  with  reindeer  and  enters 
by  way  of  the  chimney,  or  whether  he  comes  daily 
by  trolley  and  enters  through  the  door,  such  facts 
may  well  be  left  to  the  child's  fancy,  to  developing 
reason  and  to  later  experience. 

When  a  child  begins  to  seriously  question  the 
absolute  truth  of  every  detail,  this  is  time  enough 
to  consider  the  advisability  of  making  explanations. 
Rut,  you  say,  this  is  telling  or  acting  a  falsehood. 
Is  it  ?  One  of  the  definitions  in  the  latest  dictionary 
tells  us  that  a  falsehood  is  "deceiving  one  who  has 
a  right  to  know  the  truth."  There  may  be  some 
question  about  accepting  so  broad  a  definition,  but 
has  a  young  child  a  right  to  know  the  truth?  On 
the  contrary,  is  not  every  young  child  entitled  to 
the  great  pleasure  which  comes  from  anticipations 
of  an  old-fashioned  Christmas  with  Santa  Claus  and 
reindeer?  Many  attempts  have  been  made  to  re- 
place "The  Night  Before  Christmas"  with  other 
"up-to-date"  stories.  But  those  who  sell  such  books 
will  tell  you  the  new  ones  have  a  very  limited  sale. 

Surely  it  would  not  only  not  be  wise,  but  it  would 
not  be  right  to  say  there  is  no  Santa  Claus,  and  to 
take  the  child  and  show  him  what  he  was  to  get 


CHRISTMAS.  259 

on  Christmas  morning.  Who  would  care  for  such 
a  Christmas?  It  would  seem  just  as  reasonable  to 
tell  him  he  must  not  call  a  stick  or  a  chair  a  horse, 
and  pretend  to  drive  or  ride  it,  or  to  insist  that  dolls 
do  not  hear  what  is  said  to  them,  or  to  say  it  is  a 
terrible  sin  to  pretend  to  feed  them  and  to  play  house 
when,  in  reality,  there  is  nothing  to  eat  and  no  house. 
Such  acts  of  fancy  are  as  real  as  truth  to  the  young 
children.  When  the  child  of  such  a  parent  gets 
older  he  will  probably  be  punished  for  pretending 
to  play  fire  when  there  is  none,  and  for  many  other 
similar  and  harmless  acts  which  not  only  do  no 
harm,  but  help  develop  many  desirable  qualities. 

A  Great  Mistake. 

No,  that  parent  makes  a  great  mistake  who  fails 
to  appreciate  the  fact  that  a  child's  imagination 
should  be  allowed  great  freedom  in  play  and  in  read- 
ing. When  it  is  important  he  should  do  so,  he  will 
have  no  trouble  to  distinguish  the  fact  from  fiction. 
Imagination  should  have  a  prominent  place  in  the 
thoughts  and  feelings  of  every  child,  for  a  child's 
mind  is  filled  with  images  of  all  kinds.  Children 
live  in  imagination  to  a  greater  extent  than  do  their 
parents.  Most  careful  students  of  children  agree 
that  their  love  for  fairy-lore  is  not  only  natural,  but 
should  be  cultivated.  Then  why  not  let  the  young 
child  enjoy  all  the  fancy  connected  with  Christmas? 
Because  of  their  vivid  imaginations  children  can 
be  happy  for  months  in  anticipation  of  a  single  day. 


26o  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

The  writer's  four-year-old  almost  daily  counts 
on  her  fingers  the  "number  of  Sunday  schools  until 
Christmas."  After  each  Sunday  she  pulls  down 
one  more  finger  and  enjoys,  with  no  show  of  im- 
patience, the  great  pleasure  which  her  older  brothers 
also  enjoy  with  her.  They  no  longer  look  for  the 
reindeer,  yet  their  joy  is  none  the  less  real  than  is 
hers.  This  article  would  not  have  been  written  but 
for  what  the  writer  saw  and  heard  this  evening 
when  he  went  to  say  good-night  to  all.  The  little 
sister  had  crept  into  bed  with  an  older  brother  and 
asked  him  to  "tell  all  about  Santa  Claus."  Wrapped 
in  the  arms  of  her  ten-year-old  brother,  she  was 
drinking  in,  with  great  joy,  every  word  told  her. 
Yet  it  was  a  question  whether  she  was  enjoying  it 
more  than  her  brother.  Is  it  any  wonder  that  "no" 
was  the  answer  which  rose  to  the  question,  "Should 
any  parent  say,  under  such  circumstances,  'Children, 
there  is  no  Santa  Claus ;  it  is  a  falsehood,  and  you 
will  be  punished  for  repeating  it  ?'  " 

Let  the  Children  Help. 

As  children  get  older  they  should  be  allowed  to 
have  something  to  do  by  way  of  planning  to  make 
others  happy  at  Christmas.  What  money  they  can 
save  from  their  allowances  or  from  gifts  should  be 
theirs  to  spend  as  they  think  best.  Some  will  be 
able  to  make  things  to  give  to  father  or  mother  or 
other  members  of  the  household,  or  friends.  The 
pleasure  given  will  not  depend  upon  the  amount  of 


CHRISTMAS.  261 

money  spent  for  the  gifts,  but  upon  the  spirit  with 
which  they  are  given  and  the  surprise  felt. 

Let  the  older  children  secure  evergreen  in  the 
country  if  possible.  If  this  is  not  possible  let  them 
go  themselves  and  buy  them  at  the  stores.  They 
will  never  forget  the  pleasure  which  it  gives  them, 
even  if  it  be  but  one  or  two  branches  of  a  pine  tree 
and  a  single  wreath.  Let  them  help  decorate  the 
pictures  and  mantelpieces  with  as  much  green  as 
can  be  secured. 

One  Plan  of  Giving  Presents. 

There  are  almost  as  many  ways  of  keeping  Christ- 
mas as  there  are  families.  Many  good  suggestions 
will  be  found  in  the  magazines,  however.  In  the 
hope  that  it  may  be  suggestive  to  some,  one  plan 
of  distributing  gifts  is  given. 

Have  as  many  colors  of  thread  as  there  are  chil- 
dren. Let  the  threads  start  from  some  central  point, 
such  as  the  Christmas  tree,  the  stocking  or  the  plate. 
At  the  starting  point  give  all  directions  to  follow 
the  thread  marked  with  the  name  of  each  and  re- 
turn to  the  starting  point  to  show  each  article 
found,  waiting  till  all  have  returned  before  starting 
again.  Let  each  thread  take  its  own  course,  under 
doors,  out  into  the  kitchen,  down  into  the  basement, 
under  beds,  into  closets,  up  to  the  attic  and  into  dark 
corners.  Along  each  thread  place  those  things  in- 
tended for  the  different  children,  also  notes  direct- 
ing where  they  should  look  for  other  gifts.     Some- 


262  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

times  the  note  may  tell  that  the  article  found  is  to 
be  given  to  some  other  member  of  the  family. 

In  this  way  the  older  members  of  the  family  may 
surprise  one  another  and  give  pleasure  to  all.  As 
each  returns  to  the  starting  point,  every  time  every 
article  or  direction  is  found,  the  joy  of  each  will  be 
shared  by  all,  and,  in  place  of  one  surprise,  quickly 
over,  it  will  be  found  that  there  are  many  for  each, 
and  the  enjoyment  will  be  greatly  prolonged.  More 
than  this,  such  preparation  will  be  greatly  appre- 
ciated, because  the  children  will  see  that  it  has  been 
made,  because  of  love,  at  considerable  expenditure 
of  time  and  thought  to  others.  Thus  even  the  chil- 
dren will  appreciate  the  interest  taken  more  than  the 
gifts  received.  The  gifts  will  soon  be  forgotten ; 
such  preparation  prompted  by  loving  thoughtfulness, 
never. 

Later  in  the  day  the  full  significance  of  the  holi- 
day should  be  explained  to  the  younger  children. 
Many  will  not  consider  the  day  complete  unless,  in 
addition  to  the  usual  games,  there  is  a  game  of 
"blind-man's-buff,"  or  some  similar  game,  in  which, 
for  once,  the  older  members  of  the  family  all  join 
with  the  younger.  Many  other  plans  will  present 
themselves  for  consideration  to  those  disposed  to 
make  the  day  a  memorable  one,  as  it  should  be. 

It  may  be  objected  that  this  means  considerable 
thought  and  planning.  But  is  it  not  worth  all  it 
costs  ?  The  children  will  never  forget  such  a  Christ- 
mas.     Long  after  you  have  gone  from  them,  and 


CHRISTMAS.  263 

their  heads  are  whitened  by  the  frost  of  many  win- 
ters, they  will  tell  their  children  of  the  happy  Christ- 
mas prepared  by  your  patient  labors  of  love. 

Then  let  each  be  the  happiest  Christmas  of  their 
lives.  The  cost  in  money  may  be  far  less  than  in 
previous  years,  if  only  there  is  the  evidence  of  the 
desire  to  make  them  happy.  Let  every  Christmas 
be  noted  for  its  joyous  frolicking  and  its  many  inno- 
cent pleasures.  Let  it  be  enjoyed  by  the  young 
and  old,  by  master  and  servant,  by  parent  and  child, 
on  the  common  ground  of  good-will  and  kindly  feel- 
ing! 


XXXVIII. 
HINTS   TO   PARENTS. 

Birthdays. 

The  observances  of  these  anniversaries  are  a 
source  of  far  greater  good  than  most  parents  think. 
The  remembrance  and  celebration  of  them  bring 
the  different  members  of  the  family  closer  together 
and  small  differences  are  forgotten.  The  loving 
thoughts  connected  with  the  preparation  of  some- 
thing for  the  occasion  will  increase  and  multiply 
with  the  passing  years. 

If  you  remember  a  child's  birthday  he  will  dis- 
cover that  you  are  really  glad  that  he  is  here.  It 
will  never  be  forgotten.  You  will  find  that  he  will 
take  great  pleasure  in  remembering  yours  during  the 
years  which  are  to  come. 

The  remembrance  need  be  no  more  than  a  kiss, 
or  a  bunch  of  flowers,  or  some  similar  expression 
of  love.  In  one  family  a  boy,  on  his  birthday,  re- 
ceived a  pencil  from  one  brother,  a  knife  from  an- 
other, a  box  of  writing  paper  from  his  sister,  some 
newly-baked  gingercake  from  his  mother,  and  twen- 
ty-five cents  from  his  father.  Even  this  was  more 
expensive  than  need  be  to  prove  that  the  day  was 
not  forgotten  by  those  who  loved  him  and  were 
glad  that  he  was  one  of  the  family.     To  those  who 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  265 

are  absent,  even  a  brief  note  will  be  more  highly 
prized  than  would  many  presents  under  other  cir- 
cumstances. 

It  will  thus  be  apparent  that  it  is  not  necessary 
to  go  to  great  expense ;  not  necessary  to  have  costly 
parties,  in  order  that  the  day  may  be  properly  cele- 
brated. The  spirit  is  the  important  requisite.  Given 
that,  all  else  may  be  omitted;  without  that,  every- 
thing will  be  wanting. 

Too  Much  Restraint. 

Nine  out  of  ten  children  are  subjected  to  too  much 
restraint.  Children  should  be  permitted  to  do  what 
they  wish  unless  there  is  good  reason  for  their  not 
doing  so.  When  a  child  raises  an  objection  in  a 
proper  spirit,  it  is  sometimes  proper  to  give  reasons. 
For  example,  suppose  a  boy  is  told  not  to  go  down 
a  certain  street.  He  asks,  in  proper  tone,  why  you 
prefer  him  not  to  take  the  shortest  way.  He  may 
be  told  the  reason  then ;  or,  later,  it  may  be  well  to 
tell  him  you  knew  there  was  a  cross  dog  at  the  cor- 
ner, and  that  you  feared  that  he  might  be  bitten. 
Care  should  also  be  taken  to  express  pleasure  that 
the  question  was  asked  in  the  way  that  it  should 
have  been  asked,  and  that  there  was  no  hesitation 
about  obedience. 

Overtraining. 

There  is  great  tendency  to  overtraining  on  the 
part  of  ministers  and  others,  who  are  intensely  in- 
terested in  the  proper  management  of  their  children. 


266  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

The  failure  of  such  in  the  training  of  their  children 
has  become  almost  proverbial.  It  is  certainly  not 
because  of  lack  of  love  or  interest ;  but,  realizing  the 
importance  of  proper  training,  there  is  apt  to  be 
too  much  training.  Then,  too,  it  must  be  remem- 
bered that  the  failings  of  these  children  are  likely 
to  be  unduly  magnified  by  both  parents  and  others. 

Leaving  a  Child  Alone. 

It  is  very  important  that  we  parents  should  ap- 
preciate the  necessity  of  leaving  children  to  them- 
selves, that  they  may  do  about  as  they  wish.  While 
the  child  must  be  trained,  it  is  not  necessary  that  he 
should  be  under  supervision  all  the  time.  If  he  is, 
he  is  likely  to  become  so  antagonistic  that  he  cannot 
be  trained  as  he  should. 

Too  Many  Direct  Issues. 

One  great  mistake  which  most  of  us  parents 
make  is  that  we  are  too  willing  to  take  issue  with 
our  children  upon  every  occasion.  No  parent 
should  hesitate  to  do  so  when  it  is  necessary.  Such 
as  hesitate  will  suffer  later.  However,  issues  can 
be  avoided  by  exercising  a  small  amount  of  tact  and 
common  sense.  It  is  especially  necessary  with  chil- 
dren of  certain  temperaments  at  times.  It  is  ab- 
solutely necessary  that  the  parents  should  strive  to 
avoid  direct  issues  at  certain  times. 

Too  Many  Dont's. 
Is  it  not  true  that  all  of  us  say  "don't"  to  our 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  267 

children  too  often?  One  is  reminded  of  the  boy, 
who,  when  asked  his  name,  said  his  right  name  was 
"Willie  Smith,"  but  it  seemed  generally  to  be  "Wil- 
lie Don't." 

Threats. 

Many  children  are  completely  ruined  by  the 
threats  which  parents  make  and  fail  to  carry  out. 
How  often  we  promise  to  do  something  "next  time." 
What  a  mistake !  We  should  act  at  the  time 
or  say  nothing.  A  little  punishment  or  rewarding 
in  the  present  is  more  powerful  than  ten  times  the 
amount  promised  for  delivery  at  some  future  time. 
As  "a  barking  dog  never  bites,"  so  it  is  almost  cer- 
tain that  a  parent  who  threatens  much  seldom  ful- 
fils the  promises  made.  How  soon  the  child  dis- 
covers this !  Strive  never  to  make  threats  which 
cannot  or  should  not  be  carried  out.  Then  "make 
good." 

Nagging. 

There  is  no  place  for  scolding  or  nagging  in  the 
training  of  children.  Yet  how  many  of  us  are  apt 
to  do  so.  Some  say  they  do  this  so  that  they  need 
not  whip  their  children.  But  this  will  have  a  worse 
effect  on  a  child's  character  than  a  reasonable 
amount  of  whipping,  inflicted  at  a  proper  time  and 
in  a  proper  manner.  If  such  a  child  has  done  wrong 
he  should  be  spoken  to  in  a  kindly  and,  if  necessary, 
in  a  very  firm  tone.  However,  it  should  be  done 
in  the  natural  tone  of  voice  at  all  times. 


268  TRAINING   OF   CHILDREN. 

Faults  oe  Children. 

We  are  apt  to  magnify  the  faults  of  children.  Let 
us  remember  that  many  of  the  so-called  faults  are 
not  faults,  but  are  natural  actions,  which  they  should 
and  will  outgrow. 

When  you  hesitate  as  to  whether  or  not  you 
should  refuse  some  request  made,  do  not  consider 
whether  the  request  would  have  been  a  foolish  one 
for  you,  but  rather  whether  it  is  a  proper  one  for 
the  child.  The  child  who  finds  he  is  treated  in  this 
way  will  not  hesitate  to  ask  for  things  which  other- 
wise he  would  get  by  stealth. 

Self-Control. 

Other  things  being  equal,  the  individual  who  can 
control  himself  is  likely  to  be  most  happy.  Whether 
or  not  a  person  is  able  to  control  himself  will  largely 
depend  upon  his  training  in  early  life.  At  times  it 
may  require  only  loving  kindness  upon  the  part  of 
the  parent ;  or  it  may  require  much  firmness  also. 
Almost  all  children  can  be  taught  self-control  when 
young.  That  is  the  time  to  help  them.  Life  with 
them  is  a  constant  warfare.  We  must  stand  ready 
to  help  them  battle  against  self,  as  well  as  against 
outside  influences.  Don't  bribe  your  child  to  con- 
trol himself  in  any  way.  This  is  a  great  mistake, 
and  evil  results  will  have  to  be  borne  later  by  both 
parents  and  child. 

Temper. 

We  are  all  very  apt  to  treat  with  too  little  con- 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  269 

sideration  the  child  of  quick  temper.  Many  em- 
ployers prefer  clerks  who  have  violent  temper. 
They  understand  that  it  is  a  form  of  energy,  and  if 
the  temper  is  controlled,  the  individuals  can  accom- 
plish a  great  deal  more  than  those  without  temper. 
If  a  child  shows  temper  much  of  the  time,  this  re- 
quires different  treatment.  Such  a  child  should  be 
kept  busy,  as  much  as  possible,  with  some  kind  of 
play  or  work.  The  parent  must  be  careful  not  to 
show  temper  when  the  child  does.  It  is  probable 
that  the  child  gets  his  temper  honestly,  but  if  the 
parent  is  not  careful,  scars  of  more  than  one  kind 
may  be  left,  and  remain  for  many  years, — scars 
which  even  future  kindness  can  never  efface. 

The  Object  of  Training. 

We  must  not  forget  that  the  great  object  of  train- 
ing is  not  merely  to  make  children  obedient.  It  is 
not  to  make  them  behave.  It  is  not  to  keep  them 
quiet.  It  is  not  to  make  them  admired  by  others. 
It  is  not  to  please  our  own  selfish  vanity  in  any  one 
of  many  ways.  The  great  purpose  of  training  is 
to  make  out  of  each  what  the  Almighty  evidently 
intended  him  to  be.  What  He  intended  is  not  always 
an  easy  matter  to  determine.  The  only  way  it  can 
be  determined  is  by  carefully  studying  the  peculiari- 
ties of  each  mind,  heart  and  body  with  which  every 
child  is  gifted. 

Work  for  Boys  and  Girls. 
Too  few  parents  realize  the  necessity  for  regular 


270  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

work  and  exercise  for  both  boys  and  girls.  All 
should  have  some  play.  Few,  if  any,  will  be  in- 
jured by  a  reasonable  amount  of  regular  work. 
Regular  practice  in  gymnastics  is  very  good. 
Where  such  can  easily  be  secured  this  will  be  es- 
pecially beneficial  if  under  the  direction  of  a  com- 
petent physical  instructor.  However,  those  who  are 
not  able  to  have  the  benefit  of  a  well-equipped  gym- 
nasium need  not  be  discouraged.  While  in  the 
gymnasium  there  may  be  found  apparatus  suitable 
for  the  development  of  the  different  muscles  of  the 
body,  a  suitable  apparatus  may  also  be  found  in 
every  home.  The  boys  may  strengthen  the  muscles 
of  the  body  by  sawing  and  chopping  wood,  build- 
ing fires,  carrying  coal  and  in  other  ways.  The 
girls  may  receive  like  benefit  by  scrubbing,  sweep- 
ing, making  beds  and  in  many  other  ways  too  nu- 
merous to  mention. 

Obedience  Again. 

Too  much  has  been  said  on  the  subject  of  obedi- 
ence to  justify  further  consideration.  Those  who 
insist  on  trying  to  train  children  properly  without 
demanding  absolute  obedience  are  welcome  to  the 
experience.  The  writer  will  be  glad  to  have  an 
account  of  the  success  of  those  who  have  had  a  few 
years'  experience  under  such  a  plan. 

Use  of  Stories  and  Doixs. 
Parents  will  find  that  many  lessons  can  best  be 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  271 

taught  small  children  by  the  use  of  stories  read  or 
told.  It  is  really  wonderful  how  great  an  influ- 
ence such  will  have  upon  their  whole  future  lives. 
Books  are  full  of  stories  bearing  many  important 
moral  lessons.  Make  use  of  them.  First,  in  sto- 
ries, afterward  by  placing  the  proper  books  in  the 
hands  of  the  children. 

Children's  dolls  may  also  be  made  an  important 
factor  in  the  training  of  young  children.  They  love 
to  play,  telling  many  things  to  their  dolls.  By  in- 
clining them  to  teach  their  dolls,  they  themselves 
may  learn  many  important  lessons. 


XXXIX. 

HINTS   TO   PARENTS  (Continued). 
Reading. 

No  parent  need  be  reminded  that  it  is  important 
that  all  children  learn  to  read.  It  is  also  important 
that  they  develop  a  love  for  reading.  It  is  of  far 
greater  importance  that  they  develop  a  love  for  the 
right  kind  of  reading.  The  best  schools  are  not 
only  teaching  how  to  read,  but  also  what  to  read. 
However,  the  parents  cannot  throw  off  their  re- 
sponsibility. That  reading  which  weakens  the  in- 
tellect and  debases  the  morals  must  be  guarded 
against.  That  which  strengthens  the  mind,  forms 
the  basis  of  knowledge,  and  tends  to  raise  the  moral 
tone,  must  be  furnished. 

The  desire  for  the  right  kind  of  reading  is  ac- 
quired. It  does  not  come  by  instinct.  It  is  there- 
fore our  duty  to  give  careful  consideration  to  the 
matter.  Children  will  like  to  read  those  books 
which  we  teach  them  to  like.  If  we  pay  no  atten- 
tion to  the  matter  they  will  almost  certainly  learn 
to  love  those  books  which  they  find  others  reading. 
If  such  is  the  case,  it  is  our  fault,  not  theirs. 

In  selecting  books  we  should  have  a  particular 
end  in  view.  They  should  either  be  selected  for  the 
moral  benefit,  to  add  to  their  knowledge,  or  to  give 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  273 

pleasure.  The  best  books  combine  these  three  ends. 
The  book  of  fairy  tales  has  its  place.  So  also  the 
books  of  fiction,  such  as  may  be  found  in  the  Sun- 
day school  libraries.  More  important  than  these 
for  older  children  are  books  of  travel,  history  and 
biography. 

Proper  Books  for  the  Young.* 

It  is  not  sufficient  to  keep  bad  books  away  from 
children.  The  right  kind  of  books  must  be  pro- 
vided. Any  librarian  will  gladly  give  suggestions 
upon  this  subject.  In  selecting  books  it  is  impor- 
tant that  we  do  not  fail  to  consider  not  merely  the 
age,  sex  and  temperament  of  the  child,  but  also  the 
time  of  year  and  the  part  of  the  country  in  which 
the  child  lives,  and  many  other  similar  matters.  It 
is  also  important  that  the  parent  should  read  some 
books  with  the  child. 

What  has  been  said  of  the  importance  of  select- 
ing the  right  kind  of  companions  applies  with  equal 
force  to  the  selection  of  the  right  kind  of  books. 

Favorites. 

Too  often  parents  have  favorites  among  their 
children.  Sometimes  it  is  quite  noticeable  to  others 
of  the  family,  as  well  as  to  strangers.  Under  such 
circumstances  there  is  almost  certain  to  be  discord 
and  continual  jarring.  Who  has  not  known  cases 
where  the  evil  effects  of  such  favoritism  have  borne 

See  author's  Home  Series  and  List  of  Library  Books. 


274  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

bitter  fruit  during  the  whole  lives  of  parents  and 
children  ? 

Surely  too  much  care  cannot  be  taken  by  parents 
to  see  to  it  that  their  decisions  are  impartial.  No 
matter  if  one  child  is  of  a  more  loving  disposition 
and  more  lovable  than  another,  each  must  feel  that 
there  is  an  equally  warm  place  in  the  heart  and  an 
equally  prominent  position  in  the  affection  of  the 
parents.  As  they  grow  older  they  will  ever  prize 
and  aim  to  retain  that  loving  regard.  Should  oc- 
casion come  they  will  rejoice  to  turn  once  more  to 
the  parents  for  that  advice  and  sympathy  which  they 
know  awaits  each  one  without  favor,  but  with  af- 
fection. 

Children  on  Sunday. 

What  parent  has  not  been  troubled,  or  even  driven 
to  despair,  to  know  what  to  do  with  children  on 
Sunday?  Even  if  it  has  been  possible  to  get  them 
to  do  just  as  the  parent  would  have  them  do, 
it  is  hard  to  know  what  they  should  be  required  to 
do.  Any  parent  who  has  sufficient  brute  force  and 
determination  can  make  children  conform  to  cer- 
tain definite  rules ;  but  is  that  the  right  thing  to  do  ? 
Certainly  not.  Of  all  days,  this  is  the  day  that  we 
should  strive  to  get  along  by  loving  kindness. 

Don't  Make  Sunday  Dreadful. 

Some  parents  make  Sundays  so  unpleasant  that 
the  children  dread  its  approach.  No  child  should 
be  expected  to  act  as  parents  do  on  Sunday.     Yet, 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  275 

do  not  many  parents  think  that  children  should  be 
amused  on  Sunday  with  the  same  things  that  amuse 
themselves?  This  day  should  be  different  from 
Other  days.  The  young  children  should  have  dif- 
ferent playthings,  different  games,  different  dolls, 
and  be  dressed  differently.  Thus  the  child  may, 
quite  easily,  learn  to  look  forward  with  pleasure, 
rather  than  with  dread,  to  the  coming  of  Sunday. 
Some  parents  have  found  it  to  be  an  excellent  idea 
to  keep  certain  articles,  candy  and  other  special  Sun- 
day features  in  a  special  room,  closet  or  bureau 
drawer.  As  the  child  grows  older  parents  should 
aim  to  replace  these  childish  things  by  Bible  pic- 
tures, Sunday  school  papers  and  other  suitable  ar- 
ticles. 

Reasons  for  Liking  Sunday. 

Again,  some  children  will  look  forward  to  Sun- 
day because  their  parents  spend  more  time  with 
them  on  that  day.  Others,  because  they  are  to 
have  a  larger  portion  of  cake.  Others,  because  of 
many  other  privileges  which  the  love  of  the  parents 
has  prompted.  Where  this  love  of  parents  is  evi- 
dent it  is  very  easy  for  the  child  to  pass  from  the 
consideration  of  love  of  his  earthly  parents  to  that 
of  his  Heavenly  Father. 

As  the  children  grow  older  it  is  not  expected  that 
they  will  spend  much  of  their  time  in  play.  At  this 
stage  they  will  need  more  attention  from  their  par- 
ents that  the  better  training  may  be  given.  Many 
will  long  remember  with  great  pleasure  the  sacred 


276  TRAILING  OF  CHILDREN. 

songs  sung  at  a  certain  hour  each  Sunday.  Cer- 
tainly, but  few  parents  are  so  busy  on  Sunday  that 
they  cannot  give  some  time  to  the  reading  or  teach- 
ing of  stories,  and  in  other  ways  interest  their  chil- 
dren. 

About  Attending  Services. 
So  far  nothing  has  been  said  about  attending  ser- 
vices. Every  young  child  may  find  pleasure  in  at- 
tending Sunday  school.  When  old  enough  to  take 
interest  in  and  receive  benefit  from  the  church  ser- 
vices it  is  well  that  children  should  get  into  the 
habit  of  attending  these  services.  However,  par- 
ents should  remember  that  it  is  far  harder  for  the 
children  to  remain  still  any  length  of  time  than  for 
adults,  unless  the  services  are  very  interesting. 
Parents,  how  do  your  children  look  forward  to  Sun- 
day? The  true  answer  to  this  question  will  deter- 
mine whether  or  not  you  have  given  the  subject  the 
attention  that  its  importance  demands. 

The  Child's  Faith. 
What  about  planting  faith  in  children?  You 
need  not  do  it.  It  is  already  there.  Children  natur- 
ally have  faith  in  their  parents.  All  we  need  to  do 
is  to  show  children  why  every  child  should  have 
faith  in  God.  By  faith  they  may  be  taught  the  pro- 
foundest  truths  of  the  Bible.  How  early  the  little 
ones  may  be  taught  that  God  loves  good  children ! 
How  happy  they  are  to  learn  that  their  good  actions 
please  not  only  their  parents,  but  their  Heavenly 
Father  as  well ! 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  277 

The  training  of  a  child's  faith  is  one  of  our  most 
important  duties.  The  happiness  and  the  usefulness 
of  children  will  largely  depend  upon  their  faith. 

The;  Precocious  Child. 

Who  can  give  any  good  reason  why  so  many  par- 
ents are  anxious  that  their  children  should  be  pre- 
cocious? Precocity  means  early  ripening.  The 
same  parents  would  have  no  use  for  premature 
peaches.  Why,  then,  should  they  wish  to  have  their 
children  develop  prematurely?  Surely  nothing  but 
ignorance  can  account  for  such  a  senseless  desire. 
The  present  civilization  tends  to  hasten  unduly  the 
developing  human  being.  Much  care  must  there- 
fore be  taken  by  parents  in  this  respect. 

Laurels  for  the  Plodders.. 

It  is  a  grand,  good  thing  that  very  few  of  those 
supposed  to  be  precocious  are  really  so.  Most  par- 
ents are  only  too  willing  to  believe  that  their  chil- 
dren are  a  little  brighter  than  those  of  their  neigh- 
bors. This  is  but  natural.  None  but  the  foolish, 
vain  or  ignorant  would  urge  their  children  forward 
in  the  hope  that  they  might  appear  precocious.  His- 
tory fails  to  furnish  examples  of  great  men  or  great 
women  who  were  really  precocious  in  youth.  On 
the  contrary,  the  patient  plodders  are  the  ones  who 
generally  win  life's  victories.  History  is  full  of 
examples  of  great  men  who  were  considered  far 
below  the  average  ability  while  in  school.     What 


278  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

good  reason,  then,  is  there  for  parents  insisting  upon 
their  children  being  hurried  in  their  development? 
Why  do  we  do  that  which  will  result  in  so  unduly 
developing  self-esteem  and  self-assertion  as  to 
make  the  poor  victims  almost  unbearable?  The 
child's  mind  is  bound  to  be  active.  This  is  natural. 
The  injury  comes  from  overtaxing  it  with  matters 
which  are  beyond  its  comprehension  or  keeping  it 
under  strain  for  too  many  hours. 

Brain  Fag. 

Great  care  should  be  taken  that  a  child's  mind 
does  not  develop  at  the  expense  of  its  body.  As 
has  been  said  before,  the  most  important  thing  is 
to  build  up  a  healthy  body.  The  signs  of  brain  fag 
should  be  watched  for  and  the  warning  should  be 
noted  promptly.  If  the  child's  head  is  hot,  if  the 
expression  becomes  one  of  anxious  depression,  if 
the  forehead  is  wrinkled  and  the  hands  frequently 
put  to  the  head,  if  the  sleep  is  disturbed  and  the 
appetite  impaired,  there  is  serious  trouble  some- 
where. It  is  the  parents'  duty  to  see  where  the 
trouble  is.  On  the  other  hand,  the  parents  must 
not  be  too  ready  to  permit  the  trouble  to  be  blamed 
on  study.  Probably  not  more  than  one  case  out  of 
twenty  reported  can  be  shown  to  be  the  result  of 
too  much  school  work.  Very  frequently  it  is  lack 
of  sleep,  music  lessons,  parties  and  other  affairs 
which  make  it  impossible  for  the  child  to  have  the 
proper  rest  which  the  growing  body  demands. 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  279 

It  will  generally  be  found  that  the  doctors  who 
complain  most  of  overpressure  of  work  in  school 
are  those  who  have  the  reputation  of  giving  this 
reason  when  they  do  not  know  how  else  to  diag- 
nose the  case.  Therefore,  the  parents  should  watch 
carefully  themselves,  and  where  they  find  the  child 
is  studying  too  hard  should  insist  on  the  work  be- 
ing lessened. 

Mistakes  op  Parents. 

Many  parents  are  unconsciously  sinning  against 
their  children  by  forcing  their  children  both  phys- 
ically and  mentally.  They  provide  games  and 
amusements  for  the  children  which  are  suited  only 
for  adults.  They  allow  them  to  attend  theatres, 
which  offer  scenes  and  thoughts  which  they  not  only 
cannot  understand,  but  which  it  is  far  better  they 
should  not  understand.  All  the  emotions  of  the 
child  are  played  upon  by  the  cheap  novel  and  the 
cheap  drama  of  the  day,  until  the  child  is  apt  to 
live  in  a  mental  maze.  Others  permit  their  chil- 
dren to  take  prominent  parts  in  many  amusements 
without  considering  carefully  the  effect  upon  those 
of  certain  temperaments.  Some  it  may  benefit ; 
others  it  may  injure.  It  is  the  parents'  duty  to  con- 
sider the  matter  carefully.  We  should  strive  to  keep 
the  amusements  of  our  children  simple  and  whole- 
some. We  should  no  more  think  of  giving  children 
highly-spiced  reading  and  amusements  than  we 
would  provide  overseasoned  food  at  their  meals. 


XL. 

HINTS    TO    PARENTS  (Continued). 
Brothers  and  Sisters. 

In  the  family  where  there  are  brothers  and  sisters 
there  is  the  possibility  of  a  very  happy  life,  rich  in 
joy,  fond  associations  and  great  inspirations.  To 
bring  out  all  these  possibilities  there  is  needed  the 
mighty  transforming  power  of  loving  kindness. 
Without  this,  most  of  the  blessings  will  be  lost. 

For  years  seeds  will  refuse  to  grow  if  kept  in  a 
dry,  dark  place  away  from  the  sun.  However,  they 
retain  their  germinating  powers,  and  under  favor- 
able conditions  will  germinate.  Thus  it  is  in  homes 
where  brothers  and  sisters  have  lived  in  discord. 
Even  now  it  is  not  too  late  to  look  after  the  neg- 
lected seeds.  It  is  the  duty  of  parents  to  strive, 
by  patient  culture,  to  reap  the  rich  harvest.  Is  this 
field  cultivated  as  it  should  be  in  your  home,  or  does 
it  lie  neglected? 

The  family  where  all  children  are  boys  or  girls  is 
not  complete.  There  is  something  lacking.  No 
matter  how  happy,  there  is  something  wanting. 
Without  boys  there  will  be  lacking  the  manly, 
strengthening  influences.  Without  girls  there  will 
be  an  absence  of  sweetness  and  tenderness.  But  are 
there  not  many  homes  where  there  are  both  brothers 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  281 

and  sisters,  yet  also  an  absence  of  the  heavenly  bless- 
ings which  should  be  there?  Too  often  is  there 
not  bitterness  and  strife?  If  so,  someone  is  respon- 
sible for  a  terrible  failure. 

Important  Questions. 

In  a  previous  chapter  attention  has  been  called  to 
the  home  influences.  All  that  can  now  be  done  is 
to  raise  a  few  questions.  For  many  reasons  should 
there  not  be  a  tender  friendship  between  brothers 
and  sisters?  Do  they  not  often  seek  outside  of  the 
home  for  their  intimate  friends?  Does  this  friend- 
ship not  need  cultivation  like  other  friendships? 
Should  there  not  be  special  effort  made  upon  this 
line  ?  Is  it  not  because  of  this  lack  of  attention  that 
so  few  brothers  and  sisters  are  as  devoted  as  they 
should  be?  Why  should  brothers  and  sisters  not 
be  proud  of  one  another?  When  alone  in  the  home 
is  not  selfishness  apt  to  come  to  the  surface?  Does 
not  rudeness  of  speech  and  action  become  promi- 
nent? Is  it  not  the  tendency  to  hide  the  better  na- 
ture below  the  surface  while  at  home?  Should  not 
every  boy  be  as  loyal  to  his  own  sister  as  to  the  sis- 
ter of  other  boys?  Should  not  brothers  and  sisters 
shield  one  another  when  it  is  right  and  possible  to 
do  so? 

Helping  Themselves. 

Every  person  has  noticed  how  helpless  the  chil- 
dren are  in  some  families  and  how  ever  ready  and 


282  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

able  children  of  the  same  age  are  in  other  families. 
This  is  entirely  a  matter  of  training.  Children 
naturally  love  to  do  things  themselves.  We  all 
know  children  four  or  five  years  old  who  are  able 
to  help  themselves  as  well  as  many  children  much 
older.  In  helping  themselves  we  should  let  them 
make  reasonable  effort,  but  stand  ready  to  give  as- 
sistance at  the  proper  time.  If  a  child  wishes  to 
do  what  the  parent  thinks  should  not  be  done,  lest 
it  suffer  pain,  it  is  often  best  to  warn  the  child. 
Then,  if  it  suffers  because  of  not  following  the  sug- 
gestion of  the  parent,  the  child  learns  the  evil  effects 
of  disobedience.  The  great  majority  of  parents 
will  express  sympathy,  and  will  not  say  "it  serves 
you  right."  The  parent  who  answers  in  such  a 
way  may  be  certain  that  the  child's  confidence  will 
not  soon  be  won. 

Grateful  Children. 

Considerable  effort  should  be  made  to  teach  chil- 
dren to  be  grateful  for  the  many  blessings  which 
most  do  not  appreciate.  We,  ourselves,  are  not  gen- 
erally grateful  save  for  that  which  is  unexpected. 
Much  less  are  our  children  likely  to  be.  They  are 
apt  to  take  everything  as  if  it  rightly  belonged  to 
them.  Too  few  children  in  these  days  have  any 
idea  of  what  they  owe  their  parents.  Is  this  not 
largely  the  result  of  our  training?  The  parent  who 
has  shown  children  reasons  for  being  grateful  will 
have  children  who  will  appreciate  what  is  done  for 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  283 

them.  This  will  make  out  of  home  a  comfortable, 
happy  place  for  the  parents.  What  thrust  will  sink 
deeper  into  the  soul  of  a  parent  than  the  ingratitude 
of  children?  Yet  how  common  it  is.  So  common, 
indeed,  that  it  has  become  a  proverb  that  "One  par- 
ent will  support  ten  children  better  than  ten  children 
will  support  one  parent."  It  is  a  shame.  It  is  the 
fault  of  their  training.     It  is  our  fault. 

Self-Examination. 

No  parent  can  easily  manage  a  child  until  he  has 
made  a  very  careful  examination  of  himself.  Each 
one  of  us  has  a  number  of  peculiarities  which  are 
likely  to  reappear  in  our  children,  who  have  learned 
or  inherited  them  from  us ;  and  they  are  also  likely 
to  determine  our  methods  of  managing  others.  We 
are  all  apt  to  be  governed  by  our  strongest  faculties 
and  emotions.  The  proud  parent  will  appeal  to 
pride ;  the  cruel,  to  punishment  and  fear.  The  stub- 
born will  govern  by  firmness ;  the  loving  parent  by 
affection ;  the  conscientious,  by  an  appeal  to  a  sense 
of  what  is  right. 

Very  often  the  parent  will  use  methods  with  chil- 
dren to  whom  such  methods  are  the  least  adapted. 
The  father  who  believes  that  there  should  be  nothing 
but  firmness  meets  with  it  in  the  child,  who  comes 
by  his  stubbornness  honestly,  and  there  are  continual 
clashes.  Governed  by  love,  the  same  child  might 
easily  have  been  molded  into  a  beautiful  character. 
On  the  other  hand,  the  mother  in  whose  character 


284  TRAINING  OF  CHILDREN. 

affection  holds  a  prominent  place  may  fail  to  govern 
because  of  a  lack  of  that  firmness  which  at  times  is 
indispensable.  It  is,  therefore,  important  that  par- 
ents should  carefully  examine  themselves,  that  they 
may  guard  against  allowing  their  peculiarities  to 
bias  their  methods  of  management.  If  they  exam- 
ine themselves  they  will  be  most  apt  to  exercise 
judgment  and  self-control  where  that  is  necessary. 

Like  Produces  Like. 

We  must  not  forget  that  "like  produces  like." 
Love  awakens  love.  Harshness  excites  harshness ; 
anger,  anger ;  frankness,  frankness.  This  seem- 
ingly important  fact  is  of  the  greatest  value  in  en- 
abling us  to  properly  train  our  children.  We  must 
ever  remember  that  the  surest  and  best  way  to  pro- 
duce emotions  or  thoughts  in  our  children  is  to  show 
them  ourselves.  This  is  one  of  the  great  secrets  of 
success  in  the  management  of  children. 

The  Great  Aim. 

Every  thoughtful  parent  is  anxious  to  properly 
train  his  child.  Proper  training  will  differ  with 
each  child.  The  effort  should  be  to  develop  the 
natural  capacities  of  the  child  so  that  it  may  unfold 
to  a  strong,  beautiful  character.  This  will  mean 
strength  of  body,  vigorous  energy,  warm  affections, 
natural  appetites,  proper  ambitions,  refined  tastes, 
firm  moral  convictions,  and  a  strong  desire  to  do 
what  is  right. 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  2S5 

It  is  well  for  parents  to  have  an  ideal  in  mind 
while  training  children.  However,  this  should  be 
determined  upon  after  careful  thought,  and  not,  as 
often  is  the  case,  with  little  consideration.  The  im- 
portant thing  is  to  have  the  right  ideal. 

We  must  not  expect  that  each  child  will  be  able 
to  reach  the  high  ideal  we  have  in  mind.  But  this 
is  no  reason  why  we  should  not  work  patiently  and 
persistently  to  secure  the  best  possible  results. 
What  parent,  looking  into  the  face  of  the  blue-eyed 
girl  or  the  brown-eyed  boy,  can  tell  what  strong  pas- 
sions or  what  high  moral  qualities  lie  hidden  in  that 
head  or  heart?  There  may  be  the  elements  of  the 
criminal,  of  the  orator,  of  the  statesman.  No  mat- 
ter what  these  tendencies  are,  they  are  subject  to 
modification  and  susceptible  to  the  influences  which 
the  parents  can  exert.  Every  normal  child  is  capa- 
ble of  endless  improvement  through  the  long  years 
of  life. 

The  Influence  of  Nurses. 

One  of  the  most  injurious  effects  on  children  of 
the  rich  is  the  result  of  the  fact  that  most  of  the 
time  they  are  in  charge  of  nurses.  Who  are  these 
nurses  generally?  Answer  the  question  for  your- 
self. Are  they  selected  as  carefully  as  the  coach- 
man, the  cook  or  the  butler?  How  little  such  chil- 
dren enjoy  the  companionship  of  their  parents  or 
others  whose  influence  would  be  most  elevating! 
How  often  they  are  wheeled  along  in  carriages  long 
after  they  should  be  allowed  to  walk.     How  seldom 


286  TRAINING   OF   CHILDREN. 

are  they  allowed  to  get  beyond  striking  distance  of 
some  cross-grained  nurse,  who  cares  nothing  for 
their  welfare !  Many  times  they  have  nurses  who 
know  but  little  of  the  children's  native  language  and 
care  less  about  the  common  decencies  of  word  and 
act.  Who  has  not  pitied  such  children  as  they  have 
seen  them  in  charge  of  nurses  who  are  no  better 
than  slave  drivers?  Is  it  any  wonder  that  instead 
of  growing  up  to  be  what  they  should  be  they  are 
apt  to  be  the  very  opposite? 

Rich  Children  Who  Are  Poor. 

It  may  be  thought  that  these  statements  are  rather 
strong,  but  if  those  feeling  that  way  will  spend  an 
afternoon  listening  to  what  may  be  heard  at  a  place 
where  nurses  are  wont  to  congregate  on  pleasant 
afternoons,  I  feel  sure  they  will  change  their  opin- 
ions. After  such  an  experience  most  parents  will 
refuse  to  permit  nurses  to  punish.  Neither  will 
they  be  surprised  at  the  knowledge  their  children 
have  of  those  expressions  and  things  of  which  they 
should  be  ignorant. 

Doctors  can  tell  of  unmentionable  practices  of 
nurses,  who  are  sometimes  nothing  more  than 
thoughtless.  Yet  these  practices  frequently  con- 
demn innocent  children  to  lives  of  depravity.  Is 
the  subject  not  of  sufficient  importance  to  demand 
careful  consideration  on  the  part  of  every  parent? 

Children  learn  more  easily  from  other  children 
than   they   do   from   adults.      For  this   reason   the 


HINTS  TO  PARENTS.  287 

younger  children  of  a  family  seem  to  develop  more 
quickly.  For  the  same  reason  children  in  such  a 
family  will  know  much  more  than  will  the  only 
child  or  the  child  of  the  rich,  at  the  same  age.  From 
other  children  a  child  learns  very  many  things 
which  develop  his  mind,  influence  his  feelings,  and 
aid  the  control  of  his  will. 

Poor  Children  Who  Are  Rich. 

Surely  there  are  some  very  good  reasons  why 
parents  in  poor  circumstances  with  a  number  of 
children  should  congratulate  their  children  and 
themselves. 


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